The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, March 12, 1986 - Page 9
i
Aretha Frankness
By Dave A retha
Warning: The following may be hazardous to
your stomach. Proceed with caution.
D ear Mr. Canham,
I don't know if you're aware of it, Mr. Canham,
but a beautifully wonderful spectacle occurred recen-
tly. It was the National Mascot Championships and it
took place at Sea World in Memphis, Tenn.
"Willie" the Wildcat, "Johnny Reb" the Rebel,
"Buzz" the Yellow Jacket and many other wonderful
collegiate mascots brought glee and gaiety to all
children, young and old. And although everyone was a
winner on this day, "Cocky" the Gamecock from
South Carolina was crowned the champion.
The people of South Carolina are
so proud of their little Cocky. That
same Cocky who plays such har-
monious instruments as the piano j
and the xylophone. The same
Cocky who dons a deliciously
adorable outfit - maroon feathers,
a tuxedo jacket, top hat and big
furry moccasins. (Oh, Mr.
Canham, he looks so cuuuuute!)
That's the very same Cocky who.
has made three TV commercials,
has brought joy to 12 birthday par-
ties and once made an appearance
on the "Mr. Knozit Show." And the
same Cocky who's theme is "to
bring a sparkle in little children's
eyes."
Mr. Canham, thoughts of Cocky
and all these other wonderfully
precious mascots makes me tingle
with emotion. At times it makes
me bubble with glee, while at other=
times it brings sweet tears to my
eyes. Mr. Canham, it makes me
yearn deeply for a mascot that we
at Michigan can call our own.
Oh Mr. Canham, try to imagine
how sinfully delicious a mascot
would be. We could call him ... we
could call him ... Wilbur. Wilbur
the Wonderful Wolverine. Oh
heavenly lucious peaches, that's COC
it!Wilbur the Wonderful theg
Wolverine! And he can wear a pretty
baby-blue suit with a maize belly. And he'll have a black
puffy-ball nose. And whiskers (Oh please, Mr.
Canham, let him have whiskers!) And he'll have large,
fluffy ears and big, floppy feet, and oh he'll look
scrumptious!
Mr. Canham, Wilbur would bring a sparkle to the
eyes of all of us at the University. He would be the
greatest bundle of energy since Mary Lou.
I can picture it now: It's halftime of a Michigan foot-
ball game and Wilbur rushes to midfield. The fans
Dear Mr. Canham .. .
... forsake the mascot
stand as one, their hearts fluttering with anticipation.
The band strikes its first note and then it happens.
Wilbur, with rhythmic applause spurring him on,
shakes his tail-feathers to the beat of Air Supply - and
then Billy Ocean - and then Madonna.
And when he finishes Wilbur will take a bow, and the
thankful fans will join hands. Then they will sway back
and forth, and they will sing with all their hearts:
'Weeeee luuuuuuu Wilbur, the WOOOOOOlverine."
Yesterday I wrote a poem that sums up my desire for
Wilbur:
Oh how wonderful it would be
If we had a mascot;
Just like South Carolina
And the one that they got.
He would be cute and furry
and ever so lovable;
Like a Cabbage Patch doll
Yet even more huggable.
Last night I had a wonderful
dream. I dreamt it was my birth-
day and my friend came to my
room and said, "I have a wonder-
ful surprise for you." And indeed
he did, because standing next to
him was an adorable baby-blue
and maize mascot with a puffy-ball
nose, fluffy ears, floppy feet and
yes, even whiskers. My mouth
dropped open, but no words came
y out. I was in awe.
And then this furry, little doll
- said, "Happy birthday!" and he
hugged me (lucky shamrocks, he
hugged me!) and oh you can't
imagine how wonderful it was to be
hugged by warm and furry Wilbur
the Wonderful Wolverine.
' My birthday is coming soon, Mr.
Canham - April 1 to be exact -
and I would be forever greatful if
you can make this dream of mine
come true. I beg you, please, oh
pleeeeeeze bring Wilbur to life.
k ~rPlease, bring a sparkle to my eye
amecock and the eyes of all of us at the
University.
Who knows, Mr. Canham, maybe some day Wilbur
would make us especially proud by attending the
Mascot Championships at Sea World.
Wilbur could even be lucky enough to make it to
the Mascot Final Four. And maybe, just maybe,
Wilbur would beat the beak off that conceited, stuck-
up, little, phallic feather-duster they call Cocky. Oh,
Mr. Canham, that would be wonderful! Thank you
Tarp named
All=A merieca
From staff and wire reports
After garnering Big Ten Player of
the Week honors for his performances
against Ohio State and Indiana and an
AP All-Big Ten selection, Michigan's
center Roy Tarpley was again
honored yesterday as a third-team All
America selection by the Associated
Press.
Backcourtmen Steve Alford of In-
diana and Johnny Dawkins of Duke
were named to the All-America first
team, along with St. John's center
Walter Berry, Maryland's Len Bias
and Kentucky's Kenny Walker.
Michigan State's sharpshooting
guard Schott Skiles was named to the
second team. Skiles, who averaged a
league-leading 29.1 points per game,
was named Big Ten Player of the
Year by United Press International
Monday.
Rounding out the second team are
Virginia Tech's 6-4 guard Dell Curry,
Brad Daugherty of North Carolina,
Ron Harper of Miami of Ohio and 6-11
sophomore forward Danny Manning
of Kansas.
AP Top Twenty
1..Duke (32-2) (63) ..............1279
2. Kansas (31-3) (1)...........1213
3. Kentucky (29-3)............1123
4. St. John's (30-4) ..............1082
5. MICHIGAN (274)..........995
6. Georgia Tech (25-6)...........958
7. Louisville (26-7).............839
8. North Carolina (26-5).........809
9. Syracuse (25-5) ................805
10. Notre Dame (23-5)..........647
11. UNLV (314)..................585
12. Memphis St. (27-5) ............554
13. Georgetown (23-7)...........468
14. Bradley (31-2) ..............461
15. Oklahoma (26-8) ..............318
16. Indiana (21-7)...............272
17. Navy (27-4) ...................248
18. Mich. State (21-7) .............182
19. Illinois (21-9) .................159
20. Texas-El Paso (27-5) ...........83
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Daily Photo by SCOTT LITUCHYw
Associated Press third team All-American Roy Tarpley goes strong to the
basket in early season action. Tarpley was also awarded first team
honors from the Big Ten for his stellar performance in the paint this year.
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DETROIT (AP) - The Detroit Red
Wings have acquired four new players
in an effort to rebuild the National
Hockey League team's sagging
4efense and to add scoring power to a
,slumbering offensive attack.
The four transactions involving nine
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league's trading deadline, yesterday
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seman Mike O'Connell and Greg
Smith and John Barrett to the
Washington Capitals for defenseman
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Duguay
... becomes a Penguin
Duguay, a right wing, to the Penguins
kor right wing Doug Shedden, and cen-
ker Dwight Foster to the Bruins for
minor-league left wing Dave Don-
nelly.
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chemistry. We had to try to do
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defense," said Red Wings General
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The flurry of trades are one of a
-number of changes Red Wings have
made this season to shake up the club,
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