fe-en Up Re
Pring Brea
CORRESPONDENT JOE PISCOPO

DAYTONA, LAUDER-
ALE, PENSACOLA,
DRE.
HE STORY:
Spring Break '87.
in. Fun. Sand. Bikinis.
)medy. Bikinis. No
oks. Bikinis. No
asses. Miller Lite.
kinis. Get the
eture?
You'll have seaweed
your jeans and sand
your ears for weeks
'ter this fling.
Make plans! Start
)w- the Piscopo
ay.
Last year, myself, and
long-lost relatives,
ist German swimmer
Alga Piscopo and
o wrestler Python
scopo, went to Spring
eak. Here's our post-
tme analysis.

ITEM:
Getting there. Bus.
Train. Plane. Car.
Camel. Armadillo. Do
it your way!
ADVICE:
Make travel ar-
rangements now. Char-
ter trips available
through your school are
usually the best way,
but are booked the fast-
est. Commercial flights
go quickly, too. Don't
eliminate the bus. I did
it my way (thanks Blue
Eyes) - by car. Trou-
ble was my car was a
clunker. We made it as
far south as Newark.
Then it konked out. So
Helga, Python, and I
walked. It took six days!
If you drive, keep an eye
on the gas gauge. Run-
ning out is no fun. So
gas up, but don't get
gassed on the road.

ITEM:
Staying there. Hotel.
Motel. Camping. Con-
dos. Cars. Alleys.
ADVICE:
We're not talking
slumber party here.
Plan on a max of four
to a room. Call the lo-
cal Chamber of Com-
merce for more info.
Don't plan on beach
accommodations. It's
against the law.
ESSENTIALS:
Money. Moolah.
Bread. Greenbacks.
Don't be a scrooge. Use
travelers' checks to
take the extra cash you
saved buying used text-
books. Expenses you'd
never think of pop up.
Little things like food.
Plan a few real meals,
in addition to the junk
we all love. A good way
to save on grub is to
book lodgings with

kitchenettes and cook
yourself. You should try
Helga's Bratwurst mit
Roachenstrudel.
Augsgezeichnet! (out of
sight)! Remember, man,
or woman, does not live
by Miller bite alone!
Leave the tux home.
It's T-shirt and shorts
territory. Python insis-
ted on his snakeskin
blazer, but he's strange.
A sweater, wind-
breaker or warm body
will do at night.
FUN:
A good place to
start is the nearest
Miller Lite Welcome
Center. Beer in mind,
local gendarmes don't
take Lite-ly to anyone
bending their laws.
They have ajob to do,
so think twice before
acting up. Last Spring
Break, Python got a div-
ing board, gym equip-
ment, two maids, and
various specimens of
livestock into our room.
He didn't mind when
they made him return

the articles because he
got tired of chasing the
alligators and wrestling
the maids.
AND NOTHING
BUT THE PROOF:
You might be able to
convince a senile guid-
ance counselor who you
are, but don't take bar-
tenders, doormen, or
desk clerks for granted
when asked for I.D. If
you've got it, flaunt it;
if not, you're in the
wrong place. To earn
your right to a Miller
Lite, have at least two
valid documents at the
ready. Expect to be card-
ed. Helga is flattered
by it. Unfortunately, the
picture on her Leipzig
driver's license looks
nothing like her. Must
be that cigar she's al-
ways chomping on.
Have a de-Lite-ful
trip and don't forget
what Helga, Python and
your favorite reporter
have taught you.

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