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Page 16--The Michigan Daily --Weekend etc.- April 16,1992

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The Michigan Daily-Weekend

More boring lists. NOT! Actually, drugs, love or even an A-plus, the
you're a very lucky person. You've Arb is the place to ride out those
made it to the Best of the Rest, those warm fuzzies (or dry heaves,
wacky things that defy categories! whichever applies). Reel among the
Fads, trends, more sexual data and sun and sky and wildflowers. Re-
best of all, the Daily's worst gaffs of member, it doesn't matter if it's
the year. Whoo-hoo, start reading. maple or oak, it all looks great after
a toke.

r ---- - - i

Most necessary fashion accessory
(tie): Doc Marten shoes and Stussy
baseball caps
Don't even think of going anywhere
without either of these integral cul-
tural bill-boards that show the world
just how cool you are. Urban
Outfitters has single-handedly made
both of these once-hip items into
tired, overexposed uniforms. Satura-
tion at its finest.
Excuse for a late paper:
There isn't anyone at this University
who hasn't used this one. Yet only a
smattering of you responded. For
shame! What's your excuse for a late
ballot, we wonder.
In these raucous political times,
students are adapting their excuses.
"My original copy disintegrated in
tear gas," was nudged out of the
winner's circle by "computer fail-
ure." How boring, how believable.
History of art students tried to win
over their profs by pointing to the
Michelangelo computer virus for
their late paper. Worst excuse for a
late paper (and anything else, for
that matter) is a frat party.
Best place to go in an altered state:
Controlled substances can be beauti-
ful things, especially when combined
with the wonders of nature (other
than sex, of course, see page 5).
Under the influence of alcohol,

Best use of Jesus in a song:
"Personal Jesus," Depeche Mode
How predictable. Our hipster staff
prefers more obscure offerings such
as "Jesus and Tequila" by the Mi-
nutemen. Thankfully, only one per-
son voted for an Amy Grant tune
and no hymns made it to our ballot
box either.
Fad:
Rollerblading (In-line skating to be
fadically-correct) is both in and out,
as are funky rope belts and side-
burns. It depends on how well you
glide, how many love handles dangle
from your waist and how much em-
phasis your cheekbones require.
Backpacks - two shoulders or
one? Baseball hats - forward or
backward? Earring - right or left
lobe? Nosering - left or right
nostril? Jeans - holes in left or right
knee? Do we make ourselves clear?
Fads are dumb. Enough. Besides this
category doesn't affect any Ann
Arbor busin-esses, so we are not re-
quired to treat this category seri-
ously. Onward ...
Slang:
Elizabeth: Hey man. How ya liv-
in', cool?
Julie: Large and in charge, mutha-
fuckah. Waddup slim?
E: Hey, lay of my of G. Fuck, I'm
on the ill tip. But Schwing, this cat-

The owners and employees of
the Packard and Union location
Subway stores would like to'
thank the University of
Michigan students for their
patronage over the last year

Clockwise from top left, our picks for Best Actor (Master Thespian Jim
Varney in Ernest Scared Stupid), Best Tagline ("Don't fuck with the Chuck!"
from Child's Pla y2: Electric Boogaloo) and Best Animated Singing
Candlestick (Jerry Orbach as Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast).

!r-

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Someone told us that if you drop acid and lie on your back in the Arb, it's just like Fre

egory' s the best.
J: NOT! You're so wacked, you
dog. The fad section had me stoked.
It's dope. It's hyped. It's funky
fresh.
E: Say what? You're wicked, you
ho. Stop doggin' me.
J: Fuck off. I'm the (wo)man of
the hour, 2 sweet 2 b sour.
E: Hey you're in my dog house,
man.

J: Exsqueeze me? Like, what's up
wich you? Have you been teabag-
ging too much or somethang?
E: Dude. You're the one who's al-
ways hookin' up.
J: Yeah, you're just swinging from
the bozacks. Hey, you're just rid-
ing from the nuts, man. My sex
life's intensity in ten cities.

E:Y
back
J: O
my c
E: I'
J: P
butg

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