Dear Erik:
can't get his attention ... "
DEAR ERIK,
I have never been in this
ituation before and I would like
orne advice, please. I am a 24-
year-old woman and I am single.
I am al 0 an average looking
woman who has never had a
problem getting men. For the
first time in my life I have met a
man, who just send thrills up and
down my spine when ever I just
look at him. I should also tell you
that most of the women in myof­
fice feel the same way as I do.
The man is much better looking
than me or any of the men that I
have ever gone out with. The
trouble is that I can't seem to get
hi attention, partly because of
the other women in the office.
Perhaps the other reason is that
I become very shy around him
and I can never find the right
words to aYe This has been
going on for several weeks anti I
am ure by now the man thinks I
am a blithering idiot. I want to
get to know him better, but T
d n't kn w anything new or dif­
ferent to y t him. Please help!
"Love ick",
an J 0 c, alifornia
D r "Lov i k",
I ir t of ull you n d to relax!
R 'cognize the fad that indeed
he i . ju -t a mr n and like mo t
men (\ omen and children in­
cluded) h n d friend. Try
b comin u fri nd to him first.
et to no him and find out
\ hat ind of per on he really i .
lake it a point to Iik him for
him elf and not hi go d 100 •
hu to be mo to him
than ju t that othenvi e he ill
not be inter ting to you for
long. Perhap one h realizes
the ind 0 per on that you ar ,
he ill be om intere ted in you
... and ho kno hat c. n
happen from there.
DEAR ERIK,
I am having a birthday party
for my hu band. He has four
brother and three of them are
"very close to him. My husband
keeps in very close contact with
hi three younger brothers and
quite often the four of them will
get together for lunch or dinner.
The problem is with jhe oldest
brother. He doesn't get along
with any of his family members.
He often says and does things to
hurt their feelings or start old ar­
guments. This particular
brother drinks quite heavily and
h s been known to become
physically and verbally abusive.
I don't want this kind of be­
h vior in my home and in front
of my friends and my husband's
business associates. My mother­
in-law will also be at the party
and I know that she will be upset
with me if I don't invite her
trouble making son. I don't want
to hurt anyone's feelings bat I
really don't want that man in my
home! There is also a chance
that my husband will become
upset with me as well. What can
I do?
Sister-in-law,
Philadelphia, Penn
Dear Sister-in-law,
The be t Y for your party
to be a uccess With your hu -
band and your brothers-in-law
will be to invit their "trouble
making" brother. Before you do,
it' important that you have a
eriou talk with him first. Thi
hould be a private cony rsa­
tion just between the two of you.
Let him kno about the party
and your re erv tion about in­
viting him. It is becau e of his
drinking, th e are import nt
fact that he should be made
aware of. Let him mak th
• choice to attend or not to att nd
his brother's birthday party. He
hould al 0 know that he'll be
a k to leave your hom if he
can't control him elf.
Sincerely,
Erik Wa hiogton
• "Got a problem? ed an
am wcr? Or do you just want t
talk? Then write to Erik
W shington in care of The
Michigan Citizen, 16032 Wo d­
ward, Highland Park, MI 203
or to: 'Dear Erik', Time quare
tation, P.O. Box 755, ew
York ew York 1010 -0755
December 8-12, 1987, Michigan Citizen
13
If alcoholics had willpower, they
would still be drinking
According to at least one
local authority on alcoholism
and chemical dependency, it
takes "incredible willpower" to
continue drinking.
"For alcoholics, drinking is
the mo t natural thing in the
world to do," says Martin Rini,
Intake Coordinator of New
Horizons Recovery Center.
" ot to imbibe is totally against
the alcoholic's physiological and
psychological make-up."
Rini contradicts the popular
belief that if alcoholics just used
a little willpower they could quit
drinking.
"Using willpower to combat
alcoholism is like using
willpower to cure cancer or
heart disease, he says. "It's a dis­
ease, and you can't control a dis­
ease with willpower. Until th
alcoholic is either beaten by the
effects of the disease, or the
powerful denial syndrome that
accompanies it is interrupted,
he or she will find some way to
continue drinking."
According to Rini, al­
coholism i uch a oowerful ad­
dicti n that it ofter{ usurps such
basic in tinct as the need to sur­
vivc and porpagate. "The crav­
ing is so powerful that alcoholics
eventu lly will give up every­
thing - their health, homes,
families, job and possessions -
to continue drinking, Rini points
out. "Ultimately, they may
sacrifice their lives."
When an alcoholic decides t
quit, he's lost his will to drink
according to Rini. LInder nor­
mal circumstances, it might take
him years to reach his"b ttom".
Or in the process of drinking
and becoming more severely im­
paired, he may never reach it
He may die in the process, either
through an alcoholism related
disease such as stroke or heart
disease, or through a tragic acci­
dent.
"What's incredible," says
Rini, "is that at least one out of
every seven people is physically
predisposed to chemical addi -
tion. With a population ver 239
million, we're talking about at
lea t 1 million p ople in the
United tate alone wh are
probably chemically dependent.
And out of that enormous
figure, only one percent ever
finds a permanent metho 0
recovery."
WILLPOWER?
"0 bviously, it is the
alcoholic's overwhelming will to
drink, despite all odds and good
sense not to. He'll persist in that
obsession. often until death,
Rini says.
. "But," Rini adds, "the great
percentage of alcoholics never
slip down the ladder that far.
Their willpower is so strong that
they become adept at continuing
their drinking while keeping
their lives somewhat in order.
That's willpower. Most keep
their families and careers intact
during a lifetime of drinking.
Afterall, only 3 percent of al­
coholics ever reach kid row."
Because of that prospect,
Rini points ut that the alcoholic
may never reach the kind of bot­
tom that makes it nece ary for
him to quit.
If that is the cas , it may be
necessary for family and friend
to interrupt the alcoholic's
drinking career with what is
called an intervention.
"We're not talking about
divine intervention, although
that is always welcome, but
human intervention," he com-
ment. he best intervention
are those that are thoroughly
planned, u ually with pr fe -
sional help."
During the planning pr e ,
intervention sp eialist train
family members, friends and
employers how to confront th
alcoholic. According to Rini,
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the ir roles are completely
rehearsed, backed up with a
olid list of evidence to upport
instances where drinking inter­
fered with the alcoholic' Ii .
"When the e fact re
presented in a loving, non­
judgmental manner they almo t
always enable the alcoholic to
comprehend the reality of his
dis ase, and see the need for
help," says Rini.
More information about al­
coholism and intervention can
be obtained by calling ew
Horizons at CJ27-5433.
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