Page Six

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Saturday, April 1, 1972

THE MICHiGAN DAILY Saturday, April 1, 1972

J RIGHTf ,
s
VOTE HRP
APR1L3

TV & Stereo Rentals
$10.00 per month
dO DEPOSIT
FREE DELIVERY, PICK UP
AND SERVICE
CALL:
NEJAC TV RENTALS
662-5671

Keep those
flags flying


"And in the Spring
the air is filled
with music."
WCBN-FM

47

'
iii II
', , j

89.5

ANN ARBOR

-_i

-Associated Press
Faits await Beard ai niouncement

,

Dita Ijoins
comrades
Special To The Daily
Flogbottom, North Dakota -
Sources close to coach Harold
Geneenbhave indicated to crack
Daily reporters that Dita Beard,
ITT's ace quarterback, will be
suited up and rarin' for action
for the Convention Bowl in San
Diego.
Beord, who played her college
ball at Rocky Mountain Osteo-
pathic, known to afficionados as
the Heart of the Rockies, was
sidelined by a blind side tackle
by one Smilin' Jack Anderson in
a leaping tackle that also threw
halfback Lil' Dickie Kleindiest for
a key loss.
SAVE
U P
TO
$600
ON
NEW
'71 Toyotas
Full Factory
Warranty
ONLY 10 LEFT
TOYOTA
ANN ARBOR
Open Mon. & Thurs. 'til 9
907 N. MAIN 0 663-8567

By IGOR BANGCRACKER
Time is once again approach-
ing when the baseball enthusiast
will boogie-woogie around the
periphery of his favorite team's
turf to demonstrate his over-
whelming wit in the form of
imaginative sayings written on
the rejects from mother's linen
closet.
Yes Banner Day is a fun time
when the fan gets to express his
true feelings about the game.
If the panel of three judges likes
what he says, the enthusiast be-
comes a winner and wins a trip
to Hawaii for a week as well as
a guest appearance on the post-
game interview show. Wow!
. To get you off to a good start
in your endeavors to cop this
year's trophies, my research
team and myself have come up
with a few definite mindbenders.
For the groupie category
(three or more people aiding in
carrying these king-size bed-
sheets)heresare the nominees
Win, Win, Win, Win, Win,
Win!!!!!! . . . Mother, apple pie,
and Marvin Miller, . . Winning
Ibaseball is like eternal peace .. .
Place your bets on the Mets,
then fix the game ... We tried
them but we didn't like them". ..
Brock steals home, I steal money
Baseball was created by a
bunch of moronic Communists
... why win when it's easier to
lose. Well, that should be enough
to get you off to an adequate
start if you dare to attempt such
a massive and idiotic project.
Now for the binary category.
Win, win!!!!!, Reduce ticket
Billboard
Anyone interested in running
numbers for a heartbroken rab-
bi with a speech impediment
can do so with a simple flick of
the wrist. By dialing 763-6121
or any permutation thereof, one
lucky student can win a fist full
of gefilte fish, matzo ball soup,
and a book of ethnic slurs.

prices . . . Raise ticket prices
(for all owners who decide to
enter . . . Kranepool smokes
dope . . . Umpires have foul
balls . . . Today's temperature is
72 degrees . . . Petrocelli's a pep-
peroni .. .
Finally, in the featured one
man banner category, here are
some classics: Win!!!! . . . Yea
. Kranepool drinks Metrecal
. - . Screw Blue . . A wet
dream: the pennant . . . A
strike? - then a ball . . . and
as our grand finale ... field well.
We hope we have provided
you with enough suggestions so
that you can enjoy the glory of
displaying your ingenious witti-
cisms to the massive throngs at-
tending the park that day. It
is you, the little people, who add
so much to a game that needs
all the excitement it can get.
So, have a good life, smile and
keep dem old flags flying.

*'

SCUX HURLS

Rita racks reeling pins,

"11

I

I

"'U

-Associated Press
Tweeting for Waltie
A secret practice session for whistling fouls was ordered by
Commissioner Walter Kennedy when he learned that his referees
had not met their quota of 46 personals per team.

TOKYO - In one of the most
thrilling bowling matches in the
history of tenpins, Rita Justice of
Wilmington, Delaware, upset Judy'
Cook to win the Japanese Pearl
Cup's women's tournament.
Needing a combination 3-5-2
split to win the contest, Justice
tossed the ball directly down the
center,-of the alley in a do or die
gamble.
At that moment a 350 pound
Sammuri wrestler named Gus was
tripped by an infant of Prince
Charmins, and when his weight
hit the floor, the pins toppled
over. George Roth, official sta-
tistician, claimed this was the
first time since 1906 that a Sam-
muri wrestler whose name was
Gus interrupted a bowling match
between two females.
Justice rolled over and convert-
ed with the help of masking tape.
President Nixon, hearing of the
exciting finish and taking the
opportunity to trumpet the virtue
of feminity, placed a long distance
phone call (collect) to 'the win-
ner. On the phone he exchanged
cottage cheese recipes with the
victor and told of the five most
exciting frames he had rolled on
his first date with Pat. -
Justice, who was shaken from
her slumber for the historic phone
call, reported that the President
had mentioned something, about a
triumph for the Republican way
of life and a possible judgeship.
The Cubs today added a new
pitcher to their roster. William
Scux, who caught a foul ball off
the bat the Glenn Beckert in aI
game on August 13, 1967, served
notice that his feat entitled him
to making the team on the basis
that the contract he signed with
the club on that date as a gag is
as good as any that the ABA pos-
Flying Bridge
Restaurant
Falmouth, Massachusetts
ATTENTION
STU DENTS
Representatives will be on
campus Friday, April 7
from 9 a.m.-5 p.m.
OPENINGS:
DISHWASHER - 18 plus
LINE COOK - 18 plus
WAITERS - 21
WAITRESSES - 21
Register with
SUMMER PLACEMENT
212 S.A.B.
Phone 763-4117

Boston
Nova Scotia
Springfield
Providence.
Rochester
Baltimore
Cincinnati
Hershey
Cleveland
Richmond
Tidewater

AHL
East Division
W L TIP
40 19 14
40 21 13
30 29 14
27 36 11
27 37 5
West Division
33 29 11
29 27 17
31 29 13
30 34 10
28 32 13
21 43 9

Pts GF
94 250
93 265
74 257
65 244
63 226

GA
179
194
249
272
295
237
249
243
258
210
264

77
75
75
70
69
51

232
242
253-
257
231
189


sesses. -
Leo the Lip, reached for com-
ment in Hollywood, where he is
participating i n Hollywood
Squares (he was Thursday's Se-
cret Square), said, "His curve is
a bit weak, but his fast ball is
true."
* * *
Jockette Wilma Seigfried, who
read Crime and Punishment in
twenty-five minutes, was today
suspended from racing for using

I with the terse "Blame it on the
Bossa Nova."
** *
NEW YORK - As more movie
stars move to support golf tour-
naments, the roller Derby offices
today served notice that their
sport would sponsor Invitationals
under the protective wing of such
great personalities as Gene Ray-
burn, Monty Hall, and Art Flem-
ming.
The first such meet will be the

Thursday's Results
No games scheduled
ew aFriday's Games
Tidewater at Cincinnati
Hershey at Cleveland
Baltimore at Richmond
Boston at Rochester
Nova Scotia at Springfield
Saturday's Games
Providence at Boston, afternoon
Cincinnati at Baltimore
Tidewater at Cleveland
Richmond at Hershey
Rochester at Springfield
Sunday's Games
a dangling participle in her ap-
plication for work.
"I learned at the Daily School
of writing in my spare time,"
she said.
* * *
GREENSBORO, North Carolina
- Julius Boros, no relation to the
Principal of More Science High,
was today named in a weird extor-
tion plot by Mrs. Yogi Berra.
Boros, who had taken the lead
in the Open, was accused of
spreading an unpleasant ointment
on the body a Saluki in an off
Broadway play.
Boros denied all involvement

CHL
W L T Pts
Dallas 43 19 7 93
Tulsa 33 29 7 73
Fort Worth 27 30 12 66
Omaha 29 33 8 66
Oklahoma City 28 33 8 64
Kansas City 19 35 16 54
Thursday's Results
'No games scheduled
IIII Friday's Games
Dallas at Kansas City
Omaha at Forth Worth
Tulsa at Oklahoma City
Saturday's Games
Fort Worth at Dallas
Kansas City at Tulsa
Omaha at Oklahoma'City
Sunday's Games
Regular Season Ends
Dallas at Tulsa
Oklahoma City at Fort Worth
Only games scheduled
WHL
W L T Pts
Denver 41 "16 8-90
Phoenix 37 27 5 79
San Diego 32 27 8 72
Portland 33 30 3 69
Salt Lake 27 31 8 62
Seattle 11 50 6 28

GF
309
242
217
247
217
235
GF
266
269
225
225
230
237

4

GA
207
234
243
245
261
270
GA
182
226
219
221
236
237

Professional League Standings

4.

Crisler Arena

Sat., April 8
2:00 P.M.

The University of Michigan

}

Tickets on sale at the
U-M Ticket Office, 1000
S. S t a t e Street (662-
3238). Mail Orders
accepted. All seats re-
served $5.00 - $4.00 -
$3.00 - $2.00

Porter Wagner Classic to be held
in Tulsa.
Football hero Sam the Sham
announced that he would organize
a rival loop in Canada, and the
rest of the world. He would of
course originate from Cairo.
"Think about it," the pro claimed.
* * *
GUATEMALA CITY - With a
movement of a black knight to
King Bishop's four, Juan Ho
Knowles, captured the Chess
Championship of Guatemala to-
day.
Knowles defeated Jose Corona,
who some claimed was Howard
Hughes, in- eighteen moves.
Corona denied he was Hughes
but did allow that he had not
talked to Clifford Irving.
Corona attributed his defeat
to his failure to cover his flank
and the 350 pound Samuri wrest-
ler who fell and disturbed his con-
centration.
NEW YORK - Merv Griffin
set television world ablaze when
he admitted that for the last four
years he had been Howard Cosell
and the American public had yet
to tell the difference.
Griffin spoke to an attack
printed in TUBE, a magazine for
the Advancement of Television.
The article written by Pablo Pi-
casso in the March 21 issue,

4

HOUSING OFFICE

U - M Students - Staff
(With I.D.) $3.00

HOUSING REAPPLICA TIO N

PROCEDURES FOR

FALL-WINTER 1972-73 ASSIGNMENTS
(Bush and Gomberg Houses in South Quad and the 3500 Corridor of Stockwell)
GENERAL INFORMATION
The Residence Hall Reapplication Process for Bush and Gomberg Houses of South Quad and the 3500 Cor-
ridor of Stockwell will take place between 5:00 and 9:00 p.m. on April 5, 1972, at the Housing Information
Office, 1011 Student Activities Building.
PLEASE NOTE:
ANY RESIDENT MAY REAPPLY FOR A SPACE IN BUSH AND GOMBERG HOUSES OF SOUTH QUAD AND
THE 3500 CORRIDOR OF STOCKWELL.
1. Residents who have reapplied or cancelled their residence hall accommodations for the 1972-73
academic year still may reapply for the above spaces in accordance with the established reappli-
cation schedule.

1 I

..................................................................... .

claimed that Griffin had a jump
on all television personalities, be-
ing as he was a congenital moron.

2.

Reapplication Schedule-April 5, 1972, 5:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m.
Students who wish to make a choice of facilities in Bush and Gomberg Houses in South Quad and
the 3500 Corridor of Stockwell for the 1972-73 academic year will make their selection in accord-
ance with the following schedule:


(a) Remain in present room
(b) Remain in present house
(c) Choice of roommates. (Students may request a roommate for the
Fall Term who is not presently enrolled in the University. If the student
the space is being reserved for has not submitted a housing application by
May 31, 1972, he waives all priority for assignment.)
(d) Move to another house/building because of rescheduled usage of
present room/house/or building.
(e) Move to another house within the same building
(f) Move to another hall individually
(g) Move to a different residence hall with chosen roommate (s)

5:00-5:45 p.m.
5:45-6:30 p.m.
6:30-7:15 p.m.


" University Faculty, Director of the U of M Debate Team
" Clinton School PTO President
" Winner of the University's Distinguished Service Award

0

A QUALIFIED
CANDIDATE...

7:15-7:30 p.m.

" Past President of the Georgetown Homeowners Association
" Faculty Senate, L.S.&A. College Parliamentarian
" Institutional Representative for the Boy Scouts
" Instructor in numerous programs for the Institute of Labor and
. Industrial Relations
" Instructor selected to teach communication skills in the- federally
supported New Careerist Program

FLARES
Your
Choice
$5

I
{
I

7:30-8:15 p.m.
8:15-8:45 p.m.
8:45-9:00 p.m.



II



I

I