The Michigan Daily - Weekend etc. - September 24, 1992- Page 3 Why do new students ask so many stupid questions? by Gwen Shaffer It's the beginning of the semester and campus has been inundated with naive and confused first-year stu- dents. (You can easily spot them - they may identify themselves as "freshmen" because they haven't been around long enough to know they're first-year students on this politically correct campus). Yeah, I was once in their shoes but I can still get a few laughs at their expense. My housemate, Vanessa, was sit- ting outside the Angell Hall Fish- bowl-enjoyingacopy of the Daily, no doubt! - when she noticed a group of people nervously pacing back and forth along the concourse. They appeared completely perplexed andabitintimidated. Finally Vanessa looked up and sort of made a friendly expression to imply she might be able to help. After a minute, someone in the group caught her eye. Pointing through the glass down onto the hun- dreds of computers, he asked, "Ex- cuse me, buthow do you get in there?" Even after some first-year students eventually find their way into the computing center, their troubles have only just begun. Susan, aother senior, was innocently messaging someone on MTS when she was distracted by a young women feeling around the back of the computer next to her. After attempting to locate the power switch for several minutes, the frustrated woman gave up. Amused, Susan watched the entire scene before reach- ing over and nonchalantly pressing the arrow on the computer keyboard. "Oh, there it is." It is pretty amusing how freshmen think they can get away with all kinds of things because, afterall, they are in college now. Another thing thatmakesme laugh is the way first-year students call dorms by their full names. As I walked down North University during the first week of classes, a panic-stricken women stopped me and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to Mary Markley Hall?" Local lingo also causes a dilemma for new students. This is quite a prob- lem when you consider there is an acronym for everything on this cam- pus. Last weekend my friend Rich stopped at the cash machine on his way to the bar. He was wearing a shirt that said, "A2." As he stood in line, an obvious freshman scrunched up his nose, gave him a puzzled look, and asked, "A2? What's that?" It is pretty amusing how freshmen think they can getaway with all kinds of things because, afterall, they are in college now.Friday night I rode my bike past South Quad on my way home from work. Hanging outside the dorm was a pack of first- year students (naturally, since they tend to travel in groups of 20 or more) dis- cussing what they were going to do that night. The women were made-up and reaked of Obsession, and I could tell the guys were wearing their favor- ite baseball caps. I slowed down at the corner just long enough to hear some guy saying, "Ok, so how many of you have fake IDs?" I started cracking up thinking about their first lesson in the stupidity of trying to use fake ID's in a college town. Printouts of schedules seem to be another major source of anxiety in the lives of first-year students. A friend who works at the Campus Informa- tion Center told me a kid asked, "Can you tell me where the Aud Building is?" "The Odd Building?" my friend repeated. When he looked at the sched- ule it was an MLB auditorium. I'm sorry, but it's just not that confusing. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this woman in Mason Hall was on the verge of tears because she could not figure out where 414 Mason Hall is located. Psyched that I would have yet another anecdote for my story, I approached her. Pointing to her schedule to prove that she really was supposed to go to 414 Mason Hall, the woman practically shrieked, "The elevator would only take me to the third floor and I'm already late." Now we are into the third week of classes. While most first-year stu- dents are breezing around campus like they've been here for years, some will probably still be faltering up until the day they graduate. (Like those upperclass students who still don't know 414 Mason Hall is actually on the first floor because the pool takes up the entire fourth level). I t I ti rf t '( zI~ p, =41r7 , Bingo addictive for those seeking fun -and who can handle the smoke U-M'S STUDENT ORGANIZATION FAIR OVER 200 STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS & UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENTS ON THE DIAG NOW SEPT. 25 11am-4pm Entertainment includes performances by: UAC's Amazin' Blue, U-M Folkdancing Club, Fencing Club, Gilbert & Sullivan Society, and a Step Dance. Play the Regional Champions in College Bowl! FREE PEPSI AND POPCORN OPENING IN OCTOBER! Sterling Silver: Bolos Butt ons Pins Galleria Mall, 2nd fl 1214 S. University Tel: (313)-747-6687 by Jessie Halladay I walked into the American Le- gion Hall on a lazy Sunday after- noon. White haired ladies and gents alike sat at long tables arranging their good luck charms: trolls with hot pink hair, ceramic elephants and family pictures. I looked around and noticed I was the only one in the place with an X hat on. It was as if I had crossed over to a new dimen- sion, the BINGO zone. Before I could get through the door, my friend Lis came running up to me. "I'm so glad you made it," she said. She had been there for an hour already and there were still two hours to go before the first number was called. You see, it is absolutely necessary to get to bingo early and reserve your spot. In the blink of an eye, Lis had whisked me over to a stand so that I could purchase my game cards. She began shouting orders at the men behind the counter. "She'll have 18 hard, 3 early birds, 3 specials, 2 quickies, and here don't forget your door card," she instructed as she thrust the cards into my hands. As she saw the puzzled look on my face she casually told me I would get the hang of it soon enough. I was starting out slowly. Next, we proceeded to the table where she had already staked our claim. I spent a good half hour try- ing to lay out my cards the way Lis had so that I wouldn't be conspicu- ous. There ista whole ritual to laying the cards out and it is very serious business. If your cards aren't laid out well, you could miss the big money. Then there are the rules to mas- ter. Big time bingo is a lot different than the grade school variety I used to play. Not only can you win by the tradition line of five, configurations of Ts, Ls, outside and inside boxes, and the cover-all reward with varying sums. Waiting for the games to begin is not a time to be idle. This is your chance to buzz around the hall and catch up on all the latest gossip. You know, all the important stuff like who had hip surgery and which man. is cheating on which woman. And. don't forget to compare notes on who has the most ungrateful children. I felt somewhat out of my ele- ment as I sat there with my X hat on. One man even asked me if the x stood for Xavier. I don't think so. However, once the games began, I caught the fever. "I Icy Chicken Legs," I yelled at the man calling the numbers. "Can't you do any better than that?" Everyone at my table looked at me in astonishment and it was then that I realized why so many people, all over the country play bingo. It's an adrenaline thing. It gets in your blood and you just can't shake it. So don't be surprised if one day you walk into a bingo hall and you see this little old lady sitting there talking to her trolls. It just might be me. U I . .. S Suit You... 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