Saturday, May 8, 1971

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Page Thirteen


Blles ink
, Sid Abel
as coach
ST. LOUIS OP) - The St. Louis
Blues announced yesterday the
selection of Sid Abel, former De-
troit Red Wing coach and general
manager, to coach the National
Hockey League club for the
1971-72 season.
The selection of Abel, 53, who
resigned during the middle of the
past NHL season at Detroit,
came seven days after the resig-
nation of Scotty Bowman as
coach-general manager of the
Blues,
Sidney Salomon, Jr., Blues'
board chairman, also announced
the selection of Lynn Patrick, 58,
as general manager of the Blues.
Patrick, the Blues' first coach,
has been the team's vice presi-
dent.
"I can't tell you just how ex-
cited I am about joining St.
Louis," said Abel to about 2511
4 Arena Club members invited to
meet the restructured Blue'
top echelon.
"I've always felt that St. Louis
was the best franchise inuoc-
key," Abel said. "I'm looking fer-
ward to the season."
Abel left the Red Win tol.
lowing 30 years in roles ti'
player., coach and generil snt
ager in a dispo with Rc t in
Coach Ned Ha[ikness.
Abel's coaching career with the
Red Wings and Chicago Black
Hawks spanned 14 seasons, dur-
ing which his NHL [eams won
379 games.
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Major League Leaders

AMERICAN LEAGUE
BATTING - 60 at bats - Oliva,
Minn., .375; Northrup, Det., 351;
Mereer, N.Y., .348; Yastrzemski,
Bost., .337; Schaal, K.C., .333.
RUNS - Yastrzemski, Bost., 23;
Iurord, Balt., 21; Oliva, Minn., 20;
Bando, Oak., 19; Rudi, Oak., 19;
Northrup, Det., 19.
RUNS BATTED IN - J. Powell,
Balt., 23; Killebrew, Minn., 23;
Northrup, Det., 21; Yastrzemski,
Bost., 21; Bando, Oak., 19.
HITS - Oliva, Minn., 39; Torar,
Minn., 35; Northrup, Det., 33; Ro-
jas. K.C., 33; Killebrew, Minn., 32.
DOUBLES -- T. Conligliaro, Calif.,
9; Northrup, Det., 8; Rojas, K.C.,
8; Bando, Oak., 8; Killebrew,. Minn.,
8; Oliva, Minn., S.
TRIPLES - Schaal, K.C., 3; Un-
ser, Wash., 2; Alomar, Calif., 2
C. May, Chic., 2; Murcer, N.Y., 2;
Kubiak, Mil., 2.
HOME RUNS - Oliva, Minn.; 7;
J. Powell, Balt., 6; White, N.Y., 5;
Spencer, Calif., 5; Bando, Oak., 5;
B. Jackson, Oak., 5; W. Horton,
'et., 5.
STOLEN BASES - Pinson, Cleve.,
9; Otis, K.C., 8; Campaneris, Oak.,
6; Northrup, Det., 5; Rojas, K.C., 5;
Patek, K.C., 5; Alomar, Calif., 5;
It. lackson, Oak., 5.
PITCHING -- 3 Decisions - Pal-
mer, Bait., 5-0, 1.000, 2.34; Siebert,
Bost., 4-0, 1.000, 1.99; Hedlund, K.C.,
3-0, 1.000, 2.10; Blue, Oak., 7-1, .875,
1.02; McNally, Bait., 5-1, .833, 2.53.
STRIKEOUTS - Blue Oak., 70; B.
Johnson, Chic., 38; Lolich, Det., 37;
Finucrs, Oak., 37; '. Ilall, Minn., 37.

NATIONAL LEAGUE
BATTING - 60 at bats - Garr,
AtI., .398; Millan, Alt., .382; Mays,
S.F., .368; Brock, St.L., .358; Star-
gell, Pitt., .352.
RUNS - Bench, Cin., 25; Bonds,
S.F., 24; Brock, St.L., 21; Torre,
St.L., 18; Garr, AtI., 18.
RUNS BATTED IN - Stargell,
Pitt., 31; H. Aaron, AtL., 24; Col-
bert, S.D., 21; Cardenal, St.L., 20;
Santo, Chic., 19; Bench, Cin., 19;
Torre, St.L., 19; Mays, S.F., 19.
HITS - Garr, AtL,' 43; Brock,
St.L., 39; Milian, AtI., 39; Torre,
St.L., 38; W. Davis, L.A., 37.
DOUBLES - Simmons, St.L., 8;
S. Jackson, AtL., 8; Bonds, S.F., 8t
6 tied with 7.
TRIPLES - Bebner, Pitt., 3; Cle-
mente, Pitt., 3; Simmons, St.L., 3;
W. Davis, L.A., 3; 12 tied with 2.
HOME RUNS - Stargell, Pitt., 12;
H. Aaron, AtI., 11; Bench, Cin., 10;
Colbert, S.D., 8; Cepeda, AtL, 7;
Bonds, S.F., 7.
STOLEN BASES - Brock, St.L.,
12; Harrelson, N.Y., 10; Morgan,
lioust., 6; Garr, Atl., 5; Bonds, S.F.,
PITCIIING - 3 Decisions - Ryan,
N.Y., 3-0, 1.000, 1.65; Blass, Pitt.,
3-0, 1.000, 3.38; Gullett, Cin., 3-0,
1.000 2.70; Dierker, Iloust., 5-0, 1.000,
1.37; Mikkelsen, L.A., 3-0, 1.000,
1.84; .. .ohnson, S.F., 3-0, 1.000, 0.47.
STRIKEOUTS - Seaver, N.Y.,
53; Jekins, Chir., 48; Perry, S.F.,
37; Dierker, IIoust., 36; Avaiker, Pitt.,
32.

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(By theauthor ofRlyRoundtheFlag,Bys. ..a5bieGitlis..e.
"Dean" Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry
Today let us pay tribute to the most overworked and under-
appreciated figure on campus. I refer of course to the Dean.
The Dean (from the Latin denere-to disembowel) is not, as
most of you seem to think, a kind of acadetic policeman. True,
he does administer discipline sometimes, but more often he admin-
isters kindness, understanding and simple human goodness. The
Dean (from the Greek drano-. to rend) is much more than a rule
enforcer; he is also guide and oracle, shepherd and seer, pro-
consul and pal. The Dean (from the Gernmn dtaoge ict-to poop
a party) is available day and night to students with problems. His
hours are long, his free time practically nonexistent. Therefore,
on those rare occasions when he does manage to get a few minutes
to relax, he does it in the best possible way, which means of course
he sits down and stretches his legs and pours himself a glass of
Miller High Life Beer.
Why Miller High Life? Because Miller High Life, as every
thinking American knows, is the perfect beer to refresh and
restore. It is a haven to the harried, a shelter to the spent, a buoy
to the beat, a boon to the bent, a bolster to the bedraggled, a pillow
to the pooped. Try it yourself the next time you get weary and sick
of trying and tired of living and scared of dying. You'll find it
gratifyingly true what the kindly, decent folks who make Miller
Beer keep telling us;:"If you've yot the tite, we've got the beer."
But I digress. We were paying tribute to that selfless, shining
personage, the Dean. We do not begin to appreciate how hard he
works, how hideously complex the problems he solves each day.
Take, for example, these typical cases from the files of Dean
S at the University of Y . (If you promise not to
tell, I'll give you the real names. The Dean is called Sigafoos and
the University is Yutah.)
Recently, the Dean was visited by a freshman named Walter
Acupuncture who came to ask permission to marry on Emma
Blenheim, his dormitory laundress. To the Dean the marriage
seemed ill-advised, for Walter was 18 years of age and Emma was
94, and rarely do these May-Septemfber romances work out.
After a frank, man-to-man talk, the Dean persuaded Walter
of the folly of his course. Still, Walter felt guilty about jilting
Emma who had had her garnets polished and bought three new suits
of underwear in anticipation of the honeymoon. The Dean sug-
gested that Walter send her a handsome gift to soothe her feel-
ings, and Walter did. He sent Emma a nice kidney machine, and
they are good friends to this day.
Freed from his misalliance with Emma, Walter soon found
a girl much nearer his own age-Agnes Yucca, 74. Today they are
happily married and Walter is the proud, father-s/ep-father,
actually-of three fine bouncing boys from Agnes's first marriage-
Everett, 38; Willem, 43; and Rex, 55. Believe me, when Walter
puts the boys in their little velvet suits and takes them out in the
perambulator on Sunday afternoons, there is not a dry eye in
all Yutah.
But kindness and understanding don't always work. Some-
times the Dean has no choice but to be firm. 'ake, for instance,
the case of Baxter Mackadangdang.
Baxter, an exchange student from Polynesia, grew up in the
idyllic South Sea Isle of Goona-Goona where the leading social
event of the year was the feast of Max, the Sun God. A quaint
all-day ceremony was held, with tribal dancing, war chants, fat
lady races, pie-eating contests, and, for the grand finale, the
sacrifice of eleven dozen virgins.
Thus, according to Baxter's folkways, sacrificing virgins was
perfectly acceptable, but when he became an exchange stuifent he
soon learned that Americans take a dim view of this custom, in
Yutah, at any rate. The first twelve or thirteen timies If. ser
sacrificed a virgin, the Dean let him off with a warnirg U lien,
however, Baxter persisted, the Dean was forced to impose ai fietivy
penalty: he cancelled Baxter's parking permit.
A broken man, Baxter quit school and returned to Goona-
Goona where today he scratches outa meager living selling forged
autographs of Joseph Conrad.
This cttnnim is bro gyht to yot werkty by the breeocrs f 1718r
High Life Beer who tare othcrwies rational ten.

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