deep greens and blues
To go to class, perchance to dream

gIte riigan Dai tl
Eighty-one years of editorial freedom
Edited and managed by students at the University of Michigan

by larry lempert1

r

420 Moynard St., Ann Arbor, Mich.

News Phone: 764-0552

Editorials printed in The Michigan Daily express the individual opinions of staff writers
or the editors. This must be noted in all reprints.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 1971

NIGHT EDITOR: TAMMY JACOBS


HEY, HIT ME with a bit of ba-
uzooka wisdom, a burst of dou-
ble bubble knowledge, ease my
mind with a candy cartoon.
Well, how's this. "I just had the
most terrific sleep!"
"Oh yeah, why'd ya get up?"
"I had to. The class was over."
And your fortune for today:
"You're in for a long, long rest:"
Yawn.
JUSTIN THYME dropped his
books and sat down at the end of
the bed. "You're dozing again."
Zerbinette awoke with a start.
"Damn," she apologized, picking
up the book that had slipped from
her hands. "I didn't even hear
you come in."
"Your book's upside down. Did
you get a lot of work done?"
"If you' call sleep work. How
'bout you?"
"Terrific. Sound asleep for two
hours in the library."
She propped herself up on a pil-
low. "I slept through my statistics
class again today. And I had such
weird dreams."
"As usual. I think you have a
rabbit fetish."
"Hell, I can't control my sub-
conscious. God," she said rubbing
her eyes, "I feel like Rip Van
Winkle."
"We've been asleep for weeks.
Months. Half the term's gone and
we haven't been awake for one
full class yet."
"Jeasus, Justin, what's wrong
with us?"
"We are afflicted, my dear, with
Sleepititus Universitus."
* * *
SLEEPITITUS Universitus. Also
Classeus Dozus, Snoozus Col-
legius. .
A fairly common ailment in
youth from 18 to 25. Can be phy-
sically or psychologically induced.
Caused by the infectious insectus
ennuis, commonly known as the
drag fly. Symptoms: Heavy eyes,
nodding head, pained facial con-
tortions.
Only known cure: Dropping out
of school.
** *
2:05 adm.
The elect filed into the dimly
lit auditorium, 453 students com-
puter - graced and placed in the
unpopular but necessary require-
ment for Psych. 453 students filed

452 hands crawled across their
notebooks. Hard, concise lines
melted into circles, letters dis-
solved into scratches and trailed
off the page.
Lowing, chewing lazily, three
cows wandered through the steam
tunnels beneath the building. Zer-
binette progressed warily, looking
back over her shoulder for stray
rabbits.
She gasped as she rounded a
bend. A cow mooed a brief warn-
ing and, in one bite, tore the
sleeve off her shirt. She jumped
back, only to fall into a second
cow. In a matter of minutes, her
clothes had disappeared.
"Ordinarily, the values of alpha
used are .05 or .01, although, on
occasion, larger or smaller values
are employed. In some problems,
the region of rejection is contain-
ed in only one tail of the distri-
bution, so that only extreme de-
viations in a given direction from
the expectation, lead to rejection
of H.
R u n n i n g quickly, breath-
ing hard, Zerbinette burst from
the steam tunnel into the dimly
lit auditorium. 452 students lifted
their eyes.
Shocked, she snapped upright,
and blinked her, eyes. She glanc-
ed down uneasily to see if she
had all her clothes on.
"SILLY wabbit."
"Don't make fun of me, Jus-
tin. Have you ever been perse-
cuted by clothes-eating cows. It's
no fun at all."
"Not to mention 52 man-eating
rabbits."
"I didn't say that. It's such an
awful feeling, fighting to stay
awake, straining and slapping
yourself and pinching yourself.
It's hopeless, Justin. Justin?"
BUT HE HAD drifted, yawning
then easing back onto the pillow
to split statistical hares and hun-
gry cows,

A4

-Daily-Denny Gainer

through the doors and took their
seats, filling in the back rows
first and slowly moving toward
the front.
In the distance below, a tiny fi-
gure toyed with a microphone,
tested the button for the auto-
matic sliding blackboard. He
coughed, cleared his throat.
Sounds of shuffling, rustling of
papers. Notebooks flopped open,
pens snapped to attention.
"Today, before we leave the
problem of deciding between two
exact hypotheses, we will give one
more example, this time involving
the mean of a population."
Like eager horses exploding
from the starting gate, 453 hands
raced across their notebooks as
the lecture began.
2:20 a.m.
Fingers loosened, 453 pens sag-
ged as the instructor paused for

the first time. Squinting, Zerbi-
nette surveyed the dark hall, the
long, even rows of cabbages.
Their ears flopping back and
forth, rabbits hopped lightly -in
between the rows, working their
way across to the aisle. There they
lined up, filed up to the stage
and, one by one, leaped off the
podium. Then they repeated the
whole circular movement.
- "In a sample of 52 rabbits dis-
criminating between black and
, white squares, mean performance

of recognizing a black square is
.48. In order to achieve a signifi-
cantly different score, which in
this case would be .53, how large
a sampling do you need?"
2:30 a.m.
LIKE AN AIRPLANE gliding on
a soft current, Zerbinette's head
dropped forward in a sweeping
arc to the right, then shot back. A
nose-dive to the left, then back.
Sliding to the side, then a sharp
snap forward.

4w


"Is there any truth to the rumors, Dr. Kissinger,
that the Old Nixon is dead?"

Letters to The Daily

The customer is always right

By ANDY FEENEY
YOU REALLY OUGHT to try John's
Restaurant. It's not one of th e
better known places on campus, but
John is a good short order cook. If
you tell him exactly what you want,
he'll do his best to fix it for you, right
down to the last detail. And he has to
be the least' egotistical person on cam-
pus. Really.
I was sitting in 'John's place the
other day, trying to write a column,
when Marsha Seligman walked in. Mar-
sha may not know it, but John really
has the hots for her. He doesn't show
it much, because he's a shy person and
he had a very religious upbringing.
Also, he doesn't want to piss Marsha
off by treating her as a sex object. He's
really selfless, like I said
Marsha was wearing something tight
and knit that day, with no bra under-
neath. She was breathing a little hard
from bicycling across campus, and John
had difficulty not, staring at her. Hell,
I had difficulty not staring at her: It's
not that Marsha is that seductive, but
she is pretty, and usually she's so happy
that you can't help but be attracted to
her.
SHE BOTHERS John, I think. Some
liberal theologian he read made him
terrified of using people, and he's
afraid he wants to use Marsha. A lot.
But John wouldn't even want to be
pals with Marsha unless he was sure
she wanted it that way. He doesn't

want to force anything on anyone.
Well, Marsha said Hi, John and he
said Hi, Marsha and she walked up to
the counter.
"What do you recommend for to-
day?" she said.
The question floored John. I mean,
he's a short order cook; you have to
tell him what you want.. He doesn't
want to push anything on his custom-
ars. Especially not on Marsha. So he
was confused.
"Well, I uh-I don't know. What do
you want?"
"I don't know," Marsha said. "Sur-
prise me."
Which was a flirtatious thing to say.
Marsha carries on a mild flirtation with
the whole world, really. I don't think
she's that serious about it, but she isn't
a tease either-It's just a very friendly
flirtation. But it sure freaked John.
"Well, I don't know what you want,"
he said. "I mean, I wouldn't want to
fix something you didn't want. If you'll
just tell me-"
"Just' choose something. It'll p r o-
bably be good."
"But I don't know-"
"Oh, good grief," said Marsha im-
patiently. "If you can't think of some-
thing-"
"Suppose I was, a car dealer and I
sold you an Edsel. You'd feel bad, I'd
feel guilty, I'd lose a customer-"
HE LEFT the rest unsaid, mutely
begging her to choose something. Mar-

sha was irritated.
"Oh, all right. Fix me bacon and
eggs. One egg."
"Over easy?"
"No. Sunny side up."
"How do you want the bacon?"
"Medium. Not too crisp."
"Medium it is," John said heartily.
"The customer is always right."
But Marsha was angry, and he knew
it. He cleared his throat, and I won-
dered if he was going to get up his
nerve and tell her of his feelings for
her. But evidently he didn't know how
she'd respond, so he said nothing. Mar-
sha ate and left.
A LITTLE LATER a rather aggres-
sive young woman came in and saunt-
ered up to the counter. She definitely
was giving John the eye. Really. I
could tell John knew what she meant,
too, because he was so frightened he
could hardly talk. He was telling him-
self, "No, she couldn't," but he knew
better, and he was preparing himself
to accept either yes or no for an an-
swer. He wouldn't be disappointed eith-
Er way. I mean, he is a very selfless
guy.
"What would you like?" he asked, a
little nervously.
"Two eggs, over easy."
"Uh, right . . . Would you like bacon
or sausage?"
"I don't know," she said, still giving
him the eye. "How's the sausage?"
"It's all right," said John. "If you
Like sausage."

"Well, should I get it?"
"You don't have to get either," said
John. "I mean, I just brought it up as
a possibility. You can just have eggs
alone if you want."
"Well, should I get the sausage?"
"Sure, said John. "I guess so. I
mean, whatever you want."
"I'll have the sausage," she said. She
stared at John, and he hurriedly looked
away.
"The customer is always right," he
said.
"And a jelly roll."
"Right . , . Do you want that to go,
or here?"
"Here," she said. John stood there a
minute, trembling, and then he took off
his hat. He started fumbling with his
apron. I figured- it was time for me to
go, and I picked up the DO NOT DIS-
TURB sign to put on the door.
"Why didn't you select something for
Marsha?" I asked as I left.
"It's not my business to tell people
what to do," he declared. "It's not the
way to run a place. I don't go out and
get people; they have to decide to come
here. And I just cook whatever they
want, so long as I don't get hurt on
the deal."
WHICH IS NOT the way everybody
can live. I mean, he is an almost totally
selfless guy. Like I said, you really ought
to visit John sometime - just be sure
to tell him exactly what you want.

Registration drive
To The Daily:
THIS WEEK AND next, there
will be an. extensive voter regis-
tration drive on campus, in an all-
out effort to register the U-M stu-
dent body for Ann Arbor elections.
Great amounts of time, energy
and money have been and will be
put into this effort by many in-
dividuals and groups on campus.
The reason for this activity is a
realization of the potential power
that the newly enfranchised group
of voters between the ages of 18
to 21 hold intheir hands.
Contrary to what Carla Rapo-
port said in her Daily editorial on
October 6, 1971, young people do
have the potential to decide the
1972 national elections. How about
a new family in the White House?
Even without the addition of this
new group of voters, the presiden-
tial election would probably be
very close, according to the opin-
ion polls. There are twenty-five
million people between the ages of
18 to 21 in this country, add them
to a close election and the results
can be substantially different.
As great as the potential im-
pact can be in national elections,
the possibilities in local Ann Arbor
elections are fantastic. Between
two and three city wards are
dominated by students. Thus, the
likelihood of electing students to
City Council in March (primaries
in February)'is very great. In the
last city election, approximately
40.000 people were registered to
vote. Add to that amount, the 16,-
000 people that the latest cen-
sus says are between the ages of
18 to 21, and the complexion of
city politics becomes ripe for a
radical change. Here in Ann Ar-
bor. your vote can and will count.
IF YOU WILL have been a
resident of Ann Arbor for six
months by November 30th of this
year, and will be 18 by the same
date, you are eligible to register.
The fact that you'were not in Ann
Arbor during the summer is not
r-levant. If you have registered
in another city, you can still reg-
ister in Ann Arbor, Eby changing
your registration to Ann Arbor; If
you have further auestions in re-
gard to your eligibility to register
here, feel free to come to SGC of-
fices or call the city clerk's office.
For years, young people have
bpen trying to get a piece of the
action in this country and were
generally ignored. Now, we can no
longer be ignored. Now, he have.
been given the onoortunity to be
heard and listened to. Now, the
system is there waiting for us to
use it to our advantage. Let's not
waste this opportunity. Register
and Vote.!
Jerry Rosenblatt
Executive Vice President
SGC
Oct. 16
Student organizations
To The Daily:

"And now..o. brougt to you by the same
people who gave you HaGynsworth
a nd Carswll .

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fraud on the part of a student
organization. CSJ is bound to hear
cases only on the basis of al-
leged violations of student-passed
rules. Therefore, we cannot find
any organization guilty of com-
mitting fraud - a prohibition
which does not exist. What Gut-
man wishes to prove against Or-
son Welles, essentially, is fraud.
The complAint he recently with-
drew from our consideration dealt
mainly with improper advertising,
a minor offense covered by SGC
regulations.
As the regulations stand, both
CSJ and SGC have jurisdiction in
cases involving student organiza-
tions. They are empowered to sus-
pend or withdraw recognition.
However, while CSJ is bound to
do so only after finding a party in
violation of student regulations,
SGC is not so bound. This is why
Gutman is taking his case to SGC,
where he won't have to show vio-
lations of specific regulations. He
knew that his relatively m i n o r
complaint before CSJ would pro-
bably not have brought the stern
remedy he desires. Before SGC,
where he can bring a complaint
of greater magnitude, it might.
THIS COURSE of action is at
best unfortunate, and is conceiv-
ably (depending on how fairly
SGC can modify its regular pro-
cedures) in violation of the due
process guarantees of the S G C
constitution. Whatever the out-
come of the Orson Welles affair,

TEE of the President's Commis- -
sion on Women believes there are
needs of student women on cam-
pus which are not being ad-
dressed. We are currently plan-
ning to conduct a survey of all
the graduate department and pro-
fessional schools on campus with
regard to recruitment, admissions,
counseling, fellowships, job oppor-
tunities, and the channeling of
women toward or away from spe-
cific fields. These data would
then be collected in abpermanent
volume and be available for pub-
lic scrutiny.
The Subcommittee also hopes to
foster communication between
graduate and undergraduate wo-
men on these topics. Specifically,
we want to compile a list of wo-
men in all departments and pro-
fessional schools who are willing
to share their experiences and/
or help discover the general poli-
cies of their particular depart-
ment. Within several areas, wo-
men with much the same interests
have spontaneously organized,
and we hope the Subcommittee
can function as a means for these
groups to contact each other.
If you share any our our con-
cerns, please call Jacqui at 971-
3813 or Dace at 769-9486 after 6
PM.
-Irish Hiskey
-Sandra Bouxsein
Student Subcommittee,
Committee on Women
Oct. 8

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