Page 8-The Michigan Daily - Monday, March 12, 1990 FreeJ by Forrest Green 111 JAMES Brown, the self-proclaimed "Godfather of Soul," has earned a number of titles during his musical career - "The Hardest Working Man in Show Business," "Soul Brother #1," "Mr. Dynamite" and "Dr. Feelgood," but I believe that ir- refutably, the Godfather truly de- serves one very special title - The Funkiest Man Alive. Arguably, how could anyone in her/his right mind question such a title? And further- more, how could we allow such a man to serve time? Rest assured, James is all the more funky for his jail sentence, but one must not forget that he's been funky for a long time. Regardless of lames 16, he was caught and sentenced to eight to 16 years for "four counts of breaking and entering, and larceny from an automobile." Luckily, he only served three years and one day, being granted early parole. And aside from his numerous altercations with the police, the Godfather has a his- tory of conflicts with the IRS. On three separate occasions his posses- sions have been seized and sold at rates as ridiculous as one-third their value. And sure he wears a process, but no one could hope to explain the riot that broke out at his '66 show in Kansas City. Besides giving a typi- cally overwhelming and inspiring performance, which included faking a heart attack and having a right-hand - man help him back onto stage for ? another encore, James did nothing to incite thousands of teenagers to de- stroy and loot surrounding stores, while more than 100 police officers stormed the stage. It's unquestion- able that the police don't like James Brown. Now THAT'S funky. Today, James is serving his sen- tence like a man's man's man. As he's been quoted, "ain't nothin' changed but the address," but can anyone doubt the injustice of his punishment? After all, Zsa Zsa only got a slap on the wrist. James' recordings, which guest- starred funk geniuses such as Maceo Parker, Bobby Byrd and Bootsy Collins, possessed and still possess an immortal vitality. If one were to have him fairly, legally compensated for all the samples and covers of his material, including the work of rap- pers like Big Daddy Kane, Public Enemy, Ice-T, Eric B. and Rakim, Kid n' Play and Biz Markie among countless others, surely one would amass enough money to free James Brown - at least twice. WHERE would hip hop be without the Funky Drummer? Think about it: his recordings have spawned and inspired whole generations of music, includ- ing the most relevant genre of the past decade - but he won't be re- ceiving a single dime for this. Very unfunky. Brown! Penn and Teller. Cynics for the '90s Penn and Teller Get Killed d ir. Arth ur Pen n by Mike Kuniavsky It's about time that Penn and Teller made a film. With all of their TV (and MTV) sensibilities and as "masters" of Illusion, they've ironically avoided the most illusory medium of all. Until now. With Penn and Teller Get Killed they enter, headlong and at warp factor five, the medium of cinematic mass confusion. Written by Penn and Teller themselves and directed by Arthur Penn (Bonnie and Clyde, Little Big Man, The Miracle Worker, and no relation to Mr. Jillette), the film is basically a tribute to the boys and the illusionary cynicism they represent. The film's premise is that Penn, in a very Penn-esque interview with a pseudo-talkshow host, wishes that someone was trying to kill him - it would make life more interesting. In the world of Penn and Teller, everyone is evil and a looney, so of course lots of people threaten to kill him. Simultaneously, we discover that the cruelly fun-loving boys enjoy playing vicious practical jokes on each other (which seem much funnier to them than to us) and so a formula for intrigue is built: is someone really trying to kill Penn, or is Teller playing a practical joke on Penn, or is Penn playing a practical joke on Teller? Thereafter, both the resolution to these questions and the tension between reality, illusion and the illusion of reality preoccupy the film. Though this approach seems to have a lot of potential - this sort of material is well-exercised by the duo when on stage - the film falls through mainly because the characters remain so cynical and self-centered that we soon don't really care if someone is trying to kill Penn or if Teller will ever speak (he does). Ultimately, when the unexpected resolution finally comes, the story has been so watered down by the sarcasm of the lead characters and the world in which they live that it's a relief it's over. The movie is pretty fast-paced, and is frequently punctuated by humorous (nevertheless, excruciatingly cynical) episodes in which the two criticize various aspects of American pop culture, such as their continual references to drinking "diet cola," made while shoving a can of Diet Coke casually into the camera. The oddest thing about this film, though, is that Arthur Penn directed it. One of the best Hollywood directors of the late '60s and early '70s, it's ironic that Penn directed such a "small" film in the late '80s. What's even odder is that he seems to have almost no control over the two leads. Maybe he was intimidated by the very vocal writer/actors, maybe he had a stomach ailment; whatever the case, his bottom line contribution is unfortunately minimal. Still, the film's faults are ultimately not his. The cynicism of Penn Jillette and Teller, though highly irreverent and amusing in the medium of stage magic, just doesn't translate well to the rest of the world, even with the masters at the helm. PENN AND TELLER GET KILLED played at the Tele-Arts in Detroit last week. Look for it on video. . his wrongs, one thing is certain: James Brown is not serving any purpose behind bars. In a crucial time that many a critic or listener hails as that of the death of rhythm and blues, it is essential that we give James amnesty - before it's too late. One need only think of George Clinton and Funkadelic's classic 1979 chant, "Think! It Ain't Illegal Yet!" to recognize the symbolic tragedy of the Funkiest Man Alive being incarcerated here in our coun- try. James Brown's childhood in Ma- con, Georgia was marred by consid- erable poverty, and he inevitably turned to crime due to his unfortu- nate situation. At the tender age of The Berlin Wall stands no more, Nelson Mandela is a free man, the Communist Party is coming to an abrupt end - world peace is on the horizon. But not an American can sleep peacefully as long as Soul Brother #1 is behind bars. Come on, people. Papa don't deserve this mess. Now here's my proposal: over 50,000 people read the Daily. If each of you would send me, Forrest Green III, $5 American, then that'll come to $250,000 for starters. I'm also sending this article to all the rap la- bels, including Tommy Boy, Def- Jam, Next Plateau and Ruthless Records for further support. And if UCAR would chip in, I'd be pleased to have their money to pass along. Join me people, and we can fight "Gravity." FREE JAMES BROWN!!!! RIDE THE WAVE . . . 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