Some
Special
Awards

the

Sunduy

dculy

By The
Daily
Staff

lumber 56

Sunday, February 6, 1972

Presenting

1971

N

N

N

The

year

of

the

Edgar

N

.

.N

The original J. Edgar
N KEEPING with an obnoxious
but nonetheless long - standing
tradition, The Daily today an-
nounces the 1971 Edgar winners.
These a w a r d s, now in their
sixth year, go to those individuals
and institutions who have done
the most to further the intellec-
tual, moral and social values ex-
emplified by our nation's FBI
director, J. Edgar Hoover himself.
Eight presidents have come -
unfortunately, only seven have
gone-since J. Edgar took office,
and still he remains, symbol of
America and of the general me-
diocrity that left its unmistakable
mark on 1971 (and the first
month of 1972 as' well).
As a matter of fact, 1971 was
such a mediocre year that, in-
stead of awarding some deserving
clown with the traditional Edgar
of the Year, we hereby deem 1971
... The Year of the Edgar.

The How Can You Be in Two Places
at Once When You Aren't Anywhere
At All Edgar to Robert Knauss, for
continuing as vice-president forstu-
dent services on an interim basis while
commuting to his deanship of Van-
derbilt law school.
The Skecond Annual Roger Ra-
poport Conflict of Interest Edgar
to University Public Relations
man Tom Rieke, for including
Democratic Party news releases
along with the usual University
bunch.
* * *
The What's This Generation Com-
ing To Edgar to the anonymous hero
who resigned from the University Pre-
sident's Club and returned his plac-
que, joining an indignant storm of
protest from parents and alumni
whenthe Housing Policy Committee
edited the wording of the housing
code to eliminate reference to coha-
bitation.
The General Custer America
for the Americans Edgar to the
University administration, for
shrugging off a suit that charged
the University with breaking a
19th century treaty with several
Indian tribes.

The Where Were You When I Need-
ed You Edgar to LSA Dean Frank
Rhodes who, last summer when he
took office, raised the cry for more
academic innovation in the literary
college, but put in a bad word to the
Regents on the failing Center for Re-
search on Conflict Resolution and
maintained a stony silence during the
recent struggles of the Program for
Educational and Social Change.
The Rome Wasn't Built in a Day
Edgar to Senate Assembly for
taking ten months to formulate
a change in policy on University
research.rs
The Frank Lloyd Wright Edgar to
the builders of the new Modern Lan-
guages Building, for the fine construc-
tion which led to a flood on one of
the first days it opened.
* * *
The Fredreich Nietszche Beyond
Good and Evil Edgar to Write-On
Inc. and Creative Research Inc.,
for separating the questions of
morality and money so effectively
that they could proudly market
term papers for as much as $3.50
a page.
The Frank Zappa It Can't Happen
Here award to the 11 University of
Kansas students busted when a new
Kansas attorney general led a 150-
man invasion of a dormitory to stop
drug trafficking.
* * * .
The People Who Live in Glass
Houses Edgar to the Department
of Health, Education and Welfare,
the governmental body respon-
sible for enforcing. anti-discrim-
ination programs at the nation's
universities, for releasing a report
charging HEW itself with sex bias.
The Sean Connery 007 Edgar to pre-
sidential adviser Henry Kissinger
whose cunning and charm in execut-
ing the President's secret missions
have placed him in the ranks of James
Bond himself.
* * *
The Children Should Be Seen
and Not Heard Edgar to Henry
Kissinger's 7-year-old son, for re-
vealing the date of President Nix-
on's upcoming China trip to eager
reporters.
The First Annual What's a Nice Girl
Like You Doing In A Place Like This
Edgar to divorce court Judge Mildred
Lillie, for being President Nixon's tok-
en woman on his roster of unimpres-
sive Supreme Court nominees.
* * *
The George Washington I Can-
not Tell a Lie Edgar to John Sin-
clair, for telling reporters as he
was released from jail after two
years imprisonment on a dope
charge that "I want a joint."

Dick Nixon: Man
of the Yeari' dgrar
.t The God is on Our Side Edgar,
for declaring that "the reason
America is great is not because
she's wealthy, not because she's
powerful, but because she's good."
pC*

V

The Wendell Wilkie Pick-A-Winner
Edgar, for instructing his underlings
to "lean" in favor of West Pakistan
in the Bengali conflict.
The Second Annual Julius Hoff-
man Truth, Justice and the Amer-
ican Way Edgar, for announcing
he would personally review and
make the military's final decision
in the case of Lt. William Calley,
and ordering the lieutenant re-
leased from the stockade, i to be
placed under guard.
* * *
The Las Vegas Try Your Luck Edgar,
for refusing to cancel the detonation
of a massive nuclear warhead on Am-
chitka Island, in courageous defiance
of odds set by leading environmental-
ists and several governments abroad.
The H o w a r d Cosell Sunday
Quarterback Edgar, for phoning
the coach of his pet team, the
Miami Dolphins, at 1:30 a.m. to
suggest that the Dolphins "throw
to Warfield on a down-and-in"
for a sure win at the Super Bowl.

a

S

t

. ....... .. . ..... . ..
... . . . ....

The I-94 Expressway Edgar to the 'new Power Center for the
which one official termed an "architectural wonder."

Performing Arts,

The Kiss and Make Up Edgar to
former Regent Eugene Power, for do-
nating $3 million toward building the
new Power Center, only seven years
after he resigned when a possible con-
flict was noted between his interests
as Regent and private businessman.
* * *
The Those Were the Days Ed-
gar to Regent William Cudlip, for
declaring at a Regents meeting,
"They took attendance then, and
that's what made Michigan Law
School great,"
* * *
The Parks Belong to the People
Edgar, also to Regent Cudlip, for
sounding a revolutionary note of con-
cern during a discussion of an Ar-

botetum curfew. Leave the Arb open
until 11:30 p.m., he said-". . . a 50-
year-old man might want to talk to a
50-year-old woman there . . . they
might want to pick up pine cones."
The Rats are Leaving the Sink-
ing Ship Edgar to University ad-
ministrators Barbara Newell, for-
mer assistant to the president,
Robert Knauss, vice president for
student services, James Brinker-
hoff, former director of business
operations and Stephen Spurr,
former vice president and dean of
the graduate school, for joining
the lucrative bandwagon leaving
Ann Arbor for posts at other
schools.

The. Third Annual Putney Swope
Truth in Advertising Edgar to Lyndon
Baines Johnson, as portrayed in the
Pentagon Papers, for publicly cooing
his way to the White House while pri-
vately preparing to bomb North Viet-
nam.
The Queen of Hearts Off With
Her Head Edgar to Martha Mit-
chell, for declaring "we should
tear her limb from limb" after a
singer with the Ray Coniff or-
chestra interrupted a perform-
ance at the White House to tell
President Nixon to "stop the kill-
ing."
The All in the Family Edgar to Ren-
nie Davis, for telling youthful protes-
ters he wants a massive demonstra-
tion at the Republican National Con-
vention in San Diego, and that they
should "bring their parents."
The Martha Mitchell Mouth Ed-
gar to Michigan's own Irene Mc-
Cabe, whose shrill leadership of
NAG--the National Action Group
which opposes bussing of school
children -- has made her a na-
tional figure.
The James Polk Manifest Destiny
Edgar to Rep. Senator Gordon Allot,
who announced that the United States
would be justified in invading Chile to
oust Socialist Salvador Allende, and
said he squelched the suggestion be-
cause American people were "tired of
distant wars."
The Tarryton I'd Rather Switch
Than Fight Edgar to New York
Mayor John Lindsay, who discard-
ed his worn-out Republican ca-
coon and suddenly metamorpho-
sized into a gorgeous Democratic
butterfly in time for the presiden-
tial primaries.
The Youth Culture Peace, Love and
Freedom Edgar to Medal of Honor
winner Peter Lemon, who was stoned
on marijuana the night he fought off
two waves of Viet Cong soldiers and
won America's highest military honor
for valor in battle. "You get really
alert when you're stoned because you

The Melvin Laird Protective Reac-
tion Edgar to the Washington police
for the deployment of 2,000 of their
ranks in October to arrest 298 anti-
war demonstrators.
The Rip Van Winkle Edgar to
Japanese soldier Shokichi Yokoi,
who recently emerged after hid-
ing from American soldiers in a
Guam jungle for 28 years. "I have
returned with the rifle the Em-
peror gave me," he told reporters.
"I am sorry I could not serve him
to my satisfaction."
The Mao Tse-Tung Idealism Edgar
to the People's Republic of China, for
supporting the West Pakistani gov-

ernment's suppression of the emerg-
ing nation of Bangladesh.
The Kent State Memorial Edgar
to the British Army for its recent
display of civilian murder in Nor-
thern Ireland's "Bloody Sunday."
The It's How You Play .the Game
Edgar to Ohio State coach Woody Hay-
es, who treated fans to a temper tan-
trum on the field in the middle of the
Michigan-Ohio State game.
. * * *
The Second Annual Tom Lan-
dry We Can't Win the Big One
Edgar to Bo Schembechler, whose
Rose Bowl fiasco takes the trophy
from last year's winner, Woody
Hayes.

5

4*

SG(: Government
 of the Year Edgar
~,. The Ladies Home J o u r n- a 1 Good
Shoppers Edgar .to Student Govern-
ment Council, for their quickie allo-
cation of $1,500 to the student print
{ co-op, trusting them to get a good
deal on printing equipment in Chi-
cago.
. :The Joseph McCarthy Service
Above and Beyond the Call of
r Duty Edgar to member Brad Tay-
lor, who last summer cheerfully
contributed evidence of question-
<. able veracity to the House Inter-
nal Security Committee investiga-
tion of the People's Peace Treaty
conference.
The James Reston Rising Journal-
ists of the Year Edgar to SGC, for

The Albert Einstein Everything is
Relative Edgar to President Robben
Fleming, for his philosophical reflec-
tion that "Discrimination is in the
eye of the observer; if you think that
something is discriminatory, it is, but,
if two people are not competing for
something then you may think it's
wrong but it's not necessarily dis-
criminatory."

gar to President Fleming for propos-
ing that Willow Run Laboratories be
sold before restrictive policies on war
research could be enacted.