THE MICHIGANDAILY

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LIVE!
COED * KOSHER * CO-OP
Hebrew House
has openings for Facl 1974-75
" A great, informal Jewish atmosphere
" Kosher food all week long
0 Approx. $1200 for the school year
for further info call 668-8821 or come to 800 Lincoln

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From Wire Service Reports from Purdue, Northwestern's
CHICAGO - The Univer- Tippy Dye, Elroy "Crazy Legs"
sity of Michigan was ex- Hirsch of Wisconsin, and Michi-
gan State headman Burt Smith.
pelled yesterday from the "NO, GODDAMMIT I'm not
Big Ten in a surprise vote going to tell you how I voted,"
of the conference athletic Smith remarked to a reporter
directors taken at a clan- who cornered him at the flight
destine emergency meeting insurance desk in O'Hare Air-
at Mario's Pizzeria in sub- port. "But I'll tell you it's gonna
uran Ciero . rbe one helluva relief to get those
urban Cicero. guys off the schedule. We're not
Although no votes were going to have Michigan to kick
formally announced, sourc- us around anymore."
es close to the meeting Dye, who reportedly is about
claimed there had been a to announce a long-term lease of
5-5iedwthre hdbeidnga Dyche Stadium to the Chicago
5-5 tie, with the deciding Bears and possibly a professional
ballot cast by conference football team, stated that fi-
Commissioner Wayne Duke. nances might have had some-
Others who reportedly favored thing to do with the Athletic Di-
Michigan's expulsion from the rectors' decision.
conference included Cecil Cole- "I tell you," the Northwestern
man of Illinois, George King AD remarked, "it sure makes
Professional League Standings

the rest of us look bad when Don
Canham runs a profitable oper-
ation and we other guys are drop-
ping money right and left. Some
of the guys would look a lot bet-
ter if everyone in the confer-
ence were losing money, not just
nearly everybody."
"This is the best thing that's
happened to Michigan since I
came up here," chortled Wolver-
ine football coach Bo Schem-
bechler in his usual jovial man-
ner. "Frankly, I'm sick and tired
of running up these great won-
lost record against a flock of
turkeys. You can't get ready to
play good teams like Navy if
you don't expose yourself to good
competition along the way."
SURPRISINGLY, t h e o n 1 y
public negative reaction to the
vote came from Ohio State Ath-
letic Director Ed Weaver. "It's
an absolute disaster," the Olen-
tangy maestro moaned. "From
now on, every football champion-
ship we win is going to be ab-

solutely worthless. What can we
do? Emphasize wrestling?
A spokesperson for the Rose
Bowl Tournament Committee ex-
pressed unrestrained glee when
informed of the Big Ten Vote.
"That means we won't have to
put up with getting their second-
best team anymore," she re-
marked,
ALTHOUGH IOWA Athletic Di-
rector Chalmers "Bump" Elliott
reportedly voted to keep Michi-
gan inside the conference, ac-
counts from Iowa City stated that
wrestling mentors Kary Kurdel-
meier and Dan Gable were spot-
ted dancing naked in the streets
shortly after the surprising de-
cision was made public.
"The White House has nothing
to say with respect to the alleged
rupture between the University
of Michigan and the Intercol-
legiate (Big Ten) Conference,"
Ron Ziegler mumbled, "and our
previous statements to that ef-
fect are now inoperative."

THETA X1

STREAKING
Runs

LAWN BOWLING

Busts Points

l
r
i
r
4
I
c
r
I
I
1
l

Daily Libels 498 0 2342
Markley 450 13 750
Des Moines X423 15 732
Missoula 410 14 724
Oak Park 392 9 694
Levittown 391 16 646
Pinckney 347, 10 617
Saline 245 2 566
Brooklyn 1497 80 324
Nixonland 0 27 0
MEXICAN YODELING
Warb. Whoops Pts.
Cuernavaca 274 113 97
Monterrey 256 119 93
Oaxaca 195 154 62
Nuestra Sra. 124 197 50
Jesucristo 94 239 24
PLAYOFFS
Jesucristo 24, Nuestra Senora 19
(Jesucristo leads series, 1-3)

St. Petersburg
Ft. Lauderdale
Orlando
Sarasota
Tampa
Disney World

w
47
42
33
26
17
13

L
13
17
26
33
42
47

T
0
1
1
1
Y
0

Yesterday's Results
st. Petersberg 46, Orlando 35 (ot)
Disney World 119, Sarasota 53
Ft. Lauderdale 93, Tampa 79
M PIN BOWLING
Today at 1 p.m.

AP Photo
WHILE ATHLETIC DIRECTORS and journalists look on, a spokes-
man for Wayne Duke reads the formal resolution which expelled
the University of Michigan from the Big Ten yesterday. Duke, who
refused all comment, allegedly cast the deciding vote.
SpOrts of The Daily

Aaron sent to minors
Henry Aaron, first baseman for the Atlanta Braves, was
released yesterday to Atlanta's farm club at Mayberry, N.C.
The aging first-sacker, it was announced by General Manager
Felix "Cat" Wunderliver, "just ain't worth crap, anymore" and
"the club just can't afford to keep the old cuss around."
Age, lack of power, insincerity, and failure to attend church
regularly were cited as reasons by Manager Eddie Mathews for
the expected move.
* * * *
Gargowini picks State
Michigan State University (East Lansing campus) football
coach Denny Stoltz gleefully announced yesterday that he had
successfully recruited Serafino "Stump" Gargowini. The 5'4",
425 pound nursery school drop-out from Columbus, Ohio, "X-ed"
his letter of intent to go to Michigan State in spite of impres-
sive offers from Slippery Rock State, Parsons Business School,
Vassar, and the Detroit Lions.
The fact that "Stump" is totally illiterate doesn't seem to
bother Stoltz. "That hasn't stopped us before. As long as the kid
knows a few words of English," said Stoltz, "our athletic direc-
tor has learned to live with the handicap."
* * *
Irish drop football
"There will be no more football at Notre Dame," remarked
Notre Dame Athletic Director Moshe Goldstein, yesterday, to
shocked members of the press at a combined press conference
and rummage sale held under the famed Golden Dome.
April foolishness in March
Since you're read this far, we think you're entitled to know
that not one sports item on this page is true, except for this one.
For the real world, see Page 10. APRIL FOOL! !!!

MAKING OUTI
hiK N giggles pts. Win a f ree game
Kissinger 297 0 1275
Seretariat 247 13 242K
Mark Phillips 113 49 234,
__s IMICH. UNION
Julie Nixon 24 97 27
Bebe Rebozo 0 297 0__
Future Worlds
PRESENTS
JOHN LILLY
interspecies communication researcher with
dolphins, sensory deprivation, and LSD
Tuesda y, April 2
2 P.M.-Hill Auditorium
Admission $1
Tickets at Michigan Union or at the door
NOW IN PROGRESS-The Future Worlds Confer-
ence Festival-information in the Union or at the
Fishbowl
COMING April 9: JOHN TODD
from NEW ALCHEMY EAST


T T T T T

I *1

SPR NG-SUMMER

HOUSING

(COME LIVE WITH US)
A portion of BAITS HOUSING and EAST QUADRANGLE will be open for occupancy during the
Spring-Summer Term. Applications are now being accepted in the Housing Information Office,
1011 Student Activities Building.

EAST QUAD
(Room and Board)
Single
Double
BAITS HOUSING
Single, Double or Triple Suite
ALL ROOMS
AIR CONDITIONED
Single
Double Suite (two occupants)
Triple Suite (two occupants)

Spring-Summer
Term
(May 5-Aug. 27)
$733.70
657.80
$280.50
$359.70
320.10,
359.70

Spring
Half Term
(May 5-June 29)
$366.85
328.90
$140.25
$179 85
160.05
179.85

Summer
Half Term
(July 1-Aug. 27)
$366.85
328.90
$140.25
$179.85
160.05
179.85

Several FRATERNITIES and SORORITIES will be open for occupancy during
the Spring-Summer Terms. Accommodations available include:
Co-ed, male or female residences
Single and double rooms at costs of $35.00 to $60.00/month
Kitchen, parking, laundry and recreational facilities
CONTACT: Off-Campus Referrals, Housing Information Office, 1011 Student Activities Building, 764-4700