Page 2-The Michigan Daily-Weekend etc. -April 2, 1992

,6L Jonathan

,,
4

Off with their heads!. Now
ta et e o b OK. I'm finally getting into the spirit of Ann Arbor campus politics. It
might not make sense to the average outsider, but once you get into it, it can
be a lot of fun.
I think the quintessential moment of the Ann Arbor student political
scene came at last year's MSA presidential debate. Eric Stempien, the can-
didate of the ESP party (official slogan: a stupid acronym is better than no
acronym at all) was asked a question by the moderator to the effect that,
seeing as so many moderate third parties had failed to win MSA elections in
the past, why did he think he had a chance?
It was a good question. The ESP party was quite moderate. Their plat-
form made sense, their candidates were intelligent and honest. In short, they
had absolutely no chance of winning. In response to the question, Eric ex-
ploded:
"We're not moderate! That's just a label that you put on us!"
Now, when the rest of the country holds elections, the candidates try to
portray themselves as middle-of-the-road and their opponent as an extrem-
ist. Not here. Here, your only chance of survival is to appear as radical as
possible - borderline insane if possible. If you get stuck with the
"moderate" label, you're as good as dead.
Once you understand this basic principle, you understand University stu-
dent politics. I think I've got a handle on it now. It's starting to make a lot of
sense.
I'll give you an example. Last week an artist named Pearl Cleage deliv-
ered a presentation denouncing jazz musician Miles Davis as a sexist pig.
She urged the crowd to, "break his tapes, burn his albums, and scratch his
CDs until he agrees to rethink the woman question." The speech, of course,
was met with general aproval.
Now some of you may argue that Miles Davis is dead, and thus it will be
very difficult to change his mind on women. But I don't see why that should
stop Vs from burning his albums. He's a sexist. Period. Perhaps we should
also dig up his corpse and send it to sensitivity training. Why are you argu-
ing about it, anyway? Are you a sexist? Maybe we should burn your al-
bums!
Sorry about that outburst. I just get a little exasperated when you igno-
rant laypeople fail to see the logic of local politics. You're probably the
same kind of people who didn't understand the big fight at MSA last week.
In case you missed it, a constituent came into MSA and accused the as-
sembly of participating in a giant racist plot. "I want you to know that you
have been exposed and you will be served," she explained to the assembly.
She also threatened to sue if the Conservative Coalition won the elections,
which coincidentily were scheduled for the next week, on the grounds that
she doesn't like them.
One of the representatives countered this argument by pointing out that
the constituent was a "bitch." At this point the various MSA representatives
began punching each other, and the police had to break it up.
A couple of years ago, I would have been appalled. But now I realize
that this is a perfect example of representative democracy. You see, if each
of us had to personally attend assembly meetings and punch people, our
student government would be much too cumbersome to get anything
accomplished. Instead, we elect. representatives who meet at the assembly
once a week and punch each other for us. It's much more efficient that way.

Best of Ann Arbor Ballot '92
Please return soon to the Daily at 420 Maynard, 48109. Results will be printed in the April 16 Best of Ann Arbor issue of Weekend etc. Thanks for your time. '
Best Restaurants/Bars for... Men's clothing First-run film '
ICappuccino Women's clothing Video to rentI
SBurgers Books Gallery exhibitionI
Pizza Textbooks Album ,
*Hot dogs Used books Classical performance '
*Cheap beer Haircut Local band
IIce cream/Frozen yogurt First-run theater Band of the yearI
SSandwiches Video store Concert in past yearI
'Italian food Liquor/party store Radio stationI
Middle Eastern food Best use of Jesus in a song'
IChinese food Best (and worst) of the University Place to go when in an altered state '
IKorean food Professor Dance performanceI
'Mexican food Course 1
' Take-out B low-off course Best (and worst) dating stuff '
Deli Residence hall Place to meet a mate
f Greasy spoon Michigan athlete Rejection lineI
IBreakfast Place to study Place for first dateI
'Place for the folks to take you Regent Place for first screwI
' Dorm cafeteria Cause/issue/movement Place for secret rendezvousI
*Best Overall Restaurant Speaker/lecturer in past year
*Best Overall Bar Computing center Best (and worst) of the restI
I Excuse for a late paperI
SBest businesses for... Best (and worst) of the arts Fad 1
*Records Local musical Slang '
Used records Local drama Please write your witty comments on a separate sheet.

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NEW scihmooze
by
DID YOU KNOW?
Not since 1975 and the release of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest has
a film run away with five top awards. The Silence of the Lambs won Oscars
for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Adapted
Screenplay.
John Singleton is the first African American and youngest director to be
nominated for the Best Director award for his movie Boyz In the Hood.
Barbra Streisand joined the club of overlooked Hollywood favorites
passed over by the Academy. Others include: Alfred Hitchcock, Richard
Burton, Greta Garbo, Cary Grant and Steven Spielberg.
-By Mar go Baumgart
WEEK3ti ..END s t, ~- tta-;: a>:r a ft
Weekend etc. editor Arts editors Weekend news editor
Julie Komorn Elizabeth Lenhard Lad Barager
Michael John Wilson
Graphics Art Production
Michael John Wilson Jonathan Higgins Kristen McMurphy
Contributors Alissa Strauss
Margo Baumgart Mark Binelli, Jon Chail; Diane Fnieden, Forrest Green Ill, Steve
Henderson, Alan Hogg~ Rona Kobell Dan Powx Annette A-&=so, Valenie Shuman,
Jennifer Silverberg, Scott Sterling, Paul Taylor, Sarah Weidman, Josh Worth

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