ARTS

The Michigan Daily

Tuesday, December 9, 1986

Page 5

Balls roll down

By Kurt Serbus
Balls! Balls! And more balls!
Balls so big they can barely fit on
one screen! That's what's promised
- and delivered - by Heartbreak
Ridge, the new military, feel-good
flick produced by, directed by, and
starring Clint "Ballsmiester" East -
wood.
Sure, Clint's getting a little
long in the tooth but, if anything,
his balls have gotten bigger with
age. Gunnery Sergeant Tom High -
way just may be the toughest,
ballsiest, potty-mouthed fascist
Clint's ever played, and that's
going some. A broken-down,
slightly alchoholic Medal of Honor
winner, Highway takes a look at
life after mandatory retirement from
the Marine Corps and doesn't like
what he sees. So he requests
reassignment to his old unit, the
2nd Marine Reconnaissance
Platoon, and takes it out on all the
hotshot young punks who suddenly
find themselves under his gauntlet.
They're all here - the Really
Dumb One, the Humongous
Mutant, the Jive Talkin' Black

Guy, the Family Man - all the
standard, Hollywood "dogface"
cliches.
These souless stereotypes serve
the purposes that real characters
would in a good movie. Clint and
scriptwriter James Carabatsos
couldn't afford to people their story
with real characters, of course -
real characters might have smeared
the broad strokes of black and white
that this movie was painted in, and
these days, if you really want to
hump the New Patriotism good -
and make it pay at the box office -
ambiguity is a luxury you just
can't afford.
Want to know where the final
test comes in this movie, where the
men get separated from the boys,
and a few get killed and the rest
grow stronger? Grenada. Swear to
God, that's the climax. Like every
other showdown and head-butt in
this movie - and there are a lot of
them - it's a major disappoint -
ment. The guys come in, they off a
few Cubans, they call in an air
strike. Highway finally gets to win
a war (see, Korea was a tie and
Vietnam a loss, so Grenada evens
things right up). He gets to see his
boys become men. And, of course,

he gets to spit in the
authority and score onea
the bureaucrats and des
who would put a stub
dinosaur like himself o
And we're constantly as
this is all good and all -
- American. Maybe Cli
more discreet about his fla
than, say, Sly Stallone
much. During the final"
Home, Boys" scene, I
expected a huge, supe
message to come swoopin
the screen: "BUY U.S. B(
But, its overzealous p
aside, heartbreak Ridges
on ice. I like Clint Eastwo
like "platoon movies" (at

'Ridge'
face of ones made in the '40s, when things
against all really were black and white). But I
k jockeys didn't like Heartbreak Ridge. It's
born old calculated and it's cynical and it's
n a shelf. garbage. It's also boring as all hell.
sured that More push-button emotions, more
- dammit formula non-entertainment. Clint
nt is a bit must have figured he could't lose
ag-waving with this one, so why even try to
but not be innovative?
Welcome So what we get is a very dead,
swear, I very by-the-numbers melodrama
rimposed that can be summed up in a single
g towards statement made by Marsha Mason
)NDS!" as Highway's recently rekindled
flame. "Highway," she says, when
oliticking he struts back into her life, "all
still sticks balls and no brains."
od. And I Thanks, Marsh. I couldn't have
t least the said it better myself.

Clint Eastwood is Mr. Macho once again, this time as Tom Highway in the
new film 'Heartbreak Ridge.'

1I


Records

wanted: a writer by trade,
a musician at heart
We know you're out there. . . somewhere between a Saturday night gig and Advertising
Copywriting 450. A talented, conceptual copywriter who is also a player, able to speak the
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We're a major manufacturer of high-quality sound reinforcement products. Bruce Springsteen
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need of a writer that can make the words and music go together. . . in print advertisement,
POP, direct mail and related collateral materials developed by our in-house team.
An interest in things technical is another essential. You'll interface with the most qualified
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pro sound marketplace. It's our gear that sounds so good in the Pontiac Silverdome, the Hoosier
Dome, B.C. Place in Vancouver, Canada. And our RE20 microphone is a standard in broadcast
and recording studios worldwide. From psychoacoustics to holographic interferometry, you'll
stress the technological leadership that is Electro-Voice.
So between sets or between classes, let us know about you. We'd prefer a degree in advertising
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ability. Most important, we require the enthusiasm to become expert in the markets we serve.
Write Ron Graham, Vice President, Employee Relations, Electro-Voice, Inc., 600 Cecil St.,
Buchanan, MI 49107
20 minutes from South Bend " 60 minutes from Kalamazoo." 90 minutes from
Chicago . . and just an apple orchard away from the Lake Michigan shore
An Equal Opportunity Employer 6edtoice'
in/f/h/v


Various Artists
God's Favorite Dog
Touch and Go
Danny: Okay, look. We've got
this compilation record sitting in
front of us, so we figured "Hey
look, let's get stupid. We'll do a
 compilation review."
Mike: Okay, look. I'm Mike
and I'm too lazy to write this
myself so my partner is Danny,
'cuz he wanted his own copy of the
cover picture of Jayne Mansfield's
dead dog.
D: Okay, look, the record is
called God's Favorite Dog and it's
named after that corpse of a canine.
There's a "God" side and a "Dog"
side, and each of six bands has one
song on each side. Touch and Go
could have made it easier on the
listener by putting all the good
songs on the "God" side and the bad
songs on the "Dog" side. But they
didn't.
M: Hey, Dan, life isn't that
easy. If you remember, Mr. P.,
Touch and Go is the label run by
ex-Necro bassist Corey Rusk, out
of Dearborn, Michigan. It orig -
inally started out as a venue for
local hardcore bands the Necros,
Negative Approach, L-7, and the
Meatmen, but in the last few years
they've expanded their horizons to
the national level and feature an
amazing roster of such talents as
Butthole Surfers and Scratch Acid

(from Texas), and Killdozer, Big
Black, and Die Kreuzen (all from
the Midwest).
D: Hey, why isn't Die Kreuzen
on this record, anyway?
M: Shut up, I'm still talking. In
the past year, T&G has crossed
wide ocean waters to expand their
roster on an international level with
the distribution of the latest Virgin
Prunes records (they're from
England).
D: Speaking of records, we've
got one here. For starters, we have
Madison, Wisconsin's best non-
dairy product with bell-bottoms and
cowboy hats, tremendous udder-
squeezers Killdozer. They sound
like they give their songs drugs to
slow them down. Their version of
"Sweet Home Alabama" is enough
to make Lynyrd Skynyrd turn over,
in their plane.
M: I agree.
D : And now we come to
Chicago's biggest weenies, Big
Black, a new addition to Touch and
Go.
M: "Crack Up," a little ditty
about insanity, not cocaine or car
crashes, is a but-whumpin', skull-
thumpin', sheep-humpin' bit of
nastiness, Albini style. I can
almost see the hair standing up on
his pointed head right now.
D: Yea, I like it, too. And how
about "Every Man For Himself."
Big Black can actually write a
funny song. Something light-
hearted - you know - not like

child abuse, fist-fucking, or racism:
"I wanna go to Australia/I wanna
learn how to swim/ I wanna be my
own man." Beats their stupid
lesbian jokes.
M: Speaking of stupid jokes,
how about Happy Flowers. This
North Carolina twosome has the oh
so original names of "Mr. Horribly-
Charred Infant," and "Mr. Anus."
Ha Ha. Their two songs sound
about as funny as their monikers,
more like cats in a blender than
anything else. I like noise...but this

stuff is pointless.
D: I'd rather eat John Candy's
socks than listen to this stink.
M: Funny you should mention
stink, Dan. Because now we come
to Hose, Rick Rubin's newest
(actually they had a record out some
years ago, so it's really the oldest)
side project outside of the Beastie
Boys, and his Def Jam label. This
new stuff doesn't bite as bad as,
say, the new Kansas record, but as

See RECORDS, Page 7

The Michigan Union Bookstore

The Michigan Union Bookstore
gives you
TOP DOLLAR

Michigan Union
bookstore
will pay you up to
50% of the current
list price

for your Textbooks!
Here are a few examples of
titles and prices we are purchasing:


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Reward vourself with a 14K ,old ArtCarved ring, and we'll take $35 off
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Our Representative is on campus with distinguished traditional
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AUTHOR:
Allen
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Hagiwara
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Long
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Norton
Segal
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St. Onge

Habla Espanol: Essential Ed. '86
Economics: Prin. & Policy '85 3rd.
Organic Chemistry '84
Student Guide to IFPS '83
Theme Et Variations '85 3rd
Chemical Investigations '86
Prob. Exer. For General Chemistry 3rd.
Art of Public Speaking '86 2nd.
People & A Nation V2:
Since 1865 '86 2nd.
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Chemistry-Study Guide '85
Interactions: Revision De Grammaire '86

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when you sell your textbooks to
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The best time to sell is right after
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