The Michigan Daily-Tuesday, September 12, 1978-Page 11,
Tangled
Up In
Blue*
by Henry Engelhardt
Pigskin preview ...
.. new this fall
A S THE FOOTBALL SPIRALS' or 'THAT'S BO, NOT BOO' - a never-
before published television melodrama.
The setting: A pre-season staff conference of coaches at a school similar
to Michigan. Purely by coincidence the head coach is called "Bo".
ASS'T. COACH -1: Coach, I think I've got it. I think I've designed an
offense that will capture the hearts and minds of our fans and revolutionize
football. And it might beat Illinois too.
BO: What is it?
ASS'T. COACH -1: Well, the offensive line sets up like this, see. Then we
set the quarterback about three feet back with one running back here and
one here and another one here.
BO: Say, that looks sort of like a nose.
ASS'T. COACH -1: That's right! It's the runny nose formation!
BO: That blows. There are better ways to win football games than goofy
new formations. You win football games with hard work, conditioning,
constant practice, and oh, yeah, Coach -2 have you ordered those size triple
small jock straps to sneak into the Ohio State lockerroom?
ASS'T. COACH -3: Bo, I'm very worried about Illinois. Just look at their
improvement. Last year they were beaten by Northwestern and this year
they tied them.
BO: I've got a plan. It's called the forward pass. (Bo dusts off an old, old
playbook.) Don't forget to tell the equipment manager to inflate the balls
this year.
ASS'T. COACH -1: We might want to kick it this year too, huh?
BO: Who invited you?
ASS'T. COACH -2: Bo, people want to know why we don't toughen up our.
non-Big Ten schedule. They're complaining we're playing patsies.
BO: What the hang?! We added Notre Dame.
ASS'T. COACH -2: Yeah, but they're 0-1 and were shutout at'home. They
can't be any good.
ASS'T. COACH -4: You know, coach, this could be a very difficult year.
There are a lot of Spartan fans out there that think they're going to beat us-
here.]
BO: I've never lost a game in this office.
ASS'T. COACH -1: Those must be the same loonies who went out after
we beat them up there last year and tipped over all cars with a Michigan
license plate.
BO: But you're absolutely right. This will be a tough year. We're
inexperienced in a lot of positions, just about every guy on the team has had
some sort of injury, and we have to play both Northwestern and Ohio State
on the road. . . (His voice trails off and heart-wrenching music is heard, it's
time for a commerical:)
Bo appears on the screen seated at a bar.
BO: I love Slight Beer. I love it because it tastes so great, but doesn't fill
you up. But you know the real reason I love Slight Beer? Because it doesn't
come in those big cans. I don't even like thinking about the big ones.
ANNC'R.: And now, back to AS THE FOOTBALL SPIRALS.
ASS'T. COACH -101: Bo, so far we're undefeated, but our statistics are
rotten.
BO: You men and I both ltnow that the only thing that matters is the final
score. But the people out there, those that pay the bills, they don't care at all
about the score, they care about only three things: statistics, the point
spread and the polls (before he has finished saying that word the heart-
wrenching music returns and the screen goes to black.)
ANNC'R: Watch next week as the villains from outer space, AP and UPI
invade this lovely campus scene.
Get ready
Michigan defenders James Pickens
(18) and Dom Tedesco (99) converge en
Ohio State quarterback Rod Gerald (8)
during last year's 14-6 victory over the
Buckeyes in Michigan Stadium.
Pursuing Gerald are Wolverine
linemen Curtis Greer (95) and Steve
Graves (54). Michigan begins its 1978
season at 1:30 p.m. Saturday against,
g Illinois. For a preview of the
Wolverines, their Big Ten opponents
and prospects for the upcoming season;
look for The Daily's special football
supplement this Saturday.
Daily Photo by ANDY FREEBERG
CHILE and the iftaiy Coup
Tuesday, Sept. 12
Film on U.S. Multinstiona/s
in L$tin America
and
Moryann Mahaffey
Detroit City councilwoman
discussing her recent visit to Chile
7:30 p.m. Michigan Union
Conf. Rms. 4, 5, 6 (ground floor)
Office of Ethics and Religion
Wild weekend events
tighten pennant races
An AP Sports analysis
Have you ever seen a first-place team
chasing a second-place team?
It's an unusual sight but it happened
twice last weekend, creating a couple of
American League races that could have
been .over if the series involved had
turned the other way.
Boston had a healthy four-game lead
going into the series and most of the
New York Yankees were thinking of a
split to keep them in the chase and
looking ahead to this week's three-
game set in New York. But instead of
the split, the Yanks came away with a
sweep against a Red Sox club that
looked at best, disorganized, and at
worst, in full retreat.
Meanwhile, in the American League
West, Kansas City carried a 21/2-game
lead over California into a four-game
West Coast showdown and looked to be
sitting pretty after beating the Angels 9-
7 in the opener, making the edge 31/2
games.
But California staged an instant
recovery with a double-header sweep 3-
2 and 4-2 Saturday night, then romped
13-3 Sunday, cutting the deficitrtomone-
half game.
First baseman Pete LaCock had a
succinct description of the turn of
events.
"We got our royal tails kicked," he
observed.
Pittsburgh, entitled to tread a little
water after chopping all but the last
half-game off Philadelphia's 11/2-game
edge in the National League East,
nearly drowned in New York. The
Pirates lost three straight to the Mets
and dropped four behind the Phillies.
Atlanta boldly stepped into the NL
West race by pitching 39-year-old Jim
Bouton against Los Angeles, a
development that disturbed Cincinnati
Manager Sparky Anderson.
Bouton pitched three hitless innings,
then was tagged for five runs in an 11-5
Los Angeles victory that gave the
Dodgers a four-game lead over San
Francisco, which lost to Cincinnati.
"We're 61 back so we don't have a
real complaint," said Anderson. "But
the Giants were three back and they
pitch a guy like that. Why not just bring
Satchel Paige in."
Lake Susterka e n.
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BILLBOARD
The Michigan hockey team needs
student managers for a variety of
j duties. People are needed to keep team
statistics, video tape games and help
with the pre-game set-ups among many
other things. Anyone who is interested
should call Frank Young at 763-5215.
WELCOME STUDENTS I
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MASS COMMUNCIATION
BROWN BAG SERIES
The Howard R. Marsh Center for the Study of
Journalistic Performance will again sponsor a series
of Wednesday brown bag sessions to explore aspects
of mass communication. All are open to the public.
Each will be 12:10 to 1 p.m. in 2040F LSA Building.
Sept. 13 "The French Press, 1978," Professor
Charles Eisendrath, Department of Journalism
Sept. 27 "Reducing the Gap Between Media
Researchers and Editors,"Fred Currier,
President of Market Opinion Research and
Adjunct Professor of Journalism
Oct. 4 "The Changing Book Business," Susan
Evans, doctoral student in mass communication
program
Oct. 18 "Trade Unionism and the Journalist,"
Larry Hatfield, San Francisco Examiner and NEH
Fellow
Nov. 1 "Distribution Channels and the Print
Media," Professor John Stevens, Department
of Journalism
Nov. 15 "Specialized Audiences and Public
Radio," Allen Hundley, National Public Radio
and NEH Fellow
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