9 RESTAURANT FILM Stomachs, rejoice! Prepare for The Choice J, H 4 New Life:' C'm( By Stephen Gregory and Alan Paul hat do you get when you cross an average (well actually a little better than average) dorm cafeteria with daily entrees like some of the best fried chicken in the Ann Arbor-Ypsilanti area and char-grilled halibut? The answer is simple - The Choice, All You Can Eat, Smorgasbord. Yuppies may call this place a "buffet," but it's definitely a "smor- gasbord" in every damnambit, down- home sense of the word. There are no hors d'ouvre here, no roe, no chateau- briand, no baked brie, just plenty of baked chicken, lima beans, tacos, fish patties, and even something called "bread pudding" for desert. But that's not all, not by a long shot... Before we go any further, let's get one thing straight - the food is pretty good for the most part, but it's the price that makes going to The Choice a must for broke, famished students. "Cover" is only S5.99 a head, and you can literally eat all you want, even to the point of throwing up which is exactly how most people feel when they walk out of these all- you-can-eat places; that's why they go to them. The Choice is no differ- ent. Starch-o-rama may be an appropri- ate nickname for this place that serves four different kinds of rolls and muffins, baked potatoes, fake mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, Franco-Americanesque spaghetti, etc. Get the picture? The restaurant should have a disclaimer in its sign to the effect that all those easily wired by excessive amounts of car- bohydrates should stick to water. If you don't, you'll be buzzin' all night. It's difficult if not ridiculous to at- tempt a serious food critique about a place that is gunning for quantity and value rather than quality. To make WEEKEND ROBIN LOZNAK Although this roast beef may look impressive, it really needs a little au jus1 to b~rie,,; it to life, Reai U58 Daifq Cfzwijie4 the point, here is a list of everything (we think) The Choice offers for a meal or two or three: Six different soft drinks, milk, coffee, stir fried shrimp, Mrs. Paul- ish fish patties, completely inedible, raw slimeball wing dings, homemade chicken noodle and tomato soup, cornbread, two kinds of muffins, rolls, barbecued spareribs, spaghetti, roast beef with au jus, au gratin potatoes, macaroni and cheese, canned corn, canned green beans, mixed veggies, made-from-flake mashed potatoes, fried chicken, baked chicken, char-grilled halibut, ravioli, a taco bar, a baked potato bar, a well- stocked salad bar, hash, potato salad, and carrot salad. Now for dessert (hold on to your seats) there is: / A vanilla/chocolate soft serve ice cream sundae bar with your choice of strawberry, a somewhat shady blue- berry, a gooey lemon, cherry, choco- late, raisin, peanut, or marshmallow topping. Ah, but you don't like ice cream, you say. Don't worry, The Choice takes care of you too. Alter- natives include: strawberry shortcake, jello, Boston cream pie, lemon meringue pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie, peach cobbler, and that now in- famous "bread pudding." Much of the food suffers from the we-have-to-please-the-masses bland- ness of cafeteria food but there is Tabasco, soy, and Worchestershire sauces available to spice things up. But blandness aside, the fried chicken, chicken noodle soup, and grilled halibut were clear standouts. But the mashed potatoes and wing *dings are to be particularly avoided. So the choice is yours, you can either keep on with the same old, over-priced Ann Arbor fare or venture out to Ypsi, the world next door, and sample something you haven't had since your last dorm meal but made a whole lot better. U PASS IT AROUND Share the news, ,: .. i1 q ? T b a F S. a , d Y ° ze Y m , 9 F 6; >s> ; ' '..; ;. v r; -' :; By Lisa Pollak Y ou're enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon in New York City, having lunch with your significant other at an outdoor cafe, and pondering the beauty of life itself - when you're suddenly jarred by the whiny, melodramatic strains of an amateur string orchestra playing Pan of the Week I, Bach concertos. Before you can ask yourself why the beat is timed to the traffic and why the sun has turned to snow, you realize that your once- loving relationship has fallen apart. And just when you think t h e situation couldn't get worse, you're ,x surrounded by herds of out-of-work sitcom actors offering heartwarming insights into love, family, and life in the form of dreaful one-liners and corny soliliquies. A terrible nightmare or an Alan Alda movie? It's A New Life , and it's both. Yes, the man who brought us to tears of boredom in The Four Sea- ,.; sons proves that with some capital and creative control - Alda wrote, directed, and starred in both films - anyone can use the silver screen for: some masturbatory moviemaking in; their midlife malaise. Divorce,1 remarriage, laughter, tears, childbirth, beauty, truth; yeah, yeah, yeah, it's' all there. And, okay, maybe you like that type of thing. And maybe you're a recent divorcee in your mid-40s, and maybe you're turned on by the sight of Alda in a perm and grey- tinged beard. And maybe you're not. A New Life is the story of Steve (Alda) and Jackie Giardino (a heavily mascaraed Ann-Margret,) a dull cou- ple who are dejected after the break- up of their 26-year marriage but not too dejected to "enter the frightening but funny world of blind dates and new relationships," which to the viewer seems more like the frighten- ingly cliched and hardly funny world of predictable sex jokes and stiff middle-aged actors making fools of themselves. So Steve conveniently meets Dr. Kay Hutton (Veronica Hamel, in a sickeningly sexist scene in which she measures his "mysteriously" elevated heartbeat and massages his back at the same time.) In less than 90 min- Ann 6' oro roJLULc AC~lSlynt1JlnUwithLJ J UUnl~fl.Chu in A1ewTife f Hrin-margret repeaces Alan H[aa wun Donn mica iri h fyew Lijc. -- A movie from hell in more ways tha utes and N scul and less less dlin Situ wor son! This A the qual that ing And thro frici cam yell is a T mov grot tray coll( cou New late offe how be b ISRAEL'S 40TH featuring... A CONCERT BY "THE GATHERING" - WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 8PM 5:30pm Anderson Room, 6:45pm Michigan Theater Michigan Union - Reception for all who wish Community wide memorial to sample Middle Eastern service for the fallen munchies. soldiers of Israel, i 8:00pm Michigan Theater Concert by "The Gather- ing" one of Israel's most original groups, which has created a new form of Israeli music. By John Shea t never ceases to amaze me when talented young actors and actresses agree to play leading roles in horror films under the pretense of doing "greater work" in their field. To be sure, the money that comes with these scripts is exceptionally attractive. And when you're young and just starting out in the business, plumb roles are not going to fall in your lap. But films revolving around haunted house and masked men yielding axes are generally venues that get actors nowhere. Remember Wil Wheaton? He made his sparkling debut in the summer of 1986 as Gordie, the aspiring writer and adolescent-in-turmoil in Stand by Me. Great picture, great performance. Some in Hollywood even whispered that he might get a supporting actor nomination for it (he didn't). So what does he do for an encore? He signs up for the lead role in a cheap horror flick called The Curse. Perhaps you remember seeing the ti- tle last fall at your favorite multi- plex before it was swept away two weeks later. The most generous es- timation of the film was that it was a grade-A turkey. Wil has not been seen since. I doubt Demi Moore will disappear altogether after The Seventh Sign takes its deserved beating from movie critics nationwide - she not only sparkles with charisma but has "talent" as well. But one is certainly left wondering what possessed her to take the role of a pregnant mother whose unborn child plays an integral part in the destruction of The World As We Know It. First, let me explain the story: several centuries ago, it was foretold that the advent of the Apocalypse would be heralded by seven signs. Sure enough, they start to come: first, sea life of every form washes ashore dead on a Haitian beach; then, an Israeli desert village is discovered frozen in ice; a Nicaraguan river runs with blood; an unexpected eclipse turns the moon red; and destruction of all kinds comes pouring from the sky. When the Sixth Sign, the exe- cution of an innocent martyr, occurs only one sign remains before The End of The World As We Know It, and that is Moore and her unborn child. The only two people on the face of the Earth who seem to be phased by these collective events are a priest (Peter Friedman, Prince of the City) and a stranger (Jurgen Prochnow, Das Boot), who separately realize that Moore is the Seventh Sign. Both race after her; one of them wants to See FILM, Page 15 -4 MAKE YOURSELF OVER WITH MAKEOVER-BY-MAIL!!! Beauty 101 isn't a course you'll find in your curriculum, but looking beautiful is something MAKEOVER can teach you. We analyze each of your features and develop an instructional guide to enhance your appearance. 'Each page has makeup instructions and illustrations as well as color recommendations and hairstyle hints. Created by a former national beauty columnist and model, MAKEOVER has appeared in Madem- oiselle and Seventeen magazines. To order, send a recent clear color headshot* plus a check or money order for $9.95 plus $1 postage and handling to: MAKEOVER-BY-MAIL INC., PO Box 8250, FDR Station, New York, N.Y. 10150. *Please indicate on the back hair, eye and skin color. Concert Tickets available at Michigan Theater: $12, $8 and $5 (students and senior citizens). Group discounts/ credit card orders : 668-8397. Co-sponsored by the JCAIUJA. Jurgen Prochnow has come to deliver the apocalyptic seven signs in, wha llm~I PAGE 16 WEEKEND/APRIL 8, 1988 WEEKEND/APRIL 8, 1988