OPINION

Page 4

Thursday, December 8, 1983

The Michigan Daily

e a chigan
Edited and managed by students at The University of Michigan

The last phone call to mom

Vol. XCIV-No. 76

420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109

be fore cramming.,

Editorials represent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board

Spray them with insecticide

AKE A LOOK at the cover of
T Newsweek this week. You'd expect
to see a story on, say, the fighting in
the Middle East, the coming of 1984, or
maybe the holiday fare of movies. But
wait, there's a picture of the latest fad
to sweep the nation - cabbage patch
dolls.
If you haven't heard, cabbage patch
dolls are vinyl-faced stuffed cloth rags
"delivered" by Coleco Industries in
Hong Kong and "adopted" - with
adoption papers - in America for a $25
a crack (not including extras such as a
folding stroller for $14). But you'd
think the dolls were the equivalent of a
Bruce Springsteen concert at Crisler
Arena the way some people are reac-
ting:
" More than 5,000 crazed shoppers
trying to get at a new shipment of the
dolls staged a near-riot in a
Charleston, W. Va. department store.
"It got ugly," according to Hills
Department Store Manager Scott
Belcher.
" About 1,000 people waited in line for
nearly eight hours at a Zayre store in
Wilkes-Barre, Pa. When the doors
opened, the surging crowd broke a
woman's leg.

* Two Milwaukee disc jockeys told
their listeners that a B-29 bomber
would fly over the County Stadium
(where the Milwaukee Brewers
baseball club plays its home games)
and drop a load of the dolls to people
with catcher's mitts and credit cards
held high. About 20 people actually
showed up at the appointed time,
despite frigid weather.
* Worst of all, though, Coleco played
Scrooge and would not let the little girl
holding the doll in the Newsweek cover
photograph keep it. They said it was
running too low on the dolls, though
200,000 of them are flown in weekly
from Hong Kong.
Coleco President Arnold Greenberg
offered a touching explanation for the
cabbage patch success. "The fact that
the child can literally have a unique,
loving, bonding experience separates
it from other dolls," he said. Dressie
Bessies and Barbie dolls did just fine
for earlier generations, without the
hysteria.
The American people are really silly
sometimes; fads come and go and they
are usually harmless. But once in a
while you have to wonder if some
people have cole slaw for brains.

By Ron Pollack
(Ring-ring.)
"Hello?"
"Hey, hey mom. Whaddya say?"
"I DON'T know, dear, what would you like me
to say?"
"No, mom, you don't understand. What I
meant was what's happening?"
"Oh, nothing much. How are you?"
"Everything is cool here."
-HOW AWFUL. It's very warm here. I hope
you're remembering to wear a jacket out-
side."
"No mom, I mean everything is going well.
Anyway, in my sex class..."
"Sexclass? What kind of awful university is
that?"
"No mom, the class is called human
sexuality. It's on the level. It's a nat. sci.
class."
"There are gnats in your class?"
Nr, NAT. SCI. isnshort for natural science.
Anyway, in this class, I get there and I look at
the seat next to me and what do I see but a
jock?"
"That's a sick joke if you ask me. What kind
of terrible person would put an athletic sup-
porter on a classroom chair?"
"Wait mom, a jock is an athlete. So I star-
ted talking to this guy and we both look at this
guy down the aisle who had to be a frat rat..."
Did the rat chase away the gnats?"
"No mom, a frat rat is a guy who lives in a
fraternity. So we're looking at this frat rat
and he starts hitting on this babe..."
"HE HIT a baby, that's disgusting. I hope
someone went to the rescue of that poor
child."

"Uh, mom, maybe we'd better skip this
story. It's not really awesome come to think of
it."
"If you say so. So what did you do this
weekend?"
"I went to Charley's."
"You never mentioned a friend named
Charley before. Is he a new friend?"
"CHARLEY'S is a bar, ma. And after a
while we got hungry and decided to go to the
Count."
"I've never heard of royalty operating a
restaurant before."
"No, no, no, no. The Count is upstairs of
Charley's. It's a place where they sell 'za."
"You know, pizza. And while we were up
there, a bunch of Sammies walked in..."
"That must have been quite a coincidence.
Imagine the likelihood of all those boys
named Sam walking in at thatsame time.
How did you happen to find out that all their
names were Sam?"I
"I DIDN'T, MOM. A Sammie is a guy who
belongs to d fraternity called Sigma Alpha
Mu. They were with a bunch of airheads. I
think they were little sisters."
"Is air on the head anything like water on
the knee?"
"No mom. An airhead is a girl who isn't
very smart."
"Oh, I see. Well it certainly was nice of.
their brothers to be out with them. I'm sure
their parents are very proud."
"Wait, mom. A little sister isn't actually a
relative. It's a girl who participates in 'the
fraternity's functions. So this gearhead walks
up to one of the little sisters and asks her
about the Second Chance..."
"WHAT'S A gearhead?"
"It's an engineering student, mom."

.Sflor fi nal
"I see. So why did he want a second chan-
ce?"
"He didn't want a second chance. He wan-
ted her to go to the Second Chance with him.
It's a bar on campus with a live band and a
dance floor. Dr. Bop was there."
"I didn't know you ever went to see a doctor)
while at school. Is there something you
haven't told me about?''
"NO, MOM. Dr. Bop is the leader of a band
called Dr. Bop and the Headliners. So this lit-
tle sister tells this gearhead that she'd sooner
go to Second Chance with Shaky Jake than
with him."
"Who's Shaky Jake?"
"He's a dinosaur."
"But dinosaurs are extinct, dear."
"Exactly, and so are people like Shaky
Jake."
"I DON'T follow you.
"I'm getting that feeling. Sometimes Il
don't think we relate to each other."
"Don't be silly, honey. Of course we're
related to each other. But I will tell you one
thing, sometimes I get the feeling we have a
generation gap in our conversations.''
"That's what I was saying. Some buddies of
mine and I'were just talking about that the
other day over a few brewskies."
"Are brewskies anything like Ruskies, you
know, Russians?"
"No, mom. I've got to go. I'll catch you on
the flip side. I've got to do some booking so
I'm going to the UGLi"
(Click.)
"Wait a minute, dear. What's a flip side?
What's booking? What is ugly? Hello...
hello...hello."
Pollack is a Daily associate sports
editor.

V6

If it's yellow, don't eat it

Stewart

' _...%p7},, ,th aa... Da + X83

IS THE SEASON to be stealing
trays . . . The year's first snow
always exposes the mind's capacity for
ingenuity. Dormitory meal trays are
dropped through windows, hidden un-
der shirts, or cavalierly paraded past
unwary cafeteria guards (who may
turn out to be the thief's roommate).
First attempts often fail but it is in a
student's nature to persevere. Students
will not be deterred from the oppor-
tunity to hurl themselves down hills,
over bumps, and into trees - all only
moments before Arb security arrives
on the wintry scene.
And snowball fights, which are
another pre-study days pastime of
fun-loving students. Hill area dorm
residents staged a progressive snow
fight - similar to the popular pro-
drunks, only with warm clothing -

Monday night. Two houses in Markley
began the fun by atacking$each 9ther;
they then joined forces (a snowb 11 ef-
feet, you might say) to attack Mbshefr
Jordan and Alice Lloyd dormitories.
Residents of all three dorms then tried
to drift over to West Quad, but battle
fatigue set in, ending this residence
hall D-Day.
Not to be outdone, though the
University has some nifty ways it helps
students enjoy the white weather. The
University doesn't use old fashioned
snow plows which, simply move the
snow off of sidewalks and streets. It
uses big spinning brushes to whip away
the top layer of slush and polish up
what's underneath so everyone can
pretend the diag is Yost Arena.
A Zamboni machine would be much
more effective.

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WE PN' T HAVE THAT POLL, BUT WE HAVE
ONE THAT'S THE VERY LATEST THING
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YOU LET GO OR LL QOME DOWN ThEI AND RETAIATa

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LETTERS TO THE DAILY:
Little sisters begged for party theme

To the Daily:
We were part of the group that
initiated the first ''Pimp and
Prostitute" party at Theta Chi
back in March of 1980. We
noticed that the Daily's Editorial
Board incorrectly gave the credit
for this "night full of fun" to the
Theta Chi men ("Ladies [of the
evening] night," Daily, Decem-
ber 2). However, we newly in-
ducted little sisters begged for
that theme because we were tired
of the intellectual. grind of this
university. (Sometimes we
students do tire of film, theater
and music, you know.) Frankly,
the four of us wanted a blow-out
good time.
Economist, Lori (class of '83)
now states: "It really was fun. I
had a good time." She, like the
rest of us, realized at the time
what the Daily has apparently
failed to grasp now: The pimps

for instance, the one on page 9
which depicted a woman in a
skimpy nightgown.
Furthermore, it is the majority
opinion of this group that your
staff probably needed to fill up
space badly on Friday so you sent
out your star reporter to check
the kiosks. A bit of advice: You
would have been better off
checking the wire. There are
releases nearly every hour that
could use more in-depth probing.
One more thing: Take it easy
on the Greeks already. We're
tired of hearing your intellectual
staff rant and rave and we have
room to talk. One of us deac-
tivated from Alpha Delta Pi, and
still she defends them to certain
extent. Says Cheryl: "If you
BLOIOM COUNTY

haven't tried the Greek system,
you have no leg to stand on. It
works for some."'
By the way, no "wide range of
services" were "rendered at low
cost" and so we ought to smack
you for insinuating such nasty

things about we women who
unabashedly chose to attend.
-Sharon Liebetreu
Cheryl MacBeti
Lori Greif
Michelle Beh i
December

.. ... ..


Unsigned editorials appearing on the left side of this page
represent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board.
Letters and columns represent the opinions of the individual
author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the attitudes or beliefs
of the Daily.


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