•
C ILD
I'm 't lkin it over' with m rried
couple. Th wife i t 1ling h r hus­
band th t their own kids ar tre tin
her with di r t, nd he' n
putting up with it anymore.
She y to him, "The kids 11 m
to hut up, and they c 11 m n m . I
told them, 'just c u your f th r
d that to me, d n't mean th t
you can. Stop if."
The h band nsw rs, "I told you
to hut up bec I w just getting
to the cruci I point in my discussion
with the kids about the election, nd
you interrupt. I'm trying to te ch
them how to think. I w le ding
them through logic I progre ion
from point A to point B. Thinking
logically is the issue. I don't c re
about the political p rt of the discus­
sion. If I can teach jny kids to think
clearly, I'll really h ve c­
complished something. And just as
I'm getting to the end, you interrupt,
so I told you to shut up, because
that's the quickest way to get bac to
the important point in my discussion
with the kids."
. 1 ask, "What do you think the kids
learned from all that?" He looks em­
barrassed and blushes. "I guess they
learned th t it's okay to tel1 their
mother to shut up."
"Sounds like it," 1 agree. "Not the
lesson you were trying so hard to
teach."
"I'm sorry," he tells his wife, "but
that didn't seem important at the
time."
"I can't allow myself to be put
down anymore, by anyone," she
says, with a newly won determina­
tion. "I was wrong to interrupt, but
find a nicer way to tell me."
This fragment of a discussion in
my office has a lot in it. How we
parents treat each other - that's a
major lesson we teach our kids. It is
more powerful than any words about
how things re supposed to be.
Here's another example. And it's
about another woman who is deter­
mined to make her own children's
experience differen from her own.
he � th� I at tien ... ,......
her own mother had worked and
been largely unavailable. She
worked hard to get her kids to like
each other - she and her own
brother had a hateful relationship. ..
She made them birthday cakes and
special gifts. She tried hard to give
her own kids a sense of self worth
that she didn't get. '
But, she had stuff from her own
childhood she'd never faced, and it
wrecked the family she spent years
trying to care for. She had an affair
with her friend's husband. While it
was going on, it felt totally separate
from her efforts to be a wonderful
mother. Only after she was caught,
fter the marital betrayal came out
into the open with all its ugliness and
hurtfulness to two families and their
, children, Oldy then did she realize
that her behavior was incredibly
destructive to the children she was
trying so hard to nurture.
When she came to see me, she was
ready to kill herself, because the
enormity of her destructiveness was'
more than she could live with. In the
course of our discussions, she told
me that her own mother had an affair
when my patient was a young
adolescent. She knew her mother
was going off to a motel with a fami­
ly friend, and she knew not to tell her
father.
Now, she had done the same thing
to her kids and her husband. I ask her
how she felt about her mother's be­
havior' at the time, and her answer is
that she never thought about it much.
I ask her to think about it now. She
cries ... and cries ... and cries.
I tell her that it's because she never
let herself think about how destruc­
tive her own mother's behavior had
been, that she could, and maybe was
unconsciously driven, to repeat it.
It's sad.
"You don't have to die," I tell her.
"You've repeated your mother's be­
havior, but you can now be very dif­
ferent from your mother. You can let
your own kids know that you made a
terrible mistake, and it's caused great
pain for them, you, and their father.
Whatever the outcome of your own
marriage, your kids will know that
affairs aren't the way to deal with
marital unhappiness."
. It's what we don't let ourselves
remember from our own childhoods
that wrecks our attempts to be good
parents.
I've got a booklet called Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder, that gives
helpful information on dealing with
unhappy childhoods. You can send
$3 and a large self-addressed,
stamped envelope to Dr. Arnold
Benton, King Features Weekly Ser­
vice, 235 East 45th Street, New
York, N.Y. 10017.
***
Dr. Benton i board-certified
psychiatri in priv te pr ctice.
By the Am ric n Mu 11m
Council I I mic Society of
North Am ric I lamlc Public
Aff ir Council
the r le e dat or pik
Lee' movie "M lcolm "ap­
proache , we are wi tne ing a
r new d effort to d ny th I 1 mi
nature El-Hajj Malik habazz
(Mal lrn X). Even th
prai hi 1 g Y e hi m a
"Black nationali til, a humani t, an
anit-im riali t firebr nd, rev n
a Marxi t; anything but wh t h
wa attheendofhi li e:aMu lim.
The current media term used
when ref rring to M lcolm X i
" lain Black leader". Thi tcrm
doe. not take into ac ount the
tran f rmation Malcolm X und r­
went wh n he came in contact with
true I lam, not just the p eudo-I -
lamie teaching of the late ation
o I lam leader Elijah Muhamm d.
It was in the city of Mecca that thi
tran formation took place.
"At M kkah I aw the pirit
of unity nd true brotherhood
di played by ten of thou and of
peopl from all ov r the world,
from blue- y d blond to Black-
kinned African . My religiou
pilgrimage (Hajj) to Makkah
ha given me a new in ight into
the true brotherhood of I lam,
which encompa e all the rae
of mankind. "
-Article written for an Egyptian
new paper, August 1964
7
Repre entative ( the I lamic
community in Am rica have re­
que ted a creeningofSpikeLee's
m vie. To date there ha been no
re pon to that reque t. We sin­
cerel y hope the movie will portray
our broth r' true I lamic charac­
ter. To make sure movie-goers
have acce to accurate informa­
tion, th e who go to ee the movie
on it release date will be offered
I lamie material a they enter
theaters in elected citie around
the country.
We would al like to ee the
i ucs rai .cd in thi letter dis­
cu _ ed in any review of the
movi .
If Y u would like to contact
Muslim leader. in thi country
who can de cribe the Islamic
transformation Malcolm X under­
went a he became El-Hajj Malik
Shabazz, you may call Ruqiyyah
Ahdu -Salam, American Muslim
Council, (202) 7 9-2262
The Mu lim community in
America, numbering me 6-8
million people of all race' and
backgrounds, is concerned that the
legacy of our slain brother has be­
COme 'ju t another commodity to
• , 0 d �p fl .. il1ltfrlS
hats. Shirts, and buttons' are' now
worn by those who have little or no
understanding of EI-Hajj Malik
Shabazz' deep commitment to
Islam and racial ju tice. Wc are
also concerned that the movie
"Malcolm X" will not incrca sc the
public's knowledge of this om­
mitment.
Interfaith Service
. The Oakland County Com­
mittee for AIDS Resource
Development will hold an Inter­
faith service and reception on
World AIDS Day, December 1,
at First Presbyterian Church in
Pontiac. The service will begin
at7p.m.
Iy
He's Right On Time, Daryl Coley
demonstrates why he has emerged as
one of the most electrifying vocalists
in contemporary Gospel music. For
all of his gifts, Daryl is the first to
give credit where credit is due. "The
anointing I've received allows to me
sing," he says, "and what comes from
the heart reaches the heart."
Jesse campbell's career objective
is to give the world another alterna­
tive of love, inspirational, encourag­
ing and motivational songs. With
Jesse Campbell's gifted voice
coupled with his rrnislcal eduaidon
and' knowledge, lle is destinttJ' tb (J
achieve greatness in the world of ............ '- ..... __ i.-_ ....
music.
Vannessa Bell Armstrong is
without a doubt known in the music
industry as a singer's singer. Luther
Vandross thinks so, as -do other
vocalists of his caliber. That's quite
a compliment to a woman whose in­
itial plans were only to sing in her
father's Detroit church. She is im­
mersed in music and spreading
God's word. ttl am Gospel!" she ex-
.claims, "That's me and I can't be
anything else. I love the gospel
world."
n Tun 'nnl
month, a
t aim
preached
to
r
Only The Strong is a Gospel
musical theater piece about God,
family, gangs, friends, enemies and
the devil. As part of the audience,
you get to sit in on a family as it deals
with its' problems and solutions in
today's society.
This timely, hard hitting, heart
wrenching play will keep you cap­
tivated. Bring your handkerchief,
because you might cry and you will
surely laugh.
Veteran Gospel recording artists
Daryl Coley, Vannesa Bell
Armstrong with new upcoming ar­
tists such as Jesse Campbell not only
grace the, stage with their incredible
vocals but also render acting perfor­
mances that you will not soon forget.
Seasoned actresses, actors, and
'songsters such as Marvie Wright and
Curb Gardner are must sees. There
are many other talents on stage that
help make this play what it is.
�R�RSTARS� � __ W_iili_h_�S_�_�_W_R_CO_d_Sd_�_�
Elevation Celebration
Christ Temple Church invites
you to the "Elevation Celebra­
tion" in honorofSufIgran Bishop
and Mrs. Carl E. Holland Sun­
day, November 16 at 7 p.m. The
musical will feature the Christ
Temple Combined Choir. For.
Continued from Back Page
While the former southwestern
Prospector is wrapping up his colre­
giate career, Mark Friday a graduate
from Chadsey bas one more eason
to show his stuff. Upon transferring­
from the University of Akron in the
early half of 1990, Friday finds WSU
omething like his old high school:
"My family and relatives come
and sec me play at our home games,
" Friday said. "Even some of my
former teammates and my high
school coach, Charle Spann have
, come to a couple of games .to see
play. I li ing in front of my
family, coach, er teama tes and
friends. Every g WSU gives
me something to look ard to."
Friday quarterbac ed the Explor­
ers in 1987 to a 32-14 win over Cass
Tech in the Detroit Public School
Championship. After graduating in
1988, He enrolled at the University
'Of Akron as a quarterback for the
Zip Head Coach Gary Faust, but
left when Faus t got a job somewher
else.
"EV RYTIll G was cool un­
der Faust," Friday said. " He ran a
drop back-roll out offense. He ran
basic football to my liking."
"However, wh n he left a new
coach came in and ran a 19t of option
plays. That wasn't to my Iikingso I
decided to come back home."
Friday started in four games and
played in eight last season. He
passed for 830 yards last season
throwing for two TOs while convert­
ing on 68 of 145 pass attempts.
His bright spot was when he
passed for 226'yards in a 20-13 loss
to Northern Michigan. This season
Friday has attempted 184 passes
while completing 84 of them for 959
yards, eight touchdowns and seven
interceptions.
His bright spot this season? A
come-from-behind 27-24 victory
over Northern Michigan in the clos­
ing minutes of the game.
, THE PiADSEY grad has high
admiration for his new coach van
Gorder. According to hint, he's a lot
better that Joe Hom last year's WSU
coach.
"I liked the Run-and-Sboot under
Hom, " Friday explained. "But when
bad weather hit, there wasn't much
drive. There wasn't much enthu-
i iam under Horn. There wasn't
much di iplinc cith either. But
wh n Van Gorder came things
changed .... .for th better."
"Orrth first day he' (Van Gorder)
laid dow n th law. Hf; said that thi
i goi ng to be thi and that is goi ng
to b that and if you don't like it you
Daryl Coley .
Bennie S. Rodgers
Curb Gardner Il is a tremendous­
ly talented young man who is
guaranteed to impress you with his
character and charm. A native of
Tampa, Florida, Curb now resides in
Detroit, Michigan. As an ac­
complished Singer and actor, he has
traveled and shared the stage with
.such distinguished artists as Mary
Martin, the exciting Pointer Sisters
and the late great "Candy Man" him­
elf, Sammy Davis, Jr. in industrial
musicals.
Vanness Bell Annstrong
His solo performances as a
vocalist have electrified many large
audiences and have enabled him to
record demo movie soundtracb for
Columbia Pictures.
Marvie Wright is a powerful
songstress and actress who ha
electrified audiences everywbere
and till ber various other talents
have yet to be reckoned with. She Is
a native of the "Motor City", Detroit
and an alumna of the Univcraity of
Michigan. For eight years, MarVie
bas traveled and recorded with the
wondrous Winans Family.
IN ADDITION TO it all, she
efficiently serves as the Company
Manager for "Only the Strong". Oer­
tainly this young lady's future shines
as bright as her illuminating talents.
Bennie S. Rodgers is the prolific
young writer of the production "Only
The Strong" that is catching the na­
tion 'by storm and promises to be­
come a theatrical legend. His debut
as director and producer gives this
young man a challenge that he has '
met with tremendous detail and
profe lonaUsm.
"Only The Strong" will be at the
Music Hall from November 17-22.
Tickets are $14.50, $17.50, and
$19.50.
It is hard to fell a
tree that is leaning
against a rock
can leave right now. He gave every­
one a chance to stay and leave. But
you have to want to play Tartar foot­
ball. He wasn't begging anyone."
All of which might explain the
Tartars clo e defeats to MIFC-favor- .
ites Ashland (14-0) and Grand Val­
ley (16-14).
If the the, Tartars defeated Val­
pataiso like they should've, things
might be different right now. But
Friday feels WSU has the potential
of being a contender for the MlFC
title ne
��"":'at a progr-am head­
ing up," He said. "We like to win big
next year."
"HE IS PLAYING better," Van
Gorder aid. "We were down 24-7
against orthem Michigan and he
did a heck of a job bringing us back
to win that game. There was a bit of
concern when he missed a couple
games with knee problems, but he's
made great trides since then."
"If things work out as planned, he
might be the best quarterback in the
MIFC next year."
Friday, like Podner has ambitions
far beyond football.
"My main goal is to get a degree
in education and go back to Chadsey
to help Coach Spann.I feel that our
young Black males need trong roles
model and support and I'm one of
them."
African Prov rb
Hollywood Fashion
Gospel Hours
W.C.H.B. 1200 AM -7:00 a.m. - 11 :00 a.m.
Every Sunday Morning
Rev. Wilmore Allen
Rev. A.J. ogers
Joe Ella Likely
Catherine Robinson
Gloria Parker
Lorraine Walker
Bro. Dunkin .
894-8774
298-6333
298-6334
298-6335
Henry Ruff Rd.
Inkster, Mich.