The Michigan Daily -Weekend etc.-- February 13,1992- Page 7 If the shoe fits, just do it by Stephen Henderson T here's no question that TV has undergone some radical changes since the '70s. Captain Kangaroo has been replaced by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as America'spremierechildren'sentertainment. Shows likeM.A.S.H., the Dukes of Hazzard and Starsky and Hutch have disappeared from prime time programming. And Buck Rogers' antiquated special effects have been supplanted by Star Trek: The Next Generation. But commercials have changed since the time when I was growing up, too. Advertisers now aggressively saturate the market with commercials, and go for the incredible where the ordinary used to suffice. That type of thinking is particularly evident in today's gym shoe commercials. But as different as the ads are today, I think their importance to little kids has remained the same. You can rarely turn on the TV anymore without seeing at least one commercial for Nike, Reebok, L.A. Gear or some other shoe company - commercials far from the simple or straightforward ones of the '70s. They sometimes have intricate storylines, often command lofty bud- gets and almost always involve high- profile stars. I think the ads are extrava- gant just to sell shoes; but more than anything else, they're memorable. The Nike "Air Jordan" commer- cials - from the first ones with film- maker Spike Lee to the latest with Bugs Bunny - are by far the standouts. Michael Jordan's smile and slam dunks intertwined with theantics of such char- fhe liffle plCie acters as Spike Lee's Mars Blackmon and Bugs Bunny's "Hare" Jordan certainly won't be quickly forgotten. And Nike's ads for the rest of its shoes have become equally advanced. San Antonio Spurs star David Robinson entertains while teaching the word for the day" during the "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" spots - replete with guest appearances by Philadelphia 76er Charles Barkley. Barkley now even has his own Nike commercial which parodies a Japanese monster flick. A larger than life cartoon caricature of Barkley storms down a basketball court, ravaging everything and everyone in his way before dunking hard enough to tear the rim down. Those kind of ads seem centuries away from the shoe commercials of the '70s, which were hardly as big a deal. In fact, the only one I would even begin to compare to today's ads is the one for Stride Rite's Zipps. I remember the Zipps commercial clearly. Some nobody had the shoes on and was jumping bushes and running inhumanly fast, all with the Zipps' logo trailing behind him. He was no Michael Jordan or Charles Barkley, but to me he might as well have been. I used to watch-that commercial every time it came on, longing for the time when my parents would finally take me to get a pair of Zipps. And that strikes me as the most important thing about any of these ads - whether back in the '70s or today. Kids really get into shoe commercials, and try to emulate the people in them. I'll never forget the feeling of putting on a new pair of Zipps and trotting off to school knowing I'd be the fastest kid on the playground - or at least as fast as that guy in the commercial. For me, that was a big part of childhood. I'm sure it's equally as important for kids today. It didn't matter that the shoes were probably no better than any others. What mattered was that I felt as cool as that guy leaping over the sand box. Lena Olin steams up a mirror with her bowler in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. But you should really check her out with Ron Silver in Enemies A Love Story. Do me baby: cinemas steamiest sex by Chris Lepley and Michelle Philip Good sex can liven up a dull film, or, in the case of a plotless, grainy, 16 mm film, get it labeled as "art ." And the most athletically demand- ing sex can provide one healthy, primal, satisfying workout. In the spirit of Valentine's Day we present the following films. Depending on how vivid your mem- ories of some of these flicks are, don't read this in a crowded lecture hall without a trenchcoat. No discussion of film sex scenes would be complete without men- tioning 91/2 Weeks. This movie proves that if you shoot graphic, stylized sex in the dark, it looks much better than it could possibly feel. Yuppies started the fitness craze, and movies don't get much more Yuppie-ish than 91/2 Weeks. Before that overpowering sexual A tongue-in-cheek treatment of love scenes . Do you remember the first time you told someone (besides your parents) that you loved them? Chances are, it was a very nerve-wracking experience. Now try to imagine that same scene carried out in front of a room full of strangers, all intently watching you and the object of your desire. But, you're a man in love, so you press on, undaunted by the spectators. Finally it's the right time. Staring passionately at your loved one, you begin to speak. Time seems to stand still. There is nothing but you and her, the infinite possibilities of where your love may lead and the sound of some woman about 15 feet away getting violently ill. This story is not, unfortunately,just a terrible nightmare. Brad Burke, a theater major, described this very scene, saying it took place several years ago during a production of All My Sons at Meadowbrook Theater. Burke added, "They tried to start the scene three or four times, but each time they got to the part where he was about to tell her he loved her, the lady in the third row would start to heave again. Talk about a critic." Everyone involved in the theater seems to have a story about love scenes on stage. Many of them seem to focus on body odor, halitosis and the extent to which one's tongue should be employed to make a stage kiss seem "truthful." Mark Willet, a theater major, recounts his initiation by fire into the world of stage lovers. "The first show I did outside of high school was a production of a one-act called Vanities. In one scene, I had to kiss a woman and she would come at me with her mouth wide open and kind of ... engulf my face. I was always left quite wet from the nose down, and I couldn't wipe my face off because that would kind of ruin the mood. So I had to go through the rest of the scene with her spit drying on my face." Not everyone has a horror story to tell. While studying theater at Oxford, Troy Holler developed a crush on his co-star. "She didn't initially see things the way I did, so as a last ditch effort to turn her head I told her that we needed to work more on our scenes outside of rehearsal. We scheduled a time and instead of rehearsing, I took her out punting on the Thames. I brought along a bottle of red wine and a loaf of french bread, the whole shot. The director said our 'chemistry' had improved noticeably after that. If nothing else, it was a very pleasant form of method acting." Despite these colorful anecdotes, love scenes are often not that different than any other intense portion of a text. Actors are asked to expose themselves every time they go on stage, and acting like you love someone is not any more or less taxing than acting like your dad just died. Student director Clint Bond cites "a certain truthfulness and simplicity," which he aims for when working with actors on a love scene. "But when it comes right down to it, most actors can't quite handle life, let alone try to recreate it onstage. So I give love scenes extra attention. When they are done well, they can be some of the most moving moments to watch in the theater. When they are done poorly, they make you want to slit your wrists." - Theresa McDermit workout, make sure you put fuel in your tank the Kim & Mickey way. For a quick sugar rush, try honey on a stick, and wash down those hot peppers with some ... protein. For those of you who diet while you ex- ercise, ice cubes don't have any calo- ries, they're inexpensive, and if Kim Basinger likes them ... Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing fits into the "fun with frozen wa- ter" category. Beginners should stick to the simpler Mickey Rourke version before attempting the am- bidextrous use of ice cubes for which Spike is famous. And remem- ber, you'll need one for the right nipple, another for the left nipple. Do ten reps on the right ... Watching fumbling amateurs can be just as entertaining as the more adult version. That dancin' fool Tom Cruise gets his fondest wish in Risky Business. Tom knows the vi- bration of a moving train can work off those pounds like magic! Kelly LeBrock does the initia- tion-thang in Weird Science. As Kelly tells her Phys Ed class: "Drop and give me twenty," the ob- vious implications being that a group of sweaty adolescent boys do- ing push ups projects enough sexual tension to scramble the 700 Club broadcast. On the realistic side, there's the world's first sex scene featuring a female point-of-view shot, 15-year- old Stacey's (Jennifer Jason Leigh) first date in Fast Times At Ridge- mont High. In this scene, we see the effective use of inspirational graf- fiti slogans, which help Stacey learn the meaning of "no pain, no gain." In fact, all of Leigh's movies - from Heart of Midnight to Last Exit to Brooklyn - include at least one tantalizing tableau. But the virgin-of-the century has to be Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) in The Terminator. Only in the movies does a 25 year-old virgin travel 45 years back in time just to bag "the legend, Sarah Connor." Reese's years fighting in the resistance have kept him trim and fit. Acting as Sarah's "personal trainer" he im- parts the secret of "free weights," which give her the perfectly sculpted physique she sports in T2. Lena Olin has only made a few movies, but two of them -- Ene- mies, A Love Story and The Un- bearable Lightness of Being - con- tain some unforgettable scenes. En- emies sports Olin's deliciously messy sex with Ron Silver, while Lightness wins the award for Best Use of a Bowler Hat. And lines like "Take off your clothes," can not be any more Daniel Day Lewis-smooth. Some sexual connoisseurs say that sex is better when mixed with laughter, and you've obviously heard the rumors about asphyxia- tion. You'll agree once you watch Kevin Kline's Oscar-winning per- formance in A Fish Called Wanda. Slapping yourself with a boot be- fore sex can give your skin a healthy glow. Treating your lover like a trampoline can also be fun and stimulating, although a slight crossing of the eyes is a side effect. And for those with a liberal def- inition of "sex," which doesn't re- quire the presence of another person, there are the classic "mano a mano" scenes which show our hero/heroine truly home alone. But remember, it's always safer with a spotter.91/2 Weeks comes to mind immediately. Wasn't it amazing how none of those slides were in upside down? Judge Reinhold's Pheobe Cates- filled fantasy in Fast Times At Ridgemont High highlighted another exciting way to burn calories: div- ing. Tom Cruise secured Risky Busi- ness's video rental success with one suggestive hand gesture (this is also recommended to build up those tr ceps fast ... Repeat daily). But the prima donna of the solo workout can only be Madonna. She gives exhibitionism a new meaning by doing her ... ahem ... calisthenics in front of thousands of fans in Truth or Dare. And remember, to replenish those bodily fluids after a strenuous sexual encounter, Evian is always a hit. Jennifer Jason Leigh's smokin' in Heart of Midnight, long after her devirginization in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. _, Computer Options 311 Schoolcraft Rd, Livonia, MI (:l13)425-5900, Fax: 425-6036 = NEW & USEM CcTNPER & EQUFMNTf CALL O C313) 425-59O Lood m the Lws. -raTn c (the fWoift hdfig me of frtman ? gad bw lM H01 H); HOT DEA L5 386SX-1 Computer System =I girte FULL SIX MONTH WARRANTYI with "e SM " RANDVGA fmw te, UA4W or 1I. Roppy. 1ot-Ky-.$"G9 Pwmao* KXP11O, 9-i, ( *W ui atory Reuiwwtactrenin FactoyryPacked 8oxes $W3 38SX-25 (Same as abovee989 286-1 6(Sam as Puasrdc XP-UM 24-Ri (Same As Abo"s DOS 5A) (adctionai $49)- DOS a3 (adjtlona $39) 106M)5 4 RSfSd . s1 BUILD YOUR OWN! I .t " '. . . MOnEBOARDS fMB R vM--8 x el Y'4.... TREAT YOURSELF TO EXERCISE... Convenienf Downtown Facilities Not Crowded .. . " Swimming " Martial Arts " Nautilus " Aerobics * Dance " Fencing " Yoga " Fitness " Tennis " Child Care i I