w w w ww w wJ
wheel of misfortune
"Look at this studio - filled
with fabulous classes! A Scandina-
vian film class with one paper, no
final exam, and a '60s holdover pro-
fessor who doesn't believe in
"A botany class with a $20 lab
fee - that'll pay for itself many
times over if you use the spacious
work area to grow... your very own
"Ahhhhhh! ! !"
"And a summer study program
traveling abroad with a professor
who won't care that you haven't read
or understood a single page of the
reading list - as long as you 'grow
spiritually' - valued at up to 12
"Some lucky student could win
all of these today on..."
"Wheel! Of! CRISP! Yaaaaaay!"
"And here's your host...
"Thank you! Thank you! And
welcome to Wheel of CRISP, the
show where anyone (middle-to-upper class
who's got $30,000460,000 to spare and didn't have
an attitude problem in high school) can graduate
having taken two, even three; classes
that they actually enjoy! Let's meet
. "Hi, I'm Robin Griesyk, a gen-
eral studies major. I've got no par-
ticular direction in life or expecta-
tions of my college career, so I'm
willing to take just about any shit
you're willing to dump on me. I just
"That's fantastic, Robin!"
"Hi, I'm Jamie Miller. I'm a juL
nior, pre-med, and I want that M.D.
so bad I can feel it like a lump of
slime in the back of my throat. I
want to say hi to everyone at Sigma
Sigma Sigma who's helped me so
much with future business contacts
and meeting potential spouses of
suitable socio-economic standing."
"That's the spirit, Jamie!"
"Care to tell us a little about
"No, sir. My vital statistics are
on record with the University
Registrar and any discussion of
frivolous personal characteristics
would be irrelevant and needlessly
"Well, I can tell we've got three
great contestants today. Ready?
Leeeeeet's CRISP! We drew num-
bers before the broadcast and Jamie
won, but, Robin, your father just
donated a new archery range to the
athletic department, so why don't
you go first?"
. "All right, Jim. C'mon, baby,
big credits! Big credits!"
"And the category is... finance.
Robin, you're the president of a ma-
jor state-funded university, and
you've just received word that the
state legislature is giving you too
small a budget increase. What do
"Well, Jim, I guess I'd have to
cut back on waste within the admin-
istration and distribute what money I
had fairly, so as not to slight less
profitable programs, like humani-
(Mixed groans and laughter from
"You're not an econ major, are
you, Robin? No, the correct answer
was 'Spend half a mil refurbishing
my house and jack up tuition an-
other 12 percent.' I guess that distri-
bution requirement will have to wait
another term. OK, 385, spin."
(Wheel comes to rest on a space
marked "Instant Winner.")
"Congratulations! You're the
proud 'owner of Poli Sci 596,
Dental Hygiene and the Interna-
tional Socialist Movement' -"
"But I'm an engineering major-
"- where you'll learn about the
heated debate between brushing side-
to-side and brushing in circles that
nearly shattered the Comintern in the
early '30s -"
"But I'm an -"
"- and the brutal flossing to
death of Leon Trotsky in 1940! Your
"All right, let's go! Baby needs a
new Nat Sci credit! Whoo!"
(Wheel comes to rest on a space
marked "April 14." " Audience
"Tough break, Jamie! Looks like
a semester of Mollusk Genetics for
you - unless you'd like to use your
"I'll use the card, Jim."
(Audience cheers wildly.)
"OK, it's time for the Override
Round, and you know what that
means - I hope you all left your
egos at home, because it's Time!
To! Grovel! Please welcome my as-
sistant, Professor Guildencranz. She
teaches a composition course that
you all need to graduate, and only
has one space left - so it'satime for
each of you to tell us why you
should get it."
"Well, Prof. Guildencranz, I've
always liked writing, and I-"
"I thought that the points you
brought up in lecture were really-"
"PLEASE! !! Pleasepleaseo-
ein! I'll do anything, I'll drink warm
bile and eat broken glass, just
please! I don't deserve it, I know,
I'm despicable - pfah! I spit on
myself! Pfah! Pfah! I'm just a
worm, a pathetic, slimy, little, you
know, one of those - a leech! Yes,
I'm a leech! Please, Prof. Guilden-
cranz, let this contemptible little
disgusting leech suck the blood of
knowledge from your veins!"
"Very well done, Jamie! You get
the class, and we'll even throw in a
complimentary 'M Go Blue' seat
cushion for all those mornings
you'll spend sitting in the aisle of
your overcrowded classroom" -.
bzzzzt! - "Oh, there's that nasty
buzzer! 'Fraid that's all the time we
have today. But we have free copies
of our home game - including
Time Schedule and darts - and a
year's supply of minicourses for all
of you. So until next term..."
"Wait, Jim! You forgot to tell us
"Well, did anybody win?"
"Of course, kids -I did! Be sure
to. drop off your tuition checks as
Vote in the
Clip-out Ballot, Page 11
Make your vote count!!!
First elected to Congress in 1972,
Patricia Schroeder of Colorado is the
longest-serving woman in the House
of Representatives. A Democrat, she
is on the House Armed Services
Committee and House Judiciary
Committee, and she recently wrote a
book, Champion of the American
Family. Schroeder garnered national
attention in late 1987 when she de-
clared she was a candidate for presi-
dent. She dropped out after a few
months, but her political profile rose
higher and she has indicated that she
would consider running again in the
future. On a visit to campus earlier
this month, Schroeder spent a few
minutes talking with The Daily's
Daily: Of the women in
Congress, there are only 27, with
two more elected this year. What has
changed for women in Congress in
the 16 years you have been there?
Schroeder: Well not much.
What's basically changed is that
we've seen more women move in at
the local level. But actually we don't
have any more numbers than the
high water mark in 1964. We're
back up to 1964 - big deal.
D: You see that today's problems
are primarily rooted in the deteriora-
tion of the family. What's the big
stuff that's going to be for Congress
S: Family medical leave we have
out of both the subcommittee and
the full committee, ready to go to
the floor. We hope it will go to the
floor this spring. That is the one
that allows you ten weeks leave
without pay on birth or adoption of
a baby, for a chronically ill parent
that's dependent, or a dependent
child. I think it's very important,
and hopefully it will pass.
The other thing is that obviously
we are going to have a child care
D: Either the ABC Bill or the tax
S: Or some of both. Everybody's
busy negotiating now. But if we get
family medical leave done, then I
think that'll be the next thing and
hopefully we'll get that done this
D: Every year, in the beginning
of the Congressional term, you and
Rep.: Don Edwards re-introduce the
S: It's House Bill number one.
D: And ever since 1982, you've
been doing that, and nothing has
come of that. Does it look any better
S: No, because George Bush said
he would veto it. But, to the credit
of the House, they continually pre-
serve number one for the bill, which
says that, in the House, women, af-
ter 200 years of the Constitution,
finally get in it. The Senate keeps
looking better, because each time it
gets more Democratic, it's not quite
two-thirds yet. Our biggest problem,
of course, is the presidency. It just
keeps it front and center, clear that it
is our number one issue.
D: After your experiences in
1988: You floated up your trial bal-
loon candidacy, raised a bunch of
money really quickly, but then you
were rather late in the game -- six
or eight months behind the others.
S: We didn't raise what we set
out to get and we just said,,look,
that's it. Nobody believes that. They
think your ego takes over and that
you will do any crazy thing.
D: I found it rather interesting
that even though you have more na-
tional legislative experience and
more elected office experience than
any of the other Democrats, people
were still asking 'Why?'
.S: That's right. 'Why is she run-
D: And you got so much flak for
Pat Schroeder speaks to a crowd at R
in the month about changing politics
S: Yes, I got so much flak. aga
Which said to me there was such a tha
dual standard. Nobody would deal
with my qualifications, they would
only deal with my novelty.
D: Would you think about trying
$ Earn extra cash $
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813 W. Michigan Ave., Ypsilanti
MILES Monday thru Friday 8:00am-4:00pm
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OFF THE WALL
Ten Years ago...
March 31, 1979
"Michigan assistant coach Bill Frieder is rumored to be one of three
candidates still'under consideration for the vacant basketball head coaching
position at Vanderbilt.
"Frieder admitted yesterday that he had interviewed for the job, but was as
yet undecided as to whether he would accept the position if it were offered
to him. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it,' he said. 'Right now my
main concern is recruiting."'
Forty-nine Years ago...
March 31, 1940
"New York - (AP) - On grounds that Bertrand Russel 'has taught in
his books immoral and salacious doctrines' whose practice would violate
the penal laws of New York State, a State Supreme Court Justice today
revoked the appointment of the British Earl-philosopher to a professorship
at City College."
Items in the Weekend Almanac are culled from past issues of the Daily
on this date in history. All articles are taken from Daily files which are
open to public review in the Daily's library.
U.S. out of North America
Daily out of Michigan
A woman without a man is like a
neck without a pain, and a fish
without a bicycle, and a moose
without a hatrackm and a
university without a ROTC.
Survey: Do subversive being relish
2. Well, if that's so, "Lima Bean!"
3. Every chance we get
5. Don't we all
6. No, we relish relish
our Model Apartment
Friday, March 31
Sunday, April 2
PAGE 10 W~EKEND/MAJ~C H 31,1989
KEKENDf CH !31,1989 t
WEEKEND/ MARCH 31,1989