4 OPINION Page 4 Thursday, January 6, 1983 The Michigan Daily Democrats in'84: Open for auditions 4 By Jon Weiss Ever since Ted Kennedy decided to. withdraw from the upcoming presiden- tial race, the media has been buzzing about all the different candidates who have a chance for the Democratic nomination in 1984. I'm no political know-it-all, but I can tell something's wrong with the stiffs who now are being pushed on us. Take the Democrat most often men- tioned as the heir apparent to his par- ty's throne-"Mr. Charisma" himself, Walter Mondale. He sounds about as exciting as the woman who answers the phone on "Student Locater." JOHN GLENN is another front- runner who doesn't exactly overflow with personality. But he's from the Midwest, he believes in God, and he likes a good missile (which, for some reason, makes him one of the most idolized men in America). Edmund Muskie is still around, but he is very'ancient, and is prone to lose his temper if you call him "Ed." There's also Morris Vdall, a nice man who does not mind if you call him "Mo." Besides that, no one knows anything about him except that he always seems to be running for president. A FEWBOTHER Democrats have an- nounced their craving for power, but they also aren't the type you'd want to invite to a party. In fact, the fun-loving, yet always down-to-earth Billy Carter would have an easier time getting elec- ted than any of the Democratic hacks running. Unfortunately, like Teddy, Billy would rather not accept his par- ty's nomination, for now. This tragic situation leaves the Democrats with some pretty mundane presidential hopefuls, none of whom stand much of a chance of beating Reagan in 1984. As proud Americans, we cannot stand by and let this happen. The prospect of having to see Ronald Reagan another four years demands that something be done. " How can the Democrats win back the White House?" ,you ask. It's simple. Just look at how the Republicans did it in 1980. Most im- portantly, they nominated a washed-up, second-rate actor to be their candidate. Although many thought him a "noodlehead," he did have nice hair and told cute stories. So we elected him to be our president (at least that's how my Aunt Sophie explained her vote). IN PLAYING the part of Mr. Chief Executive, the man from Hollywood has turned in the performance of his life. Although the economy has plum- meted into ruins, he remains sur- prisingly well-liked (my Aunt Sophie, who I always use as my polling sample of American public opinion, says, "At least he looks like a president, not like "Jimmywhatshisname"). Therefore, for the Democrats to win, there is no alternative-they must find their own real-life actor, somebody who can outshine Nancy's histrionic hubbie at his own act. In order to help the party choose a viable actor-candidate, I have made a list of those most qualified for the role: " Leonard Nimoy. No one can take this guy seriously as anything but the big-eared "Mr. Spock." This gives the Democrats a golden opportunity to cash in on his Vulcan image of intelligence and rationality. Reagan's fear of receiving a deadly nerve-pinch could also give Nimoy the crucial edge in a debate confrontation between the two. * Don Knotts. This mindless has-been has played second-in-command to Andy Griffith for too long. "Barney" is now trying to land a dramatic series with star billing. If he gets the nod, look for Ron Howard as his running mate. " Charles Bronson. Watch out! This law-and-order candidate fields a healthy crop of hair. If he knocks 'em dead in the primaries, he might blow Reagan away. * Charles Nelson Reilly. He's a sleeper-one of those "funnymen" who are always on Johnny Carson or in some game show, though you can never quite figure out why. What did he do? How did he become Charles Nelson Reilly? And why? These are the same questions we ask of Ronald Reagan. Popular mandate will demand that these performers try out for the nomination in the primaries. After- ward, the Denlocratic delegates will announce their leading man under the convention spotlight, leaving the party big-wigs with the job of selecting his understudy. The Democratic directors then must balance the ticket by casting a charac- ter actor who can play to a different audience than the star. IF, FOR instance, the Democrats find they need the support of prepubescents, very short men, or very annoying women who are always saying, "Oh, he's so cute!", the irrepressible Gary Coleman would make excellent vice presidential material. Should he spurn the offer, Rodney Allen Rippy and Mason Reese are just waiting to make their comebacks. Or if they want, instead, to get all those big goofy types from the South out to the polls, they can just ask "Gomer Pyle," played by Jim Nabors, to be on the ticket. Finally, if the Democrats are desperate and pollsters say they need the entire goofy vote across the country (estimated to be 27.3 percent of the electorate), they do not have to lower themselves to the dirty tricks of Watergate. As a last resort, they can make "Gomer" their presidential can- didate, and get "Jethro" from "The Beverly Hillbillies" (no one even knows his real name) to be his vice president. It may be about the best the party can do without Billy Carter. Weiss is an LSA senior. Coleman and Bronson: A winning ticket? I -- Edidana nt a Edited and managed by students ot The University of Michigan Wasserman 1 /ol. XCIII, No. 78 420 Maynard St. Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Editorials represent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board . FE~cH BUSNES IN flAe cout~yAt~ s Just NP, WOPJVZR- WE. C4,4LICK UN MP OYteNT IF e~ N O(~eoAoa cr WEC(AN oLVe -ThtE Soc* S~cuRM1T WECAN BALAUCe "T{E Keeping out the cold MOUd AMERICAD- / YOU (Ad Do IT, C b J r A F 4 ANN ARBOR landlords shouldn't really mind the April city ballot proposal for, setting minimum in- sulation standards in rental housing. After all, they're used to giving studen- ts the bare minimum of just about everything. Much of Ann Arbor's housing- particularly in the student ghettos-is notoriously energy inefficient. Hun- dreds of houses and apartment buildings were built before energy prices skyrocketed and conservation became so crucial. Of course, inadequate insulation in rental housing isn't exclusively the fault of the city's landlords. When students choose their housing in the relatively balmy months of March and April, they're prone to forget about checking for such items as storm win- dows and automatically adjusting thermostats. If they're used to dorm life, in fact, they're prone not to even be familiar with the concept of a heating bill. But when the winter chill turns what seemed like such a char- 'ming old house into a refrigerated health hazard, students aren't likely to forget how important proper insulation Is. But the members of the Coalition for petter Housing, a local tenants' rights group, have collected enough signatures in a petition drive to help change all that. Because of their effor- ts, the city's April ballot will feature a weatherization proposal that would require landlords to provide such necessities as a basic level of in- sulation, weatherstripping, and caulking. It would provide, in short, all the things that add up to savings in energy and tenant dollars. With the current improvement in rental market conditions, now is a par- ticularly good time, from the tenant perspective, to pass such a proposal. Although landlords will have to invest more money in their buildings to meet the new standards, they won't be in a very good position to pass these costs on to tenants because of the current high vacancy rate and sluggish economy. The potential for getting out a strong student vote on the proposal, however, seems somewhat discouraging. Even though the proposal will greatly benefit student tenants, the coalition members found that the three most successful days of their petition drive came, ironically enough, during winter break, when most students had already left town. The prodigious efforts of the Coalition for Better Housing have kept this landmark proposal alive up to now. And its members plan to continue their campaign to inform students and register them to vote. But unless students overcome their usual voter apathy on city elections, the weatherization plan may be defeated. If it fails, students will find themselves back in the same old lan- dlord/tenant relationship. Once again, they'll be left out in the cold. i 4 New Secret Service plan:@ Protection or oppression-? I By Seth Rosenfeld Under pressure to better protect the president ever since the attempted assassination March 30, 1981, by John Hin- ckley Jr., the Secret Service and the FBI have proposed a precedent-setting surveillance system that is drawing fire from civil liber- tarians. The proposed system would authorize use of the FBI's National Crime Information Center (NCIC), a massive computer network of 64,000 state, local and federal criminal justice agencies, to monitor law-abiding citizens, if the Secret Service considered them a threat to the president. The Secret Service claims the proposed program, which could go into effect early this year without congressional approval, is a "potentially valuable tool" in protecting the president and other protectees from people like Hinckley, Sara Jane Moore, and Sirhan Sirhan. But some law enforcement officials say the plan would be "worthless." And civil rights advocates compare it to the FBI's political surveillance in the 1970s and charge that it would be the first step toward using NCIC as an intelligence tool-something for which it was never intended. To provide "preventative protection" to the president, the Secret Service currently main- tains a computer list of 25,000 potential assassins. The agency focuses on a smaller group of "dangerous individuals" who allegedly have threatened the president. Every three months, Secret Service agents interview them, gathering information on their psychological, criminal, and political backgrounds. As of last April, the service listed 382 "dangerous individuals," 257 of whom were confined to prisons or mental in- stitutions, while 125 had no outstanding warrants and were "at larga " INFORMATION." The message would instruct the officer to make no arrest based on this information. It also would give the subject's physical description and a notation that the service considers them "mentally unstable" or "ar- med and dangerous." Thus, the Secret Ser- vice could monitor the activities of people it deems dangerous, even if they are law- abiding citizens who have committed no crime. In the aftermath of the Hinckley attempt, the plan gained swift approval from the FBI, the attorney general and the Treasury Depar- tment, of which the Secret Service is an arm. But on Capitol Hill the plan hit a snag. In a let- ter to Secret Service Director John Simpson, Rep. Don Edwards (D-Calif.) expressed "grave concern" about criteria for listing people and what data would be collected and disseminated on them. "While your objective is obviously well in- tentioned. . . it may have the unintended ef- fect of creating an unfavorable precedent without the careful review and analysis we prefer," wrote Edwards, a former FBI agent who chairs the Subcommittee on Civil and Constitutional Rights. Secret Service spokespersons declined .to discuss such questions with a reporter, but Justice Department memos described how the service determines who qualifies as a "dangerous individual." First, the service sifts through the more than 25 reports of threats it receives each day from "numerous and varied means." If the threat was written, or reported by a reliable source, two agents interview the person who allegedly made the threat. If the agents determine he or she could carry it out, they send an evaluation of "dangerous" to their field supervisor. If the supervisor agrees, the of privacy and improper arrests or deten- tion." Other observers charge that the plan would turn NCIC inside out-from a service which provides law agencies around the coun- try with listings of stolen cars, missing guns, and people wanted for serious crimes, into a centralized surveillance system using those agencies to funnel information to the FBI and Secret Service. "It would be the first time NCIC could be used as an intelligence tool, the first time NCIC could be used to list people charged with no crime," commented one congressional staffer. The American Civil Liberties Union's legislative director, Jerry Berman, called the "dangerous individuals" list "open-ended." "The files are full of derogatory infor- mation, unsubstantiated allegations and charges," Berman said. "We think it would be very dangerous to have that information floating around to policemen all over the country and letting them feed back into the system." Berman and other observers compared the proposal to the FBI's unauthorized use of NCIC as a part of its unconstitutional and illegal COINTELPRO to "disrupt and neutralize" lawful protest during the early 1970s. Secret Service claims that use of NCIC would have several benefits, allowing agents to keep closer track of people on its dangerous individuals list, providing immediate notice of their involvement in "criminal activity which could be related to protectees," and alerting officers that the person they are dealing with may be unstable or armed. But even law enforcement officials are at odds over whether the system would make the president any safer. The service admits that out of the last five attempts to assassinate a president, only one would-be assassin, Lynet- te "Squeaky" Fromme, was on its list of dangerous individuals, and she managed to 4 4 I I Im