rage Two
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
i nursday, September 9, 191
Page Two THE MICHIGAN DAILY
I flu rsdcy, September 9, 1 9
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539 E. LIBERTY
second
A
tale of two
Ann Arbors
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ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN 48108
995-1866
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r So you made it. You' re
on the second rung of the
jungle gym -in college,
away from home for pro-
bably the first time. But
where do you go from =
here? Climb straight up
to the top? Or perhaps
you want to crawl clear
to the other side? The
choices are infinite - a
multitude of experiences
and lifestyles are yours
for the taking. And al-'
though no one can tell you
which path to follow hope-
fully this section will give
you a taste of how someQ
of your predecessors fared
in the climb.
The Editors
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Specializing in quality hand crafted
jackets @ vests 0luggagee handbags
briefcases@ hats@ sandals Walter
Dyed moccasins 0 belts and buckles
Split personality (n): a per-
sonality structure composed of
two or more internally consis-
tent groups of behavior ten-
dencies and attitudes each
acting independently and ap-
parently dissassociated from
the other.
By JEFF RISTINE
A CURSORY glance at the city
reveals nothing particular-
ly unusual, little you wouldn't
expect from a midwestern col-
lege town. It's pigeons somehow
seem to be comparatively dens-
er than their siblings elsewhere,
and any given row of traffic
lights downtown will be syn-
chronized to cars moving at,
say, 115 miles per hour on a
Christmas morning, but Ann Ar-
bor, on the whole, doesn't have
many huge, glaring faults.
That's not the impression,
however, held by many people
relatively new to the city. There
is a certain facial expression I
get from other students as soon
as I tell them I've lived here all
my life, somewhat of a cross
between a dumb-founded stare
of disbelief and a sour-faced
Jef Ristine, Managing Editor
of the Daily, has lived in Ann
Arbor since day one. He will be
graduating in May and hopes
then to move on to greener, less
schizophrenic pastures.
frown, as though I deserved ei-
ther pity or a medal for endur-
ance.
If they only knew. Sure, Ann
Arbor may appear less than in-
habitable to new students, who
can always find a lot of little
things wrong with life here. And
I don't blame them. After all,
Ann Arbor is probably one of
the few cities with a snow re-
moval plan for the streets based
on the assumption that spring
will eventually solve the prob-
lem. And it's hard to feel sorry
for any town that times bridge
repairs to coincide with the foot-
ball season's Band Day.
But it takes a lifer to know
the city's hidden fault, its more
embarrassing secret. Ignore all
those little drawbacks, and the
place looks pretty good. P u t
Ann Arbor on a good shrink's
couch for a session or two, how-
ever, and you'll find a city that
is psychologically ill. Not stark
raving mad, no, Ann Arbor's ill-
ness is much more subtle: it
suffers from a split personality.
THERE ARE TWO distinct
and mutually exclusive be-
havior patterns running among
the people who have lived here
for a while, most of who, hav-
ing forgotten the lesson on cog-
nitive dissonance from their in-
troductory psychology courses,
hold both of them. One is a se-
cret wish that everyone would
recognize Ann Arbor as a Big
City. The other is an equally
hidden desire for Ann Arbor to
revert to a carefree, little town.
The latter feeling runs deepest
with the old folks, of course, who
can remember when the Freize
Building was a high school and
the mail carriers gave free bub-
ble gum to kids along the route
on Saturdays. Nowadays, it's
hard to get the mail carrier to
give you anything, including the
mail.
But a lot of other people wish
Ann Arbor were smaller again,
too. They'll tell you about the
year in the mid-sixties when it
was designated as one of ten all-
American cities, with a big
write-up in Life magazine and
special red, white and b 1 u e
shield-shaped emblems stuck on
everything from lamp posts to
city hall stationery. The stu-
dents never caused a stir, and
life was fairly quiet.
These same people are usually
the ones who repeat unceasingly
the legend, probably apocryphal,
all Ann Arbor school children
have drilled into their impres-
sionable young minds during
"Ann Arbor Week" at the ele-
mentary schools, purportedly ex-
plaining how the little village
got its unique name. The city's
founder, so the story goes, some
guy named Allen, was standing
around not doing much of any-
thing when he spotted his wife,
Ann, sitting in an arbor, also
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apparently not doing much of
anything. He originally named
his town "Ann's Arbor", the le-
gend says, and it acquired its
present name shortly later, ei-
ther by design or slurs of the
original title. Anyway, a lot of
people still believe the story, and
it could only happen in a small
town. (I've always been thank-
ful her name wasn't Bertha.)
THE SMALL TOWN complex
is perfectly understandable
-life was much simpler before
Briarwood Mall, the Fourth
Ave. porno district and two doz-
en cable tv channels. In those
days, the garbage collectors
would come up to the back door
instead of forcing householders
to carry their cans to the curb,
and dogs could run around with-
out leashes wherever they
cared. By comparison, small
town Ann Arbor was immeas-
urably more comfortable.
Trouble is, these same people
will turn around a day or two
later and complain about Ann
Arbor's lack of "big city" sta-
tus. Long time residents think
you should be able to travel any-
where in the United States and
announce you're from "Ann Ar-
bor" without some idiot stand-
ing up and infuriating you by
asking: "Michigan?" Every
year when the new state road
maps are issued the first thing
an Ann Arborite will do is open
it to see if the letters of their
city's name are any bigger than
they were last year.
Another sure way to irritate a
veteran Ann Arbor dweller is by
reminding him or her that the
city's population is 100,000 only
if transient students are includ-
ed. There's a minor pride with
a 100,000 distinction, but it's all
ruined if you have to depend
on disloyal, non-taxpaying kids
to get there.
THEY'LL NEVER admit it
but Ann Arbor residents
are also secretly embarrassed
by the fact that one of the very
few ways their city can maki
news headlines, independent .o
the University and the footbal
team, is by mass murders a
the John Norman Collins and VA
Hospital types. Nobody famous
ever lived in Ann Arbor v e r 3
long, unless you want to coun
the skylab astronaut who tool
one shower during his entir
two months in space (hardly a
distinction worthy of pride back
home) or President Garfield's
assassin, rumored to have at
tended an Ann Arbor p u b 1li
school.
You just can't please s 0 m e
people, according to the cliche
which may explain Ann Arbor's
,strange psychological illness.
Everyone either wants a smal
town with big city comfort
or a big city with none of it
corresponding problems. As soo
as everyone gets together an
decides they're satisfied wit
a medium sized town with med
ium sized comforts and med
ium sized problems everythin
will be all right. The mail car
riers may even begin giving ou
bubble gum on Saturdays,
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1l
E
ERYO
should read
iLe irrigan
Datit
. . .
I
STUDENTS
because:
PARENTS
because:
a) it provides local and national news in
addition to news of the University.
b) it provides both collegiate and professional
sports coverage.
c) it contains valuable classified ads including
an interesting and imaginative personal
column.
d) it provides alternative reading material
to boring textbooks.
e) it is a cheap source of fuel during next
winter's energy crisis.
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fi~
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all tuition hikes.
b) you'll get more complete coverage of
Michigan's Rose Bowl victory on Jan. 1.
c) you'll appear more interested in your
offspring's affairs without pestering
him/her.
d) you'll discover how unradical a supposedly
"radical" paper can be.
e) you'll obtain the added prestige of being
the first one on your block with a "Daily"
in your mailbox.
f) reasons a through i on the left side of
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YOU
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