20, 186

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

PAGE SEVEN

20. fiBST~lEMICHGAN AIL

1

insights and insults
CHUCK VETZNER

Swaying My Way
y y
To Instant Stardom
Ever pick up a paper and read about the quarterback who tosses
around irrational integers as easily as a football? Then there's the
72" hulk who was a wee bit too short for the peanut squad when
he was in high school. And don't forget about the ball player who
gave up a promising career as a concert pianist to shag flies.
Those are real stories. The kind that get you right somewhere.
And there are several more just like them. But why do they all
belong to the guy who wears sunglasses because he's stingy
with his autographs? It seems like a man can't make the big time
if his life reads like the backs of an IBM card. When straight and
narrow fellows slip on shades it will only be to prevent an annoy-
ing squint.
Nietzsche never told me pedestination was still alive, but why
do all the stars make the best story.
Couldn't Johnny Desmond be the one to make off with Mia
Farrow. Why didn't George Gipp just catch the mumps his last game.
And why didn't Thomas Edison's education consist of a C average at
Menlo Park State Teachers.
It seems awfully unfair that a qualification for greatness is
a biography that can make Walter Winchell drool. The hypothesis
seems sad but true:
For me it was a shattering realization until I learned how to
overcome it. My life has always had one main goal of success. I
wouldn't let myself be stymied by striped ties and a button down
home town. True, I won't water ski down the Snake River, I can't play
pinochle with my right foot, and I have no desire to collect used razor
blades. I'm not an oddball, fruity, different or unique.
But if one truly desires to be famous, he will find a way to meet
the entrance exam-he will spare no effort to peel away his coating
of normalacy. I can produly say, I have met the test and now await
my big moment.
You see, I walk funny. I am the possesor of something novel
in man's most ordinary activity.
Forever my gait has 'been a florescent blotch on my opaque
exterior. I have been ashamed to walk across the street when cars
were watching. But now I realize it is the key to my future. When
reporters come to interview me, I merely have to waddle past them,
and I will be assured of fame.
The realization was thrilling. After enduring the pain of hearing
my mother scream, "You walk like a duck," I can retort, "Stop being
jealous of your son and figure out your own gimmick." No more do I
have to turn crimson when I hear giggling behind my uncertain foot-
steps. People have asked me if I have webbed feet and suggested that
water rolls off my back. Others point out that I'd fail a sobriety test.
I couldn't follow a white line.
Perhaps people can accept their incredible commoness with
greater comfort when they chastize those above them. Let them
laugh-all the strutters, trotters, stalkers, gallopers, marchers.
Some people just never make the big time. I am secure, content,
and patient. The world will not pass me by. I have what it takes
to get to the top. I might sway a bit on the way but I'll get there.
Every step, erratic as it may be, leads me in the direction of
success.
So if :you see an ordinary looking fellow on the street one day,
take a close look. Should his perambulation seem a bit in the mallard
tradition with a trace of Chaplin around the-toes, titter if you wish.
But I warn you: such derision will only be temporary.
The waddlers shall inherit the earth.

Soccer lu Kcks Status'I
By JON SISKIN University in New York; Novem- of the University of Guadalajara
Michigan State's varsity soccer ber 5 at Buffalo; and, if funds are squad which won the Mexican
team was number two in the na- available, November 13 at Water- championship two consecutive
tion last year. Michigan has a fine loo University in Canada. years.
soccer club, and if it ever achieves With the exception of the De- Stefan Kovic, left forward and
varsity status could challenge troit Club and the Ukranian Club. the number two scorer, came to
State and rank as one of the fore- all the teams which the soccer
most powers in collegiate ranks. club has faced are varsity squads. America from Austria. Halfback
In existence for only three Michigan still has been able to Bob Peters is extremely fast and
years, the soccer club has made hold their own' on every occasion versatile and an outstanding per-
amazing strides despite severe even without the luxuries of a former on defense.
handicaps. Since it is a club and varsity status. Seven of the Big Ten schools
not a Varsity sport, nearly all ex- Michigan's soccer club is corn-t are represented by varsity soccer
penses are paid for by the mem- posed of 35 total members, 25 of teams. The eastern universities
bers themselves. They must ar- whom play regularly. Among the have had top notch soccer for
range for all means of travel and standouts are center forward Al- many years. Michigan will not be
have to practice wherever there is phonso Alcaras of Mexico, the able to schedule these outstanding
room, usually at Palmer Field. team's leading scorer with a blis- teams until soccer becomes a var-
Despite these hardships, over the tering shot. Alcaras was a member sity sport on this campus.
past two years the club has com- -
piled a winning record. Last sea -________________________________
son they finished with two vic- ----- - --___-_--- _.__--_-
tories, two losses and a tie while
so far this year they have won two,
dropped one and tied one.
The two triumphs last year came s
at the expense of the Danish Club
of Detroit 3-1 and the University
of Buffalo 1-0. Both losses wereATEC
Inflicteddby Ohio teams; Kent ;SABBATH SERVICE
State edged the Wolverines 3-2 3
while Toledo came out ahead Friday,O5 M.
Michigan and Toledo fought to a; y ct. 21 a 7:
4-4 tie to round out last season's
competition. JOHN PLANER will chant the service
This fall the club started fast, with the H I LLEL CHOIR led by Steve Ovitsky
whipping Toledo 4-2 and the
Ukranian Club of Detroit 9-2. Af- Joan Spitzer at the organ
Ter these two opening wins, Kent
State held Michigan to a 2-2 tie B'NAI BRITH HILLEL FOUNDATION
and Toledo came back to nip the 1429 Hill Street All Are Welcome
Wolverines 2-1. Three games, one
the schedule : November 4 at Erie

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Pro Standings


NBA
Eastern Division
Wk L

I

Pet. GB

Boston
Philadelphia
New York
Cincinnati
Baltimore
West
Chicago
Detroit
Los Angeles
St. Louis
San Francisco

1 0

1
2
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0
1
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2

1.000
1.000
.667
.500
.000
1.000
.500
.333
.000
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ern Division
30
1 2
0 1
0 2

2
2'
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YESTERDAY'S RESULTS
New York 131, Baltimore 109
Chicago 134, Los Angeles 124
NHL

Boston
Chicago
Montreal
Toronto
New York
Detroit

W L T Pts.
0 1 0 0
01 00

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS
Chicago 6, New York 3
Boston 6, Detroit 2
SPORTS NIGHT EDITOR:
BOB LEES

Plan a Festive
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7:00-The first leg of the firstofa

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"first of firstofall"
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