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Daily boneheads, what do you say for yourselves?
By Rob Earle
ANOTHER YEAR HAS PASSED and it's time once
again for The Michigan Daily to publicly admit what you
have known the whole time: we sometimes make mistakes.
In appreciation of the worst of the Daily, we proudly present
this year's Daily Bonehead Awards.
BEST PREDICTION
When gunrunner Gene Hasenfus was shot down over
Nicaragua last fall, the Daily beat every newspaper in the
country by proclaiming, "CIA agent lives through shoot-
down." Hasenfus' relationship with the Central Intelligence
Agency wasn't divulged until three days later.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN AWARD
A hearty bon voyage to the protestors at U.S.
Representative Carl Pursell's (R-Plymouth) office, who
apparently got a heck of a sendoff when a Daily headline
proclaimed, " 'Pursell 118' go to trail."
BEST THREAT
People are always threatening the Daily with lawsuits and
"going over your heads" to the administration, but the best
threat came from the highest source - God. In response to
our "God is dead" editorial, one reader sent us a threat from
the Almighty via the Book of Job: "He repays a man for
what he has done; he brings upon him what his conduct
deserves."
MOST POLITICALLY POWERFUL
CARTOONIST AWARD
No, it's not Berke Breathed or Garry Trudeau. "Peanuts"
creator Charles Schultz holds that honor, because the Daily
promoted him to Secretary of State this term.
WORST EULOGY
The caption under the photo of Desi Arnaz shortly after he
died: "He Loved Lucy."
BEST INSULT
The Daily has been called "irresponsible" and "insensitive"
numerous times, but never have we been slammed as hard as
we were by the reader who wrote, "You've really licked the
ethical toilet this time," in response to our running of a
controversial cartoon in December.
MEALS ON WHEELS AWARD
...Goes to Stockwell Hall, where one kitchen worker
declared, "Food carts were rolling through shit" last fall when
sewage pipes backed up in the dorm.
MYSTERY GUEST AWARD
Nobody seems to remember who this guy was, but his
name was Gold and he "supports protesters' rights."
according to the caption. Mr. Gold was not mentioned in the
adjoining story, or any story for that matter - but we put
his picture on the front page just the same.
MYSTERY PRESIDENT AWARD
Speaking of photos without a purpose, what was that tiny
picture of President Reagan doing floating around on the
front page one day last week? We don't know.
BEST ADDITION TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
No, it's not meeting the BAM III demand to use capital
"B" when referring to Blacks or our recent switch to gender-
inclusive language. "Flyerbucketmania" is the in-vogue term
to describe the phenomenon of those big green and white
buckets that give you a ski-lift tag for your jacket when you
throw in your change from Marshall's.
AT LEAST THE CONTINENT IS RIGHT AWARD
For a sports story on former Michigan football star Dan
Dierdorf, Nightside Editor Wendy Sharp wrote a tease for
page one's Inside box that referred to "former Mexican
football player Dan Dierdorf."
BEST WAY TO PANIC THE GRANOLA HEADS
Students in Project Outreach were probably pretty suprised
to find their program was being cut back due to violence at
the state prison in Jackson. The actual program being cut
was Project Community, but "Community" wouldn't fit
when we wrote the headline.
MOST SEXUALLY REPRESSED DAILY STAFF'
Sports, which erected the classic headline "Blue creams
Seamen."
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD
News editor Philip I. Levy who, when asked by a TV
news crew how big the issue of racism was at the University,
answered, "Pretty big."
MOST IGNORANT EDITOR
Editor in Chief Rob Earle who, shortly before assuming
office, told the New York Times he didn't know what a
"Wobbly" was. Former Opinion page editor Charles
Thompson called the Daily in outrage, demanding, "Who is
this guy anyway? Does he work for Sports?"
POETIC JUSTICE AWARD
Staff writer Steve Knopper whined all year about having a
picture of himself in the Daily after discovering staffers were
frequently used as models for Weekend Magazine's fashion.
issues. Knopper finally got his place in the spotlight when
he was pictured drinking a beer in a Research News story on
adolescent drug use.
BEST THING THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST
Title XI which, according to a headline in Weekend
Magazine, demands equal treatment for women in inter -
collegiate athletics. Guess Title IX wasn't good enough, eh?
BEST THING THAT DIDN'T REALLY HAPPEN
The caption under a photo of the Ann Arbor Fire Depart -
ment responding to a false alarm at Pizzeria Unos read:
"Fire."
BEST LOOK 'INSIDE' THE DAILY
A story on the Michigan Freshman Connection which,
thanks to the new computer system at the Daily, was printed
in its original rough version, complete with the editor's
comments.
BEST HEADLINE WE NEVER RAN
A story about the use of transcendental meditation to
correct the evils of the world narrowly escaped being titled,
"Yogis cure world boo-boos."
KEEP IN TOUCH AWARD
And then there's the one about the Ann Arbor City
Council candidate who, during an interview for the Daily's
endorsement, proclaimed his intent to establish closer ties
with the University. The first thing he was going to do, he
said, was "make an appointment with Vice President
Dunderstep." U
Earle is the Daily's Editor in Chief.
Qontinued from Page 20
BEST LUCK OF THE IRISH: John Carney
Notre Dame's placekicker missed a 37-yard field goal to
preserve a Michigan victory.
WORST LUCK: Brad Jones
In the final game of his NHL tryout with the Winnipeg
Jets, Jones broke his jaw. He was hit by an inadvertent shot
while sitting on the bench.
BEST PREDICTION: Harbaugh on Ohio State
The quarterback promised a victory and delivered. If only
he has said the same about the Rose Bowl.
WORST PREDICTION: Bill Frieder
The seventh-year coach proclaimed this year as a throw-
away season. "I tell everybody we are going to have a
different look this year. We're going to be small. But that
may be overshadowed by our poor defense, lack of shooting,
and country club attitude," said Frieder at the Big Ten Media
Conference in November.
BEST CONVERSION: Mike Gillette to Gerald
White
The two combined to complete a two-point conversion in
the Rose Bowl. Who says coach Bo Schembechler is
conservative?
Continued on Page 22
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Weekend and the Daily: Readers'likes and dislikes
By Bill Marsh
FOR THE FIRST TIME in the
five-year history of the Best of Ann
Arbor survey, we asked readers to
comment on our product. Here's a
rundown.
Weekend Magazine's most popu -
lar feature, according to our poll, is
"Off The Wall," the weekly column
of graffiti from desktops, walls, and
carrels around campus. (See the
Best of Off The Wall on page 14.)
Our cover stories came in a close
second, and our weekend happen -
ings guide, The List,
behind.
wasn't far
Others were less particular about
what they liked about Weekend.
One voter said he was pleased
simply by "its existence"; another
noted that "it's cheap." Ain't that
the truth.
The magazine's least popular
features, say the voters, are the
music reviews. And we're not
kidding when we report that the
second most common response to
the question "What do you dislike
about Weekend Magazine?" was,
"Nothing." (Maybe those folks just
ignore us entirely.) Other problems
mentioned: too many ads (our
business staff begs to differ),
fashion coverage ("dumb"), it's too
long, it's too short.
One person noted that "the ink
runs when our dog pisses on it." I
don't know what to say in response
other than to express my sincere
hope that you get to look at your
copies before Spot does.
As for the rest of the Daily, our
news-hungry readers said Bloom
County was their favorite part of
the paper. Coverage and reporting
came second. To reflect those
preferences, we plan to start
running the comic strip across the
top of page one and put our code
coverage beneath the classified ads
(and in doing so, take care not to
crowd out the crossword puzzle, our
third most popular feature).
We won't change our low, low
newsstand price, so popular with
many of you. Consider, also, these
attributes: it's "written in third-
grade English" and "it burns well."
Respondents disliked the Daily's
left-leaning Opinion page more
than anything else, saying it
doesn't represent the thinking of a
majority of the student body.
Readrs allso dslike alll thuh typoos
thatt gt passed hour editurs.
One voter was dissatisfied with
"no pay" (obviously a staffer);
another was tired of "that 'thinning
hair' ad in the classifieds." Finally,
many complained about the Daily's
supposedly thick, smeary ink.
Honestly, we don't knot :what,
you're talking about.
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251
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PAGE 12 WEEKEND/APRIL 17, 1987
WEEKEND/APRIL 17, 1987