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Ninety years of editorial abuse
Page 10-Tuesday, April 1, 1980-The Michigan Daily

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ARTIST'S RENDERING of the proposed "Quagmire I" complex.
Soviet troopsiwvade scenic
Lichtenstein* U.S. shocked
/ N

REGEN
CA
By JOE ROSSI
The University Regents yes-
terday sold developer John
Stegeman most of central
campus for another one of his
elaborate building projects.
According to terms drawn up
at the Regents meeting
yesterday, Stegeman, through
his Quagmire Corp., will
demolish most of the central
campus buildings and replace
them with a 240-story "all-
purpose structure."
UNDER THE master plan approved
by the Regents, the project will house
many University schools and colleges,
fraternities and sororities, as well as
such well-known landmarks as the

TS SELL CENTRI
IPUS TO STEGE

L

"cube," the engineering arch, and
Michigan Stadium.
Stegeman said he will lease some of
the facilities back to the University for
"a reasonable price to be determined
later."
The land was sold for $780,000, a price
most critics at the meeting said was
much too low.
But Regent Thomas Roach (D-
Saline), who initiated the proposal,
defended the sale: "It's just good
business," Roach said. "This was the
first time anyone offered to buy central
campus at any price. I figured we'd
have to be crazy not to jump at the
offer."
DEMOLITION IS scheduled to begin
spring term, although the Regents
agreed not to demand payment from
Stegeman until "he gets back on his
feet financially."
While the new building-dubbed

"Quagmire I"-is being constructed,
students will be educated in
"temporary" facilities, including
Perry School, Krazy Jim's, and the
North Campus firefighters' practice
tower.
Deane Baker (R-Ann Arbor), the only
Regent to oppose the plan, said the
"outrageously huge" building would
cast a shadow over most of Ypsilanti
during the late afternoon hours.
EXCEPT FOR Roach and Baker,
most of the other Regents quietly cast
their votes of approval, mumbling such'
comments as "Stegeman's a real
doer," and "Who are we to stand in the
way of progress?"

Roach was quick to point out what he
called the benefits to students. He said
a festive "Demolition Ball" is
scheduled for mid-May, including a
"column bash" in front of Angell Hall.
"Students will be given a chance to
sledgehammer the old place first.
hand," Roach chuckled.
Reaction to the plan was mixed.
University President Harold Shapiro
slumped speechless in his chair, while
Economics Prof. William Shepherd,
who spoke against the plan during the
public comments section, destroyed the
egg timer that had limited his
presentation to five minutes.

MSA allocates
all funds to 'U'

By CLARK KENT
In an effort to gain more University
adminsitration support, Michigan
Student Assembly members voted last
night to allocate all of the Assembly's
funds to renovate the University's
Administration Building.
The proposal, which was passed by a
2-1 margin, calls for the money to be
dispersed over a two-year period and in
conjunction with a $50 increase in
mandatory student fees.
IN.DEFENDING the proposal, MSA
President Jim Alland stressed that it
was time MSA "took some concrete
action" in bringing the student
government into the administration's
favor.
"The administration has been very
cooperative over the last few years,"
explained Alland, who rents a suite in
the president's mansion. "It's time that
we returned all the favors that the
administration has done for us in the
past."
The renovations include an exclusive
penthouse restaurant, plush wall-to-
wall carpeting, an art gallery with
works ranging from Leroy Neiman to
Picasso, a swimming pool and sauna,
and several gold plated kiosks for the
lobby.

I

From the Gonzo News Service
The Soviet Union sent thousands of
oops into the tiny European country of
Liechtenstein yesterday in a move that
astounded most American observers.
"It's not that we didn't expect the
Soviets to invade another country,"
explained one high-ranking U.S.
official. "It's just that we never knew
Lichtenstein existed."
PRESIDENT CARTER immediately
labelled the situation as "the worst
crisis since the Trojan War" and asked
iat Congress turn the entire federal
"budget over to the Army.

The Soviet news ,agency Tass
defended the Soviet action, saying "the
peole of Liechtenstein are very
friendly. The invited their nice
comrades from the Soviet Union to
come over and visit with them for a
little while."
THE INVADED nation is best known
as the birthplace of Ronald Reagan's
dog "Nukem" and as the location for
the filming of the popular X-rated film
Debbie Does Liechtenstein.
U.S. officials are unsure whether or.
not the Soviet Army will push into
See MiG, Page M-16

"THE TOTAL COSTS of these
renovations is somewhere in the
vicinity of $4 million," said Alland,
who recently returned from a fact-
finding junket in Hawaii, the
Bahamas, and the Riviera. "We're
leaving about $1 million to the
discretion of the administration."
Alland added that much of the funds
have been collected over the last 100
years from a "special fund' that had
taken 12 cents from each student's
mandatory fees.
"Hell, we didn't even know that the
fund existed until our secretaries
cleaned out the office the other day," he
said.
Brad Canale, who voted against the
proposal, said the money should have
been invested in 500 shares of AT&T
and IBM stock. He also said that the
rest of the cash should have been
invested in Ann Arbor commercial and
residential property.
"Believe me, there's nothing but
bucks to be made out there, we should
double the funds in no time at all,"
added the MSA coordinator for capital
gains.
University officials expressed delight
over the student government's
decision, and extendedanmopen
invitation to MSA members to "come
use the pool and sauna any old time,"
as one University administrator putit.
"If the kids want to throw a party or
See high-dive, page 292

The "new Ramones" include ex-Yugoslav leader Jdsip "Jo Jo" Tito,
Johnny, Dee Dee, and Tommy. Tito replaces lead singer Joey Ramone, who
left the band to finish his masters inlaw at Northwestern University.
Tito alive and well joins
punk groupin New York

From the Dissociated Press
BELGRADE, Yugoslavia-Gov-
ernment officials announced
yesterday that reports of the
impending death of President Josip
Bros. Tito have been false. Officials
said the'82-year-old leader is
actually "healthy as an ox" and has
spurned politics to begin a new life
as the lead vocalist in a top punk
rock group.
Yugoslav cabinet members said
they perpetrated the elaborate ruse
of Tito's grave ailment to avoid
embarrassment after he told them

in a secret December meeting of his
desire to join "The Ramones," a
New York-based punk rock group.
SOURCES CLOSE to the ex-leader
of this Adriatic nation said Tito has
shed "perhaps 45 kilos (100 lbs.)"
from is massive frame, has
permanently dyed his hair blue, and
has grown fond of drinking pure
grain alcohol and taking quaaludes
at the same time.
Tito has also reportedly changed
his name to Jo-Jo Ramone,
replacing ex-lead singer Joey
See SINGIN', Page 8


Voulez vous

'FIGHT CRISIS WITH CRISIS':
Kennedy to shift gears

By HOOK or By CROOK
Despite last week's much-needed primary victories in New
York and Connecticut, Sen. Edward Kennedy hinted to aides
recently that he has decided to adopt a new strategy to beat
President Carter for the Democratic presidential
nod-"fight crisis with crisis," as Kennedy aides have put it.
"We feel strongly that given the popularity Carter has
received because of crises like Iran, Afghanistan, and his
brother Billy, we can only battle him by dealing with crises of
our own," said one Kennedy aide Sunday.
WHILE THERE has been no disclosure of a specific plan
to create and deal with a crisis, several members of the
Kennedy camp have said privately that the senator could
benefit strongly from some artificially-created catastrophe
in his home state of Massachusetts.
While Kennedy would neither confirm noar deny that he
has been considering such a move, several of his assistants
say that some of the possible "crises" under consideration

include:
* subsidizing soldiers from Nova Scotia to invade the
Boston Harbor. The senator could then, with only the help of
state troopers, calmly and effectively quash the attack,
saving the state;
staging a walkout of faculty at Harvard. After two
months, when Kennedy backers feel students will start
noticing something is amiss, Kennedy could order an end to
the strike. The professors would then, out of respect for the
Kennedy name, go peacefully back to work;
" arranging for some "madman" to rush out into center
field during the seventh-inning stretch of a Red Sox-Orioles
game and threaten Carlton Fisk's life. Doubtless a riot would
ensure, staff members claim, and Kennedy could
dramatically emerge from the stands and bring the
instigator to justice. The senator reportedly has been lifting
See BRIDGE, Page CXXVI

AP Photo
Amy Carter gets "lust in her heart" as she cuddles with her cousin Billy Jr. in an unsuspecting moment at the White
House yesterday. She later revealed to reporters that she "saw fireworks" during the intimate encounter.

,'


with the shopping carts that littered the abandoned parking
lot, witnesses say, the boys went back in the store several
minutes later and set it on fire. You know what they
say-snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. O
Americana
Mom's apple pie, "Old Glory" and Sunday at the o1' ball
park-all staples of what we call America. O
Ws' Crekto us

Welch, a Senior Vice Presi-
dent of Kodak, reportedly
received a report by the
public relations
department that
thousands, if not millions of
pot smokers worldwide
were using the camera
company's black film
containers for their

chemical would not be felt for eight to ten years, and would
"take hold gradually." Oh, what a zany, madcap world
we live in.
On the inside
A retraction of all past editorials is featured on the
opinion page; a review of LSA sophomore Dennis Smith's
rendition of "Oklahoma" in a South Quad shower appears
on the arts page, and the sports section includes Bobby
Knight's reaction to the suspension of the Michigan football

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