The Michigan Daily-Tuesday, April 1, 1980-Page 9

Too many years of rumors and speculation


Jero Volume, Little Weight

Tuesday April 1, 1980

5 Cents a Lie

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By LOW SELLHIGH
Just one week after accepting
the head coaching position at
Iowa State, former Michigan
basketball mentor Johnny Orr
is on the move again. Orr an-
nounced yesterday that he will
fill the coaching vacancy at
Kentucky just 12 hours after the
resignation of Joe B. Hall.
Orr said the deal, "was just
super, super; too good for me to
pass up." Orr's new eight-year
contract calls for a starting pay
of $95,000 a year plus two
television shows, a radio show,
two private planes, unnamed
BULLETIN
In keeping with the April Fools Day
spirit, these articles are strictly humor.
They are in no way intended to slander
or mar the reputations of these fine
athletes. Please keep this in mind while
reading our traditional April Fools Day
articles.

fringe benefits worth $120,000, n
Thano's Co. branch restaurant;
and a guaranteed one week a
year hosting the Tonight Show.
"Whoa boy," said Orr, "They really
know how to run a basketball program
at Kentucky."
As for Orr's successor at Iowa State,
rumors had it that Indiana Coach Bob'
by Knight applied for the position but
was turned down. When Knight was
contacted by the Daily all he could say
was, "That's ridiculous. How could
Iowa State afford me, the best damn
coach in college basketball, when they
couldn't even afford Johnny Orr. Could
I, talk with you more later? Ya see I'm
expecting a phone call from the athletic
director at a ... well a ... gotta go."
Click.

She's Super!

Johnny Orr (on the right), recently named head coach at Kentucky, is seen
with one of the many fringe benefits the school offered him, his new bride.

The benefit, who goes by the name of Fifi Fubar, will be serving as Orr's
personal body guard and recreational therapy manager.

ihree cagers slapped for booking;
They re headed or Ohio State

F

I

By FORGE DETRANSRIPPS
Paul Heuerman, Mark Bodnar, and
Marty Bodnar have all been declared
"athletically ineligible" to compete for
the Michigan basketball team next
season because their grade point
averages exceeded limits set down by
the Athletic Department, it was learned
yesterday.
The three players immediately an-
nounced they would transfer t9 Ohio
State, where Heuerman said, "we can
study and not get kicked off the team.
MICHIGAN COACH Bobby Knight
maintained his- custom of silence in
dealing with the media, and refused to
comment on the matter. Athletic Direc-
re ected
reke
for cage
coach job
By TY "MEX" TICKINGS
Not very Special to the Daily
NEW YORK-Al McGuire, the
flamboyant, irrepressible former
Marquette basketball coach who has
gained greater fame as an NBC
broadcaster the past three years,
applied for-but was denied-the head
coaching post at Michigan, informed
sources said last weekend.
The 48-year-old McGuire, a native of
Brooklyn, N.Y., reportedly applied for
the Michigan job immediately upon
learning that Johnny Orr was headed
for Iowa State. He informed NBC sports
director Don Ohlmyer of his possible
move after the NCAA championship
game last Monday.
"WOULD I LOVE to have that job,"
the source quoted McGuire as saying.
"Just think of all that money that
Johnny was receiving-almost as much
as I'm making now.
"That Canham (Athletic Director
Don Canham) really takes care of his
coaches' security needs, doesn't he?"
Canham refused to comment on
McGuire's remarks. "Sure, we'd be
flattered if someone of Al's caliber
expressed interest in Michigan," he
said. "But we've received applications
from many candidates, all of them with
strong credentials."
Among the applicants were: Richie
Adubato, Dick Vitale, Fred Taylor,

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One Bodnar
tor Don Canham was in the Virgin
Islands interviewing hockey coaching
candidates and was unavailable for
comment.
According to informed aources close
to the team, Knight attempted to
remove the three from the team back in
January, when he discovered they were
enroled in an introductory accounting
course. Knight was reported as saying,

Two Bodnars Heuerman

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"How can those guys keep track of
acounts payable when they have
enough trouble with Isiah Thomas."
THE SAME sources added that
Knight had the ineligibility
declarations approved by the Board in
Control of Intercolegiate Athletics
while University President Harold
Shapiro was in Washington attending a

conference entitled, "Maintaining
Triple-Digit Inflation: Our Challenge
For the 1990's".
Former head coach Johnny Orr, the
new head coach at Kentucky, said he
was not surprised by the Board's ac-
tion.
"You know, I've had a lot of players
who were like that," said Orr. "But I
didn't care for them too much.
Whatever happened to the Johnny
Robinsons and the Campy Russells?
They just don't seem to make them like
they used to."

FI


Martin leaves icers
for YJKES!r IS U!
By THEWAY SIDE
In a brazenly appalling gesture, Wilf Martin decided to turn down the job he
was offered as coach of the Michigan hockey team yesterday. Martin decided to
take a more tempting offer from Iowa State.
Iowa State is starting a new hockey program and has offered Martin a four
year $750,000 contract, with his own private jet and limousine with a wet bar and
T.V. Said Martin "The offer was just too tempting. I look at it as a new challenge,
running the Zamboni at Colorado was tough but this is going to be an even better
experience for me."
Athletic director Don Canham has already lined up a replacement though, he
has named Bendari Chelluva the new Michigan hockey coach. Reportedly for a
$100,000 plus a year salary.
Chelluva is a foreign exchange student from the Venezuelan rain forest. When
asked what past hockey experience he had, Chelluva said "I Build Zomboni. Dis
zummer I worked in Zamboni factory."
Canham said he hired Chelluva because "he has been to two or three hockey
games and so he's seen Michigan play. So he's already familiar with our program
and this spring he'll become a Michigan graduate."
Chelluva said "I feel ready to start preddy zoon. Bud first I'm going to study da
rules a liddle. I Know dem preddy well bud I'm still not ro sure what offzide eez."
It was also noted that Chelluva will be the main recruiter for next year. He said
"I hav' many friends back home who like to build Zamboni too. I dink many of dem
can start next year."
Chelluva and his wife of four weeks, Cindy Canham, Canham's daughter,
celebrated the new job by purchasing a new house in the Burns Park area worth
$225, '00.

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