Thursday, September 8, 1977
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Page Seven
Thursday, September 8, 1977 THE MICHIGAN DAILY Page Seven
Welcome to the 'U,'
987 65 4327 0
Health Service: The logical cure
By SUE WARNER
When I first saw it, it was in
a pile with maybe a hundred
others. Yet I knew it was spe-
cial; it was unique and it was
mine. Although I knew some-
where on campus there were
40,000 others, I developed a last-'
ing attachment to my student ID
card.
A year ago, my orientation
leader placed the card in my,
hand and asked me to sign the
back of it. In my finest cursive,
I affixed my John Hancock, and
my heart was filled with im-
mense pride. I had made it to
the University and me and my,
ID were a team. Unfortunately,
at the time I didn't forsee the
conflicts destined for our rela-
tionship.
PRIOR TO that day at orien-
tation, I had been known by al
number of names-Sue or Susan
to my family, Crow or Warner
to my friends and a number of
other titles to an assorted group
of acquaintances. But at that
moment, I acquired a new title-
to the University of Michigan I
was affectionately known as 987
65 4231 0 (not my real number).
Constructed of a fine blend of
American .plastic, my ID bears
a striking resemblance to a
credit card.rItsmaize back-
ground tastefully accentuates
the blue lettering of the school's
name emblazoned across the
front and the University emblem
appearing in the upper left-hand
corner. Near the bottom mere
humans can read my name and
student number in. English. Most
importantly, though, at the top
of the card ten holes punched
in the plastic announce. my
identity to the computers of the
world.
Theoretically, possession;. of
the student ID card stands as
proof positive that I am, in fact,
a student at the University of
Michigan. This is more-or-less a
f or ma l i ty, though-a quick
glance at my back pack, Bass
boots or my father's bank book
provides equally viable testi-
mony of my studenthood.
The real use of a student ID
is to insure the card holder
discount rates at Ann Arbor
bars, Marketplaces and pizza
parlors. Particularly ingenious
students have found the card
useful as an emergency screw-
driver, shoe horn, frisbee, let-
ter opener, lock pick and
manicure set.
According to the University,
the Ill card is necessary for reg-
istration purposes. This is just
heir official line. Actually, offi-.
cials demand the card's pres-
ence at registration as a safe- .
guard to thwart demented non-
students who derive masochistic
pleasure from participating in,
the CRISP procedure or receiv-
ing tuition assessments.r
Use of the card is not to be ,
taken lightly. Rules and- regula-
tions clearly stated on the back
of the card stipulate the be-
havior expected of a responsible
student. Unfortunately, I am not
really sure what the administra-
tion threatens as punishment for
.an infringement of. the rules.
And frankly, I am just as con-
tent to remain ignorant.
IN THE PAST, I've found the
card absolutely essential when
last-ditch s t u d y efforts have
forced me to actually check out .
a book or two from the library. .
University securitynmaster-
minds have 'devised an elabo-
rate system to insure that dis-
honest bookworms are unable
to skip town with hot library
property. It is up to the con-
scientious student with a true
drive for academic fulfillmentk.°
to comply with these precaution-
ary measures. It may seem like just a little y
The check-out procedure is a the University, your student ID
technological miracle, but rela- asset (other than your tuition).
tively painless for the student.
The library patron, if successful The helpful librarian on duty
in locating the desired literary let me get away with it andj
work, first approaches a library check out a book that one time,
employe and states his or her and personally told the com-
intention to borrow the book. puter who I was. She also told
The library aide then inserts the it 987 65 4321 0 was forbidden:
student ID into a computer from borrowing any more books
along with the book's ID card, until she got a new ID card.
which is another computerized This involved a one-dollar fee
document. The two items are and a trip to the Office of the:
processed together and it be- Registrar. The Office of the:
comes official-987 65 4321 0 has Registrar is located in the south
borrowed HM' 251.W95, alias side of the lobby of the LSA
Contemporary Issues in Socal building and is, in fact, simply,
Psychology. a window-wfndow "A" to be
At this point, the library work- exact.
er momentarily places the book
under the check-outdesk - an UPON ARRIVAL at the "of-
act which apparently removes fice," I doled out the dollar and
some sort of magical essence,! eas told a new card would be
* perhaps a radioactive substance. ready in 24 hours-a simple pro-
Now the student is capable of cedure, but psychologically dam-
exiting the library, book in hand, aging. I had already developed
without being accosted by three- a strong attachment to my first
headed monsters which are ac- ID.
tivated by air-raid sirens in the ------------
event of a book theft. On April 12, 1955, University
One time, however, thisI3
chain of events did not work , scientists officially cbnfirmed
out so smoothly. Unbeknownst the effectiveness and safety of
to me, my ID card had crack- the Salk polio vaccine. The an-
ed, and the hole designating nouncement followed the vAc-
the 5 in 987. 65 4321 0 was ren- cine's field trials.involving near-
dered illegible to the com- ly two million children from'
puter. 114,000 schools across the nation.
By LANI JORDAN
Everyone hears rumors about Health
Service. "My roommate almost died in the
waiting room." "My friend's friend hurt
her leg and they made her walk up six
flights of stairs." "I was going into Health
Service one day and they were bringing
this guy out on a stretcher."
It all sounds quite horrible-the indiffer-
ent doctors, the long waits.
TO SOME degree, all these tales of ter-
ror have a truthful base; the waits are
long, the Health Service staff can be
brusk, but Health Service is not really
such a bad place when you need it.
For a mere $6.50 a term (a mandatory
fee) students are eligible to utilize all of
Health Service's many departments from
the usual walk-in clinic for general itiness-
es, to the Mental Health Clinic, to a nurse
who specializes in aiding weight watchers.
Health Service has almost every type of
medical specialist on staff or on call.
Popping into Health Service for treat-
ment of some ailment or another can turn.
out to be more than you've bargained for,
though. The procedure is incredibly well-
organized, but requires a lot of walking.
WHEN ENTERING the Fletcher Street
building, you are immediately greeted by
a multitude of signs directing you to the
appropriate location - "New Patients,"
"Patients with Records, but no appoint-
ment," "P a t i e n t s with appointments,
please proceed."
After retrieving health records, filling
out a form designating your problem and
choice of doctor-a specific doctor, male
or female, or no preference-you are sent,
ID card in hand (don't forget that ID
card), to the appropriate location- usually
the clinic (turn to your right, straight
through the yellow doors).
Once inside the clinic, prepare for a
wait. Time spent with old copies of Field
and Stream and Sports Illustrated varies
with the day and hour. Health Service
staffers have compiled a chart listing the
peak hours of usage and estimated wait-
ing time. Check the chart for a slow
time.
IT'S PROBABLE that one of the Health
Service nurses will be the first to examine
you and record your symptoms, tempera-
ture, etc. She will be followed by the doc-
tor. If you happen to need any tests, you'll
be given an order form and~sent to-of all
places-the cashier's office. No tests, or
medication for that matter, are adminis-
tered without first being paid for in ad-
vance or at least billed. After plopping
down the cash or asking that you be billed,
you may proceed to your original destina-
tion.
But never fear, costs for tests and medi-
cation at Health Service are relatively
low. The only other extra charges are for
visits to physicians or nurses in one of the
specialty clinics. All visits to the Walk-in
clinic are included in your Health Service
assessment on your tuition bill.
Health Service also offers a gynecology
land contraceptives clinic. A resident gyne-
cologist, several general practitioners, and
specially-trained gynecology nurses staff
the clinic. Potential, users beware, howev-
er, the clinic does such a thriving business
that appointments for routine examina-
tions'and birth control consultations must
be made at least a month in advance.
Women wishing to have a birth control
method prescribed for- them are required
to attend one of the clinic's lectures. These
are offered at varying times throughout
the week. Check with Health Service for a
schedule.
Daily Photo by ALAN BILINSKY
yellow piece of plastic, but to
card is your 'most important
I sigged the new card care-
fully, but it just wasn't the
same. Since then, my ID has
been washed along with my
jeans three times and misplaced
in Ft. Lauderdale. Presently,
the upper left corner is broken
off and all that's left of the Uni-
versity emblem is "1817."
Perhaps time has worn away
my dedication to the card. I
now take its power for granted.
But in spite of this nonchalant
attitude, I can state that I will
never intentionally try to rid
myself of the thing as long as I
am still a student-there's a/$S
fee to replace it!
A Public Service of this newspaper & The Advertising Council
Today istefirst day
oftheest ofyour lif.
so it can be the fist day
of somebody else's, too.
I