4- The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, November 2, 1993



Whe £ ittin u lj

420 Maynard
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Edited and managed
by students at the
University of Michigan

Josn DUBOW
Editor in Chief
ANDREW LEVY
Editorial Page Editor

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Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Daily editorial board.
All other cartoons, articles and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily.

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SEASON

Cheez Whiz diets and other eating habits

Last week when I was learning to
distinguish ovo-vegetarians from ovo-
lacto vegetarians, I realized that even
this distinction
was insufficient
to explain the gen-
eral population's
variation in eating
habits. Around
here, where few
of us have our
mothers making
sure we eat our
Brussels sprouts,EE
there are quite a P
few people who T g
survive on really
weird diets. They're not any variant
of vegetarian; their food of choice lies
elsewhere in the four food groups
(often in my favorite group, usually
described as "Fats and Sweets: use
sparingly." Darn.) I'm sure you'll rec-
ognize yourself or your friends in this
list of other-atarians:
Vending machine-atarians.
Known to survive for weeks on un-
naturally colored foods such as
Cheetos, candy bars, grape soda, and
peanut logs. (These represent the four
food groups of the vending machine:
orange, brown,'purple, and lumpy.)
The people who eat the stuff come in
two varieties: graduate students who
spend so much time at the lab that
they live off the machines in the base-
ment, and undergrads who do the same
in the library. Occasional bouts with
the obsession, especially when the
dining hall has closed, are excused.
Healthytarians. Similar to veg-
etarians, but without the social con-
science. These are the dubious indi-
viduals who insist, "but I've just never
liked chocolate or cookies." Yeah,
right. I could always predict which
entree my health-conscious friend

Rachel would eat in the dining hall: if
it was lumpy, looked like the amor-
phous blobs popularized in bad sci-
ence fiction, or had the word "egg-
plant" in it, she'd eat it. She also had
the smarts to avoid the "Roast Steam-
ship" served in our dining hall (we
never could decide exactly what that
could possibly be. The cooked re-
mains of the Titanic, perhaps?) But I
began to doubt the whole point of
extremely healthy eating a few years
ago when I read a study that reported
on a substance that helped prevent
cancer. The food that had four times
as much of the substance as any other
was not a fruit, or even a vegetable. It
was Cheez Whiz. I am not kidding.
Cheapatarians. Favorite
phrase: "I'll just have water, please."
Whether due to true financial straits
or simple stinginess, this type some-
how manages to eat on practically
nothing. At home, they survive on
Spaghetti-Os (the tomato sauce tastes
like it's 50% sugar, but hey! It's only
69a!), ramen noodles (27c a pack -
nuff said), and peanut butter and grape
jelly sandwiches (just be sure not to
spill on your bib). One friend of mine
in Chicago has this down to a science
- he knows the cheapest item on
every restaurant menu. When I vis-
ited him with my cat, he suggested we
feed him canned tuna (which, he knew
by experience, is "only 49o a can.")
When I told him that cat food was
only 25¢ a can, I swear I saw a pecu-
liar look come into his eyes. Needless
to say, I passed on the meat casserole
he made for dinner.
Microwave-atarians. This is
me. My first purchase as an indepen-
dent adult was not a TV or even shots
for my cat, but a microwave. My
freezer is packed with every kind of
frozen food imaginable - frozen

Chinese food, frozen pasta, frozen
desserts. Someday I expect to find a
frozen caveman in there, with a note
saying "Heat for 5 to 7 minutes on
high. Microwave ovens vary; cook-
ing times may require adjustment."
When my roommate turns on our gas
stove to do some real cooking, I have
to hold myself back from saying,
"Cool, flame! Let's roast marshmal-
lows!" ("Are vegan marshmallows
available?")
0 Ketchuptarians. Manage to
cover all of their food in some manu-
factured substance - ketchup, bar-
becue sauce, soy sauce, or salt. Known
to request ketchup at French restau-
rants, they subsequently cover their
$50 dish with 50¢ red glop. This is the
only true American way of eating
foreign foods. "It's OK ... Just needs
a little more ketchup," my dad would
say, putting another half a bottle on a
taco. One of my earliest memories is
of a little girl my mother baby-sat
putting ketchup on her macaroni and
cheese. But then, this same little girl
also liked to put her boogers on her
the macaroni and cheese.
Nothingtarians. The first vari-
ant of this type is the serious dieter,
who is much to serious to be made fun
of. Then there are the people who
have really weird food allergies. "No,
I can't eat that," they'll say. "I'm
allergic to glasomidonine, which is in
everything but garbanzo beans, blue
jello shots, and Raisinets." I've al-
ways wanted to ask in reply, "Why
are you still alive?"
Wow. I'm getting hungry, writing
about all this food. Guess I'll be off to
eat the Halloween candy I was saving
for trick-or-treaters. I've got some
great plantains and tofu, though, kids
... Or would you like some nice,
healthy Cheez Whiz?

0

College Roundup ut
rio inutre min e oumo

Smith is entitled to
say what he wants
To the Daily:
I am writing to commend the
Daily for printing Bradley Smith's
highly controversial piece
("Museum lacks evidence of
genocide," 10/6/93) questioning the
validity of the Holocaust. As a
Jewish-American whose relatives
perished in the Holocaust, I am
disgusted by the historical
ignorance of Smith's views. Yet, I
also realize this does not mean that
I or anyone else has the right to
stifle the expression of his beliefs.
The first amendment states that
individuals are allowed to express
themselves regardless of their race,
sex, religion, or viewpoint. It does
not mean that individuals are free to
speak their minds just as long as it
does not conflict with a majority
belief, or enrage or upset people.
It is truly unfortunate that
individuals have sexist, racist, and
homophobic views, but it is even
more unfortunate that people who.
disagree with these views are
working hard to suppress them.
This does not solve a problem.
The bedrock of a free society is
freedom of expression. If unpopular
or antagonistic views are
ciinrcc~l .a urillun 1mpurplur an

Smith is entitled to
say what he wants
To the Daily:
As members of a group also
exterminated by the Nazi regime,
both Jews and non-Jews, we as
members of Queer Action deplore
Bradley Smith's effort to distort and
erase the historical record of the
systematic murder of six million
Jews and six million others by the
Nazis. So-called "Holocaust
revisionists," making a mockery of
historical inquiry and targeting
oppressed peoples, are part of a
campaign that is attempting to build
a far-right and fascist political
movement in these times of
economic and social crisis.
Jews, Gypsies, oppressed
nationalities, queer people,
prostitutes, the disabled, trade
unionists, leftists and all political
opponents of the Nazis suffered
genocide at the hands of their
regime. This is not debatable.
The editors of the Daily justified
printing Smith's lies by claiming to
uphold an abstract notion of free
speech. In using this ingenuous
argument, they abdicated their
responsibilities as newspaper
editors. No news medium is ever
free of bias. Editors, and the media
in aeneral_ imakep derkintcn pevery ,

Holocaust history, as well as the
history of the many groups whose
stories are rarely told in the
conventional media.
The members of Queer Action
recognize the links between
Holocaust revisionism and other
historical revisionism that only
serves to perpetuate an unjust social
order. History as it is commonly
taught minimizes the horrors of
slavery, practically erases the
genocide of Native Americans, and
leaves queer people out entirely.
Smith and his friends want to
rewrite history as a first step toward
installing a neo-Nazi regime in the
United States. The fight for social
justice requires that we uncover and
teach history as it really happened.
We in Queer Action see the links
in the fight against anti-Semitism,
homophobia, racism, sexism, class
oppression and other forms of
discrimination. Together we can be
powerful in uniting to fight a
resurgent right wing.
PAUL LEFAK
for Queer Action
TO OUR READERS
Last week, we informed you of the
incredible backlog of your letters
that is delaying their publication.
One reason for this backlog is the

A new plan that could help solve
some of the prison system's ills has
been introduced by Rep. Mike Nye
(R-Litchfield). SOme say this pro-
posal will add unfair costs for law-
abiding citizens, but it is a feasible
plan --one that could possibly boost
the economy and augment prisoner
rehabilitation by making them ac-
countable for themselves and their
families.
Nye wants private industry to build
factories near prisons so inmates can

Some say the proposal is unfair
because honest Michigan residents
need to find jobs before criminals are
put to work. Since the plan calls for
new factories to be built specifically
for this program, few jobs actually
will be lost - in fact, it could bring
jobs to the community, since some
jobs will have to be filled by civilians.
If implemented correctly, this plan
will not only be a bosst for businesses,
but also good for the state prison sys-
tem.

families. Finally, taxpayers will be
the ultimate benefactors of this plan.
A proportion of the prisoners' earn-
ings will be returned to residents,
through room and board payments,
and the crime victims' fund.
But there are many questions that
must be answered before this plan is
put into action. Employing prisoners
in private industry could cause nu-
merous problems if the situation is
not handled correctly. It is inevitable
that some civilians would be working