6 - The Michigan Daily - SPORTSMonday - Monday, September 20, 1993 m t 0 nter o t Oui By KEN SUGIURA DAILY SPORTS EDITOR Remember that A-1 commercial with the guy who opened that hamburgers were not "chopped ham, but chopped steak. And what is better on chopped steak than A-1?" 'The answer, of course, was A-I steaksauce, because it was the sauce for steaks. Personally, I am of another opinion. I believe that, yes, hamburgers are chopped ham, not chopped steak. And what is more, there are plenty of things that go better on chopped steak than some reddish-brown concoction named after a phrase used by New Yorkers to get the attention of guys named Juan. At any rate, in that pitchman's spirit, I posit this: What is better in a World Series than two international teams, two ballclubs from outside the United States? As the baseball season winds toa climactic close and both Canadian teams find themselves in pennant chases, I find myself spending every waking moment contemplating the possibility of a Canadian World Series. Can you imagine it? Anorth-of-the-border Fall Classic, between les Expos de Montreal and the Toronto Blue Jays. Sure it's a long shot, but so was Menudo, and thatdidn'tstopcountless Americans frompacking up all their worldly possessions apd following them around the country, did it? Oh, sorry. I was thinking of the Grateful Dead. Who amongst us could not love an all-Canadian World Series? Sports reports peppered with the use of the word "eh." Americans finally learning, once and for all it's pointy end up on their flag. Two proud weeks for famous Canadians Alex Trebek, Paul Shaffer and Peter Jennings. And my burning curiosity might finally be stated: Do Canadians refer to Mexico as "way, way south of the border"? Do you need more reasons? 1) Plenty of chances to see the MacKenzie brothers, Bob and Doug. Two of .Canada's finest citizens, with a fondness for brew and an otherworldly knack for capturing the essence of comedy. Those CBS executives who survived their leaps out of tall buildings or failed to down enough bottles of Tylenol following each team's League Championship Series-clinching victory would have their hands forced. In order to try to attract the viewership of disgruntled Atlantans, New Yorkers and Chicagoans, they would have to employ the Canadian citizens most appealing to Americans: les freres MacKenzie. The network would air dozens of World Series promos featuring Bob and Doug from the top of CN Tower, Bob and Doug in the Parliament, Bob and Doug everywhere! For Bob and Doug fans, it would be a true bonanza. If luck were truly on our side, the Series would catalyze a sequel to Strange Brew, sending us all into Elsinor-hysteria. 2)The world would descend upon bilingual Montreal, home to the 1976 Olympic Games. Si vous ne pouvez pas ce lire, vous l'avez I' intelligence d'une chaussette. Translated, this handy French phrase means: Which way to Olympic Stadium? Laving the Fall Classic in Montreal would no doubt spur a language-learning revival in this desperately monoglot nation of ours. Instead of wasting hours a day playing Nintendo, kids would instead spend their afternoons conjugating verbs and writing to pen pals Laurent and Pierre. Baseball catalyzing the rebirth of foreign-language learning. Go figure. 3) Nightly renditions of the Canadian national anthem. Let's face it, America. If national anthems were television programs, "Oh Canada" would be "Seinfeld" while "The Star-Spangled Banner" would be something closer to "Mama's Family." Sure, I love America. I wasbomhere, raised here, andon agood day, I can name nine of the original 12 colonies. But let's be honest. To me, there is no comparison between a song about a flag and a song which refers to its country as "the True North, strong and free." Believe you me, it's Canada goosebumps every time. By the end of every hockey season, it's all I can do to keep from turning in my passport. And tell me this: What kind of word is "spangled?" And what about Francis Scott Key? You talk about your one-hit wonders. If our anthem were "God Bless America" or "America, the Beautiful," this item would never have been, but since it isn't, item No. 3 it is. Furthermore, before games they would probably sing both the French and English versions of "Oh Canada" before each game. Refer to item No. 2. 4) With all the attention on baseball, distracted hockey team owners might be suckered into a few more trades like Wayne Gretzky-for-tickets to Knott's Berry Farm. 5)Both my grandmother and my aunt and uncle's family live in Toronto. There you have it, fellow citizens - in my mind, three compelling seasons to root, root, root for the Jays and 'Spos. It's only fair. They did sell us Alaska. Eight Michigan sports teams have won the national championship: baseball, men's basketball, football, men's golf, men's gymnastics, ice hockey, men's swimming, and men's tennis. Would an all-Canadian World Series be worth watchingi No By MICHAEL ROSENBERG DAILY SPORTS WRITER I would rather crowd the plate against Rob Dibble than watch an all-Canadian World Series. I would rather mud-wrestle with Frank Thomas. I would rather chew used tobacco. Because, as a United States citizen, I view a Fall Classic north of the border as an embarassment to our country, like disco music or Richard Simmons. I know what you're thinking: I'm an ugly American just oozing with xenophobia. But that's not it at all. I can deal with Canadians. But baseball is an American game. And there a lot of good reasons to keep it that way, such as: 1) The ballparks. One of the great things about baseball is its ballparks. Places like Camden Yards and Wrigley Field are shrines to the game, to the fans, to life. When you sit down in the Fenway Park bleachers on a warm summer day, there is no place else you would rather be. But Canada does not know from ballparks. Olympic Stadium in Montreal is like an orange toilet bowl, but bigger, and without the amenities. Imagine taking the worst part of every big-league stadium -artificial turf, ugly scoreboards, bad viewing angles - and putting them together into one ugly excuse for a ballpark. If a seven-year-old made a ballpark out of paper mache it would look better than this. Toronto's Skydome, on the other hand, is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to see a ballgame there. There are so many attractions that they add up to one big distraction. The Blue Jays draw four million "fans" a year. But Skydome is quieter than the UGLi on a Friday night.There must be something in the food at the Hard Rock Cafe that makes people allergic to cheering. Even Jays outfielder Joe Carter has complained that the fans aren't loud enough - and this is a man who spent the first seven years of his career with Cleveland and San Diego. 2) The language barrier. I'mnot sure, but I heard arumor that they speak French up there. There's just no excuse for this. French, you may recall, is also spoken in France, a country full of people who think they're cooler than air conditioning. French people always go mouthing off -in French - to foreigners, sometimes starting world wars in the process. I don't want my pastime played in a country that even remotely resembles France. 3) The anthems. While "The Star-Spangled Banner" is guaranteed to get you so pumped up you could kill a Grizzly with your bear hands, "Oh, Canada" has all the excitement of aPBS special on larva.Does anyone actually know the words to this thing? 4) What the hell's an Expo? Someone who, long ago, was a Po? Sorry, but the 1967 World'sFairdoesn'thavemuchrelevance in 1993. (Then again, we have two teams named after socks.) 5) The flags. While we have the awe-inspiring stars and stripes, they have a" leaf. What's going on here? Can a whole country really rally behind a small piece" of a tree? This must cause some serious self-esteem problems. That's probably why the Canadian military couldn't out-fight our Salvation Anny. (Then again, their military could probably figure out which way to fly our flag.) 6) Secession. The Canadian province of Quebec is, allegedly, going to break away from Canada and form its own government. The American state of California is, allegedly, going to break away from the United States and fall into the ocean. The difference, of course, is that the Canadians want to stop this development. 7) No, I don't know what that last reason has to do with baseball. That, in a nut shell and Cracker Jack box, is why an all-Canadian Word Series would be the worst thing in sports since sliced 3-irons. Will Expos Delino Deshields and Rondell White be celebrating like this in October? Should they? Expos beat Phils, 6-5, to cut margin to four ASSOCIATED PRESS The Montreal Expos, down to their last at-bat against Philadelphia, got a two-out, two-run single from Wil Cordero in the ninth inning to rally past the Phillies 6-5 Sunday andkeep the NL East race close. Cordero'sbases-loaded hitoffMitch Williams (3-6) moved Montreal back within four games of the first-place Phillies. A loss would have dropped the Expos six games back with only 13 left in the season, but they were helped by a key error in the ninth. Montreal has won 22 of its last 26 games. The Expos won twice in the three- game series, their last against Philadel- phia. Montreal missed a chance Satur- day night, losing 5-4 when it left a runner on third base with one out in the ninth against Williams. The Expos also trailed 5-4 in this one heading into the ninth. But with one out, Delino DeShields singled off Wil- liams and stole second. Rondell White then walked. Larry Walker followed with a sharp grounder thatbouncedofffirstbaseman John Kruk's chest. Walker slid into first, barely beating Kruk's throw to Will- iams. The error loaded the bases, but Sean Berry - who flied out to end Saturday's loss - popped up to Kruk. Cordero, however, won it with a grounder between third baseman Dave Hollins and the bag. On Saturday, Cordero's three-run homer in the eighth began an Expos' rally. Red Sox 8, Yankees 3 Frank Tanana's debut as a Yankee was spoiled by shabby defense Sunday and the Boston Red Sox took advantage by beating New York 8-3. It was a costly loss for the Yankees, who began the day trailing Toronto by three games in the AL East with two weeks left in the season. They acquired Tanana from the Mets on Friday hoping for three quality starts. Tanana, 7-16 overall this season, gave it to them against the Red Sox by giving up eight hits and four runs in seven innings. The 40-year-old left- hander was 4-0 against Boston last sea- son when pitching for Detroit and had been 18-9 versus the Red Sox. Danny Darwin (15-11)gaveupthree hits and one run in six innings for the victory. , John Valentin had three hits and drove in four runs for Boston with an RBI double in the second inning, a two- run homer in the fifth, giving the Red Sox a4-1lead, and arun-scoring single in Boston's four-run eighth. Blue Jays 10, Twins 0 Toronto won its eighth consecutive game and opened a four-game lead in the AL East as Juan Guzman scattered eight hits over eight innings Sunday, leading the Blue Jays over the Minne- sota Twins 10-0. Toronto, which had a team-record nine doubles by eight players, has its largest lead this season, and afive-game advantage in the loss column with 13 games to go. The winning streak is the longest of the season for the Blue Jays. Guzman (13-3) is 6-0 in 11 starts sinceJuly20. He walked fourand struck out four before Duane Ward relieved to start the ninth. Guzman also tied Jack Morris' 1987 AL record with his 24th wild pitch, putting Dave Winfield on third with one out in the fourth. But Guzman escaped the jam by getting Scott Stahoviak to pop up and Dave McCarty to fly out. Minnesota, which completed a 1-6 homestand, left 12 men on base and had at least one runner in scoring position in six innings but still was blanked for an AL-high 13th time. White Sox 3, Athletics 1 Robin Ventura's two-run homer off Dennis Eckersley in the ninth inning Sunday gave the Chicago White Sox a 3-1 victory over Oakland, the 14th vic- tory in 21 games for the AL West lead- ers. The White Sox took two of three from the A's in the weekend series. Chicago now has day a41/2-game lead over Texas. With the score tied at one, Frank Thomas opened the ninth with a single off Eckersley (2-4) and Ventura fol- lowed by driving a 1-0 pitch over the center field wall for his 22nd home run. Eckersley retired only one batter in the ninth before being replaced by Roger Smithberg. It was Eckersley's second rocky outing in three appearances. He blew a save Thursday in Minnesota as well as allowing Dave Winfield's ERA as he lost four consecutive deci- sions since Aug. 13, struck out nine and walked one. Ted Power finished for his 11th save, allowing an RBI single to Kevin McReynolds. Mike Magnante (1-2) gave up four runs and five hits in five innings, struck out three and walked none. Indians 12, Tigers 2 Mark Clark took ano-hit bid into the seventh inning and Sam Horn, playing only his second game this season, homered twice Sunday as the Cleveland Indians routed the Detroit Tigers 12-2. Horn, who hadn't homered since July 1, 1992, at Baltimore against Mil- waukee, hit a solo shot in the second and a two-run drive in the seventh. He drove in four runs on the day. Clark (6-4) allowed six hits, struck out six and walked one in 81/3 innings. He didn't allow a hit until Scott Livingstone's infield single with one out in the seventh. Clark came off the disabled list Sept. 9 and hadn't allowed arun in 22 innings before Lou Whitaker's RBI double in the ninth. BillGullickson (12-9) gave up seven runs in three-plus innings. He is 0-3 with an 11.40 ERA in four September starts. Horn homered in the second and Carlos Baerga hit an RBI double in the third. In the fourth, Paul Sorrento tripled in a run, Horn hit an RBI single, Bob MacDonald walked Wayne Kirby on four pitches with the bases loaded and Mark Lewis hit an RBI groundout. Baerga's sacrifice fly made it 7-0. In the seventh, Sorrento hit an RBI single, Horn hit a 450-foot, two-run homer off Dave Johnson and Kirby hit an RBI single. Maldonado singled in a run in the ninth. Kirk Gibson hit a run- scoring single in the bottom half. Angels 9, Rangers 8 Rene Gonzalez hitathree-run homer off Tom Henke in the eighth inning Sunday, giving the California Angels a 9-8 victory over the Texas Rangers. California rallied from an 8-6 deficit 0 i Certifications and Training " Aerobics " Weightroomr " Personal Trainers *STEP REEBOK *NEW! Fitness Practitioner, I rncMaINr rn. This Ought To Whet Your Appetite The Olive Garden, America's leading Italian dinnerhouse, has opportunities that provide everything from a good salary and excel- lent benefits including paid vacations, profit sharing, and server sales achievement awards, to flexible schedules and meal discounts . even possible medical/ dental eligibility. We have openings for: " Hosts/Hostesses * Cashiers " Waiters/Waitresses " Pasta Makers 0 Bartenders " Bussers 0 Prep Cooks . Line Cooks 01