4 -The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, November 23, 1993




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420 Maynard
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Edited and managed
by students at the
University of Michigan

JOSH DuBow
Editor in Chief
ANDREW LEVY
Editorial Page Editor

t r .

Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Daily editorial board.
All other cartoons, articles and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily.

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Why we date
"Every woman," my friend said
with utter certainty, "goes out with
an asshole at
some point in her
life."
I was 18 and
had just broken1
up with a guy'
whose nickname
was "Huge the THE
Cop" and who ERASABLE
often wore a T-
shirt that said
"Don't Mess With Texas - Or
Me." I decided my friend had a
point.
He called it the Asshole Theory.
Over the years I've heard this gen-
eral idea discussed with much ani-
mation at parties and late-night gab
sessions; often the discussion segues
into the corollary of this theory,
which maintains that the Nice
GuyTM never gets the girl.
This theory does not concern
itself with the truism that everyone
has one bad relationship; it is in-
stead a division of men into two
possibly accurate categories. Col-
umnist Anna Quindlen calls the two
types the Husband and the Boy-
friend; in her youth, she called them
the Good Guy and the Louse. "I
found the Lice much more interest-
ing than their nobler brothers," she
admits.
And so do many women, which
leaves the Nice GuysTM to whine
that they never get any dates be-
cause all the women are with
assholes. "I don't understand it,"
they say. "I listen when she has
problems. I cook her dinner. But
now she's going out with this guy
Twenge's column appears every
Tuesday in the Daily.
'Racy' production is
vintage Shakespeare
To the Daily:
It is with great irony that Jessie
Halladay asks, "Who ever said
Shakespeare was dull?" in her review
(11/22/93) of the Stratford Festival's
production of "Midsummer Night's
Dream." Halladay only needs to
reread fellow Daily staffer Melissa
Rose Bernado's preview (11/19/93)
of the same production to find her
answer: "So if you like your
Shakespeare 'pure' (read: dull), you
had better stay home."
Both Halladay and Bernardo
operate under the premise that the
Stratford Festival "interpreted"
Shakespeare's ordinary play into
something exciting, fit for the MTV
generation, and even (GASP)
sexual!!! Halladay even goes so far
as to boldly declare: "Some
Elizabethans are probably turning
over in their graves," and concludes,
"This production grabbed
Shakespeare by the balls."
Surely, I agree with both writers'
view that this production succeeded
in its unique accentuation of the
psychosexual element of this play.

Yet, both writers fail to recognize
who deserves the most credit for
"Midsummer Night's" apoeal to a

assholes, not Mr. Nice

who cheats on her and insults her in
public. I don't understand it."
And neither do women, most of
the time. What is it that makes the
Lice (the assholes; the boyfriends)
attractive? (Why did Brenda pine
away for Dylan last year when she
could have had that Nice GuyTM
who was just like her father?) Why,
when we "should" go for the Nice
GuyTM, do we find ourselves lust-
ing after the guy on the motorcycle,
the man with the dangerous eyes,
the rogue with the silver hoop in his
ear?
Part of it is that they really. are
more interesting. My friend has
another theory (he has a lot of theo-
ries) which he calls the Weird Guy
Theory. A guy who skydives and
wears wide-brimmed black hats is
infinitely more fascinating than the
Nice GuyTM down the hall who
rolls up his socks before he puts
them in his drawer. We're afraid of
going out with Ward Cleaver, and
we're certainthat the rogue on the
motorcycle will never bore us.
This is also why many women
date assholes, the more extreme
form of the type. They are con-
vinced that they can change the
guy, andtheworse he is, the more of
a challenge he is. As soon as he
becomes a Nice GuyTM, the chal-
lenge is over and he becomes bor-
ing.
But it's important to make a dis-
tinction between Weird Guys and
assholes. Many people conflate be-
ing interesting with being a macho
male chauvinist pig; conversely,
Nice GuysTM are stereotyped as
being unnaturally feminine (Chris-
tine Lavin sings about "Sensitive
New Age Guys" who "like to talk
Help 'PUSH America'
raise money for kids
To the Daily
This summer I will have the
unique opportunity to participate in a
special event. I have taken on the
challenge of bicycling coast to coast
on the 62 day "Journey of Hope" to
raise awareness and financial support
for people with disabilities. On June
14, 1994, I will be joining a group
of 59 student members of Pi Kappa
Phi fraternity and cycling from San
Francisco to Washington D.C.
The Journey of Hope is organized
by Push America - a nonprofit
organization serving people with
disabilities. PUSH America has
raised over three million dollars to
support its many projects and
programs in fifteen years. PUSH
America is the largest Greek
philanthropic organization in the
country. The University of Michigan
chapter of Pi Kappa Phi has been a
key to PUSH America's continued
success as we sponsor annual fund-
raising events, including a Scaffold
Sit on the Diag, residence hall Meal
Skips, and volunteer time at the
High Point Learning Center in Ann
Arbor.
Fund-raising donations are
directly used to build adaptive

about their feelings/who dress like
Richard Simmons/(and) are hard to
tell from women.")
This is where the discussion gets
dangerous, because it seems to im-
ply that women say they want sen-
sitive guys who will do the house
work but then fall for macho jerks
who abuse them. This is not really
true; it's more that women fall for
the guy who they notice, the one
who has something interesting to
say. It's possible to be interesting
without being a sexist pig.
It's also that the assholes tend to
ask. Nice GuysTM will sit around
complaining that the woman the
like is dating someone else; when
you ask, "Well, did you ask her
out?" they look strangely surprised
and then say, "Well, no."
Unfortunately, the assholes of
this world tend to be more assertive
than the Nice GuysTM , and you
usually go out with what's avail-
able.
But women shouldn't lay this
burden solely at the feet of our Nice
GuyTM friends. If they're not ask-
ing us out, then maybe we should
ask them out. It may be easy to go
for the assertive guy who makes the
blatant come-on, but we may be
better off with the Nice GuyTM
who, though a little shy, is a great
companion and confidante. r
As always, it's the happy me-
dium which seems to be the best.
I'll pass up a bland, fawning Nice
GuyTM any day for a guy in a
leather jacket who plays acoustic
guitar. But he'd better support me
in my work, and if he's truly an
asshole, he's history. Of course, if
he knows how to cook, that's al-
ways a plus ...
Cartoonist shows poor
taste
To the Daily
Your Nov. 17 "Sharp as Toast"
cartoon showing a woman cutting out
an article entitled "Man's Penis Cut
Off By Wife" in bed next to her 4
husband who is visibly frightened
because she is wielding scissors goes
beyond the line of good taste into the
realm of ridiculous sexism. I've
never expected "Sharp as Toast" to
display sophisticated, humorous
views of society, but this cartoon was
more disappointing and stupid than
usual. Jim Lasser is displaying
childish misogynist castration
anxiety in the guise of humor. I don't
find it particularly funny when
women are represented as malicious
creatures so struck wit penis envy
that even a pair of scissors is a
"ballbreaking" weapon. This cartoon
also ignores the main point of this
celebrated domestic dispute - that
the woman who cut off her
husband's penis said she was doing
so because he repeatedly raped her.
Yes, the husband was acquitted of
this charge, but anyone who has
studied law or social science knows
how often men who are actually
guilty of narital rape are not
convicted of the crime.

'MSA elections are correct and valid'

By CRAIG GREENBERG
It has come to my attention that
alcohol was apparently consumed in
the MSA offices on Wednesday, Nov.
17, the night MSA ballots were being
counted in the MSA chambers. I was
not at the offices when any of this took
place. I left for the day at 4 p.m. and
returned after 1 a.m. to learn the re-
sults of the election. At that time, only
six people were still at MSA and I saw
no evidence of any alcohol consump-
tion. Vice President Brian Kight was
at MSA all evening. He was in the
Aimlar th e typ ie hP -nc -

person has admitted to drinking and the
other drinking incidents are only al-
leged at this time. The investigation
will continue to determine exactly who
was drinking and what their responsi-
bilities were the night the ballots were
being counted.
'...while a few
individuals conducted
themselves In an
Inexusable manner...the
- - ...UA..9 i... L - * A

MSA Election Director has submitted
his resignation and further investiga-
tion will continue regarding the other
individuals involved. It is unfortunate
for MSA that such stupid behavior by
a few people will cause some to ques-
tion the validity of our election results.
On Thursday, Nov. 18, all of the
ballots for the LSA Representative
positions on MSA were recounted be-
cause the vote was so close and the
point totals appeared low. As the re-
count began, previously uncounted bal-
lots were found. These ballots changed
the outcome of the election. I am con-