THE MIC fTGAN DAILY w
ORIGIN IN PRE-HYSTERICAL ERA:
Traces Form Changes of Chanukah Bush
A Modern
Holiday Fable
By HARRY PERLSTADT
The chanukah bush originated
in a pre-hysterical society, which
though quite advanced was nev-
ertheless self-destructive.
This society held sacred an ob-
ject which then termed Tennen-
baum. Modern research on their
language has translated this to
mean ten-in-bomb, a reference to
a polyatomic bomb.
The bomb was believed to have
been approximately six feet high
and three feet in diameter. It
sloped down from a peak in a
parabolic fashion and had fins at
the bottom. The original bomb
stood in Feller's Rock Garden with
many duplicates all over their
empire.
Radiation Danger
Unfortunately the cost of con-
structing these ten-in-bombs and
the public danger of radiation
lead to a universal adoption of
trees to replace the bomb. This
suggestion came from a Mr. Doug-
las, a furrier in New Brunswick,
who suggested that a certain type
of monocotyledan plant be used.
This was afterward called Doug-
las's fur.
The citizens who demanded
realism sought for ways to make
the tree look as much as the ten-
in-bomb as possible hit upon the
idea of using lights at strategic
points on the tree to correspond
to the glimmer of the metallic
bomb.
These lights were either elec-
tric or candle. In both cases the
heat generated by the light was
too strong and set the three
ablaze. The security in this new
tree went up in smoke and the
search continued.
In addition to the fire hazard
the three shed its needles. A so-
lution was found by Mr. U. S. Teel
who made a mock tree out of
aluminum.
r To better reproduce the like-
ness of the ten-in-bomb's point
a pentagonial figure was placed at
the top of the mock tree.
It reminded the people of a
badge of authority worn by
swovies. This pentagonal object
became known as shamus, a word
believed to be a derogatory form
of swovie.
The Teel Tree was quite pop-
ular and a new model was pre-
sented to the public each year.
The question always asked when
spying a Teel Tree was "How new
is it Charlie?" This is believed
to have degenerated into a sin-
gle word "Hownewcha'' which
later became Chanukah.
Esthetic Simplicity
The esthetic quality of the civ-
ilization progressed or rather re-
gressed into geometric simplicity.
Art depicted people as sticks, Pir-
cles, and squares, while music
based its values of geometric
progressions.
People rushed out to buy trees
with straight branches and sock-
ets for light bulbs, for traditionally
the sockets could hold candles.
There were now eight branches,
four on each side, and the pen-
tagonial form on top.
The last changes to what we
know as the Chanukah bush came
quickly after the empires larg-
est communication accidentally
adopted the same design for hold-
ing their many cables.
The shahmus now rested some
what more precariously on a hex-
agonal object. There was still the
option of candles for the tradi-
tionalists and light bulbs for the
progressives.
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SANTA CLAUS-The kindly old gentleman with the beard and
the large tummy was once Saint Nicholas, persecuted and mar.
tyred.
By GERALD STORCH v
The legend of Santa Claus has
evolved in the last 1500 years from
a strictly religious connotation to
the modern American idea of a
distributor of Christmas gifts to
children.
"Santa Claus" is a distortion of
the name of Saint Nicholas, an
early Christian martyr; but the
present-day conception of old
Saint Nick as a rotund, jolly fel-
low is very far removed from his
historical ancestor.
The real Saint Nicholas lived
during the rule of Emperor Dio-
cletian and suffered torture and
persecution because of his position
as bishop of a metropolitan church'
in the Near East.
Patron Saint
After his death he was adopted
as the patron saint of Russia,
Greece, and many European ci-
ties. He is regarded as the special(
guardian of maidens, children,
merchants, and sailors.
In his honor the day on which
a boy bishop was elected in the
16th-century English Church was
called Saint Nicholas' Day.
This holiday gradually evolved
into a festive occasion in De-
cember which was celebrated pri-
marily in the Low Countries, and
when Dutch settlers first arrived
in New York they brought the
Saint Nicholas stories here to
stay.
Rising Importance
In the last 200 years, with the
increased concentration in gift giv-
ing and the rise in importance of
the Christmas tree, the legend of
Saint Nicholas has become an in-
tegral part of the American Yule-
tide season and is also still preva-
lent in the rest of the world.
Even though Santa Claus is uni-
versally esteemed and is at present
a central part of the American
Christmas tradition, the Russians
have claimed him as their own
idea.
There they call him Grand-
father Frost (he looks just like
the American Santa) but they at-
tempt to associate his part of the
holidays and the whole season it-
self within Russian folklore only.
They remove any religious con-
notation from the pageantry,
which, is incorporated in a New
Year's celebration.
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