0-

Blundersplat s
chiefdom unvieli

With a yawn and a stretch,
Jimmy Blundersplat slumped to
the edge of the bed, ready for a
new day. Beyond the bulletproof
panes of his bedroom window, a
few orange and brown leaves
swirled briskly to the ground.
Fall was in the air, and the
fundraising opportunities were
endless- provided, of course, his
shiny new police force could keep
the supply lines open to the
military research fortress; and as
long as the public information
unit of the propaganda squad had
everything in place for the annual
fall "Rainbow of Diversity Parade
- a Celebration of Multi-Cultural
Plurality and Common
Understanding of The Other By
Us."
As he lumbered from the
shower to the dressing suite,
Jimmy looked out the North
window to see how the
preparations were coming.
There it was: The Monument
to the Well-Protected Diversity of
Our Military Industrial Research
(and Education) Center for the
Construction of a Bigger and
Better Future. From over the top
of the Dow Chemical building,
the first rays of sunlight were just
catching the twin towers which

stood like great steel pillar
holding up the sky.
But Jimmy frowned sligh
had been assured that thev
would loom high over the E
like step
- heaven,
the talle
two poin
finger to
the futu
Which th
did, butt
first one,
Philp small -
20 feet hi
that is8(
Coheno.
___________compani
seemedc
proportion.
"We had to do it that way
show our progress" explain
worried Walter Smearson,sl
his weight nervously fromo
foot to the other as he adju
Jimmy's collar. "Each tenth
one percent of Black enroll
equals 10 feet of tower. Th
tower represents last year's
percent, the taller one this)
7.1 percent. That's a 60-foo
difference. Isn't it differenc
stunning?"
But Jimmy was so excite
hardly seemed to hear. Wal

quickly ahead, he plunged into
the tunnel entrance and made a
bee-line for the Phlegm Building.
E
The Parade was set for noon,
and Jimmy had a lot of important
phone calls to make before then.
"Hi, Mortimer? We haven't
s received your annual contribution
yet," he cooed into the speaker-
itly. He phone, "And I was wondering if
towers you'd heard about all the
Diag, wonderful new donor programs we
s to have to offer... I see, a little cash-
with flow problem? Believe me I
r of the know... Yes... Yes...
ting a "Well, we're not naming any
ward new buildings this year, but we
re. do have a very attractive 'Meet
hey The Increase' option for matching
the military research contributions
was so with minority enrollment. And
barely this year our participants will be
igh, getting tours of the Middle East
0 foot to see our research in action. I
on think you'd find it very attractive
out of - it's the most popular package
since the Napalm tours of
y to Vietnam and Guatemala..."
ed a The phone clicked off and
hifting Jimmy looked over the figures
one scribbled on his desk blotter.
sted "Walter," he called.
h of "Yes, Jimmy," came the voice,
ment and a color image of Walter's
e small smiling face appeared in the
6.5 back-lit slide viewer on the desk.
year's "How are we doing on the
)t, figures?"
ce "Things have been better, to.
tell you the truth."
d he "Well, you make the rest of the
king calls. I've got a few things to do."

With a slight smile and a
twinkle in his eye, Jimmy got up
from the desk and slipped
through a small door behind his
desk. There, on long rows of
hangers, was his uniform.
collection - and he knew just
which one he wanted.
It was a bright blue police
officer's uniform, with gleaming
gold buttons and a squared-off hat
slightly reminiscent of a
graduation cap. On each shoulder
was mounted five gold stars.
Specially designed and tailored by
the Pentagon Research Office,
the uniform was one of a kind -
the first ever Commander-in-
Chief of University Police
uniform - and he had been
saving it for this day.
With meticulous care and the
utmost vanity, he gingerly
donned the uniform, so crisp and
new that he thought the sleeves
might break when he bent his
arms. When at last he had it right
(no help dressing this time, the
uniform was a surprise even to
Walter) he swung open the doors
of a huge oak cabinet and stopped
back, catching his breath.
In the cabinet were two things:
A beautiful black .357 in a hand-
made leather gun-belt, and a wide
scroll of hemp-fiber parchment.
With the gun pinned securely to
his right side, and the scroll
tucked smartly under his arm, he
went out to join the Parade.
Em.
To be fair, the Parade itself was
Walter's idea, though Jimmy had

is i

:. t t .# .r . > d . .. a ... ,. A..

color of their skin draws the focus
to them.
"I think too much emphasis is
put on minority students'
separatism and no one ever talks
about the separatism of white
students," Matlock says. "People
have to have a self-examination
and a willingness to get rid of the
stereotypes and'make a concerted
effort to relate."
Says Edmonds, "It's as much a
white problem as an Asian
problem or a Black problem.
Everyone needs to dream the
dream... There's a lot of people
who really do care and are trying
but there's not enough of them."
"Each person has to force
themselves to meet someone
new, do something different. We
all need to take those risks.

a.@

"I'm not going to be interested
in exposing myself to you if
you're not interested in me. Sit
down and ask me how my day
was. Don't ask me how it is to be
a Black person. I'm a person just
like you," Edmonds says. "An
intercultural encounter can
celebrate difference and.
commonalities."

ch
ha
ac(
grc
cu
hu
ott
inf
wil
of
m

r -

"
.

Ar

S STUDENTS OF
color struggled for
answers on the issue of
ethnic separation, it
became clear that the
struggle should not be


theirs alone.
Rodney Johnson echoed the
sentiments of many students by
putting the issue in its most
elemental form:
"If you really want to make a

Students in South Quad Cafeteria. In many of the University's
dorms, students sit with people of their own ethnicity.

says that the real challenge for the
University was not just numbers
but cultural pluralism. He says he
hopes such a fund could further
this goal.
"The goal should be that
people should have a supportive
and nurturing environment within
their own ethnic group but at the
same time there should be an.
open interaction between groups,
even if they don't always agree,"
Harrison says.
Despite University officials
repeatedly saying they are
working to create an environment
which nurtures this type of
interaction, student leaders have
charged that not enough is being
done.
However, the University can
only promote events and
opportunities and create an
environment which encourages
involvement. It cannot force
students to attend, thus the

burden for interaction is placed
on the individual student.
Learning and understanding
another cultural perspectives is a
major step towards acceptance.
"I think the University could go
head over heels into the
promotion of diversity and
multiculturalism but that there
simply has to be more interest.
and more effort from each
individual to becurrent and
involved," Edmonds says. "If
you're a majority person on this
campus have you been to a rally?
A lecture? Did you go to events
on MLK day or sleep in?"
Indeed, white students often
put the blame on students of color
for the separatism. When students
walk into that "segregated"
cafeteria they notice that African
American students are sitting
together, not that whites are
sitting together.
Their minority status and the

If they can't take aj shoot 'em

Now, I'm as liberal as the next
tempeh-eating college student;
public transportation, socialized
medicine and education, welfare
programs, anti-foreign
intervention, the whole schtick.
But there's one brand of pansy-
ass weenie pinkos that I just can't
abide.
A rather skinny, weak friend of
mine is continually spouting
statistics about how many
thousand people are killed each
year by handguns in this country,
and other such nonsense.
But I'm too smart for him.
Along with my NRA membership
came a wallet-sized copy of the
Second Amendment to the
Constitution. I read it to him: "A
well-regulated Militia being
necessary to the security of a free
State, the right of the people to
keep and bear Arms shall not be
infringed." Seems quite clear.
The American people are
fundamentally guaranteed the
right to own any manner of arms

as would be necessary to defend
themselves in the event of a
threat to national liberty.
"So you're saying that people
should be allowed to own
howitzers and 200-round-
per-second large-caliber
machine guns?" he
asked.
Well, according to the
wording of the
Amendment, that's
certainly the case. And
therein lies my quarrel
with the current
squanky, quiche-eating
leadership of the NRA. They are
spending my membership money
lobbying on Capitol Hill for my
right to wield child's-play
automatic pistols and armor-
piercing explosive bullets, when
the authors of our Constitution
explicitly stated that I can plant
manly surface-to-air missiles.in
my front yard if I think it will
help preserve my liberty.
"But you know that the

government wouldn't use force
against the people anyway," my
'friend' points out, "They get
whatever they want through
media manipulation and
economic control.
People would be a
lot better off if
they were
educated and
aware, rather than
hiding up in the
hills with rooms
full of automatic
rifles."
That's obviously just plain
stupid. We all know the vast
majority of American people are
just too dumb to understand
what's really going on, and the
only hope they have is to be able
to shoot a lot of people when
things begin to really confuse
them.
My friend didn't think that was
funny. "Anyway," he guilted;
further, "Over fifteen thousand
people are murdered by handguns

in anger or by accident each year.
Around a hundred people are
killed by non-police gunfire in
self-defense. And zero people are.
killed each year in the
preservation of liberty..."
"...unless you count the fifteen
thousand who are killed as.a
result of the preservation of the
liberty to carry guns around."
Smug bastard. The point is, it's
one of our inalienable rights as.
citizens of these United States. As
much of a right as our freedoms of
speech, the press, assembly and
alcohol.
"But you don't have freedom of
speech. The Constitution says
'Congress shall make no law
abridging' the right to free
speech, yet you can find yourself
in court for-yelling 'Fire!' in a
theater, naming CIA agents, giving
away troop movement
information, or even calling your
neighbor a thief. If you're so into
strict interpretation of the
constitution, why are the Senators

and Representatives who vote for
your pro-gun legislation the same
ones who vote for censorship
laws?"
I tried to respond, but he
continued.
"And we have a 'well-organized
Militia'. It's called the National
Guard. How can you call a bunch
of people with handguns under
their pillows and semi-automatic
rifles in their cars who spend most
of their time shooting their
families a 'well-organized
Militia'?"
I fumbled through my NRA
guide,. looking for the proper
response to his harangue.
Meanwhile, he went on.
"Eight times the proportion of
people die in this country as a
result of civilian gun ownership
than in any other remotely
socially and economically
comparable nation. Why? Because
more money is spent on NRA
lobbying in this country than in
many countries' total domestic

612 E. .iber
the campus. C
face to face
For class, bt
doing the el
y/
P T
FJai
e welcome Jacobson's Charge, Ma i SA and A
 ntil9 p m on Thursday and Friday Until 6 pmyTuesd

One man's search for identity...
Joe Turner's Come and Gone
by Pulitzer-Prize winning playwright
August Wilson
University Players
Trueblood Theatre
Nov. 8 - 10151- 7at 8 PM
Nov. 11, 18 at 2 PM
General admission: $9
Student seating $5 with ID
at the League Ticket Office

_.
r.

I'


WEEKEND Nove mber 2, 1990