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Page 2-The Michigan Daily-Weekend etc.- November 12,1992 .

Isn't it Delightful?

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Angell Hall Auditorium B busily
fills up with students for a poli sci
lecture. Somewhere in the middle of
the room, between the rows of seats,
the Food King crawls on his hands
and knees grumbling incoherently.
He's looking for the button that burst
from his pants when he tried to sit

down. He has put on a few pounds
since school started. lIe thinks it's
just "water weight." He's sorely mis-
taken.
Pants clasped together with a pa-
per clip, the Food King wanders out
of Angell Hall. He sadly realizes he
must lose weight or buy new pants.
Not sure if jeans come in 42 waist/30
length, the Food King decides to lose
his winterfat. For starters, he will eat
at that "healthy" restaurant he's been
hearing so much about - Afternoon
Delight.
Tired from the three block walk,
the Food King drags himself into the
cafeteria style restaurant. The trendy
decor makes him nervous. So do the
people. The Food King cannot be-
lieve that he, the once proud monarch
of Blimpy's, Boardwalk, and BK, has
sunk to dining with pink sweatshirted,
Vic Tanny, aerobic shoe wearing
types. The calorie numbers written
beside every entree in the menu fur-
ther hound in his humiliation.
Grabbing a tray and utensils, the
Food King orders a chicken crepe,
soup in a bun, and the salad bar.
Shamefacedly, he fills a cup with diet
Coke. He gives the Adrian Zmed look-
ing cashier close to ten dollars and sits
down in a plastic booth.
The soup in a bun is soggy, wa-
tery, and bland. The chicken crepe
tastes like a balloon. Dish in hand, the
Food King marches up to the salad bar
hopefully. Relieved by the bar's
myriad of comestibles, he starts to

load up with croutons, cheese, Bacos,
etc. Unfortunately, the salad dress-
ings leave something to be desired.
Half crazed with hunger, the thought
of hot fudge on his salad is more
appealing than any "low cal raspberry
vinaigrette."
Three salad bar trips later, the Food
King's voracious appetite begins to
dull. He leans back and takes in the
restaurant's atmosphere. It's the
middle of the noontime rush so the
tables are jammed. Urban Ann Arbor
yups (get real) and health conscious
University students (slim faster) pre-
dominate. The largestperson theFood
King has ever seen inhales equestrian
amounts of alfalfa at the table beside
him. Olivia Newton John hums softly
out of the restaurant's speakers, and
friendly buspersons take patrons'
dishes away.
Moments later, his hunger returns
with a vengeance. The Food King
saddles back up to the cafeteria line.
Adrian Zmed shoots him a disbeliev-
ing look as he rings up the Food
King's seafood pita and yogurt. As
nonchalantly as possible, his rotund
royalty asks if there are any toppings
for the yogurt, like "marshmallow
creme." Sneering back a negative re-
tort, the cashier gives him a few coins
in exchange for the ten spot.
After wolfing down the tasteless
pita and yogurt, the Food King weaves
his way through the carrot eaters and
scurries out the door. It's cold out but
the smell of Le Dag down the street is
hearty and inviting. Ditching dysfunc-
tional dreams of diets, 1Heavy K,
wheezing and wobbling, trots towards
the hot dog haven faster than you can
say "warm it up King."
He's about to.
Afternoon Delight
251 E. Liberty
665-7513
What to bring: Bootleg Twinkies.
How to get there: Rollerblade or
speed walk.
Menu oddities: Okra and/or kale.
What to wear: Leg warmers.
Faux pax phrase: "Is this the smok-
ing section?"

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EDITOJR
Jessie Halladay
ARTS EDITORS
Alan J. Hogg, Jr.
Michael John Wilson
CONTRIBUTORS
Melissa Bernardo
Brian Boyd
Joseph Callotte
Jason Carroll
Rich Choi
Yaei Citro
Steve Culver
Laurel Federbush
Rachel Glaubernan
Michelle Guy
Aaron hamburger
Nima IHlodaei
Patrick Kim
Patrick Lawrence
Darcy Lockman
Jane Louie
Michelle Phillip
Karen Rumph
Dave Skelly
Jen Slajus
Chris Slovey
Scott Sterling
Michael Thompson
M.Q. Thornburn
Kirk Wetters
Josh Worth

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BACKYARD INFINITY.

by Dave Skelly

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