The Michigan Daily - Weekend etc. - February 4, 1993 - Page 3 Listen your February blues away It's February, alright, but I don't need to tell you that. You'vej ust maxed- out your Visa card with that last course pack, that two week break is a distant memory, and baby, it's cold outside. And even though poets, philosophers, and provocateurs of all persuasions like to claim April as the cruelest month, anyone who's tangled with affairs of the If you're planning to see "Phantom," watch out for that chandelier. roadway Melody by Melissa Rose Bernardo Well, theater buffs, this spring break you'll find a darn good season awaiting you both on and off Broadway. Here is just a smattering of what's playing on the Great White Way: "Crazy for You" 1992's Best Musi- cal incorporates 15 standards plus newly-discovered Gershwin gems. Just sit back and relax, this one will immedi- ately charm you ; with Jodi Benson (the Little Mermaid); Shubert Theater. "Falsettos" A dual bill of William *Finn and James Lapine's musicals "March of the Falsettos" and "Falsettoland," a humorous and touch- ing look at a Jewish family coming to terms with homosexuality, values and growing up; starring the legendary Mandy Patinkin; John Golden Theater. "Guys and Dolls" Frank Loesser's musical fable is sure to please anyone: chirping Hot-Box girls, brassy gam- *blers and (of course) couples in love; with Nathan Lane and the Tony-win- ning Faith Prince; Martin Beck Theater. NOTE: "The Goodbye Girl," by Cy Coleman / Marvin Hamlisch, begins previewsFebruary 13, starring the amaz- ingly-talented duo Bernadette Peters and Martin Short. Call the Marquis Theater -you might be able to geta sneak peak at this long-awaited new musical. Here are the old standards-i.e. the pretentious, pyrotechnic-laden shows that comprise stuffy cocktail party con- versation. If you want to fit into elite social circles, brandish these ticket stubs. "Cats" Andrew Lloyd-Webber's hit is celebrating its 10th Anniversary. No plot, no dialogue - just a pack of cuddly felines prowling around and purring T.S. Eliot poetry set to music; Winter Garden Theater. "Les Miserables" The gifted Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schonberg have revived Victor Hugo's tragic revo- lutionary tale, starring arevolving stage andmammothmoving sets. Even though everyone dies, it's well-worth sitting on your fanny for three hours - the score is truly exceptional; Imperial Theater. "Miss Saigon" Again, Boublil and Schonberg. You know the story - it's Puccini's "Madame Butterfly," except set in 1975 Saigon. Here the stars are a real helicopter and a 20-foot statue of Ho Chi Minh. And again, a glorious musical score. B'ring a hankie; Broad- way Theater. "The Phantom of the Opera" Well, it's still there, and making millions, so Sir Webber must be happy. You might as well see it in Detroit - nothing different. The real star is the 1200- pound chandelier; Majestic Theater. Now a look at off-Broadway. Hey -just because it's "off' doesn't mean it isn't good. "Forbidden Broadway: 10th Anni- versary Edition" The witty Gerard Alessandrini roasts the shows and stars of Broadway with spoofs on everything and everyone - from Madonna imper- sonations to Lloyd-Webber and Sondheim bashing. Roaringly funny - I promise; Theater East; 307-4100. "Oleanna" Controversial playwright David Mamet continues to stir up audi- ences with his blunt,violentandcontro- versial sexual harassment saga; Orpheum Theater; 307-4100. For those of you whose taste is a little on the wild side, here area few off- off Broadway shows that might appeal to you. "Born to Rumba!" Michael Alasa's See THEATER, Page 5 heart knows that February far surpasses April as the cruelest. In April, if your heart crumbles like an Orco in Cookie Monster's grip, at least the air is sweet and alive with the promise of spring; Mother Nature, kind matriarch that she is, consoles you. But Jack Frost - a man, of course - rules February with an icy fist. When your soul shatters into a thousand crystalline shards (and it will) over even the most expendable member of the male gender, the bitter wind blows relentlessly, bringing stark significance to the tern "frigid." So you spend a lot of time trying to get (or stay) warm. But there's a kind of heat no furnace, electric blanket or sci- entifically-engineered underwear can give you; and when you can't get it, what you've got is the blues. And when you've got the blues, you need to listen to the Blues. Somehow, when you're scraping bottom emotionally, there's something about listening to a woman pour out the sorrows of love that gives you something to hang on to. Now, let's get something straight: when I talk about "blues singers" I don't mean 22 year-old R&B songbirds wear- ing Gaulthier and trying hard to look deep as they croon along to synthesized tracks. No - I'm talking about women with soul, with voices that let you know that they've been around and experi- enced just enough happiness to know what true dejection is about: Billie Holliday, Bessie Smith, EttaJames, Janis Joplin, and Bonnie Raitt, to name but a few. Sade and Whitney can carry a tune, I guess, but their often over-produced and under-sung numbers just don't cut it. Come on, do you really believe Whitney I-used-to-be-a-model-now- It's been said that only women really know how to sing the blues. ... it just seems like women's pain runs a little deeper, and it makes their singing more powerful. I'm-married-to-Bobby-and-making- millions-from-one-song Houston has the same kind of aches you do? I didn't think so. But when you hear Billie cry- ing "Good Morning Heartache," you know where she's been. It's been said that only women really know how to sing the blues. I don't mention this to sleight masters like John Lee Ilooker and B.B. King, but (and I know I'm biased) it just seems like women's pain runs deeper, and itmakes their singing more powerful. Okay, so you don't hear women singing classic lyrics like, "Squeeze my lemon 'til the juice runs down my leg," but it takes a Bonnie Raitt to write and sing, "They say women, we're the stronger / Some- how we always make it through / Hell, that ain't how I feel right now / I don't even think it's true/Looks to me there's lots more broken /Than anyone can really see / Why the angels turn their backs on some/Is justamystery tome." Moreover, what makes Raitt remark- able is the way she takes a traditionally male point of view and makes itherown in songs like "Love Letter." And no man living or dead tops Bessie Smith when it comes to attitude, especially on num- bers like "Young Woman's Blues" - "I'm a good woman, I can get plenty a men ..." But whatever you do, don't listen to this music when you're in agood mood. You'd probably just turn it off in a fit of II disgust, wondering why these women can't get their lives together. Wait until you've failed an exam, had a nasty fight with your best friend, broken up with your lover, or are spending another lonely night comparing dishwashing soaps and thinking your cat seems sud- denly distant and uncommunicative. Believe me, when that time comes, you're going to need to hear Megon McDonough wail out "Painless Love." Then, get righteous with Etta as she declares, "Ninety-nine and a half won't do..." iO 404 Voted Best Haircut in Ann Arbor by the Michigan Daily. 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