0 Page 4 - The Michigan Daily - Monday, April 9, 1990 X be &iga al EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN 420 Maynard Street Ann Arbor, Michigan 48109 At last the government takes action - on papayas ARTS NEWS OPINION 763 0379 764 0552 747 2814 PHOTO SPORTS WEEKEND 764 0552 747 3336 747 4630 Unsigned editorials represent a majority of the Daily's Editorial Board. All other cartoons, signed articles, and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily. I Infringement By Dave Barry At long last, the federal government is taking action. I found this out thanks to alert reader Dawn Price, who sent me a no- tice from the Standardization Section of the Fresh Products Branch of the Fruit and Vegetable Division of the Agricultural Marketing Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The moment I saw this notice, I said to myself: "I wonder what those wild and crazy dudes down at the Standardization Section of the Fresh Products Branch of the Fruit and Vegetable Division of the Agricultural Marketing Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture are up to now!" The answer is: They are standardizing papayas. I am not making this up. They have churned out several dense pages of proposed papaya standards, featuring sub- sections and sub-subsections and state- ments such as this: "'Fairly well formed' means the papaya may be moderately lopsided, flattened, elongated or otherwise lacking symmetry, but the fruit shall not be sufficiently mis- shapen to materially detract from its ap- pearance." I know how you're reacting to this news, as a taxpayer and a consumer. You're saying to yourself: "It's about time, after so many tragic deaths directly linked to misshapen papayas, that the men and women of the Standardization Section of the Fresh Products Branch of the Fruit and Vegetable Division of the Agricultural Marketing Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture have decided to take action. BUT ARE THEY GOING FAR ENOUGH?" I regret to report that the answer is no. Because there is a serious problem here, a problem that poses a threat potentially even more dangerous than the epidemic of Swine Flu shots that swept the nation dur- ing the administration of Gerald "R." Ford. The problem is that in certain Hispanic cultures, particularly the Cuban culture, "papaya" is an obscene world. Really. If you don't believe me, walk up to your boss and say, "you big papaya head!" Chances are he'll stare at you blankly, but if there are any Cuban-Americans around, they'll be laughing like hell. And hell is exactly where this nation is headed, when the federal government starts standardizing obscene fruit names. This is just one more example of the rising tide of pornographic filth and smut - not just in the area of fresh produce, but also in books, movies, "rock" music, Care Bear episodes, cloud formations, etc. - that threatens to destroy the moral foundation garment of this nation. What can we do? We can all write an- gry letters to our congresshumans demand- ing that the Department of Agriculture change the official name of the papaya to* something more suitable, such as "Geraldo," or even - this would be a nice tribute - "The Rev. Jerry Falwell Fruit." But that is not all. We should also demand that Sen. Jesse Helms (R-Spider Family) hold televised hearings that would probe deeply into the whole alarming is- sue of obscenity in federally standardized produce, with an eye toward answering. some troubling questions, such as: 1. What about the expression, "Get a load of the mangos on that tomato"? 2. What about cucumbers? I'm sure that I speak for all of you when I say that, until we get some an- swers, ALL vegetables should be required to wear some kind of modest little gar- ments. Come on, citizens! Let's not sit back and do nothing while this nation gefs flushed down the Toilet of Low Morals! Let's actually help pull the handle! And let's remember these worlds, which appear on a sign that somebody nailed to a telephone pole near where I get my car fixed: Definitely no beer-Pepsi in hell. I would only add - and I am sure that the Rev. Fruit would back me up here -- that this statement also applies to both Classic AND Coke II. Bucknell 'U' should stay FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND AS- sociation has always been a tenuous "right" in the halls of academia, as is illustrated by the current harassment of University alumnus Dean Baker at Bucknell University. Baker, who re- ceived his Ph.D. here last year and is now an assistant professor of eco- nomics at Bucknell, has been subject to an investigation there for his role in co- authoring a satirical letter. The letter was written as though it had been sent by Ann Arbor's U.S. Congressional representative, Carl Pursell, and portrayed Pursell as an apologist for the government-spon- sored death squads of El Salvador. In reference to the Nov. 16 killing of six priests, their housekeeper, and her daughter, the letter said "... if our policy is to be successful, it is impor- tant that Salvadoran citizens be aware that nobody who speaks out against the repression is immune from the conse- quences... I am confident that with the help of the media and my Congres- sional colleagues on both sides of the aisle, this incident involving the six priests will also pass from the public's attention." It was printed on copies of Pursell's stationary and mailed to con- stituents. Both the FBI and the postal service, when pressed by Pursell to investigate, concluded that no laws had been vio- out of professor's life lated. Regardless of what one may think of the controversy, it is clear that Bucknell's intrusion into the legal polit- ical activity of its faculty is a threat to academic freedom. By no stretch of the imagination can this activity be related to Baker's ability to carry out his job. Concerned students, faculty and staff should write to Bucknell President Gary A. Sojka (Bucknell University, Lewisburg PA 17837), and inform him that such McCarthy-like practices will only succeed in damaging the reputa- tion of his university. The University of Michigan contin- ues to suffer from its perpetration of similar abuses in the past. This is one of the only institutions of its stature that does not have a Nobel laureate on its faculty, because Lawrence Klein, a lib- eral economist, was driven out of here during the 1950s for his past political associations. In light of this history, it is particu- larly disgraceful that Michigan resi- dents, such as former Republican State Senator Lou Cramton and Eastern Michigan University lecturer Michael McPhillips, would have brought the matter to Sojka's attention by sending him news clippings from Ann Arbor. This childish tattle-tailing betrays a deep lack of respect for basic civil liberties and political rights. There is not a need for a hash bash David K. Leitner It is a sad state of affairs when the President of the United States is proclaim- ing his "war on drugs" and students are us- ing these same drugs in the center of a cer- tain prestigious university. This does not seem to be in accordance with the popular national opinion. After all, Bush's campaign of a war on drugs (not to mention Reagan's) has drawn much support from the American public. In this case, why should the minority, those who advocate the use of drugs, be al- lowed to continue sticking their noses up at the country? The "Hash Bash" takes place in the Diag of our university. This is where a slew of people come out to smoke their pot in order to "express themselves." But who is to say what other drugs are being used amid this narcotic frenzy? The diag becomes a drug haven, for what are the Ann Arbor police going to do, patrol the smoke-filled diag in search of any other drug besides pot? Leitner is a first-year LSA student studying bioethics. The police can merely give out their $25 admission tickets to this "affair" and just sit on their hands, for the town and the state do not give them the power they should command to enforce the breaking of the federally mandated substance. Maybe there will be spin-offs of "Hash Bash" - "Coke Toke," "LSD Jamboree," "Dust Bust." Kind of catchy names. On another note, the Diag is not owned by Ann Arbor, from which the $25 pot tor of Ann Arbor (maybe down Maib Street). But to have people smoking pct in the center of one of the top ten univer- sities in the nation takes away from the prestige and honor that our university holds. President Duderstadt and other members of the University staff should realize that such "free expression" of an illegal (as it is presently) substance is saying "this is what we advocate at the University Ot Michigan." If people feel the undying need to smoke their marijuana, they should do it in an area that is not in the University sector of Ann Arbor. Threats Arab-Israel negotiations AS INDICATED BY THE KNESSET'S recent vote of no confidence, Israelis have grown wary of Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir's uncompromising atti- tudes towards the peace process in the Middle East. As the Labor Party moves closer to forming a new coalition government - one based on tenets of change and peace - it is hoped that the Jews and Palestinians will come closer to resolving the conflict which has plagued the area for several decades. Unfortunately, this hope is ham- pered and trivialized by increased threats from Palestinian Liberation Or- ganization extremists and Iraqi Presi- dent Saddam Hussein. It is no secret that the PLO has been recruiting thousands of soldiers since the Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 1982. Recently, however, hard-liners in the organization have been pressur- ing Yassir Arafat to abandon hopes for potential negotiations with Israel in fa- vor of a mobilization of the 11,000 PLO troops located in Lebanon. This is indicated by a recent increase in simulated military raids against Is- raeli targets, and an effort to re-estab- lish the military aspect of the PLO in Lebanon. To his credit, Arafat has remained intent on pursuing talks with a new Is- raeli government, despite criticism from within the PLO, including a re- quest for his resignation. The Palestinian leader continues to help the peace process by keeping the radicals within his organization in line behind his admirable goals of self-de- termination and an eventual Palestinian homeland. WN C-COES Tb VICTIMS OF AIs, W ?WST NOT DISCRIN*INA \ I must not be hindered law originates, but is the property of the University. It is the University's duty to, as a learning institution, instruct the stu- dents and promote an atmosphere where study is possible. If people feel the undying need to smoke their marijuana, they should do it in an area that is not in the University sec- If this is the image the University wishes to project, so be it. But, if the staff wants to project the image of an educa- tional institution which teaches our youth in order to be prepared to accept the burden of carrying the world into the 21st century and beyond, the "Hash Bash" should be moved off campus, if even kept in exis- tence anymore. In addition to the potential for in- creased violence by the PLO, Iraq has jumped on the bandwagon of threats aimed at Israel. Last week, President Hussein threatened to attack and de- stroy half of Israel with newly-acquired chemical weapons. Last Wednesday, two Iraqis were arrested trying to smuggle American- made nuclear triggering devices into the country. Hussein, wary of Israel's past warnings to hamper any Iraqi attempts to gain long-range nuclear weapons, chose to make threats before any Israeli military action was actually proposed or taken. Nine years ago, an Israeli air- craft destroy an Iraqi nuclear reactor before its completion. Hussein must be criticized not for his fear of Israeli reprisal, but rather for the intensity of his threats. "Whoever threatens us with the atomic bomb," Hussein said, "we will annihilate him with the dual chemical weapon." Israel, however, made no actual threats of this nature. Were Israel intent on raiding another Iraqi nuclear reactor, retaliation by chemical weapons on an innocent population would be extreme and unwarranted. Even Arafat ex- pressed concern for the safety of Arabs living in and around Israel if such an attack were to take place. The Arab-Israeli conflict cannot be resolved by threats and violence, only through negotiation and perseverance of peace. It is disconcerting, with the recent prospect of realistic peace nego- tiations in Israel, that radical contin- gents within the PLO and within Iraq feel the need to resort to the violence of years past. TRat FNE, BT TAEWS No N MN Y Fo1 AtDS IN YOUR BUDGET Ma Ignore music critic and he'll go away To the Daily: It pays to be ruthless That's why 1 do this - Rap star and charlatan Eazy-E Sure, he can write his own material and he doesn't have Jheri Curls, but the above lines could have just as easily come from the mouth of Forrest Green III as from that of the Midget with Attitude who said them first. Since writing his ruthless arti- cle about the state of popular music, Green has been paid back with an awful lot of free publicity. Green was criticized on the Daily's Opinion Page April 2, was the subject of the Art section's lead story April 3, and has even managed to get his picture into the slot the Arts editors usually reserve for photos of Mudhoney. Green is, in short, becoming a media phenomenon. If all the FGIII bashers would simply keep quiet, then Green would vanish into journalistic obscurity; only they can pre- vent firing Forrest. As it is, they have made Green the only Daily music critic to have rescued himself from the anonymity that comes with calling every third Blind Pig booking the future of independent mu- sic. If people would like to see Green cease to have journalistic clout, then they should simply stop talking about him. But if Green's critics continue to propel him toward cult status, then they will soon find themselves having to deal with things like The Michigan Daily-Green; FGIII: The movie; and the slew of illegit- imate children Forrest will scatter around the Midwest. Gabriel Feldberg first-year LSA student dents, and, yes, even army officials, and come up short. One brave soul guessed the army dis- criminated because of its need to maintain "internal stability within the defense unit." Thus, the army seemingly equates a ho- mosexual influx into the army with de- creased security, since gay soldiers will be harassed by the heterosexual ones, thereby .creating disorder within the army ranks. Finally,some rationale. Unfortunately, the reasoning is prob- lematic. First, it assumes that gays will be spotted on sight. Second, if chaos is the inevitable result, why isn't the work- place, where both homosexual and hetero- sexuals share the same air, in constant disorder. Finally, it assumes that soldiers are homophobic far greater than we would care to admit. Maybe they are? Maybe not. In either case, with the army's repugnant pol- icy, our dream of a world in which all may thrive, free discrimination and hatred, is, for the most part, dead. Subhash Chandra LSA sophomore Let Penn State in To the Daily: The Big Ten is one of the premier con- ferences in the nation, both academically and athletically. Each university has a strong tradition of excellence that is rec- ognized throughout the nation. Penn State University is also known as a fine aca- demic institution with a decent reputation in athletics. Understanding that the addition of the Nittany Lions would create hassles and immense amounts of paperwork, Penn State should be invited to join the Big Ten anyway. However, just because Penn State joins the Big Ten does not necessitate the removal of university presently in the con- Daily is inconsistent To the Daily: I find it ironic that the Daily has seen fit to ridicule University President James Duderstadt for trampling First Amendment values by stifling dissenting opinions (3/26/90). This is the same Daily that repeatedly warns its readers that it will not print al- ternative opinions is finds sexist, racis;, homophobic, or otherwise offensive. Perhaps constitutional zeal, like char, ity, should begin at home. David Meyer third-year Law student Daily misrepresents MSA independents To the Daily: The second paragraph of a Michigan Student Assembly election article (3/28/90) quoted Bruce Frank, former MSA Rules and Elections Committee chair as saying, "I hope independent candk dates aren't discriminated against just be; cause they don't belong to a party." I wisp the article's author had listened to Frank.: The Daily then interviewed representa- tives of the five political parties running for office in last week's MSA election. The party candidates expressed their views on the code, deputization, student group funding and the proposed course on race and ethnicity, among other issues. t Below these discussions, an article about the candidates who are running index pendently was placed. Did this article ask these students about their views on the code or deputization or the proposed racism class? No, on all counts. Half of the article discussed why candir dates are running as independents. Thy other half quoted two independent candiL dates' sarcastic opinions: "We're for the greenhouse effect.. v~ttrA a. & O1e&* /Af A0%UrV /f R Atlft. - A Lft We- ~~ lLItPq Ls.nr IV