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Page 10 -The Michigan Daily -Weekend etc. - February 13, 1992

Aphrodisiacs guaranteed to stimulate your meals

"I've tried everything. She said
the stir-fry wasfantastic, but she went
home right after dessert- something
about a Calculus quiz in the morn-
ing."
- "Steve"
LSA junior
"That pasth dinner would have
brought most mortal men to their
knees, but he couldn't take his eyes off
the television - the Michigan game
was on. Valentine's Day is next week,
andI' mat the end of my rope; isn't the
way to a man's heart through his
stomach?"
- "Allison,"
Natural Resources senior
These are only a few of the sad
stories I have received from desperate
students trying to win the heart of
another through good cooking. With
Valentine's Day loomingon the hori-
zon, their pleas for help have become
even more pathetic.
They are both mistaken, however.
As for Allison, while most men would
love you forever for a Subway club
and a Sprite, others need a little more
encouragement.
I spent hours in the libraries trying
to dig up hard evidence that there

really are aphrodisiac foods, and sur-
veyed a wide range of college stu-
dents about their personal experiences
with love potions and green M&M's.
My friend Kendall - who spent a
year abroad in China - had by far the
most interesting story to tell.
While travelling through a moun-
tain village in eastern Tibet,. he was
forced by a mob of obnoxious natives
to drink the blood of a freshly killed
King Cobra. The snake's blood tasted
awful, according to my friend, but
soon after ingesting the beverage, he
developed an erection that lasted for
seven hours. "Even a wrecking ball
couldn't have knocked that thing
down," he said. Interesting, but again,
impractical, because you can't find
cobra blood in stores - not even the
People's Food Coop.
So we're back to the beginning;
how can a student with little time,
money and access to live reptiles cre-
ate a meal that will fan the fires of
desire in that special someone? How
can a guy whip up a feast that will fill
him up and keep him going late into
the night? I have assembled a dinner
plan that, along with a heaping table-
spoon of positive thinking, should do
the job quite nicely.
The appetizer: Oyster-filled
mushroom caps in a simple
sauce.
Oysters seem to be one of the only
foods whose amorous reputation is
well-founded in science. Like all
members of the shellfish family, oys-
ters are very high in phosphorus. A
nutritionist will tell you that a person's

level of muscle tone can be seriously
affected by a lack of phosphorus in
the diet and it is possible that a man
who isn't eating enough phosphorus-
rich foods may have difficulty, how
Mushrooms
Stuffed with Oysters
10 - 20 large mushrooms, washed
and destemmed
10 - 20 oysters (make sure you
rinse them thoroughly)
1 cup mayonnaise
Horseradish
Worchestershire Sauce
Arrange mushrooms, stem side
down, on a broiling pan. Broil for
approximately eight minutes.
Flip the mushrooms over, and
into each cap place one oyster. In a
small bowl, mix one tablespoon of
horseradish and a fair amount of
Worchestershire into about one
cup of mayonnaise.
Cover each mushroom with
about one teaspoon of the sauce.
Continue to broil about six inches
from the source of heat until the
sauce begins to color. Serve hot.

When tomatoes were first brought
to Europe from Peru in the 1600s,
people called them "love apples," and
young couples would exchange them
or throw them at each other as tokens
of affection.
The aphrodisiac abilities of toma-
toes have been reputed in modern.
times, but these red, juicy fruits
(they're fruits, not vegetables) will
help to set the stage for a romantic
evening.
Make sure you buy very firm to-
matoes, so that they will hold up well
through thebaking process. You might
want to place them in muffin tins
(grease the tins well with butter or
margarine) so that they will retain
their shape.
The asparagus side dish is only a
suggestion - some of you picky eat-
ers might not like asparagus, and, as I
pointed outlast week, it can be hard to
find and expensive this time of year.
However, if you can afford it, these
oh-so-phallic spears can be a great
help in setting the tone for the evening.
A thin loaf of broiled garlic bread
or even a package of those heat-and-
eat bread sticks would go well with
this meal; the more long, pointed foods
you can put on the table, the better.
The dessert: A bottle of cham-
pagne and green M&M's.
Alcohol is one of the few proven
aphrodisiacs around, as most college
students know; we've all done ques-
tionable things with near strangers
after six or seven beers at a party.
However, this "love in a bottle" is
not without its drawbacks. The morn-
ing-after hangover definitely quali-
fies as cruel and unusual punishment,
and that first conversation in the morn-
ing can sometimes be uncomfortable
and embarrassing, especially if you

can't remember his/her last- or first
- name.
Guys have to keep in mind another
hazard of alcohol, best summarized
by the Porter in Shakespeare's
Macbeth. "It provokes the desire, but
it takes away the performance," he
said. Too true, Bill, too true.
If you're going to drink, cham-
pagne is probably your best bet. Its
effervescence can produce a light-
headed feeling, and all those little
bubbles are really cool to look at.
Champagne's traditional association
with romance and seduction may be
just what it takes to convince that
special someone that you're worth it
- especially after they've had two or
three glasses.
I don't know if the green M&M's
really work. However, they are one
alleged aphrodisiac that everyone is
familiar with, and I'm sure that your

date will be flattered that you went to
all the trouble to pick out all green
ones.
I must be honest: as far as I can tell,
there aren't any real aphrodisiacs.
Modern science has cruelly destroyed
all the mystery and intrigue surround-
ing ancient love potions and exotic
dishes, and I think we are all worse off
because of it. I bet that romance was
a lot more exciting back when couples
were still throwing tomatoes at each
other.
Don't despair, though. The most
important ingredients in aphrodisiac
dishes are - and always have been
- a positive attitude and a healthy
amount of romantic interest. If the
chemistry is there, then it won't mat-
ter what you make for dinner.
Give this meal plan a try; with the
rightperson in the right circumstances,
it could be a very romantic Valentine's
Day after all.

0'

shall I say this, keeping up with his
partner.
Any guy concerned about this
problem (and I know you're out there)
would do well to begin a romantic
evening with this recipe. It's quick
and easy, and the oysters are the only
fairly expensive ingredient.
Main course: Stuffed toma-
toes with asparagus

Hot stuffed Tomatoes Au Gratin
4 -6 large firm tomatoes
2 cups finely chopped mushrooms
1 cup finely chopped shallots
2 cups finely chopped lean ham (optional)
1/2 cup chopped parsley
4 cups bread crumbs
2 egg yolks
2 cups finely grated Mozzarella or Parmesan cheese
Cut large hollows in the stem ends of the tomatoes. Sprinkle with salt,
and place upside down on countertop to drain for about 1S minutes.
While the tomatoes are draining, combine mushrooms, shallots, ham
and parsley with two cups of the bread crumbs. Cook in a skillet with some
butter and a little vegetable oil for about 10 minutes. Stir in the yolks of two
eggs to bind the mixture, and spoon into each tomato.
Bake in a preheated 3500 oven for 10 - 15 minutes. Remove, and cover
each tomato with a modest layer of grated cheese and the remainder of the
bread crumbs.
Switch oven to "broil," and broil tomatoes about six inches from the
heat source for approximately five minutes, until a glazed golden crust
forms. Remove, cool for a few minutes, and serve.
All leftovers must be thrown at your dining partner before you can have
dessert.
These recipes were culled from the pages of the The lo of Cooklnu.,
probably the greatest cookbook ever written. Its recipes are super easy to
understand, and there's something in there to please everyone's palate,
You probably didn't know it, but there's a permanent copy at the Ugtl f.
Reserve Desk; all you have to do is ask for it.

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