Thursday, July 11, 1974

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Page Eleven-

CLARKE CQGSDILLAS COLUMN:
Ou~r bad: A druk'sdelight

Michigan football fans recent-
ly got the worst news since the
Big Tenathletic directors' vote:
The and is back.
If you've been around awhile,
you doubtless have learned to
appreciate - if not love - their
charming habit of never quite
being in step, their unimagina-
tive formations, and their in-
spiring renditions of such all-
time golden hits as "Funky
Worm" and "The Star Span-
gled Banner."
And nobody really cares that
the "Hawaiian War Chant" is
so ancient even tin-eared MSU
can do it right.
True-blue Wolverine fans long
ago learned to save their strong-
est booze for the Stadium half-
times. It's all very nice to tell
your friends around the country
that our band ranks "with the
best anywhere," and that's sort
of believable because about ten
years ago it was true. But the
band now shields itself with its
reputation-everyone knows it's
supposed to be great, so no one
bothers to listen to what's going
on
Professor Cavender, Ann Ar-
bor's answer to Benito Musso-
lini, is damned lucky this is so.
If people applied the same stan-
dards to his operation as they
do to Bo Schembechler's, he'd
have hopped a freight to Fargo,
North Dakota long ago.
"Realizing its obligations to
lans of all ages," an unusually
fatuous passage from the 1974
Michigan Gridiron Guide pro-
claims, "the Michigan Marching
Band has attempted to appeal
to both the young and the old."
Translation: it plays lots of
tunes from Broadway musicals.
And since Broadway recently
has shown that same inventive-
ness that made the Edsel great,
the tunes are exactly the same
All-St ar tilt
is called off
CHICAGO (A)--Plagued by the
National Football League play-
ers' strike, the 1974 College All-
Star game was cancelled yes-
terday, the first time in 40 years
that the annual charity game
had been called off.
An official announcement of
the cancellation of the scheduled
July 26 game between the All-
Stars and Super Bowl champion
Miami Dolphins was to be made
later in the day by the Chicago
Tribune Charities, the game's
sponsor.
Cancellation of the game will
cost Chicago-area charities an
estimated 200,00 and will
mark the first time since 1934
that the All-Stars have not
kicked off the NFL exhibition
season.
Abou
Behaviorism
B.F.
SKINNER
"ABOUT BEHAVIORISM is
on unusuolly comooct sum-
mry of both the history nd
the philosophy of the sciene
of humnn behvior"
--N.Y. Tmes
MUST READING FOR
ANYONlE INTERESTED
IN BEHAVIORISM!

Now evweisbi is .e bo&k k
seeq edition in vow eel.-
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ones the Band used ten years
ago.
Maybe it's superstition-1964
was one of those rare years
when the Wolverines beat Fat
Woody in Columbus. Neverthe-
less, it's hard to believe that
Maize and Blue horn-tooters
have enough ingenuity to be
superstitious. Inertia is more
like it.
Even this strategy fails on
one count: the Michigan bands-
people aren't as good musicians
as were their predecessors. If
you get up close and listen hard,
you'll find that many of them
haven't the faintest idea of
pitch, and have tuned their in-
struments accordingly . . .
atrociously.
But that doesn't matter, since
an equally-large proportion of
the band won't play the right
notes anyway-as if those notes
were worth playing!
Somebody ought to show them,
very carefully and deliberately
(so they'll learn) that there's
more to the contemporary music
scene than the Beatles' out-
takes and bubblegum rock. Andy
Williams was middle-aged when
he was born, and Frank Sinatra
is chasing grandmothers.
I'd settle for just one bar
from Country Joe McDonald's
"Vietnam Rag." Sure, it's a
bit hoary now, but it's a good
start for people whose minds
haven't reached the 1960s yet.
It would also be nice to see
the band try marching stunts-
more ambitious than the old,
faithful "block M" and the guy
who runs out on the field with
a carbon-dioxide fire extin-
guisher whenever they brush
off the old "Locomotive" rou-'
tine.
Perhaps (God forbid!) they
could even imitate the Stanford
band, which has reacted to lock-
step marching in the only intel-
ligent manner-by abandoning
it. Not that many people would
notice the difference. They'd
still be recovering from the
world-record-breaking 549th ren-
dition of "The Great Wall of
Kiev."
So, if you're planning to
spend your Saturdays this fall
viewing our gridiron heroes,
you'd better stock up on the
Old Crow now, before the next
price increase. You'll need it.
The Marching Band will come
prancing forth at no added
charge-and it will be worth
every penny.

All through
Boston Red Sox catcher Carl-
ton Fisk sits in the locker
room following his season-
ending knee operation. Fisk's
injury may leave Tiger Bill
Freehan as the American
League's All-Star backstop.
The Michigan Union
Main Desk
NOW SELLS
American Express
Money Orders
and
Travellers Cheques

--

Next ime youse
someone polluting,
point tout.
It's a spewing smokestack. It's litter
in the streets. It's a river where fish
can't live.
You know what pollution is.
But not everyone does.
So the next time you see pollution,
don't close your eyes to it.
Write a letter. Make a call. Point it
out to someone who can do something
about it.
People start pollution. People con stop it.
S..KeepAmerica Beautiful _
eq ," "York. aE 016

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