OPINION Page 4 It's 1 o'clock Tuesday, March 3, 1981- Time The Michigan Daily for my daily fix I've finally decided to come out of the closet. If Devon can find the inner courage to admit her alcoholism after trying to commit suicide (because she left little Bonnie unattended ;during one of her drunken stupors), then I can admit to my own addiction. I ... I ... Iaman.. . "All My Children" Witticisms By Howard Witt junkie. There-I said it. The monkey is off my back. Well, not yet. I'VE BEEN WATCHING Devon, who is just one of the nearly 50 characters on the ABC-TV soap opera, for almost four years. I never really liked her very much, and I always felt sorry for Wally, who had to marry her when -she got pregnant with little Bonnie after only one passionate evening. Wally had to quit school at Yale and start to support his young family by doing odd jobs, and Devon, that insatiable harlot, started an affair with Sean behind Wally's back, and. . . well, I don't mean to get too far into this. Sffice it to say that I hoped Devon would actually succeed in her suicide attempt. OH, HOW TERRIBLE, you exclaim. He really wanted that poor, misguided girl to jump to her death from a 12th-story hospital window. Whatever could have possessed him to be so cruel? "All My Children" has possessed me. And now, after more than a thousand episodes, I'm reaching out for help. Alcoholics suffer from cirrhosis, heroin addicts from hepatitis. I'm developing mush on the brain. It all started one spring day in my junior year in high school. It was a Friday afternoon, and I had been home with the flu. All week I had managed to avoid the television set during those deadly afternoon. hours between "Password" and "The 3 O'Clock Movie." But not this day. This day I couldn't sleep, couldn't read, couldn't eat. I had no choice but to switch on the TV. ONE LITTLE SOAP opera couldn't hurt, I assured myself. I happened onto "Another World." And ever since that fateful day, I've been on the edge of night, searching for tomorrow, trying to find the guiding light in my one life to live in these days of our lives. I'm ready to check into General Hospital. "Another World" quickly lost its cosmic qualities, as the impotent husbands and cheating wives rapidly grew stale. "Why don't you try something a little heavier?" a friend urged. "Go beyond 'Another World' and try 'Ryan's Hope.' " LIKE A FOOL, I took his advice, not noticing that his eyes were always a little glazed and he spoke in a constant monotone. After a few weeks, even "Ryan's Hope," with its Carib- bean gun runners and drug smugglers, could not satisfy me. I had developed a tolerance for it; I needed something with a stronger kick. I went back to my glassy-eyed friend., "Try 'All My Children,' " he suggested. "Oh, I don't think I'm ready for the hard stuff," I quivered. "C'mon, what are ya, chicken?" he taunted. "Look at me. I've been watching 'All My Children' for years and I'm all right." "Oh, yeah?" I squinted. "How come you're always wearing long-sleeve shirts, even in summer? You're trying to cover up your .... "Chuck and Tara tattoo," he interrupted. "I ran out and got it right after they were married." I GAVE IN to his slick urgings. And he was right-"All My Children" was an intense trip. When they lengthened it to an hour, I thought I would die of an overdose of ecstasy. But I've paid a high price for my addiction. When I was a freshman at the University, I didn't have a TV of my own. I had to deal with all sorts of unsavory characters to get my daily fix. I've had to pass up countless interesting courses at CRISP because they were offered at that precious "All My Children" hour-1-2 p.m. I've stared at millions of tampon commer- cials, seen thousands of baby bottoms in diaper ads, and sat through hundreds of plugs for floor cleaners. AND, WORST OF all, I've had to endure the cruel, heartless character changes, when ac- tors leave the show and new ones suddenly ap- pear without any warning. They've had three Wallys in just one year. And when I tuned in one day to find they had switched Bennys on me, I thought I was living through Kafka's Metamorphosis. Sure, I've tried to break my habit on my own. I tried going cold turkey a few months back by not watching "All My Children" for a whole week. But I couldn't stand the agony. I rushed out on Sunday morning to buy a newspaper and frantically tore open the entertainment section to the soap opera synopses. I even tried a kind of methadone- maintenance program by watching "Dallas" for a few weeks, but it didn't work. My body craved Erica and Palmer and Donna and Phoebe and Leora... I know I need help badly. I really want to break my ugly addiction. Last week I started going to meetings of "All My Children Anonymous," and believe me, that was no easy task. They meet every afternoon during "All My Children." Which at least gives me time to get home and catch "As The World Turns." Howard Witt is a Daily staff writer. His column appears every Tuesday. Edited and managed by students at The University of Michigan Feiffer Vol. XCI, No. 122 420 Maynard St. Ann Arbor, MI 48109 A ~tZ'AR A1J MrA Editorials represent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board 'U t~l~ I C~ t ~er fl04 TAB' THE HOMvs my HL'S'"P k)AM'T5TO 0ur NOwg kWW MAtPmcC6 C° 5' WNj..S le MSU's THE DECISION TO c colleges at Michig University clearly illust potential magnitude of Presi Mackey's "financial crisis" 1 MSU's Select Advisory C has presented Mackey wit calling for the elimination 4 stitution's College of Nursin of Urban Development, Lym College, James Madison Co School of Social Work.. Sources say the Mackey h okayed these cuts. Now, a needed is a wave of MSU's Trustees hand, and four co one school will be the victi budget cutter's ax. As a result of these cuts, 70 tenured professors may (jobs. Such a rash act is certa .a deterrent to MSU's acaden in the future. It is doubtfu professors will flock to an where tenure has little effi security. chopping block lose four It is unfortunate MSU has chosen an State to overreact to the state's current rates the financial woes in such a fashion. True, ident Cecil cuts must be made in the state's powers. colleges and universities, but MSU's .ommittee quick-acting, wholesale cuts are no an- th a plan swer to these fiscal woes. of that in- The decision to cut entire schools and g, College colleges is not one that can be made in Aan Briggs a matter of a few short weeks or even llege, and months; and by no means should such as already a decision be made by one individual. all that is These kinds of drastic cuts must be Board of made only after careful planning and lleges and observation from several groups-in- ims of the cluding students, faculty, and ad- ministrators. MSU's frightened rabbit more than approach to a short term problem will lose their only severely damage the university in in to prove the long run. nic quality The MSU Board of Trustees should 1 top-level reject this outlandish budget-hacking institution proposal in order to preserve the long- ect on job range academic quality of the univer- sity in East Lansing. iii-i..- ....-_.:._ :.- I 6wK OF' 1 Ix'uz W 0OF MV21. OFF THC AJt LONT AND? WlJ' ourTH Il b or 31k) ,aA5 TS r n m I u . H { f ; P1477AW7VWW-O-I gwmsv, Ros5 sriwckts i0 LETTERS TO THE DAILY: Anti-Cuban terrorism in the U. S. To the Daily: With all the talk about inter- national terrorism, it is in- teresting to note that the new secretary of state has been com- pletely silent about the terrorist activities of Cuban exiled groups here in the United States. The assassination of the Cuban diplomat, Felix Garcia, last fall occurred in New York City, not Tehran. Although the act was repudiated by the entire inter- national community and a speedy investigation was demanded by the United Nations, to date there have been no indictments or arrests. Secretary of State Haig has also failed to account for the up- swing in Cuban exiled terrorist activities in the last year and a half. Omega 7, the terrorist group which functions mainly out of New Jersey, has claimed credit for at least twenty bombings and the assassinations of two Cuban Americans, Eulalio Negrin in November of 1979 and Carlos Muniz , April of 1979. A recent report prepared by the Constitutional Litigation Clinic at Rutgers Law School for the State ACLU and the World Council of Churches has documented a par- tial list of Cuban exiled terrorist activities from 1973 to 1980 which includes over 100 assassinations and killings and over 100 bom- bings not to mention the cases of intimidation, harrassment and extortion. The links between the CIA, the FBI and these groups are well documented dating back to the training of the invaders of Bay of Pigs in 1961. The Watergate in- cident brought to light these past links. The assassination of the ex- ambassador to Chile, Letelier, in Washington was carried out in con with the Chilean governm How can the Unite( government have the demand repayment ofd of their embassies ov when right here in New Y George. To the Daily: Was I dreaming when tly heard the Spirit of G former King of England versation with his o Secretary of State? "A Pitt - excuse the blasp what has become ofn proud American subjec called me tyrant when them to keep the Ea Company afloat andt bankrupting our brave merchants!" "Aye, Sire, T'is sad, Americans now haste taxed in a variety of wa der to avoid the bankru their industrial masters. "And their labors ha them serfs to an In Feudality which enabl Industrial Masters to n waste not only their R livelihoods but have cr economic wasteland of t tiful land which God an Ill's confusion cuse my pride - gave to them'. I recen- They have succumbed to the eorge III, preachings of their masters from 1, in con- Land Leeches and Lumber ne time Barons to Motor Moguls. They My God, have allowed the political dhemy - democracy which their my once forefathers created to be turned ts? They into Political Principalities to I taxed which they elect economic Prin- st India ces from among candidates who to avoid have been hand picked by the English Barons of Industry. Would they not have been far betteroff to have indeed. continued under my kindly ad- n to be ministrations and those of my iys in or- successors?" ptcies of "Indeed, Sire! Can you say that conditions have been any dif- ve made ferent in our beloved England dustrial under the benevolent' reigns of ed their your nineteenth and twentieth rape and century successors, including the ives and illustrious Queens, Victoria and eated an Elizabeth?" he boun- -Ralph Muncy d I - ex- February 18 Orlando i in 1976 njunction nent. d States face to damages verseas, Bork City the Cuban and the Soviet missions have been bombed time and time again by Cubang Americans who apparently operate with relatively little im- punity? Talk of international terrorism should begin at home. -Maria Torres Feb. 19 Hands off1El Salvador - -x~ . \ _ ._.. .. -' Wt,.2-=" - ., To the Daily: The Reagan administration has thrown its El Salvador offensive into high gear in the last two weeks, and its real targets have become immediately clear: Washington is challenging the Soviet Union and Cuba to a showdown in Central America. In this anti-Soviet crusade, Yankee imperialism has pointed a gun at the head of Sandinista Nicaragua, demanding it cut off aid, to Salvadoran left-wing liberals, and the Pentagon is already funneling greatly in- creased military hardware and "advisers" to oron up the mur- peared as alleged blips on a radar screen), the basis for sending American troops to Vietnam; or Lyndon Johnson's famous list of 50-plus "communists" (most of them in jail or out of the country) in Santo Domingo, his excuse for landing the Marines in 1965. U.S. aid to the bloody military junta (which claimed over 10,000 victims in 1980) and Reagan's war threats must be met with militant mass protest. But it is not enough to demand that the U.S. keep its hands off El Salvador. The Salvadoran military forces are prepared to massacre up to 200,000 workers and peasants to put down "Com- Letter policies Letters to the Daily should be fvnod_ frinl.AcnrmdA wAithl314 ihrh"