Language lessons: clothsing in on Ciche Chic If clothing is too expensive for you, try on some words. Fine fabrics may be expensive, but talk is always cheap. And where threads fail to impress, a well-placed clichd can do wonders for your appearance. There is no excuse for not knowing the latest buzzwords, no reason to miss mastering the ideologies of the day. Confused? Don't be. Now, we at Imperial Clothes, creators of the God And Country label, have a new product: the Party Line. This year's line of language fashions is complete in and of itself; never again will you have to be without a ready answer, or an opinion you can pass off as your own. Impossible? Not at all! Take our new array of Sensitivity products, for example. Being sensitive used to be a chore. It meant dealing with each person as an individual, with his or her own needs and desires - needs and desires that kept changing with time, to boot. Conversations (not to mention friendships) were painful exercises in getting to know people from the inside out; a stray word that might delight one could offend Jesse another. In short, being Walker sensitive meant hardship and toil. Well, toil no longer! Our experts have developed a standardized Sensitivity that anyone can master in a few hours. All you have to do is learn this year's name for each oppressed group, and the rest is easy. But be careful - getting caught wearing the fashions of yesteryear is a majorfaux . pas. Keep up to date, and when in doubt - whatever you do, don't think. Sense and Sensitivity do not mix. In the meantime, if you're a male, you'll find your social life getting better and better as classy wimmin* fall for the new, sensitive look. Sensitivity - nothing but the best for people who have to prove they're not prejudiced. But that's not all. Administrators as well as activists are prime targets for our new product, Diversity. Once upon a time, the concept of diversity entailed too much diversity for it to be imposed from above. Now, thanks to Imperial Clothes, the guidelines for a Diverse Campus - or staff, or death squad, or any sort of organization - are clearly laid out for all to see, so that your group can be safely accredited as Diverse by a process so simple you'll wonder why no one ever thought of it before. When you purchase our mass- produced Diversity line, you'll know how many tokens of each race and gender to look for, when to demand a hiring freeze, how to use Sensitivity Training with the utmost efficiency, and more. Don't let your neighbor's Diversity look any different than yours! Master the word, and no one will master you. Always wanted a see- through blouse, but couldn't afford it? Well, how about a see-through phrase? At first glance, it's solid as a rock; at second, it's transparent as water. That's right, your friends will be knocked out when you sport the new Racist Speech Is Not Free Speech, and by the time they realize you're comparing a type of speech with a type of freedom, they'll no more want to point out your nudity than they would their own. There's more to offer, but we're running out of time. So be aware: when you order our line, you'll take on such flexible words and phrases as Green, Social Justice, Racist, Institutionalized, Progressive, Democracy, and, held over for its popularity, The People. And don't worry about the expense - like we said, talk is cheap, and we know as well as anyone else that fashion is a rite, not a privilege. Besides, our workers are probably the most overworked and underpaid in the world; they'd have all found better jobs or gone on strike years ago if it wasn't for their union. If you want to give us money, we won't object; join the fight for a space in the MSA commission . budget with our name on it. In the meantime, though, when you order any of our products, don't bother to send cash. All they cost is your mind. F *Free fashion tip. . _ _,,. ............. T g ts. g1 G t Rad