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Page 4-The Michigan Daily-Weekend etc.--April 16,1992

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Have you been insulted by C

Editors note: You may recall that
last week the author of this column
revealed his goal of offending every
student organization on campus.
Having accomplished this, he was
last seen scurrying off to various
campus bookstores, which are all
actually owned by Ulrich's, in a fu-
rious attempt to purchase all of his
required textbooks before final ex-
ams. We have not been able to con-
tact him before press time, so in-
stead we will print excerpts from this
year. Hopefully, this will prove his
claim to have offended everybody.
Right wingers: "I think Bob Dole
and Jesse Helms are right to try and
clean this filth off the airwaves. Yet
I don't see how a documentary
[about gay Black men] is neccesarily
corrupting. This is not to suggest
that bigotry is a factor - I'm sure
that some of Jesse Helms' best
friends are gay Black men."
Left wingers: "You should be sure
to accuse the writer of being 'racist,
sexist, and homophobic,' always in

that order. If you accuse somebody
of being one, you must also include
the others:
WRONG: 'Chait is homophobic.'
RIGHT: 'Chait is racist, sexist and
homophobic.'
WRONG: 'I disagree with Chait,
and here is why...'
RIGHT: 'Chait is racist, sexist and
homophobic."'
The Greek System: "The basic
problem with joining the Greek sys-
tem is that you're putting your life
into the hands of people who, if
faced with the threat of foreign in-
vasion which forced them to flee to
the mountains for safety, and they
had a thousand dollars to spend on
supplies to take with them and insure
their survival, would spend it on
printing up T-shirts to commemorate
the event."
Co-ops: "Perhaps you desire the op-
portunity to be disciplined by your
housemates for breaking arbitrary
and pointless rules, but are put off by
the exclusionary and elitist standards
of the Greek system. In this case,
you can always join a co-op, which


I i
hat this year?
has no such elitist standards. In fact,
they have no admission standards at
all. Your fate is in the hands of
whatever random scumbags
happened to wander in off the
streets."
Guys named Vito: "I've given up
trying to pay off my bills. I figure
that if the credit company wants my
money badly enough, they'll come
over and collect it personally. My
new motto is, 'Don't pay up until
Vito comes to the door.' Granted,
this technique has its drawbacks in
terms of poor credit rating and
broken kneecaps."
Readers in general: "Unlike you, I
am a conscientious student who is
concerned with political develop-
ments on this campus."
Canadians: "Now I realize that
some of you may have serious
philosophical objections to launch-
ing an attack on a nation which we
have been at peace with for 179
years. For instance, what are we
going to do with all the Canadians

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e e Flemig Buidig ait
"You better watch the hand tha, practice by distorting ways of
thought and speech in hopes of nor-
feeds you/ Because this Black hand malizing an oppressive status quo.
might bleed." -Sister Souljah And speaking of systematized
It's always been my intent with oppression, my choice for the Best
these Notes to suggest cures for so- Horror Story of Ann Arbor this year
cial maladies. At the very least, I've would have to be the brutality of the
tried to expose what I see as prob- University's regents and their secu-
lems and solutions. rity police. These civilized adminis-
My Best Social Problem of 1992, trators used extreme prejudice
racism, is all around us, up to and against Black students protesting re-
including the offices of the deputization of armed security this
University's administration. My at-dpatibr farsy s
tempts to expose and clarify this sys- past February 20.
tem of oppression have been repeat- Many people would say that
temy ofnowredinh aebnnreeat-ngythose Blacks got what they deserved
edly answered with an increasingly for chasing the regents to the
No4 F4, Fleming Building. By the time the
protesters came face-to-face with a
Forrest line of security police there was a lot
Green of pushing on both sides. But as I've
Grenbeen told by every protester I ques-
III tioned, the regents threw the first
simplistic and asinine backlash. Here punches.
then is a working definition, ad- I'm not a strong advocate of vio-
vanced by Frances Cress Welsing, lent protest myself, but had I actu-
M.D. in The Cress Theory of Color- ally been there to watch a policeman
Confrontation & White Supremacy. shove a Black woman down to the
Racism (white supremacy) is sidewalk with his billy club, the po-
nothing more than the behavioral lice would have most certainly had
syndrome of individual and collec- one more uppity nigger to deal with.
tive color inferiority and numerical Organized protests against racist
inadequacy which includes patterns administration policies should be in
of thought, speech and action as seen effect now.
in members of the white organiza- In a better world, the Black stu-
tion (race). dents of the University are a unified
Before the civil rights struggles body. Black Student Union speakers
of the '50s, white supremacy was le- Devlin Ponte and Shawn Mason
galized and still is to a great extent, wouldn't be complaining about the
while now it is institutionalized. But students' dependency complex be-
it has always served, and always cause Black students would have the
will as a means of collectively tak- soul to do what needs to be done.
ing away "non-white" people's abil- Ilmost guarantee that the first
ity to govern ourselves and must be recipient of a hollow-point bullet
exposed as such. from a DPS officer's 9-millimeter
The more manipulative white pistol will be a Black student of this
supremacists attempt to refine this Uversity. Bu of cou e, t sys

TWISTED


Continued from page 24
iment with violating social mores.
This brief sketch of id on the loose
begins as a noisy baby is killed and
urinated upon by a brute who'd like
a little quiet (please). It gets worse
from there.
Ken Bruce's "Lullaby," rendered
in fuzzy charcoal gray, depicts the
warfare between a kid in his playpen
and a toy which grows monstrous in
the dark. While satirically exaggerat-
ing fears of youth, Bruce simultane-
ously recalls our early nighttime ter-
rors and latent sense of vulnerability.
Or maybe it just did that for me -
I'm still afraid of the dark.
"Pink Komkommer," a collection
assembled by Mary Newland, also
falls into the gray area of satire with
an undercurrent of serious artistic
reflection. The nine animators use
the same erotic soundtrack to pro-
duce a series of dreams that explore
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The Michigan Daily -Wee
fantasy life.
The show concludes with its
most successful pieces, visually and
substantively: Oscar winner "Crea-
ture Comforts" by Nick Parks and
"Manipulation" by Daniel Greaves.
The former is a mock documen-
tary which interviews animals about
life in the zoo. Complete with
British accents and human manner-
isms, the animals provide some
dryly witty perspectives in an artful
allegory.
"Manipulation" is about a
cartoon character tortured at the
caprice of his animated creator, seen
only as a hand against a blank sheet
of paper. The film seems to reflect
on the issue at stake in all of the
show's pieces: human physical

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