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"We never let the facts stand in the way of a good story."-H. B. Shoemaker, Managing Editor (1890-1891)

Saturday, April 1, 1978



REGENTS BACK ATHLETIC BOSS

.anham

ousts

Flemin
By UMAKE D. BUCKS

I


I

, Y
F YOU SEE NEWS HAPPEN, SIT ON IT.

Regents immortalized
In the wake of the recent move to culturally improve the land-
scape of the campus, University officials have decided to add still
another sculpture to the growing number of outdoor masterpieces. An
impressionistic portrayal of the eight members of the Board of Regen-
ts is scheduled for erection on the lawn of President Fleming's home
sometime next week. The sculpture, which will stand 15 feet high, was
designed by the kindergarten class at Angell Elementary school and
will be entirely constructed out of cafeteria trays.
0f
Who cares?
The University campus flew into turmoil yesterday when Mich-
igan Student Assembly (MSA) and Literature, Science and the Arts
Graduate Government (LSA-SG) decided to blow themselves up and
leave it up to the Regents and LSA faculty to handle it all. Sources:
close to the upset revealed that MSA president Jon Lauer and LSA-SG
president Dick Brazee were in agreement over this move. President
Robben Fleming, in attempts to sublet his house for the summer, said
he plans to try to combine the efforts of these departed groups by
organizing a student government co-op.
Reagan Panamanian ambassador
Fearing Senate rejection of the second Panama Canal treaty,
Jimmy Carter took a step today to mollify opponents of the proposed
treaty, by naming former California Governor Ronald Reagan as the
new ambassador to Panama. Reagan, long known as a politician of
liberal open-mindedness, is expected in his low-key statesmanlike
manner to convince the Panamanian government to accept the
treaties with all Senate added changes included. This will attract
greater support on Capitol Hill for the treaties.
Happenings
The fun starts at noon today with a bloody clash on the Diag
between Palestinian terrorists, UN peacekeepers, and Israeli "police
forces." . . . But rest up tonight when East Quad holds their annual
jail-bait jamboree with the first-graders of Bryant elementary school.
. . . At midnight there'll be a chain saw mixer in the Arb, music
provided by Ricky Wayne Wilson and the Coed-Killers singing "I Love
You Just the Way You Scar" ... Snuff said?...
Have it your way
Mariamadriasangria Island, a small country off the coast of
Italy has been found to be a haven for Italian cannibals. The gruesome
situation came to light last night when the caretaker of the island
phoned a mainland pizzaria and ordered'47 dead bodies with pep-
peroni. The caretaker, Antonioni Queequeg, refused comment except
to say "sometimes it's fun to order carry-outs."
On the inside
What is the sex life of a Daily editor really like? See Sports of
the Daily, page 10.
Deposed University President Robben Fleming decides to join a
punk rock band-Flaming Flemings. See story, page 87.

In a completely unprecedented move yes-
terday, Athletic Director Don Canham took
avantage of Robben Fleming's absence on a
good-will visit to South Africa to seize control
of the University.
Canham said he staged the coup to stabilize
the financial position of the University.
"FINDERS KEEPERS,
losers weepers," remark-
ed Canham at an improm-
ptu press conference late
yesterday. "I hope Flem
gets a good job down there
because thereain't going to
be anything for him here if
he comes back," Canham
added.
"I was getting a lot of
bad press because the
Athletic Department was
making more money than
the rest of the University,"
he explained. "I figure it
Fleming was time a real
professional took over."
Canham's power-grab received a quick OK from the
Regents, who appeared relieved that a proven money-maker
was finally at the helm of the University.
"WE'LL GET RESULTS with Canham as president,"
said Regent Thomas Roach, between tokes on his ever-
present happy pipe. "It'll be great to go to a meeting and not
hear Rob make excuses for the mess our books are in,"
Roach added.
Making money has never been a problem for Canham.
From the day he took over as Athletic Director in 1967,
revenues have soared to the point where the department was
regarded as the richest in the country:
Canham bounded into his new job with enthusiasm, as his
proposals to make the University more cost efficient pour~d
out in torrents.
"The first thing I'm going to do -is raze that ugly
Chemistry Building," he said, "the damn thing's an eyesore,
and totally obsolete. By rebuilding Barbour-Waterman
Gym on the vacant area, we'll have an athletic complex that
we can all be proud of."
See DOUBLE, Page 47

Anybody here see ng y ol ren... e
First lady Rosalyn Carter looks on seconds before President Jimmy Carter was stabbed to death
by the Easter bunny while on his South American trip. (Note the pointed object in the Easter bunny's
left hand.) See story, Page 94-D.


Belcher wears-

Bill Blass suits

By I.M.A. FLAK
and R.N.U.A. GEEK
In its first official move after being
sworn in at last night's meeting, Mayor
Louis Belcher and the 10 Republicans
on City Council votedato lengthenCoun-
cil terms to 20 years and make the
mayor "Dictator for life."
"We just want to get something done
for a change," said Councilman Wen-
dell Allen, whose surprise reelection
victory prompted former Democratic
Councilwoman Carol Jones to throw up
him from her San Diego, California
apartment.
IN AN ATTEMPT to kill 2,000 birds
with one stone, Council also passed an
ordinance to use residents of the city's
CDBG districts lying shoulder to
shoulder to repave Ann Arbor's
blighted roads.
"We've found they last longer than
asphalt or gravel," said Belcher, who
renamed himself Il Duce.' Councilman
Allen added, "We like them to feel
useful."

In other business, Council:
"passed a new pornography or-
dinance which will prohibit the showing
of X-rated movies unless they are
projected more than four feet off the
floor. Also in the bill is a section
requiring known eprostitutes to be
locked in a room with Roger Bertoia.
* voted to convert the Model Cities
Dental Clinic on Spring Street into a
parking structure.
Plant rights
subject of 3
wueek fo rum
By MICHAEL AIRBRUSH
Anticipating a long bitter struggle to
promote the rights of house plants, a
leading University botanical resear-
cher said yesterday he will "fight until
the last plant on earth has freedom."
Bud Rose, professor of house plants
and- president of the American Plant
Liberties Union (APLU), said recent
criticism of the house plants rights
movement will not deter an attempt
by APLU advocates to achieve basic
rights for all house plants.
"HOUSE PLANTS are living
creatures just like you and me and they
deserve just as much freedom," com-
plained Rose.
Rose and other worldwide plant ex-
perts are gathered in Ann Arbor to con-
duct a three week symposium on plan-
ts' rights, featuring several films depic-
tingplant harassment in many coun-
tries.
SEE A SHRINK, Page 104

Belcher, elegantly decked out in his
new Bill Blass suit and toupee, called
the meeting to order at exactly 7:30
p.m., and it adjourned late, at 7:32. "It
would have been earlier," I IDuce
Belcher said, "but we had to teach the
new members the pledge of allegian-
ce.'
COUNCIL MOVED through its four-
line agenda with minimum difficulty
and only one "no" vote was cast the en-
tire night.

Councilman Ronald Trowbridge
(Fourth Ward) broke rank when he
voted against buying each Coun-
cilmember a custom-made Cadillac.
"I'd rather have a Rolls," he said.
In other news, sources told the Daily
deposed Mayor Albert Wheeler had be-
gun work on his memoirs detailing his
fall from power. The book begins "I[was
born in the low-income, CDBG-
subsidized housing unit my father
built."

f


TestyFl
By B.A BOONE
D~aily's top banana:
Calling it "a waste of human life"
and unnecessary, a group of 30 Literary
College (LSA) students is protesting the
use of eight Inteflex students in dorm
food experiments which have already
hospitalized one student.
The "Committee to Save the Inteflex
Eight" is distributing petitions and
selling bumper stickers (which read:
"The food stinks; eight doctors can't
save it") in an attempt to halt the test.
ACCORDING TO I.M. Sick, the ex-
periment coordinator, the students are
being subjected to three weeks' worth
of dormitory food with no supplements
or snacks. The students, all participan-
ts in the University's special six-year
medical program, started their special
diets Thursday.

Lexies protest test

Housing ' e
Housg crisis over!.

By NORM THE DORMIE
For the last decade, dormitory
observers have watched singles turn
into doubles, doubles into triples,
triples into quads, and so forth. But
the University has finally found a
solution to its acute housing crunch.
Yesterday, University
procurement officers went
scurrying through junkyards on the
fringes of the city and returned with

a 1934 Plymouth sedan. The car will
be structually improved to facilitate
one student, which includes the in-
stallation of a mousetrap which, ac-
cording to Housing Director Robert
Hughes, will eliminate visits from
"those unfriendly little creatures."
The car will be officially dedicated
in the fall to mark the end of Univer-
sity's housing woes.
See TRAPS, Page 31%

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