Smd corrupondence to Dr. Cl&o.rla W.
Faullenu, Poet Offic« Box 20086. 8«JttU, WA
98102. .
If you're Black, ingle and in
the market for a meaningful re­
lationship, there' at least one
university professor who thinks
it's about time that you topped
leaving romance to chance and
started employing a deliberate,
calculated approach.
Larry E. Davis, Ph.D., associ­
ate professor of social work and
psychology at Washington U ni­
versity in St. Lou i , . has
authored a guide to improving
the probabilities of finding and
sustaining a meaningful, ro­
mantic relationship in the sin­
gle-Black population. Black and
Single: Meeting and Choosing a '
Partner Who's Right for you is
scheduled for a fall 1993 release
by The Noble Press.
"People like to think romance
is random; but romance is far
from a random process," says
Davis, who bases his views and
self-help tips on several theories
of social science.
Davis say singles need to be
aware of personal dating pat­
terns that have produced less­
than-successful results and be
willing to develop skills, such as
those described in his book, to
help them find compatible part­
ners.
"We all hav these skills, but
we need to use them deliber­
ately," says Davis.
"No one's going to win them
all. But by developing orne of
the skills explained in thi book,
your relationships are going to
work more often than they have
in the past."
Unique Dating
Dilemmas
While many of D vis' tips for
improving romantic success are
applicable to singles of any color,
he decided to target his book to­
ward the singl -BI ck popula­
tion due to the lack of self-help
books focused on the unique dat­
ing dil mm fac d by this
group.
"Ther ' no hing ou ther for
Blacks," says Davis, who is an
African-Am ri n." ost books
are written for a mainstr m
audi nee. M t books writt m by
Blacks, ov n ou Bl. cks, ar
for white peopl ." .
Demographics, lone, make
the single-BI ck popu lation
unique, according to Ds vis.
'The majority of Black peopl
are single (which i not the case
for a majority of white )," he
writes. "Becau eso many Blacks
are singl , i sues oncerning
dating are of consid rable con­
cern to them. "
Davis cit
Davis says the fact that there
are more Black men in prison
th n in college, along with the
fact that Black men have been
I ing economic ground relative
to everyone else (including
Black women), has significantly
reduced the percentage of Black
men who are Perceived to be
suitable romantic candidates.
"Furthermore, approxi-
mately two-Of..ev.ecy Black
rnarria end in cljvoTC8,. com­
pared to one of every two white
marriages. This high incidence
of divorce means that many
says Davis. "People need to
know why people like people and
why they sometimes do not get
along."
Da vis based his book fore­
most on two theories of social
science - attraction theory and
social exchange theory. He says
attraction theory "attempts to
explain why we are attracted to
some people and not othe ." So­
cial exchange theory "contends
that OUT in 1 lation­
ships are establi hed and main­
tained by th ir costs and
benefits," he say .
Brenda Badger, a counselor at Lawrence Technological
Univer ity, review two drawings done by the arne little boy
he recently coun eled in flood ravaged Jerseryville, III.,
near St. Loui ,Mo. Badger, was one of eight counselor
r cruited by the American Red ere s, aid orne of the
children showed ign of reco.vering from the emotional
tre of the flood experience, while other children
expre ed ttie de ire to be invisible. (photo by Bill King)
n,
Blacks are returning to the ro­
mantic marketplace for the ec­
ond or third time."
How ver, only one in three
divorced Black females ever re­
marries, he says, adding that
two of three divorced white
women will remarry .
"The bottom line is, Black
m n and women are likely to be
in the romantic marketplace
more often for longer periods of
tim ,and to face stiffer competi­
tion for romantic partners than
most whites," wri Davis.
Th n ed for a scholarly
b If-help book for Black
singl s became apparent to
Davis as he witnessed disap­
pointed members of. th� grou.p
eeking help from call-in radio
how and television talk hows.
Th people would ask for
information and be referred to
som on who ads ho co "
Davis condensed research
from hundreds of social psy­
chologists about the politics of
the romantic marketplace and
put together what he d cribes
as a "guidebook for Black sin­
gles."
Romantic
Market Value
One of the more significant
and, perhaps, controversial con­
tentions made by Davi in Black
and Single is that romance isn't
random. He ays ocial ex-
. ch nge theory demonstrates
this contention and that "re­
reh indicates most romantic
match-ups ar intentional."
RMV or Romantic Market
V lu is a t rm coin by Davis
to d ribe a ingl' "romantic
n t worth." And, wh th r or no
ingl con ciou: Iy r cognize it,
they review a potential partner's
RMV before deciding to get in­
volved with that person. RMV
factors can include everything
from employment status to pro­
fessional tatus, annual income,
education, social status and
physical attractiveness, accord­
ingto Davis.
"Most of the time, we check
out a person's RMV and then
check 0 • l'8O
qualiti "b
ys. ,
Members of some singles
groups for which Davis has
served as guest speaker have be­
come less than enthusiastic
w hen he suggests that their
foremost interest is in a poten-
tial date's RMV. .
"I'm describing reality, not
determining it," say Davis.
They accuse me of being cold,
mercenary and unfeeling. But I
tell them, 'You're not nearly this
naive person you think you are.
You know what you're' looking
for; and you're quite sophisti­
cated and deliberate about get­
ting it."
He uses a popular movie as an
example. In this summer's ro­
mantic hit, "Sleepless in Seat­
tle," Meg Ryan's character
becomes interested in a grief­
stricken widower played by Tom
Hanks after she hears him talk
about the loss of his wife on a
national radio call-in show.
"She found him to be a genu­
ine, loving, caring individual,"
says Davis. "But, before she al­
lowed herself totally fall for him.
she did a serious RMV check on
him (via newspaper files). She
found out that he was an archi­
t
This is the reverse of what we
usually do. But, if she was so in
love with the guy, why run an
RMV? People do it, that's why. "
Davis says RMVs can be use­
ful tools in determining the com­
patibility of potential partners.
And, honestly calculating
one's RMV can help sin�les
avoid di appointing relation­
ships in which one partner's
RMV greatly outweighs that of
the other, he says.
"Peopl want to m rry people
like thems lves in most re­
spe ,in terms of income, edu­
cation and social status," say
Davis.
Turning the Odds
By focusing on romantic rela­
tionship with partn rs of equal
RMV, Davis believ Black sin­
gles will greatly iner e their
chanees of successfully estab­
lishing meaningful, romantic -
lationshi . But, he also offers
f w oth r ti to turn the odds in
th ir favor. Among them:
The right place. " Learning
to posi ion your If advanta­
geously, that is, in the way of
rornanc , is one of the t skills
you can acquire," he writ . Af­
ter locating your field of eligi­
ble , mov wher theyar, ay
Davis, whether it be to another
state or just to the right part of
the city where you currently
live.
• The right time. "Good r0-
mantic relationships are likely.
to have had good beginnings,"
writes Davis. Always put your
best foot forward at the begin­
ning of new relationship , he
says.
•
Don' .... �...,
ne -....- .............
success u
romantic relationships , you
must be willing to enter them
with positive and upbeat atti­
tudes, even if some of your ro­
mantic past has not been,"
writes Davis.
Black women, in particular,
according to Davis, must beware
of developing negative attitudes
toward Black men, which may
be reinforced by the media.
· "If you expect the wo t, you
will find it," he ys.
• Use time between dates
wisely. 'Down-time ain't neces­
sarily bad time," writes Davis.
"Romance is cyclical;" he
says. "Whenever you hit down­
time, u e it to increa your
RMV."
Davis uggests working on
your education, income, worldli-
ness, spirituality and commu­
nity service as ways to wisely
u e time between romantic rela-
tionships. '\
"Each time you go into a ro­
mantic lull, you should come
back into the romantic market­
place with a higher RMV," says
Davis. "You'll also learn to like
yourself better. "
• Aids in the romantic mar­
ketplace. AIDS has m
-m:SIM)e a ria b in
f thi .. to in
your probabilities of finding and
sustaining romance. To achieve
these goals, you must remain
alive and healthy," writes Davis,
who goes on to discuss ways to
decrease singles' odds of con­
tracting this deadly illness.
While some of Davis' advice is
directed solely at Black singles
- the book includes chapters
addressing "The importance. of
Color and Beauty" and " Dating
White" - he believes 80 percent
of his advice is applicable to all
singles searching for love
"Most some of What I say is
true for anybody, " says Davis.
tilt's sort of like 'The Cosby
Show.' The characters are Black,
but the issues are universal.
This book us about sex, money,
power and love told with a Black
voice"
,..-------- ._- _.
AIDS and the lymphatic system
Doctors at th� National Institutes of Health recently reported that the
AIDS virus (H IV) hides in the lymph nodes and related organs during
the early stages of the disease when the patient feels well.
A network of thin-walled vessels throughout the body that drain fluid
(lymph) from between the body cells into he bloodstream; the
system is a major player in the body's defense against infection.
�
Lymph tic
've Is
Fluid pressure causes
water, protein and other
matenals to seep
out of tiny blood
vessels called .
capillaries
D Most extra
fluid seeps into
capillaries that
have low fluid
pressure; tfle
rest drains back
into the
bloodstream by
way of the
lymphatic
, vessels
o Fluid bathes
and nourishes
tissues
Lymph'
nod
�IWJ�Y'I:I;I�:"'�# Jj' i !.lUi
Found along the lymphatic
vessels, particularly where
they unite, nod s are a cntrcal
part of the Immune system
Absorb harmful matter and d ad ussue
Produce lympf'lOcyt s. cells that
make annboo to destroy
abnormal or h rmful matt r or
render It harmless
a filter, the lymph nodes and relat d organs (sple n,
tonsils, noids) trap the VIrus, which replicates wrthm thes organs
and damages them .
In the late stages of the disease, the lymphatIC system is so
Impaired that larg amounts of the VIrUS spIll over Into the bloodstream
With an unpaired immune system, the p lent becomes a target
for opportunisnc intecuons
SOURCES N tur magazine. N n InSlltut S oJ H h. G� t n Unrv rsll) MedICal
C ter. Th Wood Book M cal Encycl . r sear by PAT ARR
,