OPINION
Page 4 Friday, March 18, 1988 The Michigan Daily


ed t a n t Michigan
Edited and managed by students at The University of Michigan

Tortuous smurfs in Panama

is

'Vol. XCVIII, No. 113

420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109

V1Unsigned editorials represent a majority of the Daily's Editorial Board. All other
, cartoons, signed articles, and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion
of the Daily.
Meese's memory lap ses
LAST SUNDAY ON ABC's "This Washington Post reported that
Week With David Brinkley," Attor- during the course of the nomination
ney General Edwin Meese stated he hearings for Attorney General,
planned to remain Attorney General, Meese told members of Congress 79
despite suggestions that he step times that he could not remember
down in light of his numerous en- specific things on a wide range of
raiglements in questionable ven- questions. The Post also reported
itaes. that in testimony before the
It is true that three separate congressional Iran-contra committee,
investigations by three different spe- the Attorney General responded 340
Dial prosecutors have not turned up a times that he either "did not know,"
;smoking gun" linking Meese with could not remember, did not re-
outright criminal conduct. Yet the call," or "had no recollection" of
procedures have revealed that the specific issues on which he was
Attorney General filed misleading questioned.
financial disclosure statements, bun- Meese's memory has not improved
gled investigations, inexplicably in recent weeks. During the trial of
lelped individuals obtain federal ap- his longtime friend and former White
pointments who had lent him House aide Lyn Nofziger, Meese
poney, and been involved in other stated he did not have "a specific
highly unethical actions. recollection" of various talks and
What is more reveaingis that key meetings which formed the basis of
elements of these activities have Nofziger's conviction under the
somehow been "erased" from the Ethics In Government Act. Meese
4ttorney General's mind. Consider also "does not recall" reading a per-
the following incidents which Meese sonal memorandum (addressed to
states he cannot remember: Meese and found in his files) from
" reported discussions with the Di- his close friend E. Robert Wallach
riector of the FBI concerning possi- concerning a $1 billion Iraqi pipeline
file organized crime links with for- and the proposed bribing of the Is-
mer Labor Secretary Raymond raeli Labor Party - in violation of
ionovanthe Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
receiving several internal memos Regarding the pipeline issue,
from Ronald Reagan's 1980 cam- Meese's memory lapse could not
paign committee, regarding the have come at a more convenient
briefing book of former President time; if he did read the memo and
Jimmy Carter which mysteriously failed to report it, he was breaking
iaterialized in the Reagan camp and the law himself.
w'as used to preempt Carter's strt- Whether Meese is ultimately in-
was duringthe 1980 presidential de- dicted and convicted of criminal
egy during conduct remains to be seen. But
" a $15,000 interest-free loan while charges of illegalities have yet
&bceived by his wife Ursula, which to be levied against him, his credi-
the Meese's used to buy stock and bility as Attorney General is gone.
tvhich Meese forgot to file on his fi- The nation's highest law enforce-
iancial disclosures, ment officer must be more competent
*receiving an official memorandum and have greater faculties of mental
zegarding the propriety of Meese's retention than those demonstrated by
4ccepting an Army Reserve promo- the Attorney General. If Meese truly
don after he retired from active re- suffers the extensive memory loss he
Serve status long before coming to claims, this merely exemplifies his
"Washington, incompetence.
inglttr Meese is an attorney, and attorneys
* getting a letter from a California are trained to be precise, to read
4ccountant who had arranged closely, carefully, and to understand
$60,000 in unsecured loans for the subtle nuances of words. This is
Meese and sought a longer political his job. Meese's repeated failure of
4ppointment term on the Postal memory disqualifies him for his
Poard of Governors. present position. He is quite proba-
Meese appears to have a bly, the most incompetent Attorney
substantial memory loss. The General in recent memory.

I saw the most bee-zar thing on the
news the other night. It was down in
Panama and they was showin' Scarface
Noriega's goons bustin' on some folks
out in the streets. So along comes this
here truck with them water cannons on it,
sprayin' the hell out of them poor suckers.
And then I says "hey, what the hell's on
the door of that truck?" And bejeezit, they
was smurfs. I'm atellin' the truth - down
there in Panama that crazy somabitch's
got smurfs painted on the side of his tor-
ture trucks. Life just gets stanger and
stranger and ain't nothin' a poor fellar can
do to figger out what the hell's goin' on...
The whole Ee-ran/Contra thing is back
in the news and it seems a might fishy to
my corpulent mind that Nicaragua just
happened to "invade Honduras" the same
day. Hmmm, think it could have anything
to do with keepin' North and them scuzzes
off the front page? I hope they all get
burnt and that they fry Meese's fat ass and
Bush and that whole gaggle of crooks.
'Nfact, I think I'll drive my pickup south
and move to Mexico if Bush wins this
here upcomin' election. Ain't eight years
of this batch of thievin' scumbuckets
enough? In fact, Mexico would be a right
fine for a fat feller like me to hang out.
Yeah, just eatin' rice and beans, sluggin'
down tequila and cerveza and pullin' a
sombrero down low. Hmmm, don't sound
too bad to me...
Most bizarre quote of the month: Pat
Robertson on winning Super Tuesday, "It
would be a miracle. It would be like World
War III." Huh? I reckon Pat showed his
true stripes....
Finally got round to seein' Broadcast
News the other night. What a bunch of
Hollywood crapola. Hard to figger the
stuff they pawn off as quality these days.
The characters were right out of central
casting, ain't but Hollywood stereo-
types....
While I'm at it, the Oscars are such a
bunch of shit, I can't keep my trap shut. If

AL
you take them things seriously I feel sorry
for you. Broadcast News and Fatal
Attraction for best movie? Now if y'all
want to check out a real flick, one of my
all time faves is playin' on campus this
weekend. The Big Sleep with Bogie and
Bacall. I'm tellin' you, I ain't had so
much intellectual stimulation since the
last time I saw This Is Spinal Tap. You
know I didn't figger out that was a joke
'till the third time I saw it. Anyhow, trust
me, it don't get much better than The Big
Sleep. It's a right fine movie with a con-
fusin' plot, great actin', and purty lookin'
black and white filmin.' Colorize this and
die, Ted Turner!...
I was just feelin' all good and springy.
You know nice and loose, ready to run
naked through the Arb, and along came old
man winter, older and more wintery than
ever to dump on us again. Hey, fuck off
and leave us alone...
I still got to say that this here is a right
nice time of the year. Spring training's
goin' on, making me think of sweaty beer
drenched summer nights at the of ballyard
with an old time buddy or two, Sparky's
back on TV talkin' trash, and the NCAA
basketball tournament's on the tube. There
ain't no finer entertainment in the land. A
right fine occasion to lean back in a Lay-
Z-Boy recliner, pop a few cold ones, and
catch some action. And when the whole
shee-bang is done, it's right 'bout time
for opening day and tain't nothin' sweeter
than the first pitch of the year, even if it is
30 degrees and flurryng...--
Ah, yes, I seen in the paper a speck ago

that Edward M. Knabusch died in Monroe,
MIchigan. That name might not much to
most of y'all but chew on this -
Knabusch invented the La-Z-Boy recliner
chair. Yesireebob, a finer genius ain't
roamed the earth since Thomas Alva Edi-
son invented that little bulbous thang. A
moment of silence to you, hoss
Knabusch...
And I pop open a can of Pabst Blue
Ribbon to all you fellars and gals down at
the Dearborn Ford plant. Nice to hear
you're enjoyin' my columns through these
strange channels of communication we got
goin.' Drop me a line some time.
One final thing and this is the god's
truth. I lost my backpack and I sure would
like it back. It's royal blue with leather on
the bottom and it's got a couple 'o' note-
books and a bunch of black and white pics
and negatives in it. If anyone has it, pa-
lease get it back to me at the Daily.
Dear Fat Al,
We got a small group. We all think the
same. We're all really baked. La! La! La!
La!
From the members of the Jefferson Air-
plane house.
(On the back, we have the top 3 list
we're sending in to "High Times")
P.S. Keep on truckin'!
#1 Taking B-Hits at 4:30 AM after
coming down from a wild trip
#2 Going to family reunions wasted
#3 Smoking mass quantities on the
Diag (U-M)
Well, thanks y'all. I 'spose it's good to
know there's still folks sitting around
getting stoned out of their gourds in good
ol' tree town. Glad to see y'all know how
to 'preciate the simpler things in life.
Guess it's easy when you're dead from the
neck up. Heh-heh-heh. But are you really
listenin' to the Jefferson Airplane? Ain't
you seen Grace Slick lately? She's
alookin' like Tammy Bakker.

4
:4

4

Fire Frieder to be a champ

by Peter Richter

In my four years at the University of
Michigan I have been an avid basketball
fan, never missing a game. What I have
seen over those years is a team that never
lives up to its potential and it has been
four years of disappointment and frustra-
tion. After each disappointing loss my
friends and I try to analyze what went
wrong: Grant should have done this, Mills
didn't do that. After all our arguments I
have come to one conclusion. We need a
new coach.
Think about it. We have the two high-
est scorers in the Big Ten, one of which is
regarded as one of the best guards in the
country. We have three of the top ten re-
bounders in the conference. We have two
of the most talented young sophomores in
the nation. So how come we're not the
best team in the country? I've heard expert'
after expert say that Michigan is loaded
with talent, perhaps the best talent in the
NCAA. This talent even led expert bas-
ketball analyst Dick Vitale to pick us as
the number one team in the country. It
would seem to me that we should be
dominating the league.
My first and second years we had one of
the most talented teams in the country and
were ranked in the top five. Yet we bowed
out in the second round both years and had
difficulty with teams in the first round far
below us in talent such as Fairleigh
Dickinson University. This year w e
haven't beaten one good team on the road.
We all know we have the talent so there
can be only one explanation to why we
don't win: coaching!
Peter Richter is an LSA junior

Let's face it. Frieder has one of the most
unimaginative offenses in the league. And
when it isn't working he can't adjust.'
Sometimes I watch our offense and it
looks like it has no coherence whatsoever.
And don't even get me started on defense.
I've never seen teams get as many good
shots off as they do against Michigan. I
watched both Purdue games and I agree
with Dick Vitale-we were out-coached.
Each time Purdue came down the floor
they were patient, worked the ball, and
eventually got off good shots in the key or
had outside shooters who were wide
opened. Then we would come down the
court and have trouble getting off a good
shot. We looked sloppy and committed
many stupid mistakes and turnovers.
I've seen this in game after game. Other
teams work the ball into their big men and
take it up strong and draw the foul. We
work it into our big men and they take
lame fade away jumpers. It seems like our
opponents go to the free throw line so
much more than we do. Our press is one
of the worst that I've ever seen. It seems
that every time we press a team it usually
winds up in an easy layup for them. You
would think with such a quick team that it
would be different. It would also seem that
with such a strong frontline we would
learn how to box out. How many times
have we seen teams get easy baskets off of
offensive rebounds. There are many losses
that could have been wins if we didn't let
teams get so many offensive rebounds.
Every time we lose it seems like I say,
"We would have won if we did this or
that." Frieder isn't getting his team to do
this or that.
Now let's talk discipline. Let's face it,
Frieder has no control over his team

whatsoever. Roy Tarpley checked into a
drug rehab center last year. What a big
surprise! I wasn't shocked at all. I heard
these guys had drug problems while they
were in college. Now he has been
straightened out and is playing the best
basketball of his life. Antoine Joubert was
being compared to Oscar Robertson when
he came out of high school. But Frieder
could not control or discipline his cocky
attitude and let him waste away into a
slightly better than average player. We
have one of the most cockiest teams I've
ever seen. If this team concentrated on
winning instead of showboating or trying
to impress the cameras maybe we would
win those big games.
Granted we've had five straight twenty
win seasons but even I could win with the
talent on these teams. I would like to see
what Dean Smith, Bobby Knight or John
Thompson could do with these teams.
They get the most out of their talent and
work with what they have. Frieder can't
organize an offense around his talent to get
the most out of them. At times this team
has looked so dominant that they could
destroy anyone. But then we go and have
problems with teams like Minnesota and
Michigan State. How come we can't al-
ways play up to our potential.
Michigan just doesn't have that winning
attitude and that is because Frieder doesn't
instill it. How many more early exits
from the tourney is it going to take before
people realize that it is time to make a
change. I want to win a championship and
I think that we've learned that no matter
how much talent you have, you can't win
without coaching. Just a suggestion from
a desperate fan.

LETTERS:

MSA

: Nothing lost but credibility

To the Daily:
During the Michigan Student
Assembly's regularly scheduled
meeting of Tuesday, March 15,
LSA Representative Bryan
Case resigned from the assem-
bly in utter disgust and con-
tempt. Unfortunately, this is
both MSA's and the LSA
school's loss. Bryan Case was
undoubtedly one of the most
brilliant individuals to ever

meeting in which referendum
items could be added to the
ballot in MSA's upcoming
elections. At that meeting,
College of Engineering Repre-
sentative Dan Tobocman
introduced a motion which
would have asked the students
to decide whether MSA should
work for the dismissal of LSA
Dean Peter Steiner based on his

opinions heard on these issues,
regardless of the opinions of
the students they claim to rep-
resent. Furthermore, when a
vote was taken and the results
were announced as 11 for, 10
against, and 5 abstaining, a
second vote was taken with
complete disregard for parlia-
mentary procedure and MSA's
own constitution and bylaws

quite likely a majority, of the
students on this campus. As
Bryan delivered his constructive
criticisms, many of those at
the table, including some of
those at the head of the table,
found humor in his accusa-
tions, choosing to dismiss his,
statements as petty and
displaying an intolerance of
other's views.

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