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but DON'T stay after 10 p.m. circumstances, Shakey Jake
would have this category hands
Best Place to Study: down. And yes, China Gate's
The Graduate Library award-winning Chef Jan did
receive one vote.
Nothing is more jarring thanreivonvt.
being awakened from a deep
sleep at 11:40 by the Bet Ting About Ann
announcement that "the Arbor:
circulation desk will be closing in Art Fair
five minutes. Safewalk, a Under the inevitable torrential
nighttime safety walking service, downpour, try to get around town
will be available until 2 a.m. in while every single street in Ann
the lobby of the Undergraduate Arbor is full of cheesy hucksters
Library. The library will reopen at trying to foist off abstract
8:00 tomorrow morning." driftwood sculpture and velvet
Best Excuse for the
Basketball Team's NCAA Best Fill-in-The-Blank:
Performance: Corey Dolgon
Steve Fisher Squat MsA malcontent Dolgon
Funny, wasn't it just a year ago made MsA meetings fun with his
we were tossing taxicabs through good-natured terrorizing of arch-
bank windows in celebration of liberal Mike Philips and arch-
this guy? I heard Chef Jan (of the conservative Aaron Williams. The
recently rebuilt China Gate) question is, how will he fare
offered Fisher all the chicken against arch-moderate Jennifer
kung pao he could eat to have his Van Valey?
boys bow out early this year. But
if you've gotta blame it on Best Lingo/Slang!
something, blame it on the rain. Buzzword/Jargon:
Bt E f "Mash"
Best Excuse for a LateMash. As in "Did you mash last
Paper: night?" "Was he a good mash?",
Another paper and "on this week's M*A*S*H,
Come on, now. What happened to Hawkeye's zany antics irritate
REAL excuses, like "I was in Winchester while Klinger strolls
Samoa doing missionary work all about in a patterned sundress."
last week"? Then again, whatever
you do, don't put the blame on Best Concert:
you... blame it on the rain. Billy Joel
"Moon shot, Woodstock,
Best Person in Ann Arbor: Watergate, Punk Rock... Begin,
Carolyn Gould Reagan, Palestine, terror on the
This is the first of several airlines... Ayatollah's in Iran,
categories where the fun was Russians in Afghanistan... Wheel
ruined for everyone by poor of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy
sportsmanship on the part of metal suicide... Foreign debts,
bored ballot-box stuffing Bursley homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie
residents. Under normal Goetz... Rock and Roll, the cola
wars, I can't take it anymore!"
West Quad reigns supreme as best residence hal on campus.
I Micro-computing cluster
Best: Angell Hall
The Union's got short lines,
moderate climate, no damn
buzzing lights, but Angell's hip,
new, and got those big color
screens so you can type your
paper in fuchsia, and that's what
gets today's voters.
Best: Graduate Library
One of two new buildings to grad awards this year, the Angell Hall Computing Center coined
a new phrase: Writer's Ice Block. Do they ever turn on the heat in here?
Best Radio Station:
A contract with the University to
make sure buildings block out
ALL other radio stations has
pushed "Ann Arbor's Only" WIQB
to the top. This especially holds
true among dorm residents,
whose musical taste tends to
range from Boston to Night
Ranger to Bad Company to the
Best Local Band:
Frank Allison and the
Vintage quote from last year's Best
of "Then there's pop like Jolt,
Cola. The kind that makes you
want to run a few laps around the
block and go play on the money
bars and call somebody you don't
know on the phone and propose
to them. That's Frank." We don't
know what that means, either, so
you'll just have to see them and
figure it out for yourself.
Best Place to Meet People:
What if the middle of our campus
was shaped like a trapezoid?
Would it still win? People seemed
to misunderstand the obvious
intent of the question... not where
to meet people, where to MEET
people. As in people you don't
already know. Nonetheless, a
near-empty coke bottle always
seems to attract a crowd of
Best Pickup Line:
"Aren't you in my
Works like a charm. Met my first
two wives that way.
Best Place to Take a First
But which one? (Faces of Death?
Leatherface: Chainsaw Massacre
Best Birth Control Method:
But which one? (May we suggest
Why the grad over the UGLi? It's
easier to have sex in the Grad.
Everyone knows that. Not that
the UGLi is without its
advantages, where else can you
get a free Ray Ban/Timberland
fashion show in the greatest party
atmosphere without a keg?
Best: Drew Westen
Worst: The Nutty
Any professor that yells
"motherfucker" in a class of 600
people gets my vote. (In case you
were wondering why the Nutty
Professor did so poorly)
Best: Abnormal Psych
Worst: Core it English
Only someone psychologically
abnormal could enjoy Core II.
What other major gives credit for
reading texts with naughty words?
What other major has tests with
no wrong answers? None, I guess
that's why English won. But why
did computer science lose? What
with classes on North Campus
and human interaction replaced
by MTS, CS should have been
the runaway winner.
Best Place to
From it All:
Only one vote for Cleveland this
year. The Arb: you can play
frisbee, you can lie in the sun, you
can drink from the mighty Huron,
It took three long years, but both the University, the Dow Chemical Company and our
readers agree, the new Chemistry Building was worth the wait.
WEEKEND April 20,1990