Who Stole the Soul? "As much as I love rap, there's no black bands playing like all the bands we grew up loving - Funkadelic; Earth, Wind, and Fire; The Ohio Players - There's none anymore." _ Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Rolling Stone, September 17, 1992 No, Flea, I guess there aren't any more "black bands" playing in that tradition anymore. But there's a le- gitimate reason Black people aren't kicking that raw, funky stuff so much anymore. It's simple, actually. You, Mr. Flea, and your band of blood sugary cohorts, have driven yet another nail in the coffin of true Black music in America. Much like Hall & Oates ('70s), Get outta town Where to go, what to do and how to do it Simply Red ('80s), to personal faves House of Pain today, the Chili Peppers represent the latest in a long legacy of musical colonialism: We came, we took, we called it our own. From Janis Joplin to Swing Out Sister, to Marky Mark, White musi- cians have built entire careers on imi- tating Black artists, watering them down, repackaging them in pretty little MTV-ready boxes, and calling it soup. Much like Brit "explorers" look- ing at Africa and seeing an endless supply of labor and resources, White musicians look at Black music and see a wealth of "inspiration." So what's wrong with that Shouldn't we be encouraging more cross cultural expression? Look at Paul Simon's "Graceland," and how it brought African music out of obscu- rity? Or how Sting's amazing "Blue Turtles" jazz band gave people like Omar Hakim and Branford Marsalis long-overdue recognition? Due to this "cross-cultural" stuff, legions of Blackmusicians have never received theirdue accolades, often slip- ping miserably into impoverished ob- scurity. Flea wonders where are the new Funkadelics; Pal, they're prob- ably somewhere out there trying to sound like you. Because ever since their first disc, the Red Hot's have shamelessly attempted to recreate the frizzle-fry, stinky-buttfoonk of prime Funkadelic. Unable to get their shit as on the one as Bootsy and Co., they came up with their own punk-funk hybrid sound. So far, so good. But then, the puzzle falls apart. After a Red Hot Chili Peppers be- comes popular in the "mainstream" (read: White) arena, the Black artist they've copied are in a precarious po- sition. They see the blond, blue-eyed versions of their sound selling mil- lions; The logical thing to do? Start trying to sound like the people that are imitating them. Theend result? Brown- Eyed Soul: Black musicians trying to sound like Whites trying tosoundBlack (whew). Now that R&B radio is saturated with generic, faceless pap Flea won- ders where we are. We're George Michael, Lisa Stansfield, Michael fucking Bolton. That's where we are. Hopelessly trapped insideCaucasian facsimiles of ourselves, unable to get out. Invasion of the Body Snatchers meets the Bill- board charts. That's where we are. Which is where hip hop comes in. Much like how be-bop took jazz back from the hands of pale imitators, rap has reclaimed the voice of urban, Black America. Long a frightening, inaccessible medium, hip hop stared me in the face like bright light: We still got our own thang. Until now. I see our struggle being reduced to a posture, our faces being covered with White masks, yet again. C vnu'11 hv t n arin me if I London A good city to visit for spring break that you'd probably never think of is London, England. February is pretty dead as far as tourists go, so you'll probably get treated like royalty with- out spending a lot of money. A round- trip plane ticket from Detroit Metro to London nonstop, normally around $600, can go for as little as $370. Sometimes the airlines will even give you a free ticket just for going to London! Be sure to buy a pass for the London Underground, known as "The Tube," good for a week. Your pass not only allows you toride around on London's subway, but also lets you ride those famous double-decker buses. As far as sights go, the Tower of London is fun but usually overrun with annoying tourists. Covent Garden fea- tures agreat flea market, street perform- ers and cafes. The prime attractions in London, however, are the museums. Spend a day in the British Museum and checkout all the cool stuff the British stole from other countries. The National Gallery and Tate Gallery are incredible, but don't miss the lesser known Wallace Collection, and the Courthold Galleries with their brilliantly-colored large-scale views of London by Oscar Kokoschka. The best value in London has to be its theaters. If you stand in line for about ahalf-hour or less in the Lecister Square discount ticket booth, you can getsame- day tickets to shows like "Miss Saigon" and "Les Misdrables" for a quarter of the price you'd pay in New York. Los Angeles You're going to L.A. You're trying to find the Hollywood mystique. So your first stop is obviously Mann Chinese Theater, right? Wrong! That's alright if you want to see dead stars with their names on the sidewalk, but to become a part of the real L.A. scene you have to know where to look. If shopping and people watching is what you're after, then you have to check out Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, and Melrose Avenue (not Place!). Third Street, located (coincidentally enough) three streets from the beach, features everything from street entertainment and trendy bars, to coffee houses, and of course, the home of Doc Martens - Na Na. Melrose is the definition of funky. The clothes, the people and the attitude are definitely something to behold. On the same block as a huge thrift store (Aardvark's), you'll find a series of expensive, chic women's clothing stores. Don't be surprised to see a purple-mohawked person walking along side Luke Perry. You'll find all types here. If sun is what you're seeking, Venice Beach gets the nod. In addition to the California sun, Venice Beach offers a lot of additional activities. Rollerblading, bike riding and jogging along the beach should keep fitness enthusiasts busy. The rest of us can keep quite busy observing one of the world's greatest people watching extravaganzas - full of thong bikinis, and Muscle Beach men and women strutting their stuff. This place makes Melrose look conservative. Of course you could stick with old L.A. standards, such as Disneyland, and Universal Studios, but why not get out and experience L.A. like it was intended ... minus the Mickey Mouse. New Orleans Spring Break actually falls within the same week as Mardi Gras this year, which makes a trip to New Orleans this year even more worthwhile. In addition to all the great parades and parties that center around the Mardi Gras celebration. Louisiana celebrates through-out the state all during February, so you don't have to worry about not getting a chance to go to at least one parade. In addition to the parades, New Orleans is actually a warm place, so pack your shorts and your walking shorts and get out there and experience what this great city has to offer. First of all, you cannot go to New Orleans and not walk through the French Corridor. The French Corridor holds such wonders of tourism as Bourbon Street, Jackson Square and the French Market. The buildings are beautiful, and the best way to get a decent tour of the area, complete with comedic commentary, is to take a ride in the mule drawn buggies, it's a real hoot. Of course, if you're already in the French Corridor, then why not skip on over to the Riverwalk to the shopping center or the new Audubon Aquarium (sure it's expensive, but it's more than worth it). You can even take a boat down the river from the Audubon Aquarium to the Audobon Zoo, one of the prettiest zoos to ever be experienced. Don't forget that New Orleans just screams great food (raw tonnage alert if you're a lover of good cajun food). The best restaurant by far has to be Mulatte's, although if you're up for the trip, the one in Lafayette is even closer to perfection than the one in New Orleans. If you're looking for a winning bar, go to Tipitina's first and early, it's probably the hottest one around. B B Chicago Chicago, Chicago-it's a toddlin' town... Okay, so the shores of Lake Michigan are hardly the tropical escape you've been dreaming of. But it's virtu- ally impossible to be bored in the Windy City, just four hours from humble Tree Town. For you culturally elite-types, Chi- cago is a virtual Six-Flags-over-Art. There's Lyric Opera of Chicago, Chi- cago Opera Theater and of course, the venerable Orchestra Hall, home of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. The CSO can provide for a cheap yet classy evening, since student rush tickets are usually available for around $10. But the uncontested mecca of artistic ex- pression is the Art Institute, just across Michigan Ave. from Orchestra Hall. It has one of the finest collections in the country (if not the world). Note: go over those old notes from art history class, so you can impress your date. Seriously, though, they've got more Picasso, Matisse and Monet than you can shake a stick at. If you've squirreled away some cash this winter, god knows Chicago is the place to spend it. Top spots to spend include The Water Tower, the newly refurbished State Street area and, of course, Lake Shore Drive. For the fi- nancially challenged, there are great deals to be had at outlet stores in the apparel district. Just two travel caveats: carefully read the signs that advertise "parking $3" - that may well be the hourly rate. Also, make sure to roll up your win- dows as you pass through Gary. Nashville For all you country-western buffs out there, we think Nashville, Tennessee is the place to go. It is the heart of today's country music as well as a place were we can almost guarantee most of your friends have never gone before. Contrary to what you may think, Nashville is not a hick town full of uneducated rednecks. In fact, Vanderbilt University is one of the central attractions. Nashville has a fairly well-known art museum, not to mention a vast array of bars. Of course, there is always the Opryland theme park, which unfortunately will be closed except for tapings of everyone's favorite TV. show, "Nashville Now." You can always stay at the Opryland Hotel, one of the most beautiful hotels in the country with an entire indoor garden. I - " Detroit Yeah, I know it hurts. Listening to all of your friends go on about their impending Spring Break sojourns to warm, exotic locales like Cancun, South Padre, Fort Lauderdale ... While you're gearing up to jump start the jalopy and head home to glamorous Detroit (and it's fab surrounding suburbs). But instead of blowing your week off getting loaded with your high school friends, waxing nostalgically about "the good old days," listen up: Contrary to popular belief, there are lots of fun, exciting, and yes, even culturally stimulating things to see and do during your week off! For one, the club scene is alive and kicking in the Motor City. Hip hop fans should check out The Shelter, (431 East Congress, underneath St. Andrews Hall) with DJ Soulfinger & JP The Hypeman. From dancehall to hardcore, you'll hear the latest and greatest from thehip hop nation. Fridays at St. Andrews are also jumping, with 3 Floors of Fun. Tunes for every taste, and more people than you thought still lived in Detroit. The State Theatre is still pulling huge crowds with Club X every Saturday night, spinning alternateen cutz for the Lollapalooza generation. New club on the block Twenty-36 (2036 Woodward) is also proving to be a contender, featuring live bands, DJ's, and live bands on alternate floors. And best of all, they never play Nanci Griffith! Caffeine fiends can get their fix over vacation at downtown Royal Oak's Java (806 N. Main). Much like being inside a "Details" mag photo spread, trendoids and grunge-a-be's sip tasty espresso in a stark, post-mod setting. Getting a table can be tricky after 7:00 p.m., but it's worth the wait. The cold, sunless break is also the perfect time to warm up to those Detroit bastions of cultural eliteness you often hear about in Ann Arbor. The Detroit Institute of the Arts should have their Matisses back from the MOMA by now; thanks to Johnny Engler, it's only open Wednesday through Sunday,11 a.m. to 4 p.m.. Also at the DIA is the Detroit Film Theatre, showing hip art films that won't make it here for months. Call 833-2323. Even though Neeme Jarvi's out of town, the Detroit Symphony Orchestra is still worth hearing. Call 833-3700. Sheesh, we're outta breath already. There's so much to do in our beloved -.,....... l~ .,-, rn a n n ct'm n allhpPCn fill vnne noe tnkornh Florida We would definitely be remiss if we didn' tmentionFloridaas aSpring Break option though this is not to be consid- ered an endorsement for the Sunshine State. While Florida is a fine place to catch a few rays (provided the unpre- dictable weather cooperates), we prefer a little more creativity when choosing a place to relax. If you insist on going to this south- ern peninsula, we do have a few sugges- tions. Fort Myers Beach is a great place for tanning. The beach is beautiful and it's far enough south that your chances for at least some sun are pretty good. And of course there are all the tourist places which make up Orlando. Disney World, Epcot Center, MGM Studios and Universal are only a few of the tourist traps which draw millions every year. Sure they can be fun, but do you really want to spend the better part of your vacation waiting in line for Space Mountain. But be prepared for all the crowds, not to mention hordes of old people who can't drive. Since our break falls so early, scoping opportunities won't even be at a premium. But hey, at least you may come back with a tan. I 0 0 i