A OPINION Page ___Tuesday, September 21, 1982- Watt and Gorsuch: The The Michigan Daily perfect couple By David Spak, This summer, during a backpacking trip to the Porcupine Mountains State Park in the Upper Peninsula, I ran across a most unusual-but somehow perfect-couple.' After a particularly invigorating hike, I took some time to relax. Nestled in a spot overlooking almost the entire park, I gazed out at the clear blue sky, the green canopy of pines covering the trails, and glass lakes reflecting the breathtaking view. I CLOSED my eyes for only a moment, but reopened them as a man and woman, oddly dressed for the surroundings, appeared in front of me-the man in a business suit and the woman'in a full-length skirt. I recognized them immediately. Before me, walking hand in hand, stood James Watt, secretary of the Interior, and Anne Gorsuch, administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency. They paid no attention to me as they started talking. "SWEETEST," Watt said tenderly, "as a wedding fit, I'll sell off this eyesore to the deserving gentlemen of the iron industry." Gorsuch demurely lowered her eyes. "And my dowry to you," she said, "will be to clear those gentlemen of any teensy violations or silly lawsuits that might cause them a headache."" I could hardly believe what was happening, but I was too fascinated to stop eavesdropping. I listened on. "THAT'S SETTLED," the groom-to-be con- tinued, "but we still haven't picked a wedding site. Texas might be nice once drilling season starts." "But what about L.A.?" the bride demanded: "I hear the smog is in full bloom. And it would. be so much easier for Ronnie and Nancy to come down from the ranch." "Or maybe Denver, snookums. I know how you feel about the orange tint in the air during rush hour," Watt lovingly replied. Gorsuch seemed to agree. "That might not be bad, honey. We can have an open-air ceremony overlooking one of those exquisite new strip mines you paved the way for. We could even make a few fundraising stops before the big day." "EXCELLENT IDEA, poopsie. Have you spoken with Nancy yet about the other arrangements and the guest list?" "No, darling," Gorsuch admitted. "I was so busy admiring her Adolfo at the last banquet that I clean forgot. But I'm sure she'll be glad to set everything up. Who do you want as your best man?" Watt seemed perplexed. "I'm not sure. I've narrowed it down between the president of the National Rifle Association and the chairman of Exxon. I owe them both a favor. Is Sandra Day O'Connor still going to be the bridesmaid?" "OF COURSE. And she promised to help out with those extremists who keep appealing those horrid clean air cases. I hope all those nice energy people are planning on attending, too." Watt beamed. "Certainly. And you'll never guess who sent a thank-you note with their RSVP-the chemical waste people." "That was sweet of them," Gorsuch said, stooping to pick a weed. "I do try so hard to ac- commodate them by reducing restrictions and cutting back enforcement staff and all. "I know what you mean," Watt chimed in. "Do you realize how much money we are saving in the salaries of forest rangers alone by getting rid of all that public land out West? It must be at least a couple of million." "DON'T FORGET the increased profits of the nice folks at Amoco. You've done a bang-up job, all in less than two years." "What about your accomplishments, Anne? All those lax standards and dropped lawsuits have made things so much easier for our frien- ds." "We're quite a team." "I know, Iknow." I closed my eyes, hoping that I could ignore - them. But I heard the woman say, "Jim, we still have to decide where to go on our honeymoon. "How about offshore oil rig-hopping?" "Perfect. How romantic." 6 6 Spak is a Daily staff w/iter. James and Anne: Caught together in the woods -_ ____ Edited and managed by students at The University of Michigan Wasserman 01 Vol. XCIII, No. 11 420 Maynard St. Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Editorials repriesent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board Helms outdoes himself )WV6WORKSD OUT A~ NEW W\ItEAT ?MCE a " ANA4 WE'E GO1N4TO RUN VT UI' THE LP E ANpE'E\ w~io Q k 1 W OULDN'T IT BE marvelous if Jesse Helms were merely tiresome?'Wouldn't it be great if his forum were the Diag and if his audien- ce were squirrels and pigeons? Ahh, dreams. Instead, Helms is on the Senate floor, doing his bit to undermine the Con- stitution. Yesterday afternoon, the senator was defeated in his attempt to end a filibuster against his school prayer' bill. Although the defeat came on the heels of the Senate's rejection of the Helms theory of abortion, Helms and his colleagues are prepared to press on. He says he will try once again to limit debate on the bill today and tomorrow, and senators on both sides concede that he will eventually win cloture. At issue is no petty piece of malicious reaction. The bill proposed by Helms would strip the Supreme Court of jurisdiction in cases involving school prayer, including any law approved by a state legislature or a ruling by a lower court. It would, in effect, limit the power of the Supreme Court to in- terpret the Constitution simply because Helms and his conrrades disagree with the court's inter- pretations. The ramifications of the proposal would extend far beyond the matter of prayer in the schools. The Helms bill would set up a mechanism by which the Congress-acting outside the procedures for amending the Con- stitution-could limit the very ap- plicability of the Constitution. It would grossly distort the relationship bet- ween the Congress, the courts, and the Constitution, and it would provide a means by which even the most basic liberties could be curtailed. No, Helms has transcended the merely tiresome on this one. This time-with the help of 49 senators who sided with him yesterday-he's at- tacking some of the most basic freedoms of all Americans. And that's something even a Diag preacher would admire for its absurdity. , ..._ - F C 1 I -r ,' d rIZa o Jam! y tA hiV o o b . 'iii//ice. r..w'"/ s .-~r. s- ,00.3 . FMCS SyN4KAtE M WA i I%~ ILLrte H ER E COMES ANOT HER ONE OF T HOSE PR AYERS MADE UP BY THE BUREAUCRATS FOR THE SCHOOLKIDS' fis 6 ~r ) J T $. ~ ~~~ . ®,;;.,rt / _ .s * At 7 JOHANNESBURG, South Africa-In "Marabi," a play about life in this city before World War II, a shady im- presario seeks to win over George, a young black musician, by offering him a saxophone made in the United States. George is ecstatic. "If it comes from America," he cries, "It's got to be good! All the best things come from America." Asked later to comment on these lines, an actor who played George in a recent production added one of his own: "That's not true any more, is it?" THIS EXPRESSION of skep- ticism about the standing of the United States in South African eyes was borne out and expanded during interviews with many black South Africans, including jour- nalists, trade unionists, and community leaders, all of whom were aware of and deeply distur- bed by evidence that President Reagan's administration is not acting to bring about any meaningful reform in South. Africa. The interviews highlighted several facets of the problem: " The muted response of the Reagan administration to the death in detention of Neil Aggett, a prominent South African union, leader, was contrasted with the attendance of two senior Carter- era U.S. diplomats at the funeral ,I America 's image in South Africa tarnish es By Miriam lamob judgment of the Reagan ad- ministration.. "The United States is prepared to levy sanctions against Russia and Poland because it is fightingO communism," he said, "and it is prepared to use a.carrot with South Africa. I can only draw one conclusion, that they are more concerned with the Soviet Union than they are with apartheid." The increasingly negative at- titude extends to U.S. businesses in South Africa, and their relationships with black employees. A black executive with a U.S. advertising agency commented that "equal oppor- tunity employer" was a nice slogan, but they never checked what it means to black people. It means applying every aspect of democratic America to South Africa. But they don't. They hide behind the laws of the country. BISHOP DESMOND Tutu, head of the South African Council of Churches, referring to expen- ditures by U.S. corporations to improve the lives of Africans, said: "I don't mind; let us have part of the money they are get- ting out of the country. But let them not think it legitimizes their being here. It will not count in 'their favor because they are not doing us a favor." This view, diametrically op- posed to the Reagan "construc ,.- it There is also widespread con- viction that serious damage to the black South African view of U.S. policy was done by hearings before a U.S. Senate Subcommit- tee on Security and Terrorism conducted by Sen. Jeremiah Den- ton (R-Ala.,) and his assistant, Joel Lisker, with the open assistance of the South African government. (Lisker gathered in- formation in South Africa before the hearings and was quoted in the Johannesburg Star as praising the government for its cooperation.) Althonah snme nress rpnnrts African government." Many of the black South Africans interviewed responded cynically when asked whether they saw differences between the human rights attitudes of the Carter and Reagan ad- ministrations; some cited the ex- periences of Andrew Young, for- mer U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, "who even became unpopular in his own, country." AFRICAN WRITERS Association President Mothobi Motluatse remarked that "Carter mac -.0ohtly hetter. hp hanffad the