Page 2-Sunday, December 11, 1977-The Michigan Daily

RAMRLINGS/ lois josimovich

IO70D/sandi cooper

I T MAY HAVE been inherited
from my mother - she was voted
"most peppery" member of her high
school class. Or it may have been
that my older sister always beat me
at Chinese -checkers as a child.
Whatever the reason, my personal-
ity has always been - let's face it -
bitchy.
I was never a sweet little girl. I
pushed the Wheatena down the sink
when my mother wasn't looking. I
hid the bread crusts behind the radia-
tor and blamed it on my brother (he
was too young to talk, and an
admirable scapegoat). I liked to be
alone in the wind.
An introvert at heart, I was dis-
rupted at the outset by my elemen-
tary school principal in Braintree.
Mass., who insisted that, while I was'
already young for my class, I was
smart enough in the first grade to be
promoted. And I think it was the
supercilious looks of my new second
grade classmates that first brought
on what I suppose was a bad infer-
iority complex.
I was always a minority. Moving to
Pittsburgh in the fourth grade, I at-
tended heavily Jewish schools for
four years. On Jewish holidays, I

joined a handful of students in school,
resenting cavalcades of Bingo games
- math bingo in math class, science
bingo in science class, and even
social studies bingo - while knowing
that most of my Jewish friends were
not in temple at all but watching TV
at home.
You had to toughen up in my high
school. The "slicks" were big, bad
.slum kids with missing teeth, white
socks and greasy hair who snickered
over porno pictures in study hall. On
the Jewish holidays, they were the
terror of the school, picking fights
with the few black students, or
anyone else in sight. They never
played math bingo. Instead they
smoked and, no doubt, shot up in the
johns.
BEGAN TO invent snappy come-
I backs to crude remarks. Unfor-
tunately, my mother was still mak-
ing me wear knee-length home-made
dresses while other girls had mini-
skirts, fishnet stockings and those
horrible plastic boots. Since I also
earned good grades, I was not very
popular. I waxed sarcastic.
Then my parents made the move to
a township near the lily-white, ultra-

rightwing suburb of Fox Chapel. The
area school was dominated by the
"chaps", who had white teeth, wore
Saks Fifth Avenue clothes and be-
longed to dozens of social clubs. The
girls wore gloppy blue make-up and
the boys were on the football team.
The teachers directed the football
team. The principals were ex-foot-
ball coaches. Pep rallies were man-
datory (I hid in the library). I was the
only one with a McGovern bumper
sticker on my bicycle, and the only
one who wouldn't say the Pledge of
Allegiance on principle (I think it's
fascist and besides, I'm an atheist).
Instead of cheerleading, I worked on
the newspaper and poetry magazine,
helped organize a recycling station,
and watched birds.
I learned how to defend my odd
ways verbally. I became, you might
say, a cultured snob. I learned the
power of a literate tongue, reducing
my enemies to dust beneath my acrid
wit. I read Mad magazine, Woody
Allen, and Art Buchwald. I invented
a comic strip. For the first time since
first grade, I felt equal to my peers.
Entering the University, I lost my
footing at first in the strange multi-

tudes. But after a year or so I could
trade rapid repartee with the best of
them. My tongue came untied again.
A vapid classmate, an inept profes-
sor, an incompetent underling on the
Daily staff - all became objects of
clever rhetorical barbs. I enjoyed
myself immensely. I was easily
bored.
When a temporary boyfriend asked
me if I would have any free time
"before you lay your little head on
the pillow," I told him honestly that it
was one of the worst cliches with
which I had ever been addressed. We
never spoke again. I was free once
more, and so was my tongue.
A ND NOW, with graduation a
week off, it is all to end. There is
no place for the scintillating pun and
the well-delivered jibe in the job mar-
ket.
I am trying to reform. I spurn Dear
Abby for Erma Bombeck, M.A.S.H.
for Happy Days, in the hopes that I
will learn to deal in popularly
comfortable humor. But I don't think
it will ever slake my thirst for tangy
remarks. It must be the pepper in my
blood. E

C RUNCH, CRUNCH, crunch,
clank! Startled, the tired baker
looked up from his task. No one else
seemed to have noticed, so he
returned to his work.. CRUNCH,
CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CLANK! This
time the sound was more audible and
a hush fell over the kitchen. The eerie
September dawn filtered through the
windows highlighting the surprised
faces of the weary bakers. The year
was 1683, the place Vienna, and the
event was the final attack of Vienna

lowers for what might well look like
defeat.
At the same time, on the other side
of the Danube, a spy within the ranks
of the Turks alerted Poland's King
John - who had been waiting in
readiness with his small Christian
army - to protect Europe. The
bloody battle lasted all day, and by
nightfall the Christians had routed an
army three times their number. But
what of our spy and the gastronomic
history we promised? On the heels of

The Michigan Daily-Sunday, Decem
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by the Turks. And gastronomic
history was about to be made. The
Ottoman Empire had long hungered
for a piece of Western Europe - the
panache of which was glorious
Vienna, bulwark of Christian Europe
and a great lady of music and
culture. The much-loved city had
bravely fended off the enormous
invading army for two months.
Thanks to their powerful allies in
Poland and their protective wall, the
Viennese, now on the verge of starva-
tion, valiantly held out.
Now, the muffled noises below the
floor suggested that the Turks had
burrowed under the 600-year-old wall
and were about to infiltrate the city.
Frightened, the bakers fled. Their
alarm soon reached Emperor Leo-
pold III, who prepared his hungry fol-

the retreating Turks, our spy-hero
stole several bags of bitter black
coffee and disappeared into Vienna.
The Turks, who were known to drink
more coffee than the French drank
wine, were at last subdued and
Vienna celebrated. The grateful city
set aside a tax-free building to honor
the hero and his coffee, and thus
began Central Europe's first coffee-
house ... a Viennese tradition which
was to become synonymous with
music, romance and art. The bakers
were remembered, too. The Haps-
burg Emperor allowed the Guild to
sanction two recipes to commemor-
ate the fine occasion. One recipe,
Kuglehopf, a rich fruited yeast loaf to
be eaten on the anniversary of the
defeat. was shaped like a Turk's
headdress and was to be baked ever

after in a fluted Turk's Head Mold or
Bundt pan. (Note - the word
"Bundt" means wrapped as were the
turbans of the Ottomans) The second
recipe was for a rich buttery crescent
roll - called the Croissant - shaped
like the emblem on a Turkish flag,
and dedicated to the belief that not a
single Viennese wouldn't have liked
to eat a Turk each morning for break-
fast.
The popular croissant, so indigen-
ous to France, was in fact brought to
France by Marie Antoinette and her
retinue of chefs when the Austrian
princess moved there to become the
wife of Louis XVI. She was most fond
of sweets and yeasty baked goods
and is responsible for bringing much
sophisticated cuisine to France. But
her favorite was the croissant. In

fact, it is told
famous remark
lution was ind
croissants."
The most c
croissants are
and flour and r
puff pastry. Ji
"the minimum
making croissa
Therefore, if yo
croissants for
have to stay up
do."
Here are tw
like to try. One
other for Vienne
Brew strong '
and mix up to I
milk. Top wit]
whipped cream
See FC

sundaY mmagazine iELET IC PUZZLE

A. Director of White House Tele.-
communications Policy-origina
member of transition team
preparing for Ford presidency
B. Favorable juncture of circum-
stances; timeliness
C. Mexican lawyer-Dahlberg's
check was laundered through
his bank account
D. Relying on another for support
E. Nixon's secretary who admitted
erasing 4'/ of fhe famous
18 minute gap
F. Nixon's millionaire friend who
invented aerosol valve
G. Chairman of the House
Judiciary Committee
H. Suffering extreme want;
penniless
I. Revealer of Nixon's taping
system
J. One of "two of the finest public
servants it has been my privi-
leg. to know" according
to Nixon
K. One of the victims of the
Saturday Night Massacre
L Producing by way of profit;
yielding
M. Nixon's orders of March 22,1973
in regards to Senate Water.
gate Committee (2 words)

d
t

118 f 21 27 47 59 75 83 102

1 18 48 78

121 130 180 189 196 216 137

26 22 105 125 185 214 163
32 43 61 97106155167208 16
135 159 179 66 112
10 35 153 116 132 158 187 170 198
8 124 157 176 2 218
37 60 96 106 111 134 39 148 154
38 30 44 57 63 128 147 156 165 181 209
5 42 140 94 101 210 131 203 169 195
49 74 183 90 100 162 107 122 127 219
25 81 88206 217 115 171
6 13 29 62 129114 117 166174 177 202 144
192

N. Creator of the plan to conduct
break-ins, illegal wiretaps, mail
surveillance and a massive program
of spying aimed at the anti-
Vietnam war movement
(Full name)
0. Watergate burglar who tried to
blackmail White House
(Full name)
P. Fate Nixon's resignation
saved him from
Q.Petroleum; liquid hydrocarbon
mixtures used chiefly as
solvents and diluents
R. March or tramp through mud
S. Charge with some offense;
T. Quality or state of being
artless or ingenuous
U. Counsel; caution; recommend
V. Be humiliated; have one's good
nameor reputation suffer
(2 words)
W. An ardent follower.supporter
or enthusiast
X. Heedful: observant; courteous
Y. Immature; unsettled; exuberant
Z. Senate Mnority leader who
thought edited transcripts
reflected "a deplorable.
disgusting shabby immoral
performance"

3 14 34 126 45 64 70 172 92 99 109 133
12 23 50 178 56 62 72 80 7 205 186
85 20 46 52 71 93 110 197 120 145 160
31 152 161 55 69 149 206
9 86 95 175 104 190 211 168

BY
STEPHEN J.
POZSGA I
Copyright 1977
INSTRUCTIONS
Guess the words defined at the
left and write them in over
their numbered dashes. Then,
transfer each letter to the cor-
responding numbered square
in the grid above. The letters
printed in the upper-right-hand
corners of the squares indi-
cate from what clue-word a
particular square's letter
comes from. The grid, when
filled in, should read as a
quotation from a published
work. The darkened squares
are the spaces between words.
Some words may carry over
to the next line. Meanwhile,
the first letter of each guessed
word at the left, reading down,
forms an acrostic, giving the
author's name and'the title of
the work from which the quote
is extracted. As words and
phrases begin to form in the
grid, you can work back and
forth from clues to grid until
the puzzle is complete.
Answer to Last Week's Puzzle
"Theoretical discoveries
that have radical conse-
quences can usually be seen-
at. once to be striking and.
original. But practical dis-
coveries even when they
turn out to be far-reaching
often have a look that is
more modest and less
memorable."
(J.) Bronowski The
Ascent of Man

A LL RIGHT, movie fanatics:
What do Aaron Slick from Pun-
kin Crick and Zulu have in common?
The question is esoteric and a
pushover for any genuine cinema
trivia buff, who will instantly reply
that these two redoubtable flicks
comprise the first and last entries in
Steven H. Scheuer's ever-increasing
mammoth film encyclopedia, Movies
on TV (1978-79 Ed., Bantam Books,
$2.95),
For the less than single-minded
filmgoer, let me explain that the book

and contents changing as radically
as has the face of movies on
television. When the author's first
installment appeared in 1958, the two
media were deadly enemies battling
tooth and nail for viewer loyalties.
Given such a state of war, the few
reluctant matings between kineto-
scope and boob tube came only by
way of local late shows. Network pre-
sentations of feature films were
inconceivable; made-for-TV movies
were still more than a decade away.
In fact, it was virtually impossible.

65 212 76 146 11 40

.

FILM/christopher potter

A bible for T V

movie mani

68 207 91 143 150 24 199
17 182 51 188 33 138
73 89 986103 123 139 201 193
53 15 164 113 79 142 204
36 41 54 67 87 151 173213184
119 19 194 141 77 191

'Scheur sometimes displays a tendency to equate
newness with excellence (four stars for Pumping Iron
and The Pink Panther Strikes Again, for heaven's
sake?!) but his perception is largely reasoned and
rarely offensive."

the TV of the time a sort of
nostalgist's paradise, with the most
obscure flicks of the '40s, '30s and
even the '20s putting in occasional
appearances on local channels
around the country. These works
encompassed the bulk of Scheuer's
first couple of editions, and com-
prised a brief but memorable sympo-
sium on film in its formative years.
B Y 1961, economic necessity final-
ly breached the television-cine-
ma impasse. With profits continuing
to shrink, and amidst dire predic-
tions of the coming death of Holly-
wood, the major film studios finally
capitulated to the lure of the big TV
dollar. In May of that year, Warner
Bros. syndicated a group of '50s films
to individual stations around the
country, who soon began treating
viewers to showings of The High and
the Mighty, A Star is Born (Garland
version) and other biggies of the era.
September brought NBC's Saturday
Night at the Movies, and tv cinema
finally went national.
Although it was an historic mo-
ment, I don't think anyone foresaw
the unstemmed flood which eventually
evolved out of it.
As the uncertain '60s progressed
into the inflation-plagued '70s, film-

32
Ic

makers begant
not merely a l
but as their pr
cial dividend.
trickle of film:
veritable starr
prematurely y
bookings and t
screen, with th
See F

is a paperback anthology consisting
of capsule summaries, reviews and
ratings of some 10,000 films, penned
by Scheuer and a dedicated staff of
assistants who evidently spend most
of their lives watching movies.
Scheuer has been publishing a new
edition every few years for nearly
two decades now, with his book's size

during the '50s to catch even a
glimpse of a relatively new film on
television. By mutual agreement, the
major studios simply refused to
release any movie made after 1948
for fear such a freebie influx would
finish off their already dwindling
theater clientele. The resulting
dearth of up-to-date pictures made

29 2815136 56 84

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