If I ruled the world, just one day...

Gobble 'em up! The First

Anu al Turkey Awards

. . .

TRIED. I REALLY tried to think
of, reasons to be thankful. But
there weren't many, except possibly
the mixed blessing of still being
alive: there's no mail, the banks are
closed, and most people will be eat-
ing Ritz mock-apple pie instead of
turkey. So in place of the usual bom-
bast about the joys of alleged free-
dom, this year's Daily Thanksgiving
Editorial 'will offer you a few grim
chuckles in the First Annual Turkey
Awards. Here we go, in alphabetical
order:
The Alfred E. Neuman Turkey is
Representative Earl Landgrebe (R-
Ind.). Memorable quote: "Don't con-
fuse me with facts, my mind is made
up."
Michigan Governor Bill Milliken
raced the clock to win the Beat The
Reaper Turkey. Memorable quote:
"Buy a car."
The Ben Franklin Turkey Award
goes to Laurance Rockefeller for
asking the Internal Revenue Service
to approve a tax loss on the Gold-
berg biography. Memorable quote:
"It's the principle of the thing."
Comet Kohoutek wins the Cosmic
Edsel Turkey.
The Electoral Amnesia Turkey
Award recipients are the voters of
Ohio for letting "Kent" Rhodes any-
where near the National Guard
again.
Woody Hayes gets top honors in
the Flagellation Can Be Fun Turkey
race for beating indiscriminately on
players, fans, and members of the
press.
Our Grand Prize Turkey this year
is phlebitis fanatic Richard Nixon,
since we may not have him to kick
around much longer. This gobbler
also came in first in the Turkeys
Have Shins contest. I offer without
malice t h i s curious definition:
Phlebotomy (n.), 1) opening a vein;
bloodletting; bleeding; 2) a violent,
destructive,' or extortionate method
of remedying an evil or gaining an
end; 3) an instrument for letting
blood. (Thank you, Noah Webster.)
The votes in the Greece/Cynrus/
Turkey Turkey race are still coming
in. The winner will be the continent
with the most wars in 1974. Only last
place has been decided: Antarctica
has been spared all the usual blood-
shed. Better luck next year, pen-
guins: you aren't turkeys yet!
The I Can't See Anything. My
Eyes Are Closed Turkey goes to Hen-
ry Petersen of the Justice Depart-
ment for breathing. Memorable
ouote: "Watergate? Kent State? My
feelings are hurt."
FBI head Clarence Kelley gets the
I Don't Want My Sister To Marry
One Turkey and the Kansas City
Here I Come Turkey for intimating
that the Southern Christian Leader-
ship Conference is a subversive or-
ganization.
The I Have Ten Toes, Too Turkey
is Carl Albert for assuming that a
19 per cent vote of "we don't trust
the GOP" is a Democratic mandate.
The University's Opportunity Pro-
gram wins the I Have The Figures
Here Somewhere Turkey for admit-
ting that there are blacks on campus.
Mayor Jin Stephenson ran away
with the I'll Take My Ball And Go

Home Turkey by deciding not to seek
office again after preferential voting
passed.
This year's Just Like Real Govern-
ment Turkey goes to SGC. List your
favorite reasons.
The Largest Marshmallow In The
State Of Michigan Turkey is Sander
Levin for trying to outwaffle Bill Mil-
liken,
Secretary of Agriculture Earl Butz
wins the Let's Talk Turkey Turkey
for his performance at the World
Food Conference. Memorable quote:
"Five and a half million people starv-
ing? That's a problem, not a crisis."
The Memory Of A Turkey Turkey
belongs to Housing Office Director
John Feldkamp for overfilling dorms
two years in a row.
U. S. District Judge Frank Battisti
of Ohio gets the Nuremberg Gas
Works Turkey for assuming that kill-
ing people does not violate their
civil rights.
The Physician Heal Thyself Turkey
blushes at whoever designed the new
Architecture and Design building to
be unfit for human habitation.
The Pride Goeth Before A Fall
Turkey slinks to Bill Colburn. Mein-
orable quote: "The voters will reelect
me no matter what I do."
The Public Display of Affection
Turkey goes to Perry Bullard and
Kathy Fojtik for necking the night
of their reelection.
The Small Change Turkey wings
away to Evel Knievel for being the
shortest con artist since P. T. Bar-
num. Memorable quote: "What's an
egress?"
Wilbur Mills is The Sodden Turkey,
laden with gravy and stuffing. Also
a leading contender in the. Oink Oink
Park Barrel Shoot and the All-Day
Senulchre Whitewash Brushoff.
The Turkey At Large Award falls
on Ron Ziegler for giving up a well-
paid job at Disneyland to manage
Richard Nixon's campaign for the
Turkeys Have Shins race. Memor-
able quote: "This way to Fantasy-
land."
John Reuther wins the Turkey In
Every Carpetbag Award.
Not to be outdone by anyone, as-
pirant to the throne Nelson Rocke-
feller nabbed the Turkey In The Hay
Award. Memorable quote: "Hell, I'm
rich."
The Turkey Scout Badge for 1974
goes to the head turkey himself, Ger-
ald Ford. This hot prospect failed in
his bid for Grand Prize Turkey by
losing a recent turkey look-alike
contest to both a feathered and a
frozen competitor. On the other
hand, he has a king-size start in
next year's race. Memorable quote:
"Fvervbodv does it."
The Turkev Trot, Gobble, Gobble,
Gabble Turkey is a double award this
year. It was imnossible to choose be-
tween the sugar industry and the oil
industry, with the rest of the econo-
my coming in a close second. Offic-
ials predict that next year we will
see separate divisions and leagues for
nationally advertised rip-offs.
The-Two For Me One For You Tur-
key Prize goes to the Environmental
Rpvearch Institute of Michigan for
asking the county to subsidize a huge
tax revenue loss.

Secretary of State Hank Kissinger
once aeain wins the Two In The Bush
Turkey Buzzard Award for kissing
Golda Meir. Memorable quote: "Peace
is at hand."
The What My Lai Die Proeecs
Crown goes to Judge J. Robert El-
liott. who first reversed Callev's con-
viction and was then nominated to
head a commission on the Bill of

Season's
greetings
ROOTED AS IT IS in the
Pilgrim Fathers' festi-
val in 1621 at the Plymouth
Rock Colony, Thanksgiving
Day has become for many
Americans associated with
showing appreciation for a
rich harvest.
But the history of the na-
tion indicates that Thanks-
giving is a celebration not
only of plenty but of some-
thing far more meaning-
ful - peace.
In 1784, President Wash-
ington called for a celebra-
tion of thanksgiving to
mark the end of the Revo-
lutionary War. President
Madison acted similarly in
1815, at the conclusion of
the War of 1812. Certainly
peace was on the mind of
President Lincoln when he
established ThanksgivingF
Day as a permanent feast
in 1863.
Again this Thanksgiving
we have much for which
to be thankful. Most not-
ably, we have peace. But in
offering our thanks, let us
not forget the men and
women who make that
peace possible, the men and
womenof our Armed Serv-
ices.
RECENTLY the Depart-
ment of the Army an-
nounced that, as of
Thanksgiving, all draftees
who do not wish to extend
beyond an early termina-
tion offered by the Army
will have been separated
from the service. Everyone
in the Army will have
chosen to be there. Indeed,
that should give all Amer-
icans an even greater rea-
son to give thanks. Not
only do we have peace, but
we have a rich resource of
young people who are
willing to dedicate at least
a part of their lives to
keeping ,that peace.
--A Monthly Newspaper
Column From Our Local
Army Recruiter.

By The Army
YOUNG PEOPLE WHO volun-
teer for as short a period as two
years in the Army can be guar-
anteed a tour of duty in Eu-
rope, according to local Army
spokesman Sgt. Gene Jones.
The Two-Year T r a v e 1 or
Training Option enables volun-
teers to choose either the type
of; job they'd like or the place
they'd like to work, including
Europe.
Other Army options make it
possible for the individual to
choose both the job and the
place of work, Sgt. Jones said.
Additional information on Army
job opportunities can be
acquired at the U.S. Army of-
fices at 212 S. 4th Ave., Ann
Arbor, Mich.
S*
KITCHEN DILEMMAS at Ft.
Lewis, Wash., are the domain
of the FAT man. Or,trather, the
FAT men.
The Food Assistance Team
(FAT) at the fort was recently
organized to help get expert
food service technicians into
kitchens to help units prepare
better food for their members.
"In the army today, the em-
nhasis is on direct assistance.
Twenty years of clipboards
didn't work."
"The team offers a comman-
d'-r a list of solutions, not a list
of work details. Andtteam mem-
bers ilhistrate how the solutions
can work by spending a week
or so in the kitchen."
* * *
A NEW RANGER battalion
was recently activated by Ft.
Lewis, Whash., according to lo-
cal Army representative Sgt.
Gene Jones.
The 2d Battalion (Ranger),
75th Infantry, is designedas an
elite Infantry unit which can be
rapidly denloyed to any location
where U.S. presence is required.
The Ranger unit joins the ex-
isting 1st Battalion, Ranger,
75th Infantry, which is stationed
at Ft. Stewart, Ga. A third Ran-
ger unit is now under study.
The Department of the Army,
in a recent review of its force
structure, determined that a
need existed for three.Ranger.
battalions to.expand the size of
the combat force.
* *
CORDOVA, Ala.-A platoon of
Army engineers is helping this
city to build a modern recrea-
tional park.

This collection of oddments arrived in the mail a while back.
Never let it be said that The Michigan Daily denied the opposition
a public forum.
Interesting facts

The 1st Platoon, C Company
43d Engineer Battalion is con-
structing two baseball fields,
two dugouts, three tennis courts,
and a multi-purpose court, plus
bath, shower and dressing facil-
ities for both men and women.
THE DEFENSE Department
has announced that December
is the likely date for the activa-
tion of the new Armed Forces
Bicentennial Band.
Musicians from the Army, Air
Force, Marine Corps and Coast
Guard will be included in the
group which is expected to give
its first concert in March, 1975.
Band members are volunteers
from service field and special
bands, according to local Army
representative Sgt. Gene Jones.
Chairs ;have also been taken by
civilian musicians who joined
the Army specifically to play
with the BicentennialBand.
The unit will be under the,
direction of Army Lt. Col. Hal
Gibson, former director of the
Army Field Band.
THE UNIVERSITY 'of Okla-
homarecently gained the dis-
tinction of being the only major
college in the United States to
have ancArmy recruiting sta-
tion on campus.
Local A r m y representative
Sat. Gene Jones commented that
the presence of the recruiting
station on camnus should "serve
as another indication that the
Army and education can go
hand in hand."
THE BASIC PAY for volun-
teers in the United States Army
has risen to a new high of
5344.10 per month, according to
local Army representative Sgt..
Gene Jones.
The salary boost is the result
of the recent cost of living raise
signed into law by President
Ford. Civil Service employes
andr military personnel were
both affected by the increment.
The previous starting salary
for an E1 in the Army was
$326.10, according to Sgt. Jones.
Under the new pay system, a
volunteer's pay jumps to $383.40
after four months. Previously,
the pay hike was $363.30.
The local Army spokesman
said that the starting pay for
individuals with a rank of E3 is
$398.40, for E4 $414.30, and for
ES $430.80.
The pay jump is retroactive
until October 1. It represents
an increase in salary of 5.52
per cent.

Filler items
The United States Army is
presently awarding bonusss of
$2,500 and $1,500 to individuals
who volunteer in certain cam-
bat-related career fields.
The U.S. Army recently open-
ed additional career fields to
women. The fields are commom-
ications and electronics enuip-
ment mechanic, telephone in-
staller and lineman, antenna-
man, cable splicer, struc twe
specialist, tire repairman, saw-
yer, terminal operations special-
ist and diver.
High school seniors who sign
up for the U.S. Army's Delayed
Entry Program will not have to
enter their school of training
until up to nine months after
the date of volunteering.
Interested in touring Europe?
Your local Army representative
can guarantee qualified volun-
teers a European tour with
enough free time to see r h e
sights.
For a two-year tour, the Amy
will guarantee a type of train-
ing or an assignment.

5$,T '&VEAJTEEkJ "EAR c'i D
1%A9-CO FPOL-O RAP HEARE EOUGH
AOIUTC rTHE Ot2FEAJT Its WwLuNGLY
tI rA e a tMY co E"Y
MALkES 17 A LOT EAr;ER -
BIZ Y'OUN& PEOP'LE ,0
FiLL 1WN THE APVATV'ZER;
F.2TSTaF'4 'N A MAr-rae OF
POUtZ; rOL i.TE$ A;ZRIvE ~jN
K5gEA WHEZE MAVY O; THE &' ,t'4
AREE ~e;r ITA; £ wAUTt~.j A5.
0t*E -r)4AT ATTRAZTEP Y~ui MA.,:!
The U.S. Army has career op-
portunities in Korea.
It takes a goo man, or wo-
man, to keep the Army's Nike
missile on target. So the Army
is presently offering not just
an important job but an attrac-
tive bonus to individuals who
volunteer to be Nike Test
Equipment Repairmen.
Repairmen maintain the mis-
sile's test systems, isolate elec-
trical problems in the control
instruments and correct mal-
functions. Selected repairmen
supervise work crews and de-
termine repair priorities. Top
repairmen earn the posilion of
maintenance chief.
A bonus - of $25,000 ges with
an assignment as a Nike Test
Equipment repairman.

.,..:.:...'.. ..

Contact your

reps-

Sen. Phillip Hart (Dem), Rm 253, Old Senate Bldg., Capitol
Hill, Washington,. D.C. 20515.
Sen. Robert Griffin .(Rep), Rm 353, Old Senate Bldg., Capitol
Hill, Washington, D.C. 20515.
Rep. Marvin Esch (Rep), Rm. 412, Cannon Bldg., Capitol
Hill, Washington, D.C. 20515.
Sen. Gilbert Bursley (Rep), Senate, State Capitol Bldg.,
Lansing, Mi. 48933.
Rep. Perry Ballard (Dem), House of Representatives, State
Capitol Bldg., Lansing, Mi. 48933.


Letters

to

The

plaques
To The Daily:
I'D LIKE to catalogue a few
odious features of the plaque,
"The Dream of the Young Girl"
which were overlooked in the
Daily article detailing LSA Stu-
dent Government's objections to
this sculpture.
1. The Daily photo might lead
the observer to believe that the
Young Girl is at the center of
her own dream. She is not: In-
stead, (you guessed it!) the
young man is. Next in import-
ance is the pair of bullocks
standing behind the man. Young
Girl herself comes in a poor
fourth.Because of this outrag-
eous imagery the plaque title
might be changed to "The
Dream of the Young Man."
2. Close inspection reveals
that both of the Young Girl's
affspring are boys. This really
carries the paterfamilial fan-
tasy a bit far.
DEAN FRYE believes that the
plaque should remain as a nega-
tive example. If he is suggesting
that all examples of male chau-
vinism should be pinned to the
wall, his proposal has merit.
However, University buildings
are not generally embellished
with the stereotypes prescrib-
ed by our reigning bigotries. Re-
strictive and biased portrayals
of women do not deserve spec-
ial exposure. Dean Frye should
see to it that the plaque is
speedily removed. And he might
commission a new sculpture -
"The Young Girl Wakes Up."
-Kathlepn K. Shortridge
November 11
To The Daily:
I READ with interest the ar-
ticle on the proposed removal of
the plaques on the LSA build-
ing (Daily, Nov. 7). Perhaps the
issue should be decided accord-
ing to the standards used in
judging a work of art obscene.
Do the plaques have "redeeming

they are "sexist and chauvinis-
tic"? Do they conform to "cur-
rent community standards"? Do
they tend to "deprave and cor-
rupt" our notion of equality be-
tween the sexes?
Until a decision is reached,
I promise to look the other way
when I walk down State Street.
--Ron Ginzler
November 8
To The Daily:
AS A FEMALE law student I
am writing to protest the fas-
cist tactics being employed by
some members of the women's
movement. I want your reader-
ship to recognize that these me-
thods are not supported by
many women concerned about
sexism in our society. Censor-
ship is not the answer. Educa-
tion is. Censorship is the anti-
thesis of education.
Yesterday's Daily reported the
LSA student government is try-
ing to remove two bronze
plaques described as sexist and
chauvinistic. This is reminis-
cent of last year's burning of
Dr. Willson's obstetrics and gy-
necology textbook. Our efforts
should be directed towards con-
structing art, establishing his-
torical facts and working
toward our own ideals instead
of destroying the work of oth-
ers whose ideals are not ours.
-Claudia Day
Detroit College of Law
To The Daily:
I'M WRITING this appeal in
response to recent discussion to
advocate the removal of the
plaques from the front of the
LSA Building because of the sex-
ist nature of their themes. Quite
obviously, the plaques are re-
presentative of a sexist culture,
one which was founded on the
role of the woman in sozie y as
a mother and wife, rooted to a
domestic existence, in contrast
to the man, who is depicted in
terms of challenge, discoverv,
and adventure. However, I don

ing, one which demanded a de-
gree of skill and craft ;manship.
In no way am I evaluating the
quality of the art. I can mere-
ly state that the plaques are the
response to a set of ideas and
human feelings.
THESE IDEAS, no matter
how archaic they seem to be
in 1974, were expressed by the
artist, Marshall Fredericks, in
1947, and were designed speci-
fically for the architecture be-
hind and around them. In fact,
the theme was probably quite
an accurate descriptihn of the
dreams and goals of many of
the students at this University
during those years. But we are
in the year 1974, not 1947.
The current intellectual cul-
ture is one which is breaking
away from the tradizions and
stereotypes of the east that are
represented bytthe plaques. As
art which is not contemporary,
they must be understood in the
historical and cultural context
of the times which created
them, and not perceived as a
reflection of offense to our cul-
ture and society.
To remove the plaques from
their surrounding architecture
and place them in a museum for
posterity, would be to extract
them from the proper context.
It would destroy the reason for
which they were created in
1947; in essence, the meaning of
the art itself would be lost with
the separation of tie plaques
from the architecture which
they were designed for.
THE POSITION of women has
come a long way since 1947
and the plaques are an o'vious
contrast to the dreams of most
college-age women in today's so-
ciety. In their reflectihn of the
past, they can be appreciated

Daly
for what we now have attain:d
towards feminine liberation.
-Jeanne Sellnau,
Member, LSA Student
Govt
November 15
To The Daily:
NOT SINCE a small grou of
women burned some rasher eb-
noxious gynecology texts two
years ago on the Diag have we
been confronted with a sugges-
tion quite as odious as that put
forward by some members of
the LSA student government.,I
refer to the suggestion by Sher-
ry Grant that some bas re.efs
be removed from the front of
the LSA Building because of
their admittedly sexist nature.
Certainly renowned Michigan ar-
tist Marshall Fredericks was
guilty of dismal judgment in
choosing the subject matter for
his small sculptures, and I agree
with acting dean Billy Frye +hat
"they are not exactly great
art." Neither is the LSA Build-
ing itself, for that matter.tArt,
however, is not the print.
The destruction if art for
political reasons is something
which should fill us a l witn dis-
gust. Although Ms. Grant may
have no. larger plans, it would
be logically- consistent to also
advocate the burning f numer-
ous library books and th'i lynch-
ing of at least a few richly Ce-
serving professors. ?e:'haps the
sculptures present an easier
target than do the more subtle
and intangible forms of racism
and sexism Which persist at the
University. However, I cannot
help but observe that if the lat-
ter were getting the attention
they deserve the former would
not come up at all. No one
would have the time for such a
frivolous, albeit sinister, iinder-
taking. How many pcople would
even know the sculorurs exist,
much less their titles, were it

not for periodic critioisms of
them? Certainly tew would
agree with the sculptm'es' senti-
ments, and those lost souls are
not going to switch sides snould
the plaques disappear.
LET US NOT waste oir time
on projects which are not nly
unworthy of intelligent people,
but which advance the cause of
human liberation not one whit.
Those who so advocate will rap-
idly come to resemble the has
reliefs on the bath of the LSA
Building, near the loading dock.
When the day arrives that we
have no greater battles than to
deal with minor, obscure pieces
of metal, however offensive,
then perhaps we will also have
gained the individual and collec-
tive maturity to permit the con-
tinued existence of such remind-
ers that the world was not al-
ways perfect. But, until utopia
arrives, we should concern our-
selves with more serious busi-
ness, and not be drawn into un-
productive, reactionary projects,
in the mold of Hitler, Stalin and
the rest of humanity's oppres-
sors.

-Rob Bier
November 7

Letters to The Daily c'hovylf
be mailed to the Editorial
D i r e c t o r or delivered to
Mary Rafferty in the Student
Publications business office
in the Michigan Daily build-
ing. Letters should be typed,
double-spaced and normally
should not exceed 250 words.
The Editorial Directors re-
serve the right to edit all
letters submitted.

- ..,r 44* f t 4 '.i , d