Substance Abuse: .
Which of thefollowing alcohol adages is most accurate?
a) Liquor before beer and you're in the clear. will"""4" xs " i
b) Beer before liquor, never sicker. .
c) Drink a lot of alcohol, and chances are you'll r
throw up.......::...:.:::. ..::r.:
The current penalty for marijuana possession in Ann
Arbor is: X"'rrpme~~~.Ut
a)A $5 fine. «:..<.:;:.::>:".:.:<
b) Forced to score for Mayor Jernigan for the next
c) To hour in a locked room with Martin Tury RALI
month.
and a guitar. vr<:":.::: >
The annual assemblage ofpot smokers on the Diag each
b) The Wham-O Frisbee", Hacky-Sack', and Y urni:tiJs .:..e
Police Brutali-tee M Festival *u":Z "'"'td :ent
c) All The Hippies You Can Shoot.
Proponents of drug decriminalization plan to fight the
proposed stiffening of Ann Arbor's marijuana law by:
a) Trying to marshal a large student voter turnout.
b) Reaching voters through information booths and door-to-door campaigns.
c) Getting pot classified as a weapon to get funding from the NRA.
Many fraternities are eliminating alcohol from their Rush Week activities because:
a) Accidents and deaths resulting from overdrinking during rush have soiled
many fratemities' reputations.
b) In our health-conscious age, people have learned they don't need drugs
to have a good time.
c) It's more important to concentrate on starting a cocaine habit in time to
enter the business world.
Campus politics:
The issue that most threatens to erupt into cisis on campus in the next decade is:
a) Can the University attract and retain more minority students and faculty?
b) Can Jews and Palestinians peacefully co-exist?
c) Which is it - "pop" or "soda?"
The results of the Fall 1989 MSA representative elections were declared invalid because Jim
a) Errors in the ballot-counting process.
b) An unprecedented number of write-ins for "Creamy" and "Chunky."
c) An outbreak of mass hysteria, in which the candidates inexplicably decided to do
something useful with their time instead.
Although the University this year celebrated "Martin Luther King Day" instead of "Diversity Day,"
student groups who pushed for the change were still unhappy because:
a) University staff did not get the day off along with students.
b) President Duderstadt demonstrated his racism and insensitivity by ignoring an MSA
resolution that he flap his arms and quack like a duck.
c) Plans to stage the world's largest performance of the Hokey-Pokey at the Unity Rally
fell through when the tape recorder ate the tape.
Masses ofpeople in Eastern Europe won democratic reforms from their totalitarian governments
when:
a) They took to the streets by the hundreds of thousands.
b) The Warsaw Pact broke under the economic strain of the arms race.
c) Rumors that MSA would send an angry fact-finding delegation there spread like
wildfire among nervous tyrants.
Campus personalities
Why is James Duderstadt so sickly-looking?
a) Drained by the awesome responsibility of being able to topple the government of El
Salvador with a single letter.
b) The Board of Regents, loath to begin another public search for a new president, have
been displaying his embalmed corpse at public functions since last March.
c) Mallo Cups - for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
Famed Michigan football coach Bo Schembechler calledit quits last month, citing:
a) Concerns over his health.
b) An urge to see really bad likenesses of himself on T-shirts across the state.
c) A scheming leather merchant in Marseilles, a beautiful, innocent Frenchwoman who
got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and a desire to see justice done, God damn it, if
he has to travel to the ends of the earth.

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> t:9>:<' ;f r' Asiring U-M mascot Willy the Wolverine has been
<.I frustrated in his hopes to gain official status because of
~ ~ I iX a) Resistance within the athletic department.
k~yhhEltry t :or a b) An unexplained, sharp rise in crib death in
Washtenaw County.
c) An unforgiving press corps that just won't let
.........:.... ::: "The Keisha Knight-Pulliam Incident" die.
+.:::::.:::wG.$i;:::;~~fl:yY { i"i:}:: Socializing
Many students find a solution to feeling isolated at a
universi of 40,000
b) Joining a coop.
{r.D O ec) Going through a large machinewhich tattoos a
star firmly on their bellies.
:: :.".............:.:: .:':................. Which one of these is NOT considered an acceptable
iif ptt ::l/NO greeting?
bi A oas :: ~a) "How was your break?"
b) "Did you CRISP yet?"
c) "How are your classes?"
d) "I have so little personal interest in you that I can
only ask you a mundane question that you are as
uninterested in answering as I am in having
answered."
During the 1980s, most University students became aware of the danger of:
a) Having sex without the use of a condom.
b) Sharing needles when using intravenous drugs.
c) Watching The Big Chill with anyone from this school.
In the Michigan Daily's "Best of Ann Arbor" poll, students have consistently chosen as
Best Place to Take a First Date:
a) The movies.
b) The Arb.
c) Through several months of confusing emotional games, beginning with
encouraging signs of affection, continuing with ambivalence about making
a commitment, and ending with a prolonged, anticlimactic fade-out that
leaves them shell-shocked, bitter, and awkward whenever they see you for
the rest of their college career.
Students have followed an upswing of '60s nostalgia by:
walIk a) Making their own tie-dyed shirts.
b) Buying elbums by the Grateful Dead and Led Zeppelin.
c) Getting shot by National Guardsmen.
Geography
The proper name of that coffee place on State Street is:
a) Espresso Royale.
b) Caf6 Existential.
c) Bob and Frank's Kaffiyah and Black Turtleneck Emporium.
d) That Coffee Place on State Street.
The Diag bears a large "M" block in its center as a result of.
a) A generous donation by alumni.
b) The laws of symmetry and a bureaucratic slip-up between a cement company and
the University of Wisconsin.
c) Regent Deane Baker's fervent hope that, someday, a scout ship from his home planet
will recognize his native language's signal for distress and end his 17,000 years of
exile.
Which is uglier?
a) The Modern Languages Building.
b) The inside of a jet engine during duck migration season.
Miscellaneous
Who would Jim Poniewozik like to thank in this, his last column? (Extra credit: Who takes over
this space next week?)
a) The 'professor of your Friday class, for being boring enough to make you read this
instead.
b) You, for being desperate enough.
c) The world, for being fucked up enough to give me a constant supply of material.
d) My housemates, family, friends, and fellow Daily Dweebs, for being cool enough to
keep me from killing myself in spite of answer "c.'
Hell, I'll give you that last one: All of the above.
The extra cadit answer is former Daily editor-in-chief Rob Earle, who promises to carry-on in the
tradition of great newspaper columnists like Mike Royko and Art Buchwald by having practically
no hair at all.

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y d 111 . .4g a

I 1

Farewell,

'80s

Only a few weeks behind the rest of America's media,
Weekend takes a final look at the decade that was too
good for disco. We've charted, rated, and analyzed, dig-
ging up what you remember anyway and what you wish
you could forget about the 1980s.

features

best of the iimillennium
Just slightly ahead of schedule, a look back at the 1000s
. .
doing the right thing
Ten years of political correctness: What's it done for us?
egt s ms
Match wits with Daily music writers: have you heard of ANY of these albums?

8

"A[Low Fler a day to reWL
to restore kcrsetj and Jei
Give Your Valentine a
EFFRE4 ICHAEL
BEAUTYc
A Place to Refresh and
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Hours: Tues., Wed., Fri. 9-7; Th
206 South Fifth Avenue, Ann A
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These are just a few of the services avac
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" environmentaug f rien

8

4'


a decade of celluloid

5

Seasoned film critics explain which films you SHOULD have liked this past decade,
and why.

'M' sports retrospective
The greatest moments in University athletics

10

MAKE YOUR I
CAREER 1'OVI
BEFORE YOU
GRADUATE

departments

weekend list

13

A compilation of movies and live performances in Ann Arbor this weekend
pneoi
Weekend columnist Jim Poniewozik bids a tearful farewell to readers

14

Choose a bank
that will graduate
with you
NBD. We're right here on The Uni-
versity of Michigan's campus with
convenient locations that make
access to cash and to other banking
services a "between class" natural!
Convenient locations, round-the-
clock ATMs, competitive interest
rates, and student loans are only
the beginning of what NBD Ann
Arbor can offer you. For over 95
years, we've provided a full array
of well-planned banking services to
thousands of Michigan's most
prominent career-climbers. .. be-
fore and after graduation. All
things considered, it doesn't take a
degree to figure outwhere to bank
on campus. And off.

slings and arrows

15


Phil Cohen debuts his weekly examination of the powers that be
Editors -- MIGUEL CRUZ, KEVIN WOODSON
Contributors - PHIL COHEN, ALEX GORDON, JIM PONIEWOZIK, JEN WORICK, FRED ZINN
Writers - GREG BAISE, JEN BILIK, MARK BINELLI, SHEALA DURANT, MICHAEL PAUL FISCHER,
FORREST GREEN, BRIAN JARVINEN, KRISTIN PALM, ADAM SCHRAGER, PETER SHAPIRO,
TONY SILBER, MARK SWARTZ, ILANA TRACHTMAN, KIM YAGED, NABEEL ZUBERI
Business Manager - DAVID EDINGER
Advertising Sales Manager - ALYSSA ALTMAN
Weekend Magazine: Published each Friday by The Michigan Daily,
420 Maynard St., Ann Arbor, MI 49109. Telephone: + 1 313 764 0552

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