Page 4 -The Michigan Daily - Fall Fashion - October 22, 1992

Come on. Admit it. There's no
such thing as fashion in Ann Arbor.
I mean, if you want a good cup
of latte, you come to Ann Arbor. If
you wanna go to a cool record store,
Ann Arbor's the place. And I don't
think they've opened a condom
shop in Hamtramck yet.
But fashion? Take a few minutes
to flip through this advertising
supplement. Go sit in the Diag and
watch people walk by. If you have a
strong stomach, stop by Urban
Outfitters.
Now. Did you see any fashion?
Sure, grey sweats that say
MICHIGAN might be functional,
and pretending that a small
Midwestern town is actually New
York or Paris or Manchester might
be delusional, and MasterCard
Marxists trying to pick out beads to
match the baggy hippie duds they
picked up at Hudson's might be
really damn annoying.
But fashionable? Uh-uh. You
want real fashion, you've gotta hop
on your horse and ride, pardner, at

least till you hit Ypsi...
Or Dearborn. Fairlane Mall is a
serious establishment for serious
shoppers. Used to be a monorail
tram running from the hotel to the
mall when I was a kid, but they've
closed it down since. Still mighty
cool, with about eight different
levels, close to five thousand shops,
a small militia ... Oh, and last time
I was there, I met Olga. The Olga.
Olga "Olga's Kitchen" Olga. Yup.
I'm a magnet when it comes to fame
and The Beautiful People. Anyway,
she was a very sweet woman, we
complimented her food and she
offered to buy us lunch.
For the best accessories, check
out Royal Oak's Noir Leather. Nifty
nick-nacks like eyeball rings and
Iron Cross chains will let everyone
know that you're a rebel with a
capital "R," and that you're willing
to waste your parents' money to
prove it. Meanwhile, the salacious
selection of sex toys are sure to be
the next big craze, now that
Madonna's popularizing S&M in

her latest video, so pick up a cock
ring while it's still cool. And if
you're interested in seeing live
erotica, Noir is sponsoring the Club
X-Rated Fashion Fetish Ball, this
weekend at the State Theatre.
Bring your own riding crops.
If by some chance Noir doesn't"
carry your size in studded leather
bras, you might want to try Troy's
Neiman Marcus, part of the
prestigious Somerset "Not a Mall,
You Vulgarian" Collection. Sadly
enough, Neiman Marcus, along
with every other shop in the
"Collection," failed to pass my Sears
litmus test, which consists of
checking the thermal underwear
section to see if they carry the Sears
brand that's fuzzy on the inside.
But if you're still interested in
stopping by, just remember, when
their salespeople smile broadly at
you and say, "Welcome to Neiman
Marcus, may I help you?," they
really mean, "All right, you trash, I
don't know how you snuck in here,
but you've got five minutes before

plainclothes security drags you
outside, beats the shit out of you,
and leaves you bleeding in the alley
behind Barneys."
Finally, swing by Eternal Tattoos
in Livonia to make the ultimate
fashion statement. I mean, people
say it's "risky" wearing a funky new
hat, or getting a different haircut,
but just imagine what it'd be like if
people in the early '80s had
somehow seared their parachute
pants and Members Only jackets
onto their skin and were forced to
wear them for the rest of their lives.
That's the risk you take when you
get a tattoo. So choose wisely, and
none of this "Oh, I'll just get a cute
little peace symbol on the ankle"
crap. Tattoos ren't about peace -
they're abou pa ) d Jout
torture, they're at e ~, inanent
damage. Get some . distinctive,
like a UPC symbol, beurat's
"Sunday Afternoon on the Island of
la Grande Jatte," or a caricature of
Herve Villechaize. You'll thank
yourself in forty years.

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Nan's MERLE nORMRfl'&Linerie
1669 Plymouth Rd - waxing
Located In The Courtyard - Skin- Care/ Make-Up
ShopsLessons
Shops- Bridal Registry
930-6516 -Gift Certificates
. .r .. - Gifts & Accessories
$5.00 OFF A
Any PurchaseOf $25.00 Or More
OR t $5.00 OFF -Manicure
$10.00 OFF I Reguhr Price Of ,Hot Oil
Any Purchase Of $50.00 Or More Any Nail Service Pedicure
1 Disc. Per Visit. Valid Qnly OnAcylc
Cosmetics Or Clothing 1 Disc Per Visit. Not Valid With Other
Excludes Sale Items- Expires1222192 g Offer Expires 1212292
k .
Photo by Hava Gurevich
E S C A N D O N STUD-IO
OPENING IN OCTOBER
GALLERIA MALL * ANN ARBOR
tel 747-6687
patagonia
SYNCHILLA* CLASSICS
The Synchilla@ Snap T-Neck has seen most of the known world. It
could well be the ultimate multi-purpose
utility garment. Now available in
prints or solids.

JLRBcVD 4>
PLAN .

The Buckle. Now Open At Briarwood!
Try this on for size. Briarwood is home to Michigan's
first and only location of The Buckle. The hot store for young
adults' jeans. With brands like Pepe, Girbaud, Legend, Levi,
Guess? and Z. Cavaricci. And while you're there, slip into
all the other sportswear shops at Briarwood, too.

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