Page 6-B-Thursday, September 10, 1981-The Michigan Daily
The memoirs of
Or, 'The pleasures and
pains of starting college'

a

freshman

I
4

By STEVE HOOK
The transition from pampered
high school man-/woman-about-
town to University computer num-
ber is smooth for some, but rocky
for most. Remember, freshpersons:
You're in good company, and if
misery loves company, you should
-be in fine shape. To help ease the
sometimes difficult process,, enjoy
the observations of one Johnathon
Doe, No. 384-459-997-2. He is a
hypothetical but clearly not atypical
new student, who doesn't like the
prospect of eight expensive
semesters any more than you do.
But, like you, he is taking the dive,
nevertheless. Welcome to the Unreal
World of Johnathon's four-month
diary.
August 31
Great. I've got to be in Ann Arbor the
day after Labor Day. One last weekend
in Traverse City with my high school
friends - playing frisbee on the beach,.
taking Toby's catamaran into the bay.

September 4
So this is West Quad. This is where I
will spend most of my time at
Michigan. The place is a maze! You get
lost going to the bathroom! My room-.
mate, Charlie, spent 45 minutes last
night trying to find the cafeteria, and
was too late to get in. Boy was he pissed.
It's kind of neat, though - you can have
incredible frisbee games in these halls.
Last night, Charlie and I, along with
some guys from down the hall (Can't
remember their names), had a tour-
nament until 4:30 this morning. It en-
ded when a security copscaught us
drinking beer. He confiscated the
.frisbee. Over.
September 5
Sure, you can eat a ton of ice cream,
but it tastes like plastic. And there's no
whole milk, just two percent and skim.
Furthermore, I've got to stand in line
around here to eat, which makes me
feel like a P.O.W. . . . My first classes
have all been short, with the professors
introducing us to people called
"teaching assistants," who I guess will
really be our professors, but not really,
sort of. I'm afraid I will fall in love with

you can get beers for a quarter! Boy,
college is fun so far. Over.
September 17
People are less crazy than they were
two weeks ago. I guess student life is
beginning to take hold. Some people are
actually studying - you know, going to
the library and stuff. I can't even
remember where the UGLI is, except
that it's behind the graduate
library ... Our floor voted to have a
party after the Illinois game October
third. We'll use the cafeteria and get a
band. Should be a good time ... . I got a
real checking account at this big bank
today. They charge $7.50 for an "over-
draft," which means a worthless check,
I think. I hope I don't have too many
overdrafts ... I'm thinking of joining
our floor's football team, but I don't
know what position I'd play. Last time I
played football I got kicked in the balls
trying to catch a pass. My roommate
Charlie wants to play too. I guess he
played for his high school team, either
that or he's lying. .. Our political
science TA is making us read this
stupid book by Max Weber by Tuesday.
Haven't even bought it. Over.
September 28
Anna gave me a C- on my first
philosophy essay. I don't think I'll fall
in love with her anymore. Bitch. Over.
October 4
I'm so mad at Charlie. Last night at
the party, he came back from the
cafeteria with some friends to play
poker, using MY cards and MY custom-
made table and drinking MY (Dad's)
vodka, and one of them got rattled and
kicked in my aquarium, which I was
going to set up today: Another guy
spilled a quart of orange juice on my
bed. Maybe I'll get another roommate
- not only does Charlie use MY stuff all
the time, he has some weird habits too.
Like today, I open the door and he's-
staring at himself in the mirror with his
uncle's Coast Guard uniform on. And
another thing, he's always leaving em-
pty pop cans and newspapers around,
expecting me to pick them up. Jeezo
Pete. Over.
October 9
Wouldn't you know it, our German
quiz will cover all 10 chapters of the
section, which means I have some cat-
ching up to do before Monday. We're all
going to East Lansing for the weekend
for the game, though, and my new
friends at Delta Tau said they'd put us
up Saturday night at the MSU chapter,
so we'll probably get pretty "blasted;"
as they say around campus. They say
the women up there are really cute.
(They also say the girls here are ugly,
but not the ones I've seen. As a matter
of fact, I've seen more pretty girls here
in the past month than I have in my
whole life put together, you know?
Maybe it's just me) . . . . This frater-
nity is real fun; they party a lot and
have fun, more than my friends at the
dorm. A couple of nights ago, we lit two
packs of 100 firecrackersbon the
Omicron house's front and back por-
ches, and the ladies there could be
heard screaming from all direc-
tions ... The food at the fraternity is
better. Real food for a change. I think
I'll like living here, if they give me a
bid. Over.

Daily Photo by STEVE HOOK
My room, on the top floor of Michigan House in West Quad. It's a great room, except for Charlie got the desk by the
window.

October 19
Sex sex sex. All anybody thinks or
talks about at this college is sex. We
went to this place called Rick's
American Cafe last night, and all my
friends did the whole night was argue
about how cute or ugly the girls were
that walked by. George keeps saying,
"I gotta get laid," but he never does.
Over. I try not to think about it. Over
over.
October 27
I'm a Delta Tau! Boy, was Dad hap-
py, and Mom too, and Uncle Jim. I
guess I'm a "pledge" for now,
whatever that is, and I'll be "formally
initiated" in January. . . My German
test went well, although I couldn't think
of what "policeman" means in Ger-
man. Who cares, anyway? They force
me to take this language ..............
Our football team is undefeated,
although I'm only playing as a sub-
stitute because of my "groin con-
dition." About once a game, I'll go in
and defense a kickoff or extra point try.
Charlie got the wind knocked out of him
last week by a guy from Mosher Jor-
dan, and he refuses to play center for
the team anymore. . . I might have a
new girlfriend all of a sudden, a blond
girl called Kathy, who's in my German
class and hates it as much as I do. She's
staying at a dorm called Stockwell,
where I guess they have really good
food or something, and we might get
together and watch the Indiana game
together at the stadium Saturday. Don't
blow it, kid. Over.
November 2
Here's the way to beat Asteroids. Fir-
st, knock out the asteroids, but leave
one or two small chunks floating
around. When the big flying saucer
comes out of nowhere, you'll beready
for it and you can destroy it easily.
When the little flying saucer appears,
and fires at you, you should keep your
ship moving and blast him as you glide
by. Remember, don't knock out the last
asteroids or a whole new batch will ap-
pear on the screen. Yes, college can be
educational. Over.
November 11
I went home last weekend for the first
time since I've been at Michigan. It was
really weird; at the grocery store with
Mom we bumped into our neighbor, and
I forgot her name! Grew up three
houses down and I can't remember her
name. And I used to cut her lawn! I ex-
plained that I had met 1000 people since
September, and my mind was a bit clut-
tered, and she didn't act pissed. Mom
made a really big dinner - tuna
casserole, my favorite - and we
showed some home movies from last
summer's trip to Boston. I wasn't really
paying attention, though. Our poli-sci
term papers are due in three weeks,
and I've barely chosen a topic. And I'm
taking Kathy to our fraternity's pledge
formal next weekend, which scares me.
And I'm starting for the football team
as wide receiver when the playoffs start
Tuesday night. And my new checking
account has been a disaster, I've over-
drawn five checks, and the bank might
cancel my account. And I have to know
300 German verbs by the exam later
next week. I guess I've had a lot on my

majorbars each night, but even if you
don't get a "stamp," you can drink
anyway, unless one of the bouncers
notices, which I guess they never do.
But at the popular bars on campus, the
21-year drinking age seems to bother no
one ... I toured the Michigan Union for
the first time since I've been in Ann Ar-
bor, and boy is it big! Bowling alleys
and billiard rooms and bars and study
rooms and pinball arcades and book
stores and auditoriums, and little
rooms with pianos in them. Do all of the
students know about this building? You
don't hear many people talk about it
that much. Over.

. every pass thrown to me, but it was a
fun season, I guess. It was pretty cold
for the last couple games though, and it
kind if hurt standing on the sidelines in
my gym shorts.. . Charlie pulled
another smart one, unplugging th
refrigerator when we went home for
Thanksgiving. I had cheese, milk, a jar
of mayonnaise, and some peaches sit-
ting in there. Charlie had half a
grapefruit and some cans of pop, and
everything was moldy and smelly when
we showed up Sunday night. Good;play,
Shakespeare. I think I'll move into the
fraternity in January, if the University
and my Dad will let me. Over.

Daily Photo by STEVE HOOK
The pinball arcade where I learned to beat Asteroids.

And then, boom. Move into the dorm,
buy books, locate class buildings
(Where the heck is the Modern'
Language Building? What is a modern
language?) . . . Maybe I'll blow off
Michigan and go to school in Florida or
Texas, along with everybody else.
Probably not, though. Dad wan-
ts me to join the Alpha Tau fraternity
house, where he was vice-president in
1952. 1 guess I'll get accepted sort of
automatically. They tell me you can eat
all the ice cream you want at the dorm.
They better get ready for me. Over.

one of my TAs, a foxy philosophy
teacher called Anna. Wonder if she has
a boyfriend. Wonder how old she is. 22?
23? Forget it.. . I can get around cam-
pus pretty well now without my map,
but I still yank it out now and then; like
today, when I found myself in a building
called Haven Hall ... Some guys on
our floor went to this weird bar called
"O'Toole 's"or " Dooley 's "or something
like that, and they said that not only are
there video games and foosball tables,
but they have two big TV screens there.
And on Monday Night Football nights,

My roommate Charlie, incredibly drunk after the Northwestern football,
game.

December 2
These are the terms I've learned here
at Michigan: Blue book, straight-scale
grading, hold credit, midterm, Gone
Borneo, preppie, frat boy, JAP, bong
hit, drop-add, "blowing it off," cognate
studies, VC and CC, Beer 98, overnight
reserve, syllabus, course pack, "beat
crazy" and ska, CBN, Shaky Jake,
smaller-but-better, pizza subs, and of-

December 23


My exams all went well, even
though I hardly studied during "siudy
days." German may not be such a bad
language after all, especially if I -can
learn it with a girl like Kathy. Wf'te
been talking about going to Gerrngy
after college and speaking with the
residents of Hamburg or somewhere.

A v. . '.. Kni . . ... .. ep.,.